Chinese and English jokes

1. Money is not the problem, the problem is money!

2. If someone is drunk and hasn't satisfied me, I will hold the wall!

I am like a fly leaning against the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

4. Big Brother, do you know? The meat of the two brothers is more expensive than that of all the owners.

If fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you should at least eat a pair of whales. ......

6. Water is clear. Without fish, people are invincible.

7. Youth is like toilet paper. It's worth looking at, but it's not enough to use it ~

8. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

9. I have friends around me. Come and meet them, so I can sell my memoirs ~ ~ ~

10. Colleagues may be nervous when they go to see customers, and the first thing they say is, "Hello, Mr. Liu, what's your name?" Sweat ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

1 1. A girl student who was a little dark. Her boyfriend was a little too white. One day, she was suddenly blurted out in the dormitory by a poisonous tongue: "You didn't, you would have a zebra."

12. My elderly mother has always regarded handsome and money as dirt, and they have always looked at me like this.

13. Don't compare lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

14. I am not a casual person, I can get up, not a person.

15. God said that there should be light, and I said I opposed it. From the world, there should be darkness.

16. I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this and the first two. I'm done. ......

17. A person is a cow and hovers between A and C.

18. My great god's name, little Jesus, the English name of God, is Buddha's name. ...

19. People can't hang on a tree. Try to die several times in the tree next to it.

20. If the tree is not peeled, it will die; Shameless, invincible

2 1 .farmer 3 Boxing hurts a little

22. In fact, I have always been very popular: my children are cute now, and I love people sluts.

23. Not afraid of the tiger as the enemy, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

24. Go your own way and let others take a taxi

25. The mouse is looking for cats all over the street with a knife.

26. As long as you try to go deep into the stool, you are too serious.

27. China people, who runs fastest? It is Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because of that devil.

28. Think about how far you want to go and how far you want to go.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we really realize that they are "descendants of the dragon"

30. All's well that ends well.

3 1. Spring has arrived, and a flock of geese are flying north, forming a B-shape and a T-shape for a while. ..

32. Where, where to lie down

When I was a Hello Kitty, the tiger wouldn't yell at you!

34. Donkey is back with this idea ~

◆ Women who are fat or plump are thin, tall, slim and short, petite; Men who are fat or thin are all spareribs, pigs who are short and bamboo who are tall are all professors. Melon◆: 90% of adult women in China are not virgins. Other 10% who send letters to the host. Have you ever heard of this kind of woman? Popular girl shook her head. "So you didn't get the letter!" ◆ "How much do I love you?" "Almost a dime." "That's all?" "A dime is not' very' me?" You are creative and live your courage. Ugliness is not your intention. God loses his temper and lives. Without you, who will set off the beauty of the world!

0 1. The early bird gets the worm, and the early bird gets the worm!

02. I argued with a whale MM about whether it was a fish. Finally, I said, "To tell the truth, I'll take it personally," and she agreed that a whale is not a fish.

03. The iron pestle is ground into a needle, but it can only be ground into a toothpick pestle. The material is not good, and no amount of effort is useless.

If the answer is a virtue, then I will become a saint.

05. Life can't be like cooking. You don't cook until all the materials are ready.

06. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I was actually busy carving up streaking for 20 years!

07. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them play search.

08. There is an old legend that it is to see who will live forever in the beautiful campus of XX. ......

09. Can all the eggs in the world together break stones? ! So life should be realistic. ......

10. Not afraid of tigers as enemies, but afraid of pigs as teammates!

1 1. Summer is not good, and I can't even get a drink when the poor northwest wind blows ... No. ...

12. I have a pair of wings, but I don't use them in the sky, but in the stew pot. ......

13. The water is clear, and no fish is sent to the invincible base!

14. I am not a casual person, I can't be like a man.

15. Today, I talked about my school group visit-to be honest, this is the first time I said that I saw the clothes!

16. Think about how far it is, and roll away! ! !

17. I am poor, so are my servants, my gardener and my driver. ......

18. The bank toll collector said, "This is in line with international practice!" Wu said: "We should consider the situation in China!"

