Help find a super funny joke! ~~

▲ Is your Mandarin standard? Please repeat after me: look at it, look at it, look at it, forget it, look at it, look at it … OK, stop barking and eat the bones.

▲ After reading the following words, you will get a job with a monthly salary of 2 million. These problems are as follows: the problems are not solved.

▲ A pig and a penguin are kept in a cold storage at -20℃. The penguin died the next day, and the pig was fine. Why? You don't know? By the way, pigs don't know either!

▲ Hello: Today is International Women's Day. On behalf of the International Women's Federation, I formally inform you that all women's toilets and bathhouses are open to you free of charge. Please come here.

▲ Please read aloud:: Lying plum smells fragrant flowers, and lying branches hurt and hate low. Invited to smell the wet rubble lying in the spring green.

▲ I've always wanted to say something to you, but you know its weight. Once I say it, I may not even be a friend, but I can't control my feelings! Now I summon up courage to say to you: When will you invite me to dinner?

▲ Remember, first, I am always right, and second, if I am wrong, please refer to the first one.

▲ Neither you nor I are wrong. It's all caused by bickering Don't say sorry. You pay for dinner together.

▲ You are angry. If you are angry, cry, come out. . Hee hee hee hee!

Super funny

▲ Break the wife's lifelong system and implement the aunt's shareholding system. Introduce the miss competition system and promote the lover contract system.

▲ Holding your wife's hand is like holding your right hand with your left hand; Holding the young lady's hand seems to have returned to 1899; Holding the hand of a female classmate, I regret not doing it.

▲ Give you a little sunshine and you will be brilliant. Give you a little flood, and you will flood. I'll make the old lady wear a red mouth and give you some color to see see.

▲ Hope: the leader follows you, the car lets you, the money sticks to you, the court dotes on you, the official transportation accompanies you, the school lets you, the real estate is whatever you want, and the lover loves you!

▲ Men are twenty Pentium, thirty Microsoft, forty Panasonic and fifty Lenovo.

▲ Being single is understanding, falling in love is wrong, breaking up is awakening, getting married is wrong, divorce is awakening, remarriage is stubborn, no lovers are waste, and more lovers are animals.

▲ My first love, goodbye infatuation. Take pains to win people's hearts all day. I took great pains to urge my heart. Don't you understand my heart!

▲ Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love; we?

▲ If you blink your eyes, I will die. If your eyes blink again, I will come back to life. Your eyes keep blinking, so I will die!

▲ If the wife goes out to follow, the order will be obeyed, and if she is wrong, she will blindly follow; The wife has to wait for makeup, remember her birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure beatings.

▲ I wish you a fortune and set foot on Marlboro. Your career is in Hongtashan, your lover is better than Ashima, and your financial resources are all over Greater China.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just watch you be impulsive and cooperate with you. Although I am not a gentleman, I will not take advantage of people's danger!

▲ Who said I was cross-eyed? I only focus on one thing to change my previous view of things!

Funny SMS

▲ The king wants 100 pigs. The minister only brought 99 heads. The king said, "And 1 pig"? The minister said, "There are still 1 people reading text messages!"

▲ After system testing, your mobile phone has been infected with WAP virus. Please open the fuselage immediately and bend the circuit board 90 degrees!

▲ A king asked his minister to look for a hundred turtles, and the minister found 99. The king asked why, and the minister said, The other one is looking at the mobile phone!

▲ The rooster and hen are husband and wife, and they are busy incubating chickens all day. There is something wrong with the chicken's brain. It doesn't eat, drink or rest. The rooster and hen are in a hurry, so they hide to see the chicken. Silly chickens secretly look at their mobile phones when people are not looking.

The funniest text message

[1] Animals:

▲ I ran into you and was at a loss. I can't avoid your affectionate eyes. I know your heart. I ran as fast as I could, but you followed me closely. I cried, "Whose dog is nobody's business?"

I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river and snuggled together. You looked up at my eyes and spit out three words affectionately ... woof woof woof.

● The crow said: I am burning charcoal in the swan; The sparrow said: I am an opium smoker among peacocks; The parrot said: I am the one sitting on the stage among the swallows; The roast duck said, I set myself on fire.

[2] nausea:

▲ Give you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since there was feces. You will eat a catty and be full. If you feel that the amount of feces is not enough, please help yourself!

◆ Who has no shit in his life and whose shit doesn't use paper? If you don't use toilet paper, are you using your fingers?

