Lots and lots of jokes

Jay Chou took Jolin Tsai to Stephen Chow to drink water. Suddenly Nicholas Tse blew and an Nicky Wu emerged from the water. Nicky Wu and Ekin Cheng rode Ka Kui Wong together and took Jolin Tsai. Jay Chou held Emil Wakin Chau, stepped on Deric Wan, crossed Zhao Benshan, crossed Rosamund Kwan, leaped over Pan Changjiang, grabbed Jolin Tsai and returned to Aaron Kwok. He also hung a flag in a city called Richie Jen!

I don't know if it's useful to you, but I laughed anyway (the classic hilarious joke is at the end)

The worst brain teaser in history

1. Question: Which flower is the weakest, jasmine, sunflower or rose?

Answer: Molly.

Reason: What a beautiful (powerless) jasmine.

2. Question: What is the pencil's surname?

A: Xiao.

Reason: Sharpen (sharpen) the pencil.

3. Question: What line do orangutans hate most?

Answer: parallel lines.

Cause: Parallel lines do not intersect (banana).

4. Question: Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin?

Answer: Eraser.

Cause: Eraser (rubber difference).

5. Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

6. Question: What will Kirin become when it arrives at the North Pole?

Answer: ice cream.

Reason: ice cream (iced unicorn).

7. Question: Which historical figure should be beaten the most?

Answer: Su Wu.

Reason: Su Wu was herding sheep by the North Sea (being beaten by the sea).

8. Question: From 1 to 9, which number is the most diligent and which number is the laziest?

Answer: 1 lazy; 2 work hard.

Reason: One (1) does not do two (2) endlessly.

9. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: Silence (silence).

10. Question: Who runs fastest in history?

Answer: Cao Cao

Reason: Speak of the devil.

1 1. Q: Who is Mi's mother?

Answer: flowers

Reason: peanuts

12. Question: What is white plus white?

Answer: equal to the white rabbit.

Reason: Xiaobai No.2

13. Question: 30-50 which number is worse than bear shit! !

Answer: 40

Reason: Facts speak louder than words.

14. Question: What should I do if the pigs in the pigsty run out?

Answer: Wang Leehom.

Reason: to coax.

Question: What if I come out again?

The answer is: Han Hong.

Reason: Still coax.

Laughing students make sentences.

Title: Among them

Student: My left foot hurts.

Comment: Are you a centipede?

Title: One after another.

Student: After work, my father went home one after another.

Comment: How many dads do you have?

Title: Prosperity.

Student: My brother is thriving.

Comment: Son, is your brother a vegetable?

Theme: sadness

Student: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is really sad.

Comment: The teacher is even sadder.

Title: Again ... Again.

Student: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Comment: Is your mother a deformed diamond?

Title: In addition,

Student: A train passes by, besides, besides.

Comment: I am dead.

Title: Right away

Student: I'm happy to ride a horse.

Comment: Come down.

After the teacher found a cigarette butt in the dormitory ......

[Scene 1]

Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke?

Boy A: No. ..

Teacher: Well, I'll have French fries.

Boy A naturally stretched out two fingers and took it. ...

(Scene 2)

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy b: no.

Teacher: Well, I'll have French fries.

Boy B is holding French fries carefully because he heard about A.

Teacher: Don't you want some ketchup?

B accidentally got too much, and immediately played it with two fingers-

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: no.

Teacher: No? All right, French fries.

Because of the first two examples, the boy C carefully finished the French fries with sweat.

Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates?

Boy C picked up French fries and put them in his ear. ...

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: No. ..

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate French fries with trepidation and put them in his upper pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy Ding quickly took French fries out of his pocket and threw them on the ground, stepping on them with his feet. ...

I am the first Tian Zi. ..........................................................................................................................................................................

My mother said my IQ was only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is I only know that I am a very lethal person. Many people have been hurt because of me. Some of them lost hope in life, and some even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have a potential superpower, and this superpower has had a particularly strong effect on my teacher for some reason.

I remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and my teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows sprouting branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, "Students, do you know how to tell the wind direction?" "I know!" A little girl in my class replied, picking up a leaf from the ground and throwing it into the air. "Pick up something and throw it into the air and watch it float there." "Well, that's good." The teacher praised, "Who else would like to show you again and see what wind is blowing now?" "me." I volunteered, picked up half a brick from the ground and threw it into the air. ...