19. It is not necessarily the prince who got on the horse. He may be the Tang Priest; Anyone with angel wings is not necessarily, he may be a bird man.

20. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

The higher the score of 2 1., the farther the urine.

22. The minimum goal of students: peasant women, spring, a little field.

23. The name of a friend's girlfriend in my mobile phone is "He", and then they broke up and they became "It". ......

24. Nothing is not important to me, and nothing is not important to me!

25. Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

26. The Buddha said, "Looking back 500 times in the past life is only a passing time in this life." I prefer to exchange a world for 500 reviews of my life.

27. Should I love you to death? ......

28. The Internet is like a prison. It stole a wallet and came in, so you will learn when it comes out.

29. Angels fly because they look down on themselves. ......

30. I want to puppy love, but it's too late ......

3 1. Stone platform! You're from the old monk!

32.i love you! None of your business?

33. there is no limit to learning, and repentance is saved!

34. Life is fun, because life is playing with my old tmd!

35. In this world, I believe in two people, one is me and the other is not you.

36. I don't know whose bed-law, daughter-I don't know whose bed!

37. I wish I could personally control your grandfather's crying: Dad!

Nut cheated me in college for four years, so I'm going to teach me about cheating grilli's social life!

39. I have friends around me. Come and meet them, so that I can sell my memoirs ~ ~ ~

40. When you put on love and wedding, and I put on a robe. ......

4 1. Never seen such a disgusting school-the mid-term exam is scheduled for May 8th! ! ! (cover up)

42. Prices are getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer good men. ......

43. If I become emperor, I will make you a prince!

44. I have a friend whose girlfriend's name is "He" in her mobile phone. Later, they broke up and they became "It". ......

45. Never being a good student is a strong and reliable quality!

46. Damn it, I've been complained! The client said that the mp3 file I gave him had no image!

47. Life is sometimes like a eunuch * * * it-resistance is painful, and it is still painful if you don't resist!

48. Reduce the number of girls to six behind boys!

49. The east says it rains in the west, and I am a passionate and heartless teacher. So when I pass this exam, I have to work with my classmates!

50. What a strange hug, when you are so close, you can't see each other's faces.

1. Money is not a problem, but no money!

2. I am drunk and won't accept anyone, just hold the wall!

I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

4. You know what, big brother? Second brother's meat is now more expensive than master's.

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you should eat at least a pair of whales. ...

6. Clear water leads to no fish, while mean people lead invincible.

7. Youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough to use ~

8. Being pregnant is just like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

9. Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well ~ ~ ~

10. Colleagues may be nervous when they meet customers. As soon as they opened their mouths, they said, "Hello, Miss Liu, what's your name?" Sweat ~ ~ ~ ~

1 1. A female classmate is a little black and her boyfriend is a little white. One day, the poisonous queen in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this. You'll have zebras."

12. I always treat handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

13. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

14. I am not a casual person. I am not a casual person.

15. God said there should be light, and I said I opposed it. From then on, the world was dark.

16. I am in a bad mood today. I only have four sentences to say, including this one and the first two. I quit. ......

17. To be a man, you must be a person who wanders between A Niu and Niu C.

18. My name is God, my name is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata. ...

19. People can't hang themselves from a tree, but try to die several times in several nearby trees.

20. If you don't peel the bark, you will die. People are shameless and invincible in the world.

2 1. The farmer's three punches hurt a little.

22. In fact, I have always been very popular: everyone loved me when I was a child, and now I am a bitch.

23. Don't be afraid of enemies like tigers, but teammates like pigs.

Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

25. Rats are looking for cats all over the street with knives.

26. As long as you work hard, you shit seriously.

27. Who runs fastest in China? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because speaking of the devil.

28. You can go as far as you want.

29. Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

30. Lovers form families.

3 1. Spring comes, and a flock of geese fly north, forming a B-shape for a while and a T-shape for a while. ..