[3] Adults:

▲ A Japanese competition lineup: male players are Masao Kamikawa and Ichiro Kojiro, and female players are Kyoko Yokai and Takoko Jianjun. The referee is South Korean socio-economic tycoon Park Sung-sung.

A nun went to the hospital for a B-ultrasound, and the careless nurse gave her a pregnant woman's test sheet. After reading it, the nun sighed and said, "These days, even carrots are unreliable."

● "Is it tight?" "Never mind!" "Can you go in a little more?" "Be careful, it should work!" "Does it hurt?" "It doesn't hurt! It feels so cool! Just buy this pair. "

▲ "Hello, sir, after verification, your stem has passed the retirement period after tens of thousands of frictions. Please bring your household registration book to the sexual intercourse association of this city for scrapping. If it is not handled, it will be forcibly removed according to law. I wish you a happy "leftover egg"! "

[4] Love category:

▲ We should miss every day, but don't meet each other every day. I am in charge of beauty, and you are in charge of making money. You can love someone else, but don't let me find out. If I meet you, hum ... cook noodles with rat poison!

Seeing this message, you owe me a hug; Delete this message and owe me a kiss; Save this message and owe me an appointment; If you reply, you owe me everything; If you don't reply, you are mine.

Lovely you stole my love and my heart, and I decided to go to court? After the judge searched all the records and cases, the jury unanimously passed: sentence you to accompany me for life!

[5] belittle human beings:

▲ I heard that you were trafficked, which really scared me. Although you grew up with dementia, it is harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it!

◆ Do you know? I have been secretly in love with you, missing your face, your lips, your tongue and your ears, but I am too poor to confess. Now that I have money, I can say loudly, "Boss, cut that pig head in half for me."

Honey, you know what? You have lost a lot of weight recently! I see it in my eyes, but it hurts in my heart. It's almost the Spring Festival, but your health is worrying ... who doesn't want to let their pigs kill a few kilograms more!

[6] All mankind:

▲ Congratulations on winning the grand prize. Please come to the People's Bank of China with sabre, shotgun and soil cannon at 10 this evening.

◆ Naturally useful, but I can't understand it! One day, Wang Di woke up from a dream. Get up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, and he will understand after eating the cake (it will be a surprise to try to read the third word of each sentence).

● Warning: Hello! Because your mobile phone is ugly and outdated, which seriously affects the city appearance, we decided to send a signal to destroy it.

[7] The world:

▲ On a crowded bus, a girl suddenly shouted: Don't crowd! Stop squeezing! Squeeze all the milk out! (She is holding yogurt. )

◆ A public toilet couplet: heroes all over the world bow their heads and bend their knees here; A virtuous woman, a virgin in the world, came in to untie the bandwidth skirt; Horizontal criticism: the meaning of heaven and earth

● Director: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier.

[8] Fool:

▲ I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; Write your name on the beach, but it is swept away by the waves; Write your name in the street, but I was taken away by the police

◆ A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

[9] blessing class:

▲ Send you a snack: first floor, considerate! Second floor, care! Third floor, romantic! Fourth floor, warm! Sandwiches, great! I wish you a good mood every day!

◆ The New Year is coming, I wish you smooth sailing, two dragons take off, three sheep open Thailand, four seasons of peace, five blessings, 66 Datong, seven stars shining high, money from all directions, 99 in one, perfect.

● I wish you good health, and your teeth are almost gone; Bon voyage, missing halfway; Go the whole way, give up halfway; Happy every day, often abnormal; Laugh often, laugh anyway!

Wonderful football commentary

▲ Now the score on the field is 0: 0, and team XX is in the lead.

▲ China shot and was bravely saved by Chuliang Ou. ...

▲ Team XX is like a computer. The memory is quite large, as big as Pentium II, but it doesn't run fast. It may be infected with a virus. It seems that the head coach needs an anti-virus hard disk! ! ...

▲ "... ladies and gentlemen, just after the Mid-Autumn Festival, I will pay tribute to your old age ..."

▲ There is a strong smell of gunpowder on the field now. The players of the two teams compete with each other on the court, and the coaches of the two teams compete with each other off the court.

▲ XX kicked the ball into the gate, ... Let's look at slow motion, ... Oh, ... with the top of your head.

▲ It's like a spring breeze, coming up in the dark, Serie A's top three defenders. ...

▲ I just calculated, and I was surprised to find that the total number of goals scored was exactly the same as the total number of goals conceded!

