Tell a joke ~

1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally became a road (deer)! ! ! !

Two tomatoes crossed the road and a car sped by. One of them couldn't hide and was squashed, and the other tomato pointed at the quilt.

Squeeze tomatoes and laugh: dig hahaha, ketchup …

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" ! ! "Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

4. The stone fights with the rice cake, and the stone flies and kicks the rice cake into the sea. ..........

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who secretly decided to live for life, but the boy needed military service, so he made a vow with the girl and gave her a diamond.

Stone ring, and promised to meet the girl three years later today. At that time, this ring will be used as a wedding ring. It's been three years.

Yes, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and ran away from home.

However, the boy has been waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date place and became an eternal legacy.

Alas, the boy was heartbroken ... A few years later, the boy went fishing. Guess what he caught?

Rice cake! ! !

5. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl?

Answer the boy because jiaozi has a foreskin.

6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became Xiao Huang.

Melon! !

7. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death …

8. Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn.

After the bird flew over, ...

I think it will be very cold if it snows. ...

9. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

10. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one.

A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: Tomb-Sweeping Day.

1 1. Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. Go for a while.

Maybe it's here. "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "Don't go ... you must find Plum ..."12. A girl was lovelorn, so I advised her: "Two legs.

Toads are hard to find, and there are plenty of men with three legs! "

13. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, what's wrong with you?"

What would be a silly child? "

14. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello?

(assuming they can talk)

because ..............

because ................

Because they are all strangers ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: Silence (silence).

16. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, who are you?"

Where does it come from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! ! ! "college students back to the enemy in a word, the result was electrocuted. ...

He said, "I'm from TV University!"

17.a: "I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras."

B: "Really? Where is it? Take me away! "

A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!"

18. Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "What do you admire most?"

Which hostess? "The audience said," It's you. " Ask Wang, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because.

You look a bit like Yang Lan! "

19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is?

Red, wrong!

It is white.

Look at Spider-Man's English: Spider-Man (a white man)

20. Why did Xiao Ming fall?

Please think twice ........................

Because the floor is slippery.

2 1. After the party, a group of animals rushed into the 7- 1 1 convenience store to buy things. Because it was too noisy, I was beaten by the clerk.

I came out, but I left the mutton alone in the shop. Why?

Convenience stores are open 24 hours a day. ...

22. The glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the bus!

As a result, the glass was hit by a car and the coffee cup was fine. Why?

Coffee cups have ears!

23. A horse said that our company has launched a new product, Ass 3, or MP3…… for short ...

24. I hate two kinds of people most:

First, there is racial discrimination;

The second is black;

Third, I can't count!

25. I want to thank madoka ozawa Gang, Ran Asakawa, Ai Nagase, Ryoko Mitake, Maria of Gao Qiao, Kawamoto Dance, You Mutong,

Natsume Mei Xi, Qin Zhi Zhi Zhi Mei, Shiraishi, Kudo Kwai, Xiaoshajing Zhenyou, Kishikawa Misui, Nishida Yuji, Zejing Yayi,

Fujisaki Ayaka, Noyama みづき, Chihiro Inoue, Yuki Matsumura and Quan Jingxiang, etc. I know the name and I don't know it.

Foreign friends whose names appear in my computer and are deleted or still in the computer: every night.

When people are quiet, accompany me through one lonely night after another; When I was at my worst, it was her.

The children came to comfort me at the right time; When I was exhausted from playing CS, it was they who made me feel unobstructed pleasure. In my depressed state

When fans don't feel it, it makes me feel HIGH ~

26. Now the accuracy of earthquake prediction has really improved a lot, only two words are missing this time: the prediction is in Heilongjiang, and the result is.

But in Jiujiang!

27. Jane Zhang said, "My fans say my idol is Ying."

He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay."

"My fans say my idol is Chang."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

28. Five Fuwa get together to chat.

Beibei suggested: Let's give ourselves a nickname. I'll call it Beva!

Jingjing: Then my name is Jingwa!

Huanhuan: My name is Huanwa!

Nini: My name is "Niwa"!

Yingying stood up and said, You can chat. I have something to do. I have to go first. ...

It is said that in 2058, five Fuwa got together to chat again.

Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me very much and call me "Mr. Bei"!

Huanhuan: People call me "Ye Huan"!

Nini: Everyone calls me Grandpa Ni!

Yingying: Everyone calls me Yingying!

Jingjing stood up and said, You talk. I have something to do. I have to go first. ...

29. When winter came, I decided to keep the habit of taking a cold bath, but after washing, I found myself changing back.

What is childhood like! ! !

30. Celery was walking when he suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Then he said "shh". What did you say he pulled out ~ ~

That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

3 1. There is a fat man.

Jump off the top of the twentieth floor. ...

It turned out to be .....

Fat man! !

Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread. It felt hungry and ate itself.

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer. It felt thirsty and drank it. ..

Once upon a time, there was a virgin who felt tired and let herself fall asleep.

33. Who is the ancestor of mankind?

It's peanuts because peanuts ~ ~ ~

34. Which ancient figure was a white-collar worker?

Meng Mu's Three Movements (Thousands)

35. Zhang Fei: "Stop the old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ ~ Drop your weapons ..."

36. How did the ants die after falling from the Himalayas?

Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …

37. The world's largest KB diary

Old bear was about to write a diary when he found that the diary had been used up. He wanted to go out and buy another one, but it was too late.

