I'm in a bad mood and need a funny joke.

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, "I thought there was something in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole." Who knows that a fucking bastard passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two rolls. "

6. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant's nest, and the ants climbed onto the elephant one by one. The elephant ran around and the ants fell down. At this time, an ant was wrapped around the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted, "strangle him ... strangle him ..."

7. The blind man stuttered while riding a bicycle and sat in front to watch the road. Suddenly, he saw a deep ditch between Israel and Australia and stammered in a panic, "ditch ditch ditch!" " Hearing this, the blind man sang back: "Oh, oh, oh, oh!" " So they fell into a deep ditch to pull.

8. In the race between the tortoise and the hare, the hare ran to the front and the tortoise crawled behind. Seeing a snail crawling slowly, he said to the snail, "Come on up, I'll carry you." Then the snail climbed up. After a while, the tortoise saw another ant and said to him, "Come up, too!" " Even ants can crawl; When the ants go up, they see the snails on it and say hello to them. Do you know what the snail said? He said, "Hurry up, this turtle is so fast."

9. I drank with my friends two days ago and went to the restaurant bathroom to pee. When I saw a sentence written on the wall, I took a closer look. It said, "Stop looking and concentrate on peeing". After reading this sentence, I found that I peed my shoes.

10. A farmer drove his carriage to the market and met a hooligan at the market. The rogue said, "Hello!" The farmer replied, "Hello!" The rogue went on to say, "I said it to your horse." Then he smiled. Suddenly the farmer turned and patted his horse and said, "Bastard, don't tell me if you have relatives in the city!" "

1 1. Tortoise and snail live together. Once the tortoise was injured, he asked the snail to buy medicine for him. Two hours later, the snail didn't come back. The tortoise was in a hurry and shouted, "Shit, I'll die if I don't come back!" " At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: "You fucking said I wouldn't go!" " Ha ha laugh ... this snail is too slow.

12. Husband: "Why is the landline phone bill so high this month?" Wife: "Mrs. Wang next door once borrowed the phone." Husband: "Even once, not much!" Wife: "She has a stutter."

13. A group of students are training under the tree. The instructor said, "Count off in the first row." No one responded. The instructor said loudly, "Count off in the first row!" I saw a man in the first row, reluctantly turned around, walked to the tree and hugged it.

14. The teacher told a parent: "Your son copied the neighbor's test paper because they were all wrong." The disgruntled parent replied, "Maybe his neighbor peeked at him." Teacher: "No. I asked, "When did Napoleon die?" The neighbor answered' I don't know' and your son answered' I don't know'.

15. A psychopath sang in bed, turned over and continued to sing on the pillow. The attending doctor asked, "Just sing, why turn it over?" Neuropathy said: "Fool, of course, after singing A side, you will change to B side."

16. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! "College students answered the enemy's words and were electrocuted. He said, "I'm from TV University. "

go hunting

The husband is nearsighted. One day, he went hunting with two dogs, but he hung his head alone.

Go home depressed.

The wife asked, "Did you hit something?"

Husband: "Too bad, I didn't hit anything."

Wife: "What about the two dogs?"

Husband: "I mistakenly thought it was a fox and killed them all."

laugh at oneself

Koreans laughed at themselves and said, "In Korea, there are many people selling golf, really."

Few people can play golf. "

Americans laugh at themselves and say, "In America, there are many lawsuits against basketball stars."

Few people can really play basketball. "

Y fans said: "In China, there are many fortune tellers for the China football team.

Few people can really play football. "

God and the World Cup

One day, a Korean, a Japanese and a China went to see God.

Koreans ask God, "When can we win the World Cup in Korea?"

God: "50 years."

The Korean cried: "I will never see it again."

The Japanese then asked God, "When can we win the World Cup?"

What about the champion? "

God replied, "Maybe 100."

The Japanese cried: "Never again."

At this time, China people asked, "When can we win the World Cup?"

And then what? "

God cried, "I can't see."

Fan's answer

Wife: You care more about the game than about me and the children.

Dave: Who said that?

Wife: Don't you admit it? Let me ask you, when was our little treasure born?

Husband: On the day of the match between Liaoning team and Bayi team!

God's arrangement

Fu Geci, Sacchi, Passareira and Qi Wusheng visited God together and asked for help.

God said to Fu Geci, "Give you an Italian halo." Fuggets Tian Huan

I left happily.

God said to Sacchi, "Give you German will." Sacchi walked happily.

Yes God said to Passareira, "Let diego maradona be ten years younger, besides ..." "This.

That's enough. "Passareira interrupted the word of God and walked away happily.

Qi Wusheng asked, "Mr. God, what will you give us?" God meditates well.

For a long time, he sighed and said, "well, I'll turn you all into men."

Encourage players

In the first half of the football match, the team lost badly and most of the audience left. under

The half-court game is about to start. The coach encouraged the players to say, "Come on, guys, let's go down."

Our game is extremely beneficial to us, because our audience has already left. "

Return from hunting

The husband who came back from hunting called home at the station.

"Hello, is that Mary? Pick me up at the station! "

"How's the harvest? Dear. "

"Not bad. From now on, we don't have to buy meat for at least a month. "

"Did you kill a deer?"

"No, I have spent all my salary. Now I don't even have the ticket money to go home.

....."