Late night question, should I have a second child?

Not recommended! I am an example myself. My parents had a younger brother when I was a freshman. And after more than ten years, I still haven't accepted him. My mother always said that giving birth to a baby for me can be discussed. I want to say, it’s a waste of time to discuss. My brother is the kind of person who may not respond to you even if you talk to him. Then there is so many years difference between me and him, what can we discuss? Is it to discuss whether to remove the tube from them later? I have a son now. I definitely won’t have a second child. I am willing to give everything only to him. The parents are selfish and just have a child just to support them. There is no need to say that the child is born for the eldest child. I believe that nursing homes will also be improved in the future.

I am determined not to have a second child! My mother-in-law started talking about having a second child in the hospital after I gave birth to my daughter, saying that she would be laughed at because I didn’t give birth to a son! My mother repeatedly emphasized to me that it would be better to have a second child, so that the children would take care of each other in the future! I firmly don’t! The reason is simple! ! 1. I brought up my daughter myself. She has always been frail and sick, and I am not in good health. Every time she gets sick, I will get sick again. I once had a high fever and went to the clinic to get an intravenous drip, and I brought a tablet computer to watch the child. The experience of coaxing a child is really devastating! 2. My husband, my parents are both the eldest in the family, and they are all troubled by all kinds of things at their old age. My parents think that everything should go to the eldest brother, and my younger brothers and sisters think that they should go to their elder brother for everything. As for me, the only daughter, These don't exist, and I don't want my daughter to face this in the future!

My wife and I have never regretted having a second child, and we have two sons in our family.

I had no experience in raising my eldest son. I spent a lot of time in anxiety, spent a lot of money, and did a lot of useless work. I raised my eldest son until he was five years old in the blink of an eye, and I felt that I was in his growth process. I didn't even have time to take a closer look at him.

After giving birth to a second child, because I have gained experience, I no longer have to worry about many things, so I can savor the joy of raising a child, which is equivalent to replaying the happy time of raising an older child in slow motion.

The eldest son is also very happy, because he has someone to play with, so the pressure of study is much less, and the two of them can break up the house by making noise together.

As for the cost of raising children, raising two children is certainly more expensive than raising one, but I feel that it is not much more than raising one. Because with experience, I can save a lot of ineffective expenses. At the same time, the eldest child You can continue to use many things. And once you have a second child, your psychology of spending money will change a lot. If you only have one child, you will want to give him the best in the world, which will cost you more money. But once you have two children, you will spend money more rationally. Isn't there a saying that the eldest brother should be raised as per the book, while the second child should be raised as a pig? In fact, there is still half of this sentence left unsaid. When you have a second child, not only will the second child be raised as a pig, but the eldest child will also be automatically demoted to a pig.

Of course it would be good to have a second child if possible. If the conditions are not very good and there is no one to guide you after you are born, then it is better not to be born. It’s not easy to raise a child these days. Not only does it cost a lot of money, it also requires a lot of energy. So you must think carefully before giving birth. In your situation, I wouldn't dare to have a second child, so I'd better focus on raising the first child.

We, as a couple, are not willing to have a second child. My child is over eight years old. If we wanted to have a second child, we would have given birth too early. It would be nice to have a child to experience what it's like to be a parent, forget about more. A few years ago, my family urged me, but now I don’t talk about it anymore. As long as you are strong-willed and in charge of your own life, you can say what others want to say, reply if you are happy, and just find an excuse to leave if you don't want to hear it. A few years ago, when there was a lot of stress at home, my husband told his parents-in-law that he had a health problem. They said that he would have a second child after he was cured. Then it stopped for a long time. Later, they couldn't think of it and just let it go. Anyway, he would do Tai Chi with them during the period. Just fine.

1. I don’t want a child, not because I don’t want it, but because I am afraid that I will wrong the child and lower my quality of life.

2. Nowadays, the family planning policy has changed and two children are fully allowed, but the birth rate has dropped. It seems that there are many people who have made the same choice as me.

3. Having a child is different from other choices. Once you have a child, you have to be responsible to the end and will not regret it, so you must consider it carefully.

4. Different cities, different family economic situations, and different elderly situations require different choices.

5. Many people around me chose to have a second child, and now they all regret it to varying degrees. Families with two only children are simply too busy.

6. In an ordinary family, there are four parents, two children, and two middle-aged people. It is simply impossible to take care of both. It's a big deal for anyone who has something to do.

7. In the past, it was basically impossible to raise children to protect against old age. There are very few people who will not take care of themselves by the age of 30. To be honest, when we get old in the future and our pension is not enough, what will we do to our children?

