Tell me some jokes.

One day, a lady got on the bus with a bottle of fresh milk in her hand. When the bus arrived at a big station, people got closer and closer.

The more crowded it is, the harder it is to breathe. ...

In a short time, the fresh milk taken by the young lady was squeezed away by the crowd, and the fresh milk was covered with her stockings. Miss said angrily, please

Tired! ! Don't squeeze! You've milked her.

___

roast duck

One day, a young man walked into a roast duck restaurant. Miss, do you sell roast duck? . The shopkeeper is a young man.

Young girl. Yes! And Beijing roast duck and Nanjing dried salted duck! What flavor would you like, sir? Um ... What's the difference?

And then what? . Okay ... okay! You come with me. Say that finish, the girl took her husband to the kitchen. you

Look! As she spoke, the girl grabbed a duck in a cage and put her hand into the duck's anus. (of ducks) quack.

Gaga. ㄚㄚ! ! Ducks are fighting. Did you hear that? The girl said with a smile, this sound is the cry of Nanjing salted duck.

Sound. Oh ... the young man then asked, how about Beijing roast duck? The girl then grabbed the duck in another cage.

Insert it by hand again. ㄍㄧㄚㄚ! ! ! Hey! This is Beijing roast duck! What kind do you want, sir? hum

....., then I'll buy a Nanjing salted duck. After that, the girl wrapped him a dried salted duck. Thank you for your patronage! Very few

The woman said with a smile. You're welcome. The young man replied with a smile and turned away. Oh! That's right, miss. That's it

Where are the people in the village? ..... The young man asked with a smile. The girl smiled shyly and said, would you like to try the toilet with me?

Do you see it?

___

Pornographic jokes 1

Who is great?

Do you know what kind of man is the most arrogant in the world? Texas cowboys and Russian hunters!

One day, a Texan and a Russian hunter were drinking in a small bar in Siberia. It was freezing and snowing outside.

The ground and the room are warm as spring. Drinking and drinking, the two began to quarrel and boasted to each other that they were the strongest men in the world.

People; Blowing and blowing, the two were so angry that they were about to break up. The bartender saw something was wrong and ran out to stop the fight.

He said: "If you continue to quarrel, there will be no result. Why not go out and do one thing and prove yourself to be the strongest in the world?

Dude, I won. 」

The Russian hunter said, "This is my territory. I'll go first. " Brave at once? Went out. It's too big.

About half an hour later, the Russian hunter came back askew, disheveled and stained with blood, leaning against the bar:

"Bring me the wine and I'll win."

"Wait a minute!" The Texan said, "What did you do? 」

"I hit a polar bear with my bare hands! 』

The Texan walked out without saying a word; ……。

This time, it took an hour to see the Texans stumbling back, dripping blood all the way and being completely smashed. Go ahead.

A prone on the stage: "wine! I will definitely win this time. "

"Wait a minute! What did you do? " Asked the Russian hunter.

The Texan proudly replied, "Fuck a polar bear! ! 』

___

Pornographic joke 2

Long and short jokes

The British, Americans and Japanese are on the same plane; Accidentally crashed and landed in Africa (it is said that sometimes cannibals will come out.

Unfortunately, the three of them were caught for dinner before they could escape. When they are sad

When I watched cannibals jump, scream and dance, I saw the chief come to inspect these three sumptuous dinners ... three people were pregnant with one.

Line life, trying to communicate with the chief executive (of course not with quick translation! ) They express their demands with body language.

Let one live ...; The indigenous chief agreed, but he gave them a question that embarrassed them (of course, it wouldn't

The topic of this joint exam! )

His topic is: let three people take out the penis and measure it. If it adds up to 19 cm ... release it! this

At that time, the British volunteered to measure first. Wow! Seven centimeters! Then there is 10 cm in the United States. Finally, the Japanese.

Two centimeters (ha! Please calculate: 7+ 10+2 = 19, right? ! The boss keeps his word. Let him go.

Kill them. The three men ran and crawled out of the cannibal village and ran for their lives! ! Go! Go! Japanese people's congress shh

Take a breath and say: Hoo! What a Li Jiazai. Just as I was measuring the length, I suddenly got excited somehow! no

However. Otherwise, I believe you are clear! ) So, in my opinion! How long are these people?

The leg is swollen. Why? Sniff? ┯ Pay Yufu to clean the grave. ?

___

Pornographic joke 3

Desert camel

During the Iran-Iraq war, a captain was transferred to the front line of Iran as a company commander. When he arrived, he asked the headquarters, "In this desert department?

There are no women on the team. How do you solve your basic needs? 」

The messenger pointed to the camel tied outside the tent and said, "This is all the way! 」

The company commander said with a puzzled face: "Want to see? 」

Herald nodded. The company commander felt incredible.

After more than a month, the company commander couldn't stand his physiological needs, so he called the herald and said, "Take that? Camels lead my room.

