Ask for some very funny jokes

1. A classmate suddenly wanted to fart in class, and it was definitely a fart. He couldn't hold it any longer, so he came up with a brilliant idea. When I was about to fart, I suddenly slapped him to cover it up ... As a result, he suddenly slapped him, and the whole class turned to look at him, and then he farted. . .

The teacher wrote a sentence on the blackboard: Time is money. Let the students translate it.

A student replied, "Tom is Mary."

There are two problems in English test:

1) I put on my coat, only to find that the first button fell off.

When he heard the telephone ring, he answered it.

The correct answer should be:

I put on my coat and found the first button dropped.

As soon as he heard the phone ring, he went to pick it up.

But a student's answer is:

1) Shit!

2) hello?

Receptionist: "Hello."

American: "Hi."

Receptionist: "What can I do for you?"

American: "Can you speak English?"

Receptionist: "If I don't speak English, what am I talking about?"

American: "Can anyone speak English?"

Receptionist: "Look for yourself. Everyone is playing, no one has time, you can wait, you wait, you don't wait, you go! "

American: "Oh, my God. Does anyone here speak English? "

Receptionist: "What are you yelling about? Be quiet. What's the matter with you?"

American: "I want to talk to your boss."

Receptionist: "My head is absent-minded. Come tomorrow! ”"

4. The strongest primary school student composition in history!

Today is Sunday. Although we went to Ocean Park to play until 1 1 pm yesterday, today we got up early and went to Taiping Mountain next to Ocean Park to pick fruit, because my grandparents live in Taiping Mountain. When we got to the bottom of Taiping Mountain, we took off our shoes and started climbing. It took us about 1 minute to reach the top of the mountain. The air at the top of the mountain is very good. Grandpa took us to his orchard.

Wow ... Grandpa's orchard is so big, many fruit trees are planted, including watermelon tree, strawberry tree and pineapple tree ... Because I am too young to climb trees, Grandpa climbed the watermelon tree, picked the biggest watermelon and threw it to Dad, and Dad picked it up with one hand! There are many fruits growing on the ground of the orchard, such as apples, pears, coconuts, etc ... Grandpa picked some coconuts, peeled them with his hands, removed the seeds and gave them to everyone. Coconut is delicious! I ate more than 20. Cousin also threw a coconut in my face, killing me! After the fruit dinner, we went to the Himalayas next to Taiping Mountain to play. We heard the teacher say that the Himalayas is the highest mountain in the world. Sure enough, the teacher didn't lie to us. My cousin and I climbed and climbed. It took about 2 minutes to reach the top of the mountain. I'm so sexy. Later, we still felt very hot, so we went to the top of the mountain to soak in hot springs. What a cold hot spring ~ Himalayas is really a good place. Later my cousin asked me if I had any money. He saw McDonald's near the top of the mountain. Cousin, you always borrow money from me! When we were still shopping, we heard my mother calling us home in Taiping Mountain, so we had to leave reluctantly. Taiping Mountain and Himalayas are really interesting places, and we will ask our parents to take us to play in the future. Dad said that if I won the first place in this exam, he would take me to Tokyo, Beijing and Nanjing this Sunday. I want to go to Xijing most because my cousin lives in Xijing. She said that in fact, textbooks are deceptive. There is a mountain in Xijing that is higher than the Himalayas. It takes about 3 minutes to climb it. There is also a big night market and children's playground, as well as a clear stream.

I must study hard and let my father take me to these places to play.

Lecturer's comments:

The content is full of contradictions and exaggerations, which I have never seen in more than 20 years of teaching. Please pay attention next time.

This time, the teacher asked for 600 words of travel notes. With the last experience, Xiaoying didn't dare to scribble any more, but actually wrote down the situation that her father took him to the animal and plant park on Sunday.

On Sunday, this morning, my father took my family to the animal and plant park. Along the way, cicadas kept twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep.

Lecturer's comments:

The content is true and can be changed, but the whole article uses more than 500 words of "knowledge", which I have never seen in more than 20 years of teaching. Please pay attention next time.