8. Let’s also calculate the cost of raising a child. Our current monthly expenses for one child are more than 10,000 yuan, and this is without a mortgage.

9. Giving birth to a child now requires a lot of effort and very little return. Those who are promising are not around, and those who are not are gnawing at their old age. When we get old, we still have to look at the savings in the bank.

10. Having a second child is easy to say, but in fact the threshold is quite high, and it is about making a contribution to society.

11. When children grow up, they need to study in tutoring classes and need independent space and companionship in life. My parents are still frail and sick, and all these things combined make me tired just thinking about it.

12. Some people say that two children are companions, and that’s right! When we were children, we were all companions, but when we grew up, we all had our own thoughts, and both of them were thinking about their parents' little money.

13. There are only 30,000 days in a person's life, so why make yourself so tired. Nowadays, a child can eat, play, and receive tutoring without hesitation. I also have time to rest and take care of my parents.

14. You can have a second child, but you have to be rich enough. To the extent that you can take care of a nanny, go to private tutors, don’t have to go to work, and have a few fully paid houses in first-tier cities, you can have a baby.

In 2013, my eldest child started attending kindergarten. According to my plan for my life, a second child should have been planned.

I told my husband that he disagreed. My husband was mainly concerned about several aspects:

1. The financial pressure was too great. At that time, the income was unstable and sometimes I could not live for several days. , my husband earns his own money, and we two spend it, and our lives are very tight.

2. I finally look forward to my child going to kindergarten. I can occasionally help load bricks and load the car. If I want a second child, once I get pregnant, I will have to stay at home.

3. At that time, some people just discussed that the second-child policy was about to be relaxed, but the relevant policies had not yet been released. We were afraid that we would face a considerable amount of social support after having a second child, which would be even more difficult for us. Adding insult to injury.

But I am determined to have a second child and plan for my life. As I grow older, I don’t want to become a senior mother. This is irresponsible to the child and to myself. .

After careful consideration, I naturally decided to have a second child!

I want a second child just so that I can keep a companion for my eldest child in the future. When we get older, if there is a disease or disaster, at least Dabao can personally negotiate and one child will bear the burden of two The pressure on the elderly can be imagined. Having a second child can at least reduce the pressure on Dabao.

This was my consideration at the time, and now it seems that my idea at that time was right. If you have the idea of ??having a second child, it is still recommended to make the decision early. After all, the older you are, the greater the risk of childbirth. It’s not good for children or adults!

Strongly support having a second child! I am 40 years old this year and have a son and a daughter. My son is 10 years old and my daughter is 4 years old. I have never regretted having a second child. Moreover, I come from a second-child family and have a sister who is 4 years younger than me. When I reached middle age, I encountered some family changes, which made me feel that it would be better to have two children! My feelings from a second-child family

I was born in a small mountain village in Jingmen, Hubei Province. My parents are both farmers, and my family has lacked food and clothing since I was a child. My parents were busy with farm work and had little time to take care of us sisters. So as long as I can remember, it was me who played with my sister and took care of her eating, dressing and sleeping.

We have a very good relationship, she is my little follower, and I protect her in everything. Although we occasionally quarreled and fought, we were indeed each other's best playmates during our childhood years when we grew up together.

Because of each other, we never feel lonely, nor do we have the fear of some only children being locked at home by their parents.

Moreover, because I have a younger sister, as the eldest, I have learned responsibility and responsibility, as well as love and care.

My mother is illiterate and my father has a junior high school education. They worked hard to provide for my sister and me. I was admitted to Zhongnan University of Finance and Economics, and my sister was admitted to Huazhong University of Science and Technology. After graduation, they all worked, bought houses, got married, and had children in Wuhan. It can be said that based on their educational level, our parents are powerless in our studies and cannot help us at all. But we were able to read it all the way, thanks to mutual influence and help.

When my sister was taking the college entrance examination, she was worried about filling out the application form. I gave her some advice: "You are very good at math, physics and chemistry, so just take the Chinese Engineering Examination!"

I was heartbroken in college. Desperate, she encouraged me: "Sister, he is not worthy of you, you deserve someone better."

In the first year after I graduated and started working, my mother had an operation for lumbar spondylolisthesis. She suffered a sudden pericardial effusion in 1999, and suffered from sarcoma in the third year. She underwent three surgeries. At that time, I was not married yet and my sister was still in college. I was responsible for taking my mother to Wuhan No. 1 Hospital and Tongji Hospital for medical treatment and treatment, while she and her father helped take care of her in the hospital. Our family spent that difficult time together.

