Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Zhou Jin, a scholar's scholar.
Zhou Jin, a scholar's scholar.
Xue Jiaji is located in wen county, Yanzhou, Shandong. The village is small. There are hundreds of Hu people, most of whom are farmers. There is a Taoist temple at the entrance to the village. I don't know when it was built. Many houses have been built outside the temple, which is close to the water. It is estimated that many people lived in this temple before, but now they are down and out, and there is no incense. There is only one monk living in the temple, who usually cleans.
By the end of Chenghua, people in this village had a good life, became rich and began to engage in recreational activities! This year, several village stewards called to say that this year's Lantern Festival, asking everyone to go to buddhist nun to discuss it. So, the time was set on the eighth day of the first month. It's a deal, everyone is happy for the New Year! After the New Year, it will be the eighth day in a blink of an eye. Although the weather was fine in the first month, it still couldn't resist the biting cold. The villagers' representatives of Xue Jiaji rubbed their hands and gasped, and came to buddhist nun one after another. Shen Xiangpu followed several villagers to buddhist nun. As soon as I entered the door, I saw the Buddha statue and knelt down to kowtow. When the monk saw it, he said, "You should sincerely worship Buddha!" Shen Xiangpu looked back. It turned out to be a monk. He smiled and said, I am sincere, and you are a dishonest monk. Look, this Buddha statue is full of dust. You should be diligent and not too lazy. Said, and then worship, got up and said, you see the oil in the glass lamp is only half a lamp, at the age of 30, Xun Torre donated 50 jins of sesame oil to buddhist nun, did you eat it yourself? As he spoke, he called his father Xun who was sitting next to him. Yes The monk was speechless and said falteringly, I forgot to add lamp oil, which must have been made up later. Knowing that I was unreasonable, the monk took a lead pot and poured tea for everyone.
Xunfu is a rich man in Xue jiaji. His family has dozens of acres of land and some pavement business. His family is quite rich. He also discussed with some people in the village to get this dragon lantern, so he stood up and looked at everyone and said to them,' Everyone is almost there. Let's see how much money each household will raise to make dragon lanterns this year. Everyone said and heard what Father Xun said, so they heard it. Shen Xiangpu stood up and shouted, Wait a minute, what's the hurry? My in-laws haven't come yet. We'll discuss it together when he comes. At this moment, there was hurried footsteps outside, and a few steps reached him with the sound. The man had red eyes, a face like an iron pot, a few sparse yellow beards, a corrugated hat on his head, a long blue dress and a thick donkey whip in his hand. Walk in the door, see the crowd and say. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm late. Sorry, it's really hard to walk. So I walked to the table with my ass down. This man, whose real name is Xia, is the new general Jia of Xue Jiaji in the old year.
As soon as Xia Zongjia sat on the bench, he ordered: Monk, my donkey is still outside. Mi led the donkey to the back to feed some water plants. When we are full, I will go to the Huang family at the gate of the county to have a New Year's Eve dinner. Don't miss my business. Go now. Hearing General Jia's orders, the monk put down the teapot and said, I'm leaving!
When Xia Zongjia finished, he crossed his legs, beat his waist with his hand and said with a sigh,' I'm really not as comfortable as you in farming! This New Year's Day, you can live a good year comfortably. These government officials outside, as well as three classes and six rooms, all called people to send invitations for the New Year. You don't have to go, or you will be offended. Look at these days, riding a donkey to the countryside, my head is dizzy. I was blind when I didn't come. I fell off the donkey and my waist was almost healed. Shen Xiangpu quickly got up and rubbed his waist and said, in-laws, on the third day, I was invited to dinner at home, and I asked someone to call you. Are you here? Xia Zongjia looked at the crowd and said, I haven't been idle for a day. Go out to socialize every day. I only have two mouths. I can't finish this party. Everything that can be pushed is pushed, and some can't be pushed off. It's not dad Huang who invited me today. Although he said he was the monitor, he spoke in front of the county magistrate. He flattered me and invited me to a wedding banquet. I didn't go. He thinks I look down on him, doesn't he?