The teacher did well this time, too, fearing that the students would scribble, and asked for 600 words of travel notes, but she wanted to mention her learning experience that day. Xiaoying and her mother carefully consulted the textbook after climbing the mountain, and finally found that one thing verified the knowledge of the textbook and happily wrote it down and gave it to the teacher.

On Sunday, I went climbing with my mother today. When I get to the top of the mountain, my mother says there will be an echo on the quiet mountain. My brother and I tried to shout together-"How are you?"

Sure enough, about three seconds later, I heard:

How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?

I haven't changed a word. I finally realized the sonic reflection in the textbook. What a meaningful day.

Lecturer's comments:

As a teacher, I am happy to learn from it, but I have been teaching "How are you" for more than 20 years, and I have never seen it. Please pay attention next time.

It is said that the teacher doesn't like Xiaoying's lazy composition and no longer writes travel notes. Think about how to stimulate Xiaoying's writing potential and write another one:

The most unforgettable thing

Xiaoying bit her pencil and thought hard. Finally, she wrote a crash book. After handing it over, she thought to herself, Teacher, don't punish me any more. She couldn't help giggling. When I came home from school last Friday, I saw a lot of shit in front of my house. At that time, I ate a catty: "Who is so wicked to shit in front of my house?" I quickly called my sister out. My sister ate a catty after reading it and said, "What a heartless person! How pitiful! " My sister asked me to sweep with a broom. Mom came out to see it when she knew. She also ate a catty and cried, "Do evil!" Dad heard the cry of * * * and came out to have a look. He also ate a kilo. "Who did it? Mother Wang, the neighbor, just came back from shopping and ate a catty. Uncle Wang and Wang Xiaoming came out and ate a catty. In a short time, a dozen people gathered and everyone ate a catty. Finally, they dialed 1 19. After eating a catty, the firemen finally got rid of that shit. This is the most unforgettable thing.

Lecturer's comments:

If you make progress, you should pay attention to the typo "taken aback" instead of "ate a catty" This thing always weighs 20 kilograms. Who has this ability?

5. I also have some other writers. A very quiet girl wrote in the most unforgettable event: "My memory is a beautiful wooden box. Open it and see that there are many pearls in it. Every pearl is a memory of my childhood. " Then she wrote a story about how she tortured two chickens to death when she was a child at her grandmother's house in the country. Then: "For many years, every time I look back, there will still be a knowing smile on my face. I think this is the biggest and brightest of those pearls. "

I have some classic poems here:

1, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: I will never regret taking off my clothes.

(The correct solution is "I won't regret it if my belt widens gradually". I admit that this is my brain. )

2. Ask where the canal is so clear, _ _ _ _ _

A: There is a clear spring in my heart.

The positive solution is "only the source of living water is coming", but we still have some water problems ~ ~ ~)

3. When * * * cuts the candle at the west window, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Husband and wife sit in the morning.

The Chinese teacher fainted while reading the paper. After class, I fainted again! The correct solution is "late rain time")

4. Mayflies shake trees, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Not moving.

(The positive solution is "ridiculous overreaching". Don't move, hehe, it's true. )

5. The beauty of an adult gentleman, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Little people succeed.

(faint directly)

6. Poor people are immune, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Rich people have wives and concubines in groups.

(positive solution: achieving the goal will help the world)

7. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, everyone in the world knows you.

A: As long as you look like Saddam Hussein.

(Khan ||| ...)

8. There are other ladies in his court, 3,000 stunning beauties, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Iron bars will also be ground into needles ~ ~ ~ ~

(The positive solution is "but his love for 3,000 people is concentrated on one person")

9. With Cai Feng's wings, _ _ _ _ _ _

A: plucking a phoenix is not as good as plucking a chicken.

Another student replied: Both husband and wife returned to China.

(The positive solution is "However, I feel the harmonious heartbeat of the sacred unicorn")

10. Sunrise in the east and rain in the west, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: There is a fight at the head of the bed, and the end of the bed is closed.

Another student replied: I got on the wrong sedan chair and married the right person.

. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, the scum's wife is not in the class.

A: Married men don't go to bed.

