Looking for Articles - The Destruction of the Gibraltar Crusher

Let everyone be happy - the author

Note: This is the complete and unabridged director's cut, which is more nerdy and the jokes are more boring... Released upon request...

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Very good, ah, it’s right here, please freeze. Well, there is me in the middle of the picture. Sorry, you have to look closer. That little person flapping around in the air, whose head is hard to see, is me. Look further down, one...two...three...four...five, six, seven, eight, nine, these are my crew members. The one who is climbing on the beam of the front deck and calling is the cook. He is holding half a piece of wood and has drifted away. It’s the damn bulging-eyed old Joe. As for the others...please allow me to introduce them slowly.

As for the two-masted schooner, the Leboa, my old friend, the best ship I have ever seen in my life, oh, friend, say You won't believe it if I tell you. One time when she was competing with the "Whale Shark Destroyer", she ran a speed of 17.3 knots. At that time, I really felt that we were floating out of the sea. Of course, you can't tell how beautiful, elegant or swift she is from the painting, because all the sails have been unloaded into the cabin, and the foremast and mizzen mast have been removed and tied to the sides, leaving the bowsprit. Don't use the topmast and the topmast for other purposes - it's all thanks to the good idea of ??Drunken Old Joe. I want to spit on his face all the time. Of course, the one I want to spit on his face even more is myself and the guy in the dress. The man in the white robe, white hat and black cloak, I just hope that when his hood is lifted, he has a face underneath that can accept my spittle.

By the way, it’s hard not to notice the elephant in the room, right? Its bandit name is "Gibraltar Crusher". "Gibraltar" of course refers to the sea area it dominates, and "Crusher" because its biggest hobby is to crush the ships it likes into pieces with its thick tentacles. . Britain and France once put aside their grudges and dispatched naval fleets commanded by the "Hero" and the "Regent" respectively, aiming to destroy this huge monster and open up the Strait of Gibraltar. The fleet headed to the battlefield with great power, but the largest piece of debris it returned was only the size of a dining table.

Three weeks ago, a group of old friends and I booked a "Windsor Lady" to eat meat, drink wine and flirt with the waitress, in order to celebrate my ship passing through Doha Bay, which is known as the infamous Little Salgaza. , and then sneaked along the coastline and climbed across the Strait of Gibraltar, bringing back boxes of tapestries, pottery, silver jewelry and olive wood, as well as several Arab female slaves. Thanks to the crusher blocking the throat waterway, now only desperadoes like me are left who dare to use waterways to traffic large amounts of supplies. The income this activity will bring to us is enough to give everyone a two-year break. When we arrived at the dock, we unloaded the goods and entered the warehouse. As soon as we were done, we hurriedly greeted our fair-weather friends to wash their hands.

While the banquet was in full swing, the door of the tavern was suddenly pushed open, and a figure wearing a white robe, white hat and black cloak stood at the door. He paused, although his face was hidden deep in the Among the white hats, I felt that he looked at everyone present. Maybe I was neurotic, but I felt that he saw through me directly, not in a rhetorical sense, but in a genuine way. The kind that sees deeply into the darkest corners of the soul. The noisy crowd was stunned for a moment, and then began to boo, saying, "How can the glory of the church shine so brightly in the middle of the night?", "Young man, why don't you take off your robe and have fun with your sister", and "Here are all devout believers, and the ungodly ones are all here." It’s on the table.” I won’t repeat some of the more offensive words.

As the captain of the ship, I am of course much more stable than them. Firstly, because my old mother is a very serious believer. Every time my ship goes to sea, she has to pray at the port while holding incense sticks. He waved the stove around and applied some weird-smelling ointment on my body. I am a filial son. Although I don’t like this, I have been baptized since I was a child. In my heart, I have a lot of respect for the person above; 2. Although the church's prestige has declined in recent years, the Inquisition is still open for business after all. Every year, a few foolish men and women who unfortunately disobey people in the Holy See enter in vain and come out in vain.

I let go of Little Mary and Big Mary in my arms, pushed away the wine glass on the table in front of me, and shouted loudly over the laughter of everyone, "Dear Sir, in order to celebrate the rest of our lives in the sea of ??suffering, we are I apologize if I have disturbed you while we were eating and drinking." Seeing the look on my face, the crew and friends stopped talking wildly and focused on the wine, food and women.

The man in white clothes and black cloak spoke after a while. His voice was quite pleasant, full of rigid charm and decisiveness, and he used a tone that was used to giving orders. He said, "Captain Centoros, I have a business deal with you--" I was about to make a lot of money, and then two years of leisurely life, and there was no thought of taking on the business right away. While I was thinking about how to politely refuse without having someone sue me for disrespect, he continued, "——This is half of the reward, and the remaining half will be paid later."