? Shen Xiangpu immediately nodded and said, It's this place, but I heard that Mr. Huang of Class Xi was photographed on a business trip after the New Year, and he hasn't come back yet, and he doesn't have any sons or brothers. Who will treat him when he buys wine? Xia Zongjia quickly said,' You don't know this, do you?' Actually, today's banquet was invited by Dad Li of Aauto Quicker class. It's just that dad Li looked down upon it. A lot of people were invited today, and they were put in Huang's living room.
After talking for a long time, everyone listened to General Hagar's question: How much will each family donate for this dragon lantern incident? Xia Zongjia said,' Actually, I don't want to take care of this either. I used to do this every year. You have been doing meritorious service for years, so you just want to sign up and write your name in this meritorious service book. But some people are too lazy to say that they have no money when it comes to collecting money. I don't know how much money they invested! So, I won't care anymore. No matter which one of you is the leader in the future, just let me know and I will make a contribution! I won't worry about the rest. This year, I will make a decision. And I said, what do you think? This old man Xun has many fields and pavements, and he is also a rich man in Xue Jiji. He pays 320 yuan for this piece of silver, and you divide the remaining 320 yuan, so you don't have much. Do you think this is okay?
? They didn't dare to disobey Xia Zongjia's words, so they all nodded, so they picked up a pen and paper and wrote the figures on paper so that they could figure out the account in the future. After feeding the donkey, the monk came out and brought some melons and fruits for everyone to eat. Everyone sat at several tables and the monk poured tea for them one by one.
? Shen Xiangpu sipped his tea and ate the melons and fruits taken out by the monk. While eating, he told everyone that the children in the village are now old enough to read and write. Do you want to ask a gentleman to teach them? This school auditorium is located in buddhist nun, where there are many houses. They said,' Yes, some of our children are old enough to learn. If we don't build a library in buddhist nun, we'll have to hire our own teachers. "How can we afford it?" We can't go to the county library to study. Xia Zongjia said: It's a big deal to ask this gentleman to teach and run a library. Where do you think this gentleman will go? Shen Xiangpu said,' Of course, we have to invite you to the county. "There are no good gentlemen in the countryside," Xia Zongjia thought for a moment and said, "There is such an old gentleman in this county". It's just a gentleman invited by Gu Laoxianggong in our yamen, who is knowledgeable. His surname is Zhou, official name. He is about 60 years old and learned, but he has never achieved fame. He has been teaching in Mr. Gu's home for more than three years. Last year, Gu Jia's youngest son was admitted to the exam, which was taken with Mei Sanxiang in our town. Master Gu was very happy, and later he invited a big banquet. His youngest son, wearing big red flowers and riding a big horse, marched all the way, not to mention how lively it was.
Master Gu invited Mr. Zhou to sit at the dining table. Master Gu and his youngest son invited Mr. Zhou for three glasses of wine and a famous troupe in the province to sing tricks for three days. All the prestigious people in the county came, and I naturally went that day. It was an eye-opener. Everyone listened with relish.
Xia Zongjia seems a little thirsty. He wants to drink tea from a bowl. Seeing that the bowl was gone, he shouted, Monk, where the hell are you? Pour me some tea. The monk sighed. He came out of nowhere with his big lead teapot. After giving Xia Zongjia tea, he gave it to everyone. The general manager drank the tea in one breath and said,' If you really want to invite Mr. Zhou, I'll invite him. You can give him as much as the museum gold, and Mr. Zhou won't ask you for more. Then he got up and prepared to go back. Everyone said, thank you, General Hagar. Xia Zongjia said goodbye to everyone and told the monk to go to the back and bring his donkey out. Xia Zongjia rode a donkey and went to Huang's house in the county to eat wine. They also went back.