(The Chinese teacher is angry! )

12. May people live a long life, _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: An eternal flower.

(I laughed wildly at the time, but now I think it's quite classic. The positive solution is "a thousand miles * * * ChanJuan")

13. Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Climb the tortoise by the East Village River.

(Yes, it's quite neat)

14. I suggest that God stand up again, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: God yelled at me three times.

(The positive solution is "Don't stick to one pattern and drop talents", Gong Zizhen)

15. I was born useful, _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Show your magic at the critical moment.

Another student replied: the mouse son can make holes.

(The Chinese teachers in the whole office collectively laughed without image)

16. If the day is sentimental, it will be old, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: People do not waste their youth!

(The positive solution is "If you don't hate the moon, it will be long and round", Li He's "Golden Copper Immortal Ci Han Song")

17. If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Please don't tell him.

(The positive solution is "a piece of ice is in the jade pot")

18. The final exam produced couplets, and the first couplet was the hero of the work.

The couplets of junior three students are: I am charming.

19. A good medicine tastes bitter and is good for the disease, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: If you don't eat, you are a big fool.

Who hasn't died since ancient times, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Only some people died one after another.

(ending: a bird left by the teacher to give a lecture after the parent-teacher meeting ...)

20. The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light, _ _ _ _ _ _

A: Li Bai slept soundly.

2 1. Peeking at the leopard in the test tube, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Scared me.

(Ha ha ha! The positive solution is "visible")

22. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, flying into the homes of ordinary people.

Classmate A: Kangjia Caiba TV Station

23. A glass of sparkling wine, _ _ _ _ _ _

There's a lot of money, beautiful woman.

24. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, pedestrians on the road want to break their souls.

The representative work of junior one students: ghost knocking at the door at midnight

25. Another time I tested Tao Yuanming's "Five buckets of rice can't bend over", and my classmates filled in "Just give me six buckets" …

26. I am old, and people are old, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Wife, my wife and other people's wives.

(The teacher later commented that the classmate was particularly dedicated, haha)

27. In those days, Jin Ge was an iron horse, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Look now, watch and fight.

(The positive solution is "swallowing Wan Li like a tiger")

28. I got "Two heads are better than one" in an exam in grade five.

Classmate A: The taste is the same.

(Laughing at the invigilator and principal outside)

29. The first-year students paired up, "Climbing to the city with mountains among the white clouds, _ _ _ _ _ _"

Classmate A: I went to the hotel to put the young lady to bed.

His Chinese teacher almost vomited blood on the spot and died.

30. If the relationship is long-term, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: It should be when two people get married.

3 1. Qian Fan on the edge of the shipwreck, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: There are many tricks to be complacent.

32. Books are rarely used, _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: By the end of the month, there will not be enough money.

33. If a day is sentimental, that day will be old, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: People die young when they are affectionate.

(The positive solution is "If the moon is long and round without enmity")

34. Who hasn't died since ancient times, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Who has no paper in his stool?

(No language ...)

35. I once tested Li Qingzhao's dream, "Do you know? Do you know that?/You know what? ___________"

A: Sorry, I don't know. ...

(The positive solution is "it should be green, fat, red and thin")

36. I once tested a sentence from Mr. Lu Xun: "_ _ _ _ _ _ _, I spilled my blood on Xuanyuan."

Classmate A: He stabbed me with a knife.

37. In the Chinese exam, there is a revolutionary poem in the blank: "People's doors are locked, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: The holes for dogs to climb out are also locked/damn, they are all locked!

38. Qian Shan Wanshui is always in love, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Can I have an extra copy?

The marking teacher is right: love is love, points are points, and one more point is not enough)

39. When I was a freshman, I had a monthly exam and said, "Go out and laugh in the sky, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

Is our generation Artemisia? ".

Someone in the class wrote: I accidentally twisted my waist.

There's another sentence,

The last sentence: "Clear water produces hibiscus, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

(positive solution) natural sculpture. "

Some people write that mud gives birth to lotus roots;

There are better people.

Write: Heroes come from troubled times.

40. How much can you worry about, _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A: Just like a pot of Erguotou.

(The teacher criticized "You drank too much again ...")

Adding yourself is like PetroChina in Man Cang.