Seek cross talk

Let me introduce myself to you. My name is xxx.

My name is xxx.

Today we will tell you a cross talk.

Make everyone happy.

A: In front of so many audiences today, I want to ask you a question.

I have questions to answer.

Have you ever been to school?

B: Will you stop talking nonsense? Our country has implemented compulsory education for a long time, and now there are still people who have not attended school.

No, I mean, did you take an exam at school?

B: Who didn't have an exam when they were students?

A: I am most afraid of exams.

Oh, can't you study?

A: It's not impossible, not in our class.

B: Why not?

We have a quiz every seven days and a big exam in January. Don't you think you are putting pressure on our students?

B: Isn't that what schools do?

Neither can the teachers in our class.

B: Why not?

Take the math teacher as an example. She only lectures on the podium, but she doesn't care about classroom discipline.

Why doesn't she care about classroom discipline?

A: On one occasion, I listened carefully to her talk about math problems. The classmate behind drew a turtle on my back, and she ignored it.

B: I didn't see it.

A: What's even more exasperating is that the turtle he painted on my back was carrying a little turtle.

Turtles also have children.

A: Even more exasperating, he wrote my name on the lid of the little bastard.

B: it's not appropriate to write someone else's name.

A: After class, as soon as I turned around, my classmates were happy with me wherever I went.

B: That's not funny.

A: You said, I carried this bitch around. How shameful I am! I can't get rid of him, I'm not finished with him!

Do you want to fight him?

A: Fighting is something only fools do. Can a clever student like me fight with my classmates?

What about you?

A: I made him an offer.

Ask him for money?

Why do you need money? It is illegal to ask for money.

You know everything.

A: In the future, he will unconditionally let me copy my homework, get high marks and get back face.

Did you copy it?

A: I copied it once.

Why only once?

A: I copied his math problem once, 150, and I only got 30 points.

B: How did you get 30 points?

That boy's study is not as good as mine.

B: You said that you didn't find a good student when you copied the questions, and you didn't want to think about whether the students who had time to draw turtles on your back could study in class.

A: This exam doesn't count. See you in the monthly exam.

Do you have any ideas about the monthly exam?

A: I found a good student in the monthly exam.

B: It's good this time.

A: We were not assigned to the same examination room.

B: That won't be any trouble, will it?

A: Nothing. I put a big brick in the toilet.

B: Why should the toilet be enlarged by half a brick?

A: The boss went to the toilet 30 minutes before the exam. He put the answer under the brick.

B: It's fully booked.

Teacher: I have a stomachache. I need to go to the toilet.

I went to find the answer.

A: When I went to the toilet, I found all the answers under the bricks. I'm so happy! After I came back, 10 minutes was over.

Two funny crosstalk lines "I want to change careers"

A: As the saying goes, men are afraid of choosing the wrong line and women are afraid of marrying the wrong person.

B: Yes, occupation is too important for people.

I knew what you were doing as soon as you stopped here.

What should I do?

A: Crosstalk.

B: Nonsense. Watermelon sellers poke at street corners.

You chose the wrong line.

What do you mean?

A: If you want to make big money, you have to do big business. Haven't you heard of it? The big boss saw ten thousand dollars on the road.

Don't even bend down to pick it up.

B: Why?

A: He can earn $10,000 as soon as he bows his head.

B: That's an exaggeration.

He bent down to pick it up. . . . . . Ten thousand dollars. It's not like you: ladies and gentlemen,

I want to tell you a cross talk. Please forgive me if you don't know. Well said. Let's say hello.

{hat off} rich people help a money field, and poor people help a man field. I bow to you.

Jump. . . . . Ten cents. Applause. . . . . . It's noisy, at least twenty cents. This little brother

Brother's atmosphere, fifty, right. . . . . . . Park tickets, used!

That was a long time ago.

A: Change careers. Do big business and make a lot of money. With money, you will be on TV, interviewed by reporters and online.

Photos, looking for you in sogou, I will find you as soon as I find them.

B: Sohu is my wife. We two animals.

A: I changed careers. Learn to drive.

B: That's good.

A: it was closed later.

B: Why?

I think I should have a drink.

Drunk driving, that's going to jail. I forgot to introduce it to everyone. This guy likes to drink at ordinary times, and as soon as he drinks it.

Drunk, see who is body double, people send the nickname "twins". I came home from drinking that day and met him at the door.

