Repeatedly speaking the truth will breed “deaf moms”: Don’t be a twisted parent who makes language ineffective.

Language is a way of communication, but it is not the only way of communication, and it is often an "ineffective" way of communication.

"How many times have I told you..."

Have you said this?

How did you feel when you said this sentence?

In addition to the child being extremely disobedient, are there any frustrations, frustrations, and feelings of powerlessness?

As soon as this sentence is uttered, it proves:

——No matter what we said hundreds of times or thousands of times before, it is invalid. Every "information" we give to our children is ineffective.

We continue to use such ineffective methods. Are the children stupid, or are we stupid?

The first time I heard about the concept of "mom deafness" was in the book "Children: The Challenge."

The book tells a case of a conflict between a mother and her child.

Later, the child felt that what his mother said was boring. What his mother said about hers was not heard at all. Over time, he became immune to his mother's preaching and became a "mother-deaf".

If this "deafness phenomenon" is not adjusted in time, it will eventually develop to target all people who reason with him.

Such as teachers, leaders, and partners.

When talking about this, have you ever thought of any adult around you who has experienced this "deafness phenomenon"?

Do you feel like thunder is ringing in your ears?

Quickly reflect on yourself, have you caused "deafness" in your children?

Is the degree deep or shallow?

It’s time to turn around!

If you want to change your state of being ineffective in reasoning, you must first realize why our reasoning is ineffective.

For example, a child who repeatedly leaves his seat while eating.

We repeatedly said to him: "You are not allowed to leave your seat during the meal. This is very impolite. If you leave your seat, it means that you have finished the meal, and I will take your The bowls and chopsticks were taken away.”

But the child found that no matter how many times he left his seat, his mother would not take the bowls and chopsticks away, but would only speak to him louder and louder. It wasn't until the end that his mother really lost her temper, yelled at him and even stood up, and he would sit back obediently.

Then, my mother sat down and continued eating.

Have you found the problem?

The reason why our words are useless is because we are a "distorted" parent.

What we say and what we do are simply not consistent.

If after we have finished speaking the above paragraph, the child still leaves the seat, then we must follow this sentence and put away the bowls and chopsticks decisively, and there will be no snacks until the next meal. eat.

Let your children experience the logical consequences, and they will naturally understand what it means to leave their seats next time.

Some parents are worried about what to do if their children are hungry.

It is because of this, that, and countless unnecessary worries that make our words meaningless.

Instead of worrying about the child being hungry, it is better to worry about what to do if the child gets married and turns a deaf ear to what his partner says. If the marriage is not going well, the two of them will have trouble.

Besides, being hungry won’t hurt. Nowadays, most children are overnourished, and there are more children who "overeat".

To be reasonable, it’s not impossible.

Some things really need to be explained to children so that they can improve their cognition and understand things. When children understand, we don’t need to tell them the same truth over and over again.

It is enough to explain the truth to your children once or twice.

The "reasons" that we need to talk about repeatedly are not called truths, but called "nagging", and they are ineffective nagging.

For example: a child who repeatedly hits people with a sea ball.

In the playground, a child always hits other children with ocean balls. The mother of this child was very conscientious and repeatedly said to her child at the entrance of the venue: "Don't hit others with the ocean ball. It will hurt others. You can't play like this. If you hit someone again, I will pull him out for you." ”

However, after a while, the child still threw the ball at others. While his mother said sorry for him, she continued to reason with him and asked him not to hit others.

After going back and forth countless times, I finally met an older child. After being hit by him twice, I walked over and punched him, making him cry.

The child ran out to find his mother aggrievedly, but his mother said: "How many times have I told you not to hit others with ocean balls, but you don't listen! The same goes for the big brother. It doesn't hurt even if I hit him. Why are you still beating people? It’s so uncultured.”

The mother thought she was doing her best for her children, but if we think about it carefully, what did this mother teach her children?

These three cognitions will make children's values ????and outlook on life more and more biased.

To help children establish correct three views, it does not have to be done through special events on special occasions.

Children’s three views are formed subtly through such trivial matters in life.

In this matter, the most important thing a mother should do is to "act":

One action can lead to truth a hundred times.

Tell the children not to hit others, and they will come out if they hit them. When the child hit someone again, the mother stopped talking and went straight in to take the child out. Wait until the child promises not to hit anyone before letting him in. If he hits someone again, take him out again. If you play more than a few times, you will go home and will not be allowed to play again.

In this way, without our repeated nagging, children will naturally understand boundaries and rules, as well as the direct consequences of their actions.

In the example given in the second part of this article, the child who repeatedly left the table was training his mother.

Parents think that everything is under their control, but they don’t know that everything is just the opposite. It is all under the control of the child.

He can accurately predict all of his mother's reactions. After about a few laps, his mother will get really angry, and then he will wait until the moment before his mother gets really angry and return to his seat.

It’s not that the child is really afraid that his mother will take away his bowls and chopsticks, but that the child feels it’s okay, so he can stop here and continue eating.

When children define their own sense of value as "causing adults' anger/frustration", our hard days begin.

Because children will be obsessed with various similar things (such as repeatedly throwing clothes away, playing with rubber when doing homework, dawdling every morning), repeatedly challenging our bottom line until we get angry. , their value is realized, and this matter is suspended for a paragraph.

In this way, we and our children have entered a vicious circle.

Let’s think about it carefully, are there anything similar to being trained by children in our daily lives?

If so, you must reflect on whether you have said a lot of useless truths and done a lot of things that are inconsistent with what you said.

We must guide our children to abide by the rules of the family and the rules of society, rather than being trained by children in this way.

All kinds of parenting methods are auxiliary tools; only "mentality" is always the cornerstone.

When we educate our children, we must adhere to the principle of "kindness but firmness".

In the above example, when the child left the table again, the mother took away the bowls and chopsticks. The child may have thought it was nothing at the time, but when he is hungry, we must correct his attitude.

(1) Punishment - adding insult to injury.

If you take your child as an opponent and want to compete with your child to win or lose, you will say:

"Who asked you to leave the table during lunch? I didn't even I told you to put away the dishes when you left the table. Are you hungry now?

”

In this way, the child will feel not only frustration, but also sadness. He will think that his mother is adding insult to injury and that she does not love me at all.

If the child If the child has little inner strength, he will eat obediently next time, but his change is based on the fear of his mother.

If the child has strong inner strength, he will be more resistant and will not eat if he doesn't want to, depending on who consumes it. Who? ——Often when children become really stubborn, it is their parents who finally give in.

(2) Be kind and firm — no matter what, mom loves you.

We are not the child's opponent, we are the child's warm backing, and we are people who love the child from the bottom of our hearts.

When the child is hungry, we hug the child and say to him: "Baby, it feels like being hungry." Is it difficult? Do you want to eat some fruit/drink some water first? Mom, make dinner early, okay? ”

(In my family, fruit is not considered a snack.)

In this way, the child knows that we understand his feelings, care about his condition, and even advance dinner for him Half an hour. The child experiences the logical consequences of leaving the table at lunch, and at the same time feels the love of his parents.

The next time he eats, the child will not leave the table and deliberately anger his mother. Reflect your own value.

Because my mother will no longer be angered by his behavior, his value does not need to be reflected through such behavior.

This is a win-win cooperation.

Have you learned it?

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