You know how to get it? What's that in his hand? Let me tell you, the exchange draft issued by the Baldi Bank in Florence, and the Baldi Bank just opening an account and managing it every month is enough for ordinary people to feed their family for half a year. It is not a street corner savings bank for ordinary people to save one or two gold coins. . I squinted my eyes and looked carefully. The sea breeze over the years made my vision always hazy. I walked around the chair and took three or five steps, and then I could see clearly - the golden "C" on the money order was shining brightly. There is even a horizontal line that is shining! One hundred thousand gold florins. Do you know how much I earned during this trip to sea? This ticket was not even enough to shine shoes, and the wealth that King Solomon's fleet brought back from the Isle of Ophir was only this amount.

There was silence in the room, and I can guarantee that no one remembered to breathe. I didn't care to wipe off the oil and makeup on my hands, and I didn't have time to find my sword. I grabbed an unknown person's pistol on the nearby dining table. Without checking whether it was loaded, I rushed up to the bar table. , shouted, "Old Qiao, close the door! Xiaosan, Xiaosi, watch the windows! Scarface, Ladybug, put your weapons up for me! Other crew members, keep a close eye on them!" I stared at everyone, while The muzzle of the gun was turned back and forth, lest anyone act rashly. I continued, "We are all friends here today, but we are all in the same league. We can't guarantee that anyone will take advantage of the money and go out to find someone to kill us, so I ask you to stay a little longer and wait until I have negotiated business before letting you go out." "If the Lord has mercy on me and gives me ten gold coins per person," I turned to the bartender behind the bar and said, "A bottle of good wine for each person."

After saying a few words, before my men could collect their weapons, I waved for Old Qiao to come over, handed him the pistol, and asked him to take my place. I jumped off the table, walked up to the white robe, and shouted angrily, "You despicable, arrogant, conceited, and crazy mad dog, why did you show the money order in front of everyone? Isn't this deliberately causing trouble for you and me? If you If you haven't lost a single bit of your mind, please ask God to immediately send ten million crows to take your vicious soul to the deepest part of hell."

It took a few minutes for the white robe to speak. There was no change in his tone from before. Even if he got angry after being scolded by me, I don’t think he showed it, which made me even more alert. He said, "As God is my witness, if I have caused you any inconvenience, please accept this sincere apology." It was unusual for people in the church to be so tolerant. I suddenly woke up, suppressed my temper, and said with a smile, "It's nothing. , please forgive me for being arrogant." I was afraid that he would take advantage of the situation and quickly changed the topic, "What can I do for you? There are too many people here and it's not convenient to talk. Let's find a quiet place to talk. ."

I leaned forward from behind the bar and pulled out two bottles of good wine, took two clean glasses, and called the man in white robe to go upstairs. We entered the room where I was accustomed to spend the night, and I swept aside the knick-knacks on the dresser and brought in a chair from the next room. The two sat down in front of the table, and I took a moment to look him up and down, but his robe was so tightly covered that I couldn't see anything clearly. I poured two glasses of wine, one for him - he didn't take it, so I had to put it in front of him. The alert level was increased one level, people who don't drink are in danger - I took the other glass in my hand and tasted it slowly.

At this time, I heard the most terrifying sound, first a faint splash, then getting sharper and louder. When I turned my head, sure enough, the celestial phenomenon that all sailors fear most was right in front of me - —Seaspout. Two seaspouts formed right next to us. They swapped places like a court dance, spinning and moving closer. I took a deep breath and dived into the sea. The top of my head was boiling like water. I couldn't bear it anymore and then I surfaced.

The seaspout was already several hundred feet away, and the crusher was flying into the sky between them. I thought the octopus couldn't scream, but now I know I was wrong. It can scream, and its screams are very contagious. You can realize that it is not an ignorant creature, but a being with certain wisdom. It screamed miserably, its burning body crackled as it flew into the air, getting higher and higher, until it finally disappeared. The seaspout then disappeared without a trace.

The Taurus witnessed all this from a distance and came back to rescue us aboard. Miraculously, no one died. After arriving at the port, we told everyone what happened, but no one believed it. It was not until people discovered that there was no previous overlord in the Strait of Gibraltar that they accepted our story. Countries that rely on the sea regard us as heroes, and the United Kingdom even awarded me a knighthood. The man in white robe transferred the remaining half of the money into my account as promised, but he did not show up in person.

My crew and I, as well as the participants, have all become rich. Some people live a happy life, and some people sink quickly. These are normal. However, in the dead of night, I often think of what happened at that time. There are too many mysteries that need to be solved in the death of the crusher, and thinking too much about it always makes me feel very dangerous, lest I reveal some huge secret. For example, why has the man in white robe refused to show his face, why did the lightning come so timely, why did the crusher need to be anointed, why do the two seaspouts look so much like some kind of oriental appliance, and so on. I don't want to think about it, but I can't help but think about it. No matter how I think about it, I don't dare to draw conclusions because the truth is often too shocking to accept.