Bad-tempered parents can't educate excellent children.

On the question of whether children are educated, this is not a problem inherited by parents, but Bao's father can tell whether children are educated when he talks to his children.

The attitude towards children, if it will make children feel disgusted, shows that parent-child communication is not good, some are parents' bad temper and their own habits, and sometimes it is wrong to vent on children.

From the child's point of view, I expect to have a parent with good psychological quality. Once the child makes a mistake, communicate in time, not beat and scold the child. This will make children feel that they don't have a good family and parents with very poor psychological quality. At the same time, it will also make children feel that they don't have a happy family, and they will take a different path over time.

At 0 1 on Sunday, I accompanied a friend to deal with my daughter's emergency, which made me have a new understanding of the importance of mother's temper control in family education.

My friend's daughter, a sophomore, went to the winter vacation cram school. After class at noon, she felt hungry. Because there was a class in the afternoon, she was busy going to have lunch and left her schoolbag in the basket of her bike.

When the meal was served at the dining room window, I remembered and ran out to look for it. The car is still there, but the schoolbag is missing.

In the schoolbag, besides textbooks, there is also a prize, Apple laptop, that her father rewarded her for improving her grades. Children with computers want to find teachers to download some learning software and materials.

My friend's daughter was having lunch with me when she called her. I accompanied my friend to find her daughter and looked at my friend with a dignified face all the way. I'm a little worried that she will lose her temper with her daughter.

However, my friend didn't lose her temper when she saw her daughter standing on the side of the road wiping her tears. Instead, he held her in his arms, rubbed her head and said quietly, it's no use crying. Let's solve the problem according to the procedure.

The slim girl stopped crying and took her mother's hand and said, let's go to the police station to report the case.

Accompany your daughter to report the case, make a record and sign it. My friend has always been calm and never blamed the children.

After reporting the case, my friend suggested that my daughter go to a nearby shopping mall to buy a set of notebooks and stationery and continue her afternoon class. My daughter agreed.

Before leaving, my friend also told her daughter: Don't be influenced by what has happened, concentrate on your studies, and believe that time can solve all problems.

My daughter nodded and waved goodbye to us, with a more positive expression.

Watching the girl's back go away, I turned around and looked at my friend who was still watching her back. I was a little surprised: "You are so impatient that you didn't lose your temper with your daughter?"

My friend smiled and asked me, "Can losing your temper solve the problem?" "I know I can't, but most people can't help losing their temper with their children in such a situation." The friend nodded, shook his head again and sighed: "How many parents can know that it may be that their temper ruined their children's future."

My friend told me about an incident she encountered when she took her daughter out for a trip the summer after graduating from junior high school. There is also a mother and daughter in the same tour group, about the same age. They were in the scenic bathroom halfway, and the mother asked her daughter to help with the bag.

When her daughter finished washing her hands, she put the bag on the sink. When mother came out, she also washed her hands on the sink. Both mother and daughter thought each other had the bag. As a result, the car left the scenic spot for a while and found that the bag was gone. I discussed with the driver to drive back to the scenic spot to look for it, but I didn't find it.

According to my mother, there are thousands of dollars in the bag. In front of the bus full of tourists, the mother flew into a rage and growled at her daughter, calling her a pig's brain and an idiot. She couldn't do anything well and was worthless ...

The mother scolded all the way, and the lost daughter cried all the way. Their mother and daughter are not in the mood to play, and the mood of the same car tourists has also been affected. The afternoon trip was depressed because of them.

During the next two days' trip, the girl who lost the packet has been depressed and obviously afraid that people in the same group will look at her. Her eyes are always dodging, and her body always has a feeling of atrophy.

My friend's daughter secretly said to her friend, mom, thank you for not scolding me in front of so many people. If you scold me like that, I don't think I'll be ashamed anymore.

My friend was frightened at once and carefully reviewed the way he treated his daughter. Although he is not so angry with his daughter in public, he often loses his temper with her because of some trivial matters at home.

Every time I educate my daughter by losing my temper, my daughter's mood will be low for several days. And I feel that my daughter is gradually starting to have a gap with her mother and is unwilling to communicate with her mother.

My friend is very happy to take part in this trip. She was deeply touched by what happened between her mother and daughter, and she was strongly aware that her mother's temper would have a great impact on her children, and might even cause serious harm to their body and mind and affect their future development.

So she made up her mind that she must control her emotions in front of the children in the future and never lose her temper.

After insisting on not losing her temper for a period of time, she found that her daughter's personality became cheerful and she was willing to communicate with her. Seeing that the child is happy every day, she is naturally gratified and happy.

This forms a virtuous circle, and there is basically no conflict between her and her daughter. She feels that her daughter is becoming more and more mature and sensible, and her academic performance is getting better every day.

The friend said with emotion, "Parents' temper may determine their children's future, so a mother who really loves her children must control her temper."

My friend's words reminded me of a colleague. Colleague is a smart person, and she can finish the work assigned by the leader well. But she never communicates with the leaders, nor does she take the initiative to communicate with colleagues. Sometimes the unit organizes collective activities, and she also sits by herself and watches everyone busy.