Wife, he said, his aunt is here, too. Scared his wife to look for it several times.

A: The first time I drove, I caught fire, put on the gear and released the clutch. Bang! Reverse gear! Hit a telephone pole.

oh

A: Put in gear and release the clutch. Bang! Hit another pole.

Pay attention to the telephone pole. Don't always stand on the side of the road, it will affect the traffic.

How did this traffic policeman get here so soon? It is polite to get off and salute me. Don't worry, it's not necessary.

You're welcome. Come on, come on, have a twin.

I'm drunk. Just one person.

A: Two! Swing back and forth and play cross with me. I can't beat you.

B: Let you test the alcohol content first. Sir, blow it.

No, I drink it every day. Rich, expensive. . . Noble.

B: Or a nobleman?

A: It's an aristocrat. I have a fan and caught a cold. I coughed and broke two ribs. Very delicate.

I like to drink it twice, and the more I drink, the more sober I am.

I am still awake. If I drink any more, I will become a group of policemen. What happened afterwards?

I will come out in seven days. I didn't know there was no wine in the detention center until I came out.

B: Would you like some more?

A: Drink! You can go without food for three days, but you can't go without drinking for a while. I went to the restaurant the day I came out, and that phone call

Drink it. Go to the toilet and throw up before drinking.

B: Just pour the food and wine into the toilet, and you won't have to suffer.

That restaurant is also very special. The toilet threshold is extremely high. I have to climb up. As soon as I got up, I started.

Second floor, downstairs.

B: That's the window.

A: The world is the same. I was lying on the roof of the car, and a group of people looked around me. No one helped me, so I just

An old lady came over and asked, handsome boy, stealing a car? People always pry open the car door. How can you tear it apart?

Top？

B: It seems that you can't eat the bowl of driving.

A: Then why should I change careers?

B: Look at your specialty.

A: Being a singer can earn more money.

B: With your looks, go to the kindergarten and sing. Which child doesn't eat, you stand there,

"Xifeng came", which scared the child and ate all the plates.

A: I didn't mean to be ugly. I'm trying to scare those children who don't eat.

B: Singer, you can't do it.

A: I run a hospital. It can make a lot of money. My neighbor grandma Wang's grandson knocked one off that day.

Front teeth, she took her grandson to the hospital. The doctor said: Check it first. Medical surgery

Radiology department, B-ultrasound ct EEG, all the way to the ticket, did not go to the stomatology department to get grandma Wang.

Grandson went back to see it.

B: No money?

A: The front teeth are coming out.

B: Then you don't know anything about medicine. How can you run a hospital?

A: I'm hiring. First choose the frontispiece, downtown, ten floors, internal medicine, surgery, obstetrics and gynecology.

Departments, outpatient areas, inpatient areas, rehabilitation areas, football fields, boxing halls, it is best to drive fast.

B: Stop. This doesn't seem to be a hospital.

A: These projects are used to produce the wounded, and they are produced and sold by themselves. Choose the right border, advertise in Shanghai and recruit doctors.

Academic elite. One came that day, in his thirties, in his prime.

How many years have you worked?

A: Thirteen years.

B: how do you see a doctor? Consultation?

A: I don't usually ask.

B: OK. You'll know what's wrong by experience. Do you always have to ask if it hurts?

A: Haha. . . Will your pig say it hurts?

Veterinarians!

A: I have also shown it to others. A woman came that day, very fat, with a head. . . Stomach. . . . I asked

She: A few months? She said that August is such a hot day. I said, I asked you how your stomach was.

How many months? She slapped me conveniently: I am fat! Are you pregnant? I'm not married.

What about marriage? Take an eye to work in the future!

B: this person can't use it.

A: In the afternoon, another one came. A Japanese Song Shiquan's head looks like this. It belongs to the Russian Paris Dance Company.

Miniskirt, Ethiopian black stockings, American movie "Ghost Finger A", which has not been washed for many years.

They are all green, only two eyes are made in China, a pair of panda eyes, which were removed at night and immediately became a mistress.

Round and small eyes are similar to your mouse.

There are no mice in our house.

Let your wife have a nest.

Are you kidding me?

Just kidding. {Bowing} I worked as a nurse.

Why did you quit your job? High rank and low salary?

A: The dean said that I always can't aim at an injection.

Hmm?

A: It is medically called strabismus. I tilted 50 centimeters.

B: aiming is not easy.

