Complete works of jokes suitable for New Year's Day party.

1. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

2, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

Twenty years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Depend on your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

1, unreasonable arithmetic

The arithmetic teacher said, "Here are 10 pears. I ate six, how many are left? " A greedy student replied, "I think we should eat the rest together."

2, rounding

Zaizai came back from school in high spirits and asked his mother, "Where's Dad?" Mother saw Zaizai's excitement and asked strangely, "Is Dad at home? What do you want with dad? " "I asked my father for fifty cents." "Why?" Mom asked. "Before taking the math test, my dad told me,' If I get a score of 100, I'll get 1 yuan, and 80 will be given to 8 cents.' Today, I got 45 points in math. "Aberdeen replied. My mother was surprised and asked, "What! Only 45 points in math? Zaizai proudly said, "Yes, it takes 4 points to give up math, and 5 points for math, so dad has to pay 50 points." "

Step 3 capitalize

A fashionable girl walked into the remittance office of the post office, filled out the money order and handed it to the clerk. When the clerk saw it, he returned the bill and said, "The figures should be capitalized." The girl cocked her head and said, "Capitalized? The grid is so small, how can I write big? "

4. There is nothing wrong.

Min Min: "How to write 7+3= 10, 7+3= 1?" Baby: "I just didn't write 0 at the end!" " Min Min: "That's wrong! "The baby said," 0 doesn't mean anything. "

5. Wu Zetian

In history class, the teacher asked, "Who knows who Wu Zetian is?" Student: "Wu Zetian is a mathematician. Five days later, she will be the great mathematician who invented rounding."

Step 6 wait for the bus

"Dad, the No.4 bus is coming!" "Fool, that's not No.4, it's No.31!" "The teacher said, 3+ 1=4!" The little boy said confidently.

7. That's the difference.

Teacher Fang asked Axi in math class, "What's the difference between one-half and one-eighth?" Asi didn't answer. Teacher Fang said, "Think about it. If you had to choose half an orange or eight sixteenth oranges, which one would you choose? " Axi: "I must have half." "Why?" "A lot of orange juice has been squeezed dry when the oranges are divided into one sixteenth, don't you think so, teacher?"

8. Checking calculation

During the exam, a student took out the dice and shook out ten multiple-choice answers.

At last he suddenly took it out and shook it.

The invigilator finally couldn't bear it: "What are you doing?"

The student replied, "I'm checking."

9, rounding

Zaizai came back from school in high spirits and asked his mother, "Where's Dad?" Mother saw Zaizai's excitement and asked strangely, "Is Dad at home? What do you want with dad? " "I asked my father for fifty cents." "Why?" Mom asked.

"Before taking the math test, my dad told me,' If I get a score of 100, I'll get 1 yuan, and 80 will be given to 8 cents.' Today, I got 45 points in math. "Aberdeen replied.

My mother was surprised and asked, "What! Mathematics is only 45 points? " Zaizai proudly said, "Yes, it has to be rounded off mathematically, so Dad has to pay 50 cents."

10, multiplication table The teacher found a student's name in the exercise book: Mu (1+2+3).

The teacher asked, "Whose exercise book is this?" A student stood up and said, "It's mine!" Teacher: "What's your name?" Student: "Mulinsen!" Teacher: "Then how did you write your name like this?" Student: "I used multiplication and division!" " "