Colleagues talk about her lofty behind her back and even think she is proud. Because her professional level is indeed higher than that of ordinary colleagues, the leaders often praise her for her good work.

However, her colleagues of the same age have gradually been promoted and raised, and she still stays in her original position. Some units in the system know that people with her professional level have begun to complain for her and think that the leadership is unfair to her.

She and I live in the same community. Sometimes we go for a walk after work. We communicate more and get closer than others. Once the company gave out welfare, and she was on vacation at home, so I brought it back for her and sent it to her home.

Her husband is on a business trip, and the children haven't left school yet. She invited me to dinner, cooked some simple vegetarian dishes, poured two glasses of red wine, and we had dinner together. The taste of the food she cooked is not particularly prominent, but it is not bad, clear and faint, like her.

I asked her inquiringly, "Can't you cook?" Why tell your colleagues that you don't do housework? Let your colleagues think how lazy you are. "She told me some sad things about her experience.

She has a grumpy mother who often beats her. Mother beat her regardless of the occasion, sometimes walking on the road, or in public, if she said something wrong and upset her mother, she was dragged over to scold and beat her.

Someone beside me can't stand it anymore and wants to pull her away. My mother sometimes fights with people who want to persuade her, so no one dares to stop her.

Little students often witness her mother beating and scolding her. When she goes to school again, naughty students will learn from her mother's scolding and scolding her, so ashamed that they can't wait to find a crack in the ground. In the long run, although her academic performance has been among the best, she has become more and more inferior in the group. She always feels that everyone looks down on her and is dissatisfied with her. She is afraid to get close to anyone.

At the age of twelve, she watched her mother bake a cake and felt that she had learned. Once, before her mother came home from work, she baked a cake with flour and made egg soup like her mother. She is looking forward to being praised by her mother.

However, the first time she cooked pancakes, the noodles were hard; I forgot to put salt in the egg soup for the first time. Mother flew into a rage after tasting the cake and soup.

She can't remember whether her mother hit her that time, but she can't forget the words that her mother broke the soup bowl and angrily scolded her: "You are a person who can't cook. You dare to cook without authorization. This is showing off in an ostentatious manner. "

From then on, she never dared to stretch out her hand to do housework, for fear that doing something wrong would make her mother unhappy. After getting married, she didn't dare to take the initiative to do housework, for fear that her husband would think that she was not doing well.

She only cooks a few meals occasionally when her husband is not at home, and she is often afraid that her daughter will think it is not delicious. This kind of personality is naturally brought to work.

She said that sometimes there are actually many ideas to improve her work, but she never dares to make suggestions to the leaders, for fear that if she is wrong, the leaders will be unhappy.

Seeing that her colleagues had done something wrong, she was afraid to point it out for fear of making her colleagues unhappy. In group activities, she also dare not stretch out her hand to work, for fear that she is clumsy and makes people laugh.

Her personality, no matter how high the professional level, is hard to be promoted. She knows this herself, so although many people complain for her, she doesn't feel wronged. A gifted woman was ruined by her mother's bad temper.

Thankfully, this colleague realized the destructive power of her mother's bad temper, so she made up her mind not to lose her temper with her since her daughter was born.

She has always insisted on equal communication with her daughter. When her daughter does something wrong, she will talk to her daughter calmly and help her realize the problem. Sometimes she will show weakness in front of her daughter and help her establish self-confidence.

Her cultured husband agrees with her on this point.

A daughter who grew up in such a family environment will naturally not be as timid and inferior as her mother.

I met her daughter. The girl's behavior is natural and graceful, her eyes are calm and confident, and she feels very assertive after a few simple conversations. At first glance, she is a promising girl with leadership ability.

Ask, it was from primary school to middle school has been served as a battalion chief, the communist youth league secretary, very prestigious among the students. Her daughter once said that her classmates were surprised when she told them that she had never been beaten or scolded by her parents. Students don't know what it's like to have never been scolded by their parents.

It seems that there are not a few parents with bad temper. China people have a traditional idea: spoiling is like killing a son, and a dutiful son comes out under a stick.

We often subconsciously regard children as private property and think that we have the right to dispose of them at will.

Therefore, many people who are gentle and cultured outside come home and present their children with another face.

Scold lightly and beat again, regardless of what kind of adverse effects such an approach will have on children's psychology.

Therefore, in recent years, it is not uncommon for children to run away from home or even commit suicide because of domestic violence. Of course, most children will not choose to go to extremes. They choose to endure because of their weakness.

However, the influence of family background on children may last a lifetime. There is one thing in this world that is harmful and useless-losing your temper.

The same is true of educating children. My former chairman was a famous entrepreneur and educator. The 70-year-old woman has retired and settled in the United States with her son who has become a scientist.

When visiting relatives in China this time, the local county specially invited the old lady to give a free education report to thousands of local teachers, students and parents. She is affectionately known as Mama Liu. 15 years ago, she was "the first ten outstanding mothers in China".