That's not a day. A pregnant woman came, and she couldn't give birth. She asked me what to do. I

what can I do? I'm a girl, and I can't give birth. I just gave her an injection. disappear

It's poisonous. Aim, hit the left, aim at the right, and see if the "poof" needle sticks to the woman.

Her husband replied, Ouch, my leg! What did you say a big man shouted?

Huh? Where does it hurt when my wife gives birth to a child?

You hit him in the leg.

Oh, wrong direction. My eyes slant to the right.

B: It's one meter short!

That's not worth shouting about, is it? One more shot and it won't come out.

Did the dean fire you?

A: No injections.

B: Then why?

A: One day an old man had boils on his eyes, and I gave him a breast cream. the next day

He found it. This is a nice photo with two tomatoes on his face.

B: It looks good.

Oh, I read the wrong medicine box. I'm sorry . . . You have to thank me.

Thank you?

A: Yes. The box on the right is corn cream.

That would gouge out his eyes.

A: This hospital will never open.

B: Then change it.

A: Doing sales.

What do you sell?

Answer: First floor, practice and sell belts. Five dollars a piece, very cheap, look, this kind of leather,

Tiger skin, even a cow can't run away. I've seen it. You can hang yourself by buying one.

It is broken. I'll pay you ten dollars. If not, we will send someone to help you and take you home.

B: Yes. What are you talking about?

This is a promotion. It's amazing. When everyone heard that "there is a belt hanging over there for sale. Let's take a look. "

Ah "Fusang people are surrounded. We don't want to buy it all and hang ourselves, just to be popular. This is the method,

People pay attention to you and you sell yourself. Didn't you hear people say, "If you want a salesman,

Products must first sell themselves. "

B: sell yourself before you sell something?

A: The comprehension ability is really poor. That is to say: the customer is God, the food and clothing parents. Parents!

B: So you are somebody else's son when I buy your things?

A: Come on. My sons are all Laozi now, and Laozi is a grandson at best. When you have a son, you will.

If you know it, you will have no sky, no land, no black, no white, no face, no skin, no dirt and no week.

No worship, no festivals.

What do you mean?

A: You slept soundly in the middle of the night and suddenly felt warm under you. You touched it and peed. Sticky.

B: Yes.

A: You hold the diaper and {rub your hands} I'll hold it. Do you do this by hand?

B: Let's go!

On Saturday and Sunday, my son will ride a horse to the park.

Do you have a horse at home?

Well, I just like to drink.

I see. I will ride you.

A: I'm halfway, and my neck is warm. Coincidentally, I met my neighbor Aunt Zhang.

B: Look at you, carrying a child on your back is sweating all over your neck.

Aunt, it's very hot.

December?

I am in trouble.

B: It's neck deep.

A: Children will go to school when they are older. When they go to primary school, they have to plan to find a key middle school for their children. When they go to middle school, they have to.

If you plan to find a key university, you should plan to find a good job when you go to college. . . . .

If you have a good job, you should plan to find a good wife.

A: You have to plan to buy a house before you find a wife. Do you think girls nowadays marry houses or

How about getting married?

B: All girls in their twenties have been mistresses to 80-year-olds. what did you say ?

A: When I bought a house, all my savings for more than 30 years were lost. For 30 years, grandchildren are married, you say.

Is this Lao Tzu Lao Tzu or grandson?

B: Yes, it's not easy for your son to do this kind of sales work.

A: No, let's talk about crosstalk. Ladies and gentlemen, I will tell you a cross talk, which is not good to listen to.

You forgive me, well said, you call a good man, have money to help a frontcourt, but have no money to help one.

In the personal field, I bow to you.

Come on, bow

Extended data

Crosstalk, a folk rap art. It highlights its characteristics in the form of speaking, learning, teasing and singing. Famous crosstalk performers are Ma, Hou, Hou, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma? Ma Ji, Hou, Su, and so on.

China crosstalk has three cradles: Beijing Tianqiao, Tianjin Quanyechang and Nanjing Confucius Temple. Crosstalk originated in North China, popular in Beijing, Tianjin and Hebei, and spread all over the country and at home and abroad. It began in the Ming and Qing Dynasties and flourished in the contemporary era. Mainly oral performances. There are stand-up crosstalk, mouth-to-mouth crosstalk, group crosstalk, etc., which are rooted in the people and originated from life and are loved by the masses.

Refer to Baidu Encyclopedia Crosstalk