This year, my father was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome again. In April, the first phase of chemotherapy treatment at Tongji Hospital cost 120,000 yuan. Now he is undergoing the second phase of chemotherapy at the Provincial Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital, which is expected to cost another 120,000 yuan. It will cost tens of thousands, and there will be three phases of chemotherapy and follow-up medicines and blood transfusions, which are not low every month. Blood transfusion is a self-paid item, with a unit of red blood cells costing 240 yuan and a unit of platelets costing 1,500 yuan. During Tongji's treatment, my father was hospitalized for 28 days and received 7 blood transfusions. The cost of blood transfusions alone was 10,500 yuan.

If I were to bear all these expenses, it would be too much for me. Fortunately, I have a younger sister. We agreed that the expenses for my father’s medical treatment would be shared equally between the two of us.

My father lives in his hometown, and every time he comes to see a doctor, someone has to go back to pick him up. I can drive, so I basically do all the driving. The hospital where my father lived was close to my sister's home, so she was the one who handled all the procedures after being hospitalized, dealt with the doctors, brought food to my father, and ran errands temporarily.

I was very torn about whether to give my father chemotherapy or not, and it was difficult to make a decision. I had a sister to discuss and analyze together, and we quickly came to an opinion.

In short, I am very grateful to my parents for giving me a younger sister. It was their wise decision that allowed me to have a relative to share with me when they were sick and hospitalized, and I was less stressed. Half done.

We can also help each other in our daily work. I was short of money to buy a house, but she supported me with 100,000 yuan. She bought a car and I lent her 70,000. When I gave birth to a baby, she cooked food for me. She gave birth to a baby, and I ran to take care of her. We support each other and look out for each other.

We have experienced how good it is to have a brother and sister, so even though we have to bear the mortgage loan, we have a second child without hesitation. The cost of having a second child

So, is the cost of having a second child really as high as some people say?

It depends on how you give birth and how you raise it.

First, let’s talk about life. When my sister and I gave birth to our second child, one chose the Zhongnan Hospital and the other chose the Provincial Maternity and Infant Hospital. We both have jobs, have maternity insurance, and both had C-sections. After giving birth to the baby and having my medical insurance reimbursed, my expenses were around 4,000 (for the ordinary double room I stayed in), and hers was around 8,000 (for the 688 a night independent suite she stayed in). It can be seen that having a baby does not cost much, and it is a one-time event.

Then let’s talk about raising. We both took maternity leave, about 4 months. I extended it for 6 months due to personal reasons. There is maternity insurance while raising the baby at home, and the salary will not be reduced, so although it will cost more than before, it does not put a lot of pressure on the family. And during this period, I can also earn some other income part-time online, such as writing articles, managing money, etc. I breastfed my second child and was weaned at one year old, so I didn’t spend much money on formula. Save some money on diapers, 1,000 yuan a month is enough. I wear old clothes given by others, and I basically didn’t buy any clothes before I was three years old. The only major expense was that after I started working, my family hired a live-in nanny to look after my baby and do housework, which cost 5,500 a month.

When Erbao goes to kindergarten, I don’t need a live-in nanny. I only need to hire an aunt or an hourly worker on the day shift to cook meals in the evening and be responsible for picking up and dropping off Erbao. Dabao asked him to go to boarding junior high school. When attending a public kindergarten, the day shift aunt does not need to live and eat at home. The tuition and nanny fees combined are not much different from hiring a live-in nanny before.

My sister has an elderly person helping her, so I can save some expenses by hiring a live-in aunt, and the elderly person can help her supplement some living expenses.

Finally, let’s talk about education investment. My sister and I are very willing to invest in our children's training and education, and it is estimated that we will spend 20,000 to 30,000 yuan a year. In terms of education, each family really needs to consider its own economic conditions.

If you can’t afford offline training courses worth RMB 20,000 to RMB 30,000 a year, you can choose to work online. If that’s not possible, you can teach yourself. No matter how bad it is, school education is not bad either. If there is no serious educational anxiety, the average child will not learn badly. Dabao has taken many training classes over the years, but his grades have not improved much. It gives me the feeling that it is worse than not doing well. Summary

If the family economic environment is not very bad and the family has financial resources, my personal opinion is that it is better to have a second child.

1. It is conducive to the growth of two children. Today's children, especially those in cities, have few opportunities to gather together and play. A child is inevitably lonely and has no interest in eating at home. The two children grew up together, played and learned together, took care of each other, and loved each other. For them, it was definitely a kind of warmth in the soul and a wonderful growth experience that even their parents could not give them.

