Find a joke to make peace.

1, I want to go back to school to sweep the grave, where I buried my youth for more than ten years