"Teacher, it's blowing up and down now!"

I can't remember clearly what the teacher looked like at that time. I only remember that he struggled a few times and then died. Later, according to the hospital doctor, he died because of sudden strong stimulation, which led to retrograde qi and blood. In this way, I killed a people's teacher

The first grade teacher taught us poultry and animals.

Teacher: "There is an animal with two feet. Every morning when the sun comes out, it will wake you up and wake you up. What animal is it? "

I replied, "Mom!" Laughing so hard that the teacher almost died!

After coming home from the mid-term exam, my mother asked me how I did in the exam. My precious son said, I didn't fill in a question. Mom, what's the purpose of the question? The baby son said, there is a question: what is 3 times 7? I don't care. I filled in 15. My mother sprayed the water she just drank on my father's face. Hey ... I'm great!

My father asked me how school was. The father asked, "Dear son, is your female teacher satisfied with you?"

"Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied."

"How do you know? Did she tell you herself? "

"Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me,' If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!' This shows that I have learned everything. "My dad's brain will be ready soon! @#$#@! $%$#@@

One day in math class, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? , I said I don't know. The teacher asked me to go home and ask. I asked my mother who was cooking to let me out. I asked my father, who watched the ball again and shouted' cool'. I asked my sister, and she sang until the baby. I asked my brother, and he said on the phone, I will wait for you outside.

The next day, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? I said: get out of here, the teacher slapped me, I shouted cool, the teacher called me useless, and I called me mean. The teacher said, get out. I said, I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher suffered from hypertension again on the spot and fainted. .....

When primary school has Chinese class, all Chinese teachers in the school go to listen to Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote a word "Bei" on the blackboard and asked me, "Do you know this word?" I answered "no", so Teacher Ni began to inspire me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered "Yes" and "What's on the bed?" "Summer sleeping mat" "Where is the summer sleeping mat?" I replied, "My mother", and Teacher Ni thought, this is also true. My mother was covered with a quilt, and then I was inspired: "What about your mother?" "My dad". Teacher Ni didn't expect me to say this. She made a fool of herself in front of so many teachers and asked anxiously, "What about the quilt?" I replied, "The quilt is on the ground". Teacher Ni was "by me" and was hospitalized with epilepsy!

Later, a new teacher at school asked us to make sentences. I finished my homework calmly, and the teachers immediately looked at me with new eyes.

The sentence I wrote is:

Sad-the ditch in front of our house is very sad.

If canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice.

Naive-it's really hot today, and it's a good day for swimming.

Ten points-it's a pity that my sister only got ten points in the math exam.

Relax, I always start with simple things.

Ginseng-the teacher said that we should take part in the relay of the brigade tomorrow, so we must do our best.

Quilt-Xiaoyu's sanitary quilt was stolen.

Lunch-Xiaoming takes defecation as the first thing when he gets up every morning.

The teacher touched my head and said sternly, "Go home from school and strive for 10. When I got home, I was ready to finish the homework assigned by the substitute teacher when there was no one there. I went to the toilet and began to paint the walls with feces. I painted the bathroom with ten strips, and I was satisfied with my homework before I stopped. " My family came back to scold me. The next day, my mother told the principal that the substitute teacher misunderstood the child. Later, the substitute teacher was fired. Alas ..... I said to myself in my heart, "I am very creative. Ugliness is not my intention. Don't lose your temper I will live bravely and set off the beauty of the world. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "

One morning in class, while chewing gum, I put my feet on the aisle.

At this moment, the teacher said to me, "Please spit out your mouth and put your feet in."

My brain: "@ $ # $% # $ #"

In the days that followed, several teachers suffered misfortune one after another. Fortunately, no one died and there was no big leak. But my fame spread like wildfire and I became a celebrity in the city for a time. However, celebrities also have the pain of celebrities, and I deeply realized this.

When I was in junior high school, the physics teacher asked me in physics class: You say, how to change tracks? Me: According to the Diamond Sutra, if people only do bad things in the world, they will become ghosts after death! It turned out that the teacher was talking about how the satellite changed its orbit!

I was awakened by the teacher when I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked me, "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?"