Come on! 」

The messenger asked strangely, "take the camel to your room?" ? 」

The company commander replied, "Don't bother, just bring it in. 」

After about 30 minutes, the company commander came out wearily and said, "It's really hard to repair! 」

The commander asked inexplicably, "What are the company commander and the camel doing in the room? 」

The company commander said, "Of course! You too. 」

The messenger replied, "company commander, I mean, we all rely on this camel to drive us into the city? Go find a woman

___

Pornographic joke 4

An old rich businessman married a young girl. In order to surprise his wife, the rich businessman asked a doctor to transplant chimpanzees for him.

Testis. Soon, the young wife became pregnant. On the day the baby was born, the wealthy businessman waited anxiously outside the delivery room to become a doctor.

When he was born, the rich businessman eagerly asked, doctor, is it a man? Or a woman? I don't know! Doctor, no

Nai's wife said: it has been hanging on the chandelier and refused to come down.

___

Pornographic joke 5

Dakang visited Azhou's home. It happened that Ah Zhou was not here, and his wife was embroidering. Dakang said after reading it, your thorn

How beautiful this embroidery is!

Zhou's wife said, I'm flattered. If you like, I will embroider one for you, too.

Dakang came home and told his wife about it, and praised Azhou's wife for her proper answer. A few days later,

A Zhou came to visit Dakang. It happened that he was not at home and his wife was playing with her child in her arms.

One week, your children are so beautiful, chubby and cute!

Dakang's wife proudly said, you did! I'll give birth to one for you if you like.

___

Pornographic joke 6

The exhausted husband said to his wife, whoever calls, just say I'm not in. After a while, the telephone rang.

The wife picked up the receiver and whispered, hello! My husband is at home now!

Didn't I tell you I wasn't here? The husband shouted angrily.

The phone is for me. The wife replied.

___

Pornographic joke 7

In the hotel, after they had sex, the man smoked a cigarette and asked, is your family strict in discipline? If you're pregnant,

In that case, what should I do?

Then I'll kill myself and never involve anyone else again. The woman replied.

Is it? Great! Let's do it again!

___

Maid a: "poor me, I have to keep saying" yes, madam; Yes, madam.

Maid B: "I am even worse. I have to keep saying "no, sir" every day; No, sir.

Man: "you take it off first, and I'll take it off when you're finished." 」

Woman: "I take it off slowly. You'd better take it off first." 」

Man: "That's it! Save time. Let's take it off together. 」

Woman: "How dare you? 」

Man: "It doesn't matter, it's all our own." 」

Woman: "That was fast! Stuff it all in, look out! Don't get your clothes dirty 」

Man: "well ... it's much more convenient with this dehydrator." 」

A tryst couple .....

W: "What would you do if the world was going to end in 10 minutes? 』

Lecherous man: "I will be crazy about having sex with you!" 』

Woman: "But you only need 1 minute at most. 』

In small talk .....

A: "Last night, after I met my girlfriend, she said I was like a laundry stick in a washing machine. I have no idea. "

What do you mean? 』

Some B: "Well, it probably describes your bravery and diligence."

A C smiled and said, "Ha! No, you know the laundry stick is always in a much bigger laundry trough. 』

A male teacher in a girls' school flew into a rage in class: "I'm so tired on it that you don't move at all."

Move it.

I have paid so much back and forth, have I absorbed anything? 」

schoolgirl ..............

A pair of strange men and women met in a pub and moved to a dark corner, where it was stormy.

When a man touched a woman's private parts with his hand, she gasped ...;

"ah! So comfortable ...............

But your ring hurt me ... "

The lecherous said angrily, "Hey! Miss, that's my watch ... "

A man is willing to spend two dollars on what he wants for one dollar.

A woman is willing to spend a dollar on something worth two dollars, but it's not what she wants.

Women expect him to change after marriage, but he won't.

Men expect her not to change after marriage, but she will.

A woman has been worried about her future life until she finds a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he finds a wife.

Married men live longer than unmarried men, but married men want to die.

Xin cock

A farmer thought his rooster was too old and decided to buy a young rooster.

Can satisfy all hens. After the rooster is bought, the old rooster thinks that the rooster will replace himself.

Status, he said to the rooster: "well, let's run ten times around the yard, and whoever wins will prove it."

The hen will belong to who is strong and strong. "The little cock agreed. At first, my husband was a chicken.

Rushed out first, followed by the rooster. The hens shouted come on. Three, four laps, one lap.

But the husband chicken is weak, and the cock gradually catches up. On the verge of surpassing my husband's chicken, I suddenly listened.

With a bang, the rooster fell headlong to the ground. The farmer, gun in hand, said angrily:

"They sold me another gay chicken!"

sunbath

One day, a girl went to sunbathe on the roof of a hotel alone.

Because there is no one else,