It is twelve o'clock. But he rode his bike and searched in the dark street. After searching for a long time, he finally found a bookstore he had never been to.

Yang went in. He likes a diary very much, so he asks his boss how much it costs.

The boss said in a low voice, "This is imported, and the price should be set in 70 yuan ..."

The old bear said, "It's so expensive, but I have to pay 50 yuan."

The boss said, "It doesn't matter, even if you are at 50 yuan."

The old bear said happily, "Thank you, boss."

The boss said gloomily, "When you buy it back, don't turn to the last page, otherwise."

Very KB things will happen, don't blame me for not reminding you! "

The old bear said, "Well, I see."

Old bear bought his diary home. He opened the package and put it on the table in front of the room window. At this time, he first thought

Take a shower and come out to write a diary. ...

After taking a bath, the old bear found that the window in front of the desk was actually open, and the wind blew away the pages of the diary …

When the last page was blown, the old bear stepped forward to stop it, but it was too late and the last page was blown away by the wind.

KB happened ... I saw the old bear let out a scream because he saw the last page, which read:

(Please pull down)

.............. pulls again. ...

Keep pulling ...

Well, I'm finally going to pull a little …

38. A peach was walking on the road and suddenly said, My heart is so hard!

A walnut was walking on the road and suddenly said, how thick-skinned I am!

There is a coke can on the road, and I feel bored when I walk. Suddenly, I said, I'm so coke!

A heater was walking on the road, helping passers-by conveniently, and suddenly said, I am so enthusiastic!

A key was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am Qu Yuan! I'll look up and down for that lock!

An electric meter was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am a scholar! Look for him in the crowd!

A tadpole was walking on the road and met another tadpole while walking. As he walked, he suddenly said, we are not QQ.

Ah!

A hawthorn is married and walking on the road. Walking, he suddenly said, my face is so red!

A hawthorn divorced, walking on the road suddenly said, my heart is so sour!

A hawthorn remarried and walked on the road, suddenly saying, I have a child in my stomach!

A tea bag was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be soaked!

A dumpling stuffing was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be wrapped!

A lighter was walking on the road and suddenly said that his stomach was full of gas and he wanted to get angry!

A cockroach was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am strong!

A thimble was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm on it!

An ice cream was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm cold!

A spider was walking on the road and suddenly said, I still want to surf the internet!

A fish was walking on the road and suddenly said, I like diving every day!

A Guan Yu was walking on the road, and suddenly he said, I rode thousands of miles alone!

An eagle was walking on the road and met a bear. Suddenly, he said, we are playing with the eagle and the bear!

A compass was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find the north?

An earthworm was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find my legs?

39. Once upon a time, there was a Simmons who closed her eyes and suddenly felt as if something was missing.

Thinking of hearing the doorbell ring, I opened the door and saw that the electric blanket had just returned from the meeting.

Simmons grabbed the electric blanket and said:

Brother ~ ~ You can come back, I'm freezing ~ ~ ~

40. A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in a mine.

The boss is American. He said to the Germans, "You have a good physique and are in charge of coolies. 」

He said to the French, "You said you were an engineer in charge of the mining plan. 」

To the Japanese, he said, "You are very thin. You are in charge of supply. 」

Then every other week, they start to work.

A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.

When the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out.

Shout out:

"surprise! 」

4 1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin, and the penguin plucks his hair one by one.

After that, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!"

When the polar bear heard this, he tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold.

! "

42. There is a hide-and-seek club, and the head has not been found yet. ...

43. Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaomei said: right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.

Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?

Because it's cold there ... ..

45. There is a snack bar selling jiaozi without business.

So she went to ask the teacher what to do.

The Lord said, you have to find a fresh corpse and wrap its meat into jiaozi.

Then sell it so that business will be good, but tell their family not to eat this kind of jiaozi, otherwise.

A lot of things will happen.

The boss tried it and the effect was really good.

So she went looking for the body again.

The next day, her son will bring a lunch.

But he couldn't find it, so he went to the refrigerator to look for it.

Found a lunch box. He thought it was his and took it away.

Unexpectedly, jiaozi was left by his father in the box.

He held it up at noon to watch the next jump.

The cross in the morning is 10. Why did it suddenly become five?

He tried to put the lid on again, then opened it, and it became two again!

You know why?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Because jiaozi stuck to the lid.

46. A lumberjack applied for a job.

Foreman: Try the forest ahead … See how many trees you can saw in a minute … ..

A minute later ...

Foreman: Wow ... 20 trees a minute ... amazing ... where did you work before?

Worker: Sahara forest ...

Foreman: I haven't heard of it. .......................................................

Worker: yes ... then I changed my name!

47. Wife: I am blind and will marry you if I step on shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ...

48. tell a story Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who secretly made a lifelong commitment, but the boy needed military service, so he made an oath with the girl.

I gave the girl a diamond ring and promised to meet the girl today in three years. At that time, the ring will be used as.

Wedding ring.

Three years later, the boy heard the news of a woman's marriage on the boat home. He was heartbroken and desperate.

I really threw the diamond ring into the sea, and three days later, the ship landed. The boy went to a small restaurant in the street for dinner. A fish was brought. He picked up

The fish bit a hard thing and spit it out. Guess what he saw.

Fish bones! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

49. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."