A few days later, General Xia Jia returned to Xuejiaji, found his in-laws Shen Xiangpu, and asked her to tell everyone that Mr. Zhou promised to open a museum in Xuejiaji. The museum gold is 220 Liang a year, 20 cents a day. After the Lantern Festival, classes can begin on the 29th. Everyone who wants books has to pay, and everyone will share it equally. Xia Zongjia immediately rushed back to the county seat after delivering the message.
How time flies! In a blink of an eye, it will be the 16th day of the first month. Those who originally agreed to invite Zhou Jin to give lectures agreed to send molecular money to Shen Xiangpu's family together. Shen Xiangpu also prepared wine and rice for Zhou Jin. This is an opening dinner, so I invited Mei Sanxian, who has just been admitted as a scholar, to accompany me. Mei Sanxian arrived early, because she just won a scholar and looked special with a new square towel on her head.
Shen Xiangpu has already prepared food and drinks, waiting for Zhou Jin with everyone. Everyone waited for a long time, but Zhou Jin didn't come. Mei Sanxiang is a little impatient. Suddenly, he heard a dog barking outside. Shen Xiangpu smiled and said, "Zhou Jin has finally arrived." . Before everyone could say anything, Zhou Jin came in. Everyone looked at him, wearing a worn felt hat and long black silk.
? Shen Xiangpu saw Zhou Jin come in and hurried to meet him. Seeing Zhou Jin come in, Mei Sanxiang and others stood up and bowed. As soon as Zhou Jin saw Mei Sanxiang, he asked, Who is this "xianggong"? Shen Xiangpu said: This is a scholar who has just been admitted to our town. He is Mei Sanxiang, whose scientific name is Mei Jiu. Zhou Jin listen to not bottom go to, hurriedly didn't let MeiJiu bow to yourself. They persuaded him that you were old and could stand it. Zhou Jin repeatedly refused, and everyone and Mei Jiu were puzzled and said, Why? Zhou Jin said,' You don't understand the rules of our scholars' school. Famous people are not famous. No matter how old you are, you don't have to bow. This Mei Xianghong is a famous scholar. How could I be so honored by him? They said, "Today is different from the past. You are the teacher who opened the museum. You still have to accept this bow ceremony. " .
Zhou Jin saw that everyone said so, and he was embarrassed to refuse again. Mei Xianghong and everyone bowed to Zhou Jin and sat down. Shen Xiangpu said with a smile, "Let's have tea first: this tea is also exquisite. Except Zhou Jin and Mei Xianghong, there are two red dates in their teacups, while others' bowls are filled with green tea to show their respect for the scholars. After tea, Shen Xiangpu set two tables and equipped them, and Mr. Zhou took the lead. Needless to say, today is the opening banquet! Mei Xianghong took the second seat and asked everyone to sit down and eat in order.