2. It will help you cope with family changes in the future. Whether the child encounters difficulties, the parents encounter illness, or support the elderly in the future, two children have more advantages than one. Based on their blood relationship, they will support and help each other. When faced with parents' illness or support issues, they can share the burden and feel less pressure than an only child.

As human beings, having children and extending life are our basic needs. It is not ruled out that some people pursue the greatest realization of personal value and do not get married or have children, or consider their own financial conditions and do not want to make their life too tiring and only have one child. These are all choices that suit your own reality and are beyond reproach.

However, if you have the conditions and willingness, I still strongly recommend having a second child!

Based on your current situation, I suggest not. Because if you ask for it, it will either hurt your parents or you.

My mother-in-law, the National Day holiday also urged us to have a second child. When she saw that my husband's sister was also pregnant with her second child, she became very excited and started urging us.

In fact, our situation is not too bad. Now we only have to bear the mortgage loan, and then I will have the expenses of raising a baby by myself.

But because I take care of the children myself, I understand how tiring it is to take care of children and how much energy, money and material investment is required.

If there is another child, maybe as the old people say, I can still take care of him, but I feel that I will treat the child badly, and I can’t balance a bowl of water for fear of wronging the child.

My mother-in-law is similar to your mother-in-law. She likes to nag and like to listen to the wind and rain.

She actually has no bad intentions, but just like you said, her emotional intelligence is quite low.

When my husband and I first got married, she told me that the old lady opposite her said she wanted to introduce the girl next door to her son. If I hadn’t beaten her to it, maybe she would have married my husband. get married.

I am still laughing at my husband after hearing this. It was me who robbed you first, so you couldn’t get married to the girl next door.

If I have another one, I will most likely bring it myself. So I still suffered a lot from myself.

After thinking about it, I decided not to have a baby. I couldn’t give the child a good living environment, and I couldn’t balance the relationship between the two children.

I really don’t want to have a baby, and my mother-in-law likes to nag her, so I’ll leave it to my husband to talk about it, or we’ll have less contact with her.

In the old man’s concept, it should still mean having more children and more blessings. There is nothing wrong with them, and you cannot blame them blindly, because their understanding of raising children is to feed them and raise them up.

There is no need to insist on different concepts. Distance brings beauty, just like me now.

First of all, you must understand that having a second child is the right of you and your husband, not an obligation. You decide whether to give birth or not, what does it have to do with outsiders?

Not having children randomly is the most basic accomplishment for a person. It can be seen that you and your husband are both relatively sensible.

When you have a child, you are responsible for the child's life, so in my opinion, these conditions must be met before giving birth to a child:

1. There must be willingness and desire.

Children born with blessings and expectations win at the starting line from the very beginning. Because he or she is loved. It is said that the child already has the ability to perceive during the fetal period, and the mother's emotions will be transmitted to the fetus and stored in the child's subconscious mind. Therefore, the mother must have a welcoming attitude, rather than reluctance.

2. Parents must be mature and rational.

I have seen some young parents who only care about giving birth but not raising children. After giving birth to a child, even if they have completed the task, they leave the child to the elderly to take care of. The young couple are still playful and unwilling to fulfill their responsibilities as parents. There are also some young people who have low emotional intelligence, are emotional, and are easily impulsive. They have no patience to hit or scold their children when they are naughty. Or the couple has constant conflicts and quarrels every day. These will seriously affect the physical and mental growth of children.

3. Parents must have a certain financial foundation.

It is an indisputable fact that raising a child requires a lot of energy and financial resources. What many elderly people say is that "the children can be fed since they are born" has long been a cliché. Of course, this does not mean that poor people do not have the freedom to have children, but if your child only has food to eat and is not hungry to death, but when he is with other ordinary children, he always feels ashamed and has excessive low self-esteem because of the huge gap in life. He will "rise up in the face of adversity." How likely is it?

4. Have legal awareness.

This feeling comes from an incident I saw yesterday. Two days ago, someone proudly showed off her four children. She was bombarded by netizens who questioned her ability to raise them. So she wrote a long article and denounced those who "can't eat the grapes and call them sour grapes." I had no intention of watching the battle, but what she said later shocked me. The main idea was: The country is aging seriously, and she is doing this to contribute to the country. Oh my God, you love children. You should try to keep a low profile regardless of the penalty for having two children. To flaunt yourself like this is really not the most outrageous thing, only the more outrageous thing.

Returning to the main question, I would like to emphasize once again that it is up to you to decide whether to have a second child. Be yourself and don’t be kidnapped by other people’s morals.