Humorous adult stories and jokes

One day, the pig said to the bear, "Guess how many sweets are in my pocket?"

The bear said, "That's right. Can you give it to me?"

The pig must nod: "well, I guess I'll give it to you two!" " "

The bear swallowed and said, "I guess there are five pieces."

What are you eating?

Man: Honey, I'm back. Let's eat chicken wings tonight.

Woman: You still want to eat chicken wings. I just read a news in the newspaper that chicken wings are the place with the most hormones in chickens!

Man: Then eat pork.

Woman: Great. I still eat pork. Yesterday, I just heard that there are illegal traders selling fake meat!

Son: It's not good to eat vegetables without meat.

Woman: I heard that there are too many pesticides on food to wash off!

M: Then you can only eat rice.

Woman: Rice? How can there be rice without bleach now, huh? !

M: It seems that we can only drink the northwest wind.

Son: Yes.

Woman: Northwest wind? It is said that all the blowing is automobile exhaust.

Son: ......

Male: ......

One day, the rabbit was watching TV and went to a great place.

Suddenly I heard a knock at the door and went to open it, but there was no one inside.

"Hello, can I have some water?"

The rabbit found a snail at the door.

"no!" The rabbit kicked the snail away angrily with its foot.

A few years later, the rabbit watched TV at home alone.

The knock on the door rang again.

The rabbit ran to open the door,

The snail said, "Why did you kick me just now? !

Grandma educated her grandson: "Cover your mouth with your hands when you cough!"

Grandson: "Don't worry, Grandma, I just won't let my teeth fall out."

Let your classmates who laugh until your stomach hurts make sentences 1. Subject: When ...

The child wrote: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

2. Title: Among them

Children write: My left foot is hurt.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Title: One by one

The child wrote: After work, my father went home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Theme: Sadness

The child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, so sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

5. Title: Again ... Again ...

Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Title: Look.

The child wrote: What are you looking at? I haven't seen

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it.

7. title: prosperity

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

8. Title: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible.

9. Title: Innocence

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

10. Title: Sure enough

Children write: I ate fruit yesterday and then drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: Yes

1 1. theme: ... first, then ... example: eat first, then take a bath.

Children write: goodbye, sir!

Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

12. Title: In addition,

The child wrote: a train passed by, besides, besides, besides.

Teacher's comment: forget it if I die.

There was a traffic accident and many people were watching it, but a reporter couldn't get in. He had a brainwave and shouted: I am the son of the injured, please get out of the way! As expected, the onlookers got out of the way. The reporter looked at it and it was a pig that was crushed to death!

When I first entered school, the whole class introduced themselves. A male student stepped onto the platform: "My name is Wang Peng, from Beijing. I love playing chess! "

Then I went down. The next one is a girl. The woman shyly stepped onto the platform and introduced herself with trepidation: "I ... my name is Shakuyaku ..."

There was a man who kept a god pig. He doesn't want it, so he wants to get rid of it and send it back to You Zhu! Once he sent the pig far away, and later he called his wife and said, "Is the pig back?"

The wife said, "I'm back!" "

He said, "Call the pig to pick me up. I'm lost. "

One day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "1+ 1=?" Xiao Ming said,' I don't know. The teacher or: "Ask your family.

He went to ask his mother, who quarreled again and said, "Bastard. I went to ask grandpa again. Grandpa was watching TV and said,' Gangster boss. I asked my sister again. My sister is singing the national anthem and says, "Forward, forward! I asked my brother again. My brother ate ice cream again and said, "How cool! I went to ask my sister who was singing children's songs and said, "Tutu, open the door."

The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming 1+ 1=? Xiao Ming said, "Asshole." The teacher said, "Who taught you that? Xiao Ming said: "the boss of the gang. The teacher said, "What are you doing?" Xiao Ming said, "Forward, forward! After class, the teacher asked how it was. Xiao Ming said, "That's cool! The teacher told Xiao Ming to shut up. Xiao Ming said, "Open the door, Little Rabbit. The teacher fell down."

Mother and son went to the zoo and came to the iron cage where the lion was kept. Mother said, "son, don't get too close!" " "

The son replied, "mom, don't worry, I won't hurt it."

"Little pig and mother go to a restaurant for dinner. Piglet wanted to eat "braised pork intestines" and was scolded by her mother. "Are you sick? Eat your own meat? -Waiter, let's eat jiaozi! "

"What kind of stuffing do you want?"

"Pork and green onions."