32. Lie down where you fell.

33. If the tiger doesn't show off, you can treat me as HELLO KITTY!

34. Donkeys can look backwards ~

◆ Women are plump, thin, slim, tall, slim, short and petite; Men are fat, pigs are thin, ribs are tall, bamboo poles are short, and wax gourd Professor: 90% of adult women in China are not virgins. The president sent a letter to the other 65,438+00% women. Have you ever heard of this? The girls shook their heads. "So you didn't get the letter!" ◆ "How much do you love me?" "Almost a dime." "Is that all?" "Isn't a dime ten dollars?" You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention. God lost his temper. If you live, who will set off the beauty of the world without you!

0 1. The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird!

02. Arguing with MM about whether a whale is a fish, I finally said "I also bring a personal word", and she agreed that a whale is not a fish.

03. The iron pestle can be ground into a needle, and the wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

If the answer was a virtue, I would have become a saint.

05. Life can't be like cooking. You can't cook until all the materials are ready.

06. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years!

07. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them take a taxi to find it.

There is an old legend that people who can see beautiful women in XX campus will live forever. ...

09. Can eggs from all over the world unite to break stones? ! So be realistic. ...

10. Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs!

1 1. Summer is just not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind. ...

12. I used to have a pair of wings, but I didn't use them to soar in the sky, but put them in a pot to stew soup. ...

13. Clear water means no fish, while mean people mean invincible!

14. I am not a casual person. I am not a casual person.

15. Today, a group of Japanese people visited our school-to be honest, this is the first time I have seen Japanese people wearing clothes!

16. How far away your thoughts are, how far you go! ! !

17. I am poor, and so are my servants, gardeners and drivers. ...

18. When the bank charges, it says, "This is in line with international practice!" When he was in service, he said: "We must consider China's national conditions!"

19. It is not necessarily a prince riding a white horse, he may be Tang Priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

20. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

2 1. Stand higher and pee farther.

22. The minimum goal of a college student: a peasant woman, a mountain spring and a little field.

23. My friend's name in his girlfriend's mobile phone is "He", and later they broke up and became "It". ...

24. Don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do!

25. Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

26. Buddha said: "Looking back 500 times in previous lives, you will get a pass in this life." I would rather pass the world by 500 times in my life.

27. What can I do to kill your lover ...

28. The Internet is like a prison. You stole a wallet in, but you know everything when you go out.

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves. ...

30. I want to puppy love, but it's too late ...

3 1. Teacher! Just follow that old woman!

I love you! What do you care?

33. There is no limit to learning the sea, and turning back is the shore!

34. Life is interesting, because life always fucking plays with me!

I only trust two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

36. I don't know whose wife is in my bed, and neither does my wife!

37. I really want to call your grandfather in person: Dad!

38. Beijing University of Science and Technology cheated me for four years, so I plan to cheat the society with the knowledge taught by Beijing University of Science and Technology for life!

39. Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well ~ ~ ~

When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's cassock. ...

4 1. Never seen such a disgusting school-set the mid-term exam on May 8th! ! ! (hidden)

42. House prices are getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer good men. ...

43. If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince!

44. My friend's name in his girlfriend's mobile phone is "He", and later they broke up and became "It". ...

45. I have never been reduced to an excellent college student, relying on strong quality!

46. Shit, I've been complained! The client said that the mp3 file I gave him had no image!

47. Life is sometimes like being * * * by a eunuch-resistance is pain, not resistance is still pain!

48. Reduce the number of boys behind each girl to six!

49. It rains in the east and rains in the west, and the tutor is heartless. So I will fight with my classmates in the exam!

50. Hugging is really a strange thing. We are so close, but we can't see each other's faces.