Little Wang Sheng told me, "Songzan Gambu." I didn't hear clearly, so I opened my mouth and answered, "Song Dynasty cadres." Later, history failed.

One day, I came back from the barber shop to be cool. As soon as I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed, "Cool Brother is here!" I am embarrassed to scratch my head: "Where! Where! Just cut a cool head. " It happened that the headmaster passed by and said solemnly, "I want to pay for a trouser head!" " "Our brain is about to! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Yeah, it's nothing. I walked to the boys' dormitory and from the girls' dormitory to the downstairs. I saw a good friend and boasted loudly, Look, I got a cool haircut. On the second floor, a girl immediately put her head out and said, my waistband, you took off my waistband! ! ! ! !

The next day, the biology teacher brought a bird wrapped in cloth. Then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really don't know, so I handed in a blank sheet of paper. The teacher looked very angry and asked, "Why did you hand in a blank sheet of paper?" What's your name? "When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily and said," Now it's your turn to guess who I am? "Biology teacher immediately fell ~ ~ ~ ~

My fame has caused me a lot of trouble. For the safety of teachers, all middle schools in the city refused to accept me. No way, I went to the countryside with infinite yearning for key middle schools. Although the conditions of middle schools in rural areas are a little bitter, I still live very comfortably without the pressure of public opinion. However, gold always shines, and the unique silence of rural middle schools did not restrain my outbreak. By chance, I was born again, suddenly emerged, and quickly occupied the rural market.

One day, I was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late today?" I said, "I took my uncle's sow next door to breed in the morning, so I came late." Before the teacher finished listening, he opened his eyes wide and said, "This should be made by the uncle next door." I said inexplicably, "This must be a wild boar, and the uncle next door is not an animal."

It was a quiz, and our class was tied with another class after the final. So the host announced the way to decide the final outcome: each class draws lots to send one representative, two representatives guess coins, and ask a question that is wrong. If the wrong guess answers correctly, the wrong guess wins. On the other hand, the right class won. Spirit of heaven, spirit of the earth, my job is to hide. As a representative, I was drawn, successfully guessed the wrong coin and entered the question-and-answer stage. Teachers and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Teacher Li, in particular, looked heavy and said nothing. I also felt some pressure, but not because of this, but because of my opponent-Wang Xiaofo, who was the most powerful "teacher killer" in our school at that time, and he also saved several human cases. It is said that the last principal was destroyed in its hands. However, I still have some confidence, because in any case, I am also a person who has criticized. The problem begins.

Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly, "My mother cooked some eggs in my pocket today. Do you know how many? " "hey!" There was an uproar around. I don't know why everyone is booing, but I know this question has aroused my great interest. Eggs! I hardly heard what he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You know, in the hard years in the countryside, there was almost nothing to eat. There are two eggs that are really delicious. I seem to see shiny egg whites and yellow yolk.

"If I get it right, will you give me a meal?" I have long forgotten what quizzes and class honors are. I'm only interested in eggs, eggs! "If you get it right, I'll give you two eggs." "hey!" There is an uproar again. I saw the other classmate's face startled, and the classmates cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Miss Li also gave me a happy look. I don't know what they are happy about, but everyone is smiling at me. I smiled shyly at them and then answered, "Is it five dollars?"

The students' smiles suddenly stopped, and gradually, the low tide generally disappeared without a trace. Another classmate suddenly shouted and laughed. Things in this world change quickly. In a blink of an eye, everyone was crying and laughing and didn't know what to do. I haven't had time to think about what is going on. The meeting was suddenly in chaos. I saw a man lying on his back, spraying blood in his mouth, and then slowly fell down.

"Miss Li!"

"Miss Li!"

It's our head teacher! I rushed there, too. I saw the teacher pale, eyes closed and unconscious. "He killed Miss Li!"

"It's him!"

"It's him!"

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Swish swish swish swish swish! ! !

Angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows.

My eyes went blank, and a voice came back to my ear: "Duo Long! Close the door! Let the dog go! Idle people will all retreat! "

Later, it was said that Mr. Li did not die, but was seriously ill. After he was discharged from the hospital, he saw through the world of mortals, cut his hair and became a monk in Wutai Mountain, and never taught again.