Shen Xiangpu asked his family to bring all the cooked dishes to the table. There are also some good dishes on the table, including chicken, duck, crucian carp, stomach and intestines. Shen Xiangpu poured Zhou Jin wine and worshipped Zhou Jin with everyone. Shen Xiangpu said that Mr. Zhou was invited? Let's raise our glasses together. Zhou Jin gulped down the wine and everyone wolfed down the food. A table of food, more than half are gone, while Zhou Zhou sat there, didn't move a chopstick. Shen Xiangpu looked strange and asked with a smile, why didn't Mr. Zhou eat? I don't think it is bad. If so, I'll send someone outside to get some. Zhou Jin said at once: Misunderstanding, no! This dish is delicious, but as a vegetarian, I didn't tell you in advance. This is my fault, too. Everyone was surprised: Mr. Wang is not a monk. Why does he eat vegetarian food? Zhou Jindao: Many years ago, because my mother was ill, I made a wish in front of the bodhisattva, and it has been more than ten years now. Everyone said that except today, eating for so long is almost enough! Why do you care? Mei Xianghong said with a smile, speaking of fasting, I think of a joke! Shen Xiangpu said with a smile, are you kidding? Mei Xiang is fair: I went to Gu Lao's "xianggong's" home in the county town for dinner the other day, and he said that it was a poem of one to seven words written by the gentleman next door. Let me read it to you! Everyone stopped chopsticks and listened intently to Mei Xianghong telling jokes and listening to Mei Xianghong putting on airs. They preach: stay, learn, eat for a long time, grow a beard full of cheeks, don't open the scriptures, arrange them with paper and pencil, and come uninvited next year. After reading it, he said, look at such a great talent as Zhou Xiong. Do you think he will stay? Also, the scholar will be here tomorrow. He will eat for a long time, and his face is covered with beards. Needless to say, just look at it, and then he burst out laughing. They laughed together, and Zhou Jin was a little embarrassed. Shen Xiangpu quickly poured Zhou Jin a glass of wine and said, Mr. Zhou, I propose a toast to you. They drank it all at once. Shen Xiangpu looked at Mei Xianghong next to him and said that Mr. Gu's home was in the west, and Mei Jiuyi was surprised. I don't know, it should be punished. European punishment, I really didn't mean it, Mr. Zhou, don't take it personally! Mei Jiu went on to say that fasting is not a bad thing. A few years ago, one of my uncles also ate vegetarian food. Later, after taking an examination of fame, the teacher gave him some diced meat. My grandmother said that if you don't eat these diced meat, the sage will blame you. The older one said he would suffer, and the younger one was afraid of getting sick, so there was nothing he could do. My uncle had to open a fast house.
? Teacher Zhou, like you, opened the museum this year. Many of your students will give you some meat for the autumn festival. Are you going to eat or not? You'd better start fasting sooner or later. You'd better do it now, sooner or later. Everyone thinks Mei Xianghong said it well. He raised his glass and said, let's raise our glasses and have a drink. Let's drink to Mr. Zhou. Everyone picked up everything. Mr. Zhou raised his glass and thanked them one by one. After drinking, he was embarrassed to sit down. At this time, egg soup, a plate of steamed bread snacks and a plate of fried fire were served from the kitchen. They said that this snack is a plate of fire. Zhou Jin shyly took some snacks to eat this tea.
? Let's talk while eating. A man asked Shen Xiangpu that your in-laws didn't come today. Shen Xiangpu said, "He is very busy. He went to boss Li's house to have a good meal today. How can he have time to eat these here? " Another person said, "This boss Li is a red man in front of the princess. I'm afraid he will get 1200 pieces of silver this year! It's just that his family likes gambling, and it's not as good as father Huang in Xiban. Huang Lai's father used to gamble, but in recent years, his family has become rich. It is said that his house is as big as a palace. Many people are envious!
? Old Xun leaned in and said: Your in-laws have fallen in the past two years, and it is estimated that they will catch up with Huang Lao in a few years! Shen Xiangpu said with a smile: It's still far from him. It is estimated that it will take several years to dream of catching up with Miss Huang. "Mei Xianggong said while eating fire; To say that dreaming is sometimes accurate? Miss Zhou, did you have any good dreams during the exams in recent years? Zhou Jin laughed, but Mei Xianghong said, "I did it for a year when I was admitted. On the first night of the first month, I dreamed that a big sun hit my head. " It makes me sweat all over. When I woke up, I touched my head. My head is still hot. I didn't know why. Now that I think about it, there was a warning during the exam, and sometimes the dream was accurate. After eating snacks.
? After three rounds of wine, everyone ate almost, and it was getting dark, so they left one after another, and Mei Xianghong followed. Shen Xiangpu brought Zhou Jin a blue quilt and sent him to buddhist nun. When I met the monk, I told him to take good care of Mr. Zhou, told him that the children's opening place was in two rooms at the back door of the temple, and told her to tidy up and open in a few days. Orders were given to the monk, and it was already dark. Shen Xiangpu went back with the lantern in buddhist nun.
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