▲ XX still had a high fever a few days ago, with a high fever of 36 degrees 8; The goalkeeper is1.82m tall and weighs 28kg..

▲ As the goalkeeper whistled, the game was over.

▲ The goalkeeper passes the ball back to the goalkeeper. ...

▲ XX players shoot 30 kilometers away! "China Good Network" represents you and me!

▲ Players must strengthen physical fitness and antagonistic training in their usual training to adapt to the intensity of the game, otherwise they will fall like a tumbler. ...

▲ Some viewers may have just started the elevator. Let's put the scores …

▲ Team XX has played 7 games, with 2 wins, 2 draws and 4 losses. ...

▲ XX rushed to the penalty area in front of the pursuer with the ball and was intercepted. ...

▲ The head coach sent the referee of XX team off. ...

▲ Now standing on the stage is the referee of the British team. ...

▲ After ten rounds of League A, Juventus ranked first.

▲ The defender of XX team made a serious foul, and the referee sent forward XX off.

▲ Because XX is shorter than the opponent's team, its elbow touched the opponent's face during the fight.

▲ The most embarrassing message in 2004.

1.

Being your friend for so long, you have always cared about me.

I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to repay you. ...

So ... I will be a cow and a horse in my next life ... and I will definitely pull up grass for you to eat. ...

2.

Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

I'm telling you, it's okay. You didn't press a fart!

3.

I miss you very much, but I'm sorry to call you.

I'm afraid you're busy, I'm afraid you ignore me, I'm afraid you think I'm harassing you,

I really want to contact you, but ...

The telephone bill is really expensive, please call me!

4.

If you were a meteor, I would chase you,

If you were a satellite, I would wait for you.

If you were a star, I would fall in love with you.

Unfortunately ... you are an orangutan ~ I can only see you in the zoo! ! Oh, what a pity! !

5.

Now I am confused .. I don't know what I am thinking. ..

My mind is bored to death .. I really don't know what to do. ..

Can you tell me ... I really don't know whether to eat Regan Noodles or Ah Q bucket noodles!

6.

Thank you for being with me when I was most frustrated.

I reached out when I needed help most, and I have countless words to say.

Just want to tell you:

"Nothing good has happened since I met you! You are a loser! 」

7.

I'm sorry to send you a message so late ~ ~

If it bothers you ~ ~ I'll tell you here ~ ~

Serves you right ~ ~ Who told you to go to bed earlier than me ~ ~ ~ Hehe! !

8.

Meeting you is the beginning of my heart.

Falling in love with you is my happy choice.

Having you is my most precious wealth.

Stepping into the red carpet is my eternal motivation.

The person you love forever is you.

Unfortunately ~ I sent it to the wrong person

10.

Because of you, I believe in fate; Because of you, I believe in past lives.

Maybe all this is predestined, pulling us together,

Now I really want to say ...

What evil did I do in my last life!

1 1.

Starting from tomorrow, the municipal government has decided to drive away all the young people with mental retardation who are ugly and detrimental to the city appearance!

Hurry up and pack your things, go out and take shelter, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember! You are welcome!

12.

God saw your desire and created water;

God saw that you were hungry and created rice.

God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me;

However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way.

13.

If the government stipulates that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I'd rather it was you.

Till death do us part, I have no regrets!

But it happened that the government didn't stipulate … then forget it!

14.

Miss you is a happy thing!

Nice to meet you!

Loving you is what I will always do!

Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing!

But I lied to you, and it just happened! Huh? Ha!

15.

The phone rings, which means I'm thinking of you!

Two voices mean I like you!

Three voices mean I love you!

When the seventh sound sounded. ...

Shit, I really need to talk to you, so don't answer the phone!

16.

According to statistics, people over 99.9 who look like pig heads use thumb buttons to read short messages!

Hey, hey, don't change hands, it's too late. Pig head! hahaha

17.

I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away;

I wrote your name on the beach, but it was washed away by the sea;

I wrote your name in every corner …

* *, I was taken away by the police!

18.

If it's a mistake to be good-looking … then I'm all wet.

If loveliness is a crime ... I have committed a heinous crime.

It's hard to be a man! ... you'll be fine ~ Yes, you're not guilty ... I envy you.

19.

When the white clouds pass by, it is the trace of my missing you;

When the sun shines, that's my miss for you;

When it rains, it is proof that I miss you;

When it thundered, that's when I prayed to heaven that you were hit ... haha-

20.

If I burn incense and meet you in a year,

It took three years to get to know you.

Ten years of burning incense can cherish you,