There are many successful experiences in parenting methods. In addition, living abroad in recent years, being baptized by advanced parenting concepts, and constantly learning, many parenting concepts are more distinct. At the meeting, she hit the nail on the head and pointed out the taboos of many families on children's education. She appealed to millions of parents and friends in the field of education not to copy this problem to the next generation. She said: there is one thing in this world that is harmful and useless-that is to lose your temper. The same is true of educating children.

Why not lose your temper? 1. One point for temper, seven points for injury. Education experts point out that poverty will not lead to the failure of education, but mental abuse will certainly create a problem child. Letting a child live in mental abuse is like putting a chain of lifelong pain on her.

Many parents blame their children for being willful, disobedient and naughty. In fact, behind every problem children, there must be a problem parent, which is the iron law.

Children's problems are almost always parents' problems, but many parents don't want to see their own problems and always try their best to repair their children.

No matter how spiritual children are, they will inevitably enter a negative and pessimistic world after being mentally abused.

2. Bad temper can be inherited. What kind of environment, what kind of children Angry parents educate their children to be rebellious, suspicious, sensitive, fragile and aggressive. When children grow up, they are also very grumpy and demanding, and they are likely to have serious sexual metamorphosis and neuropathy.

When such children grow up to be parents, they will also inherit their parents' bad temper, and there will be situations of "venting injuries and copying violence". At this time, the next generation of children became victims of bad temper.

As Montessori said: Every character defect is caused by childhood misfortune.

3. Bad temper is the strongest killer of parent-child relationship. Bad temper makes children afraid to get close to you and open their hearts with you. They are always in fear and insecurity, and there will be various problems in their growth. There are many such examples: the bigger the parents' temper, the more stubborn their children are; The more frustrated parents are, the more difficult it is for children to manage; With the escalation of parents' temper, there are more and more bad behaviors of children.

There is a little boy next door. He is very naughty and difficult to control. Later, his father tied him up with a rope and beat him. The boy was not beaten and became a good boy. It was only in the third grade that he stopped going to school at all.

Parents' ideological education has fallen into a strange inertia-he thinks it is useless to yell at children, so he has to scold them; Scold "strength" is not enough, start playing; Later, he followed the principle of "killing a dutiful son with one stick"

In fact, he didn't know he was going in the wrong direction. The greater the intensity, the worse the situation. Adults should give their children more space, patience, tolerance and trust. Although it is a test of parents' endurance to watch children make mistakes without correcting them immediately, we should believe that children have the ability to correct themselves.

Human growth is a process of constant self-reflection and self-correction, and we should respect children's right to enjoy this process.

Ways to change bad temper 1. Turn tantrums into communication. Losing your temper casually is like littering everywhere, which is a very bad behavior. Children should not be trash cans for our negative emotions. It is better to communicate well than to be angry.

For example, if you see that your child hasn't finished his homework, don't make a hullabaloo about as soon as he comes up. He flew into a rage: Why haven't you written it yet? Just play every day! Wait a minute. Will children fail to do their homework because of this? Of course not, children will be more resistant to homework.

If you want to achieve the expected effect, you can say: I'm really sad that you didn't finish your homework on time. If you can finish your homework in half an hour, I will be very happy.

Express your wishes directly. If the child does this, educate the child with empathy and let the feelings flow naturally and smoothly. In this way, children are more likely to accept the advice and discipline of their parents.

"Reasoning education" in education is much better than breaking into a furious rage. Let the family be full of feelings and communication, not full of violence and reprimand.

Parents improve their temper, which seems to be to better educate their children, but in fact, it is themselves who ultimately benefit. When we learn to get along with our emotions, happiness and happiness in life will be within reach.

2. Meditate and really face your emotions. It is not the best way to suppress and control your temper blindly. Emotions can't be suppressed, and depressed emotions will eventually erupt in a more out-of-control state.

The real way is to learn to face your emotions sincerely and realize that your emotional management is not good and has nothing to do with your children.

When I used to do business, the old lady had a successful experience in dealing with her temper, that is, whenever something went wrong, she typed out her thoughts in front of the office computer or notebook. After all the anger, resentment and bad temper were written, my heart calmed down a lot.

This is not only an act of cherishing ourselves, but also a practical way to deal with emotions efficiently, which can make our minds free up more "memory space" to do meaningful things, and the effect is very good.

3. Learn to truly express your emotions and guide them in time.

I have a classmate who is recognized as having a good temper and never gets angry after becoming a mother. She said that she was never angry because she often expressed her emotions with her family.

She said that no matter what happened during the affair, whether it was scolded by the boss or misunderstood by friends, as long as she went home and talked to her lover, her mood would return to calm and she would never worry about bringing negative emotions to her children again.

Many people who can't adapt to the normal development of society as adults may be hurt in their families, leaving psychological shadows, leading to abnormal personality, unable to establish intimate relationships with others and unable to integrate into the collective.

Parents' bad temper killed their children's future. In fact, the vast majority of parents love their children and hope that their children can grow up healthily and happily and make a difference when they grow up.

Then, learn to control your emotions and don't lose your temper with your children at will. This is a lesson that every parent should learn. When you want to lose your temper with your child, ask yourself: Do I love my child?

If the answer is yes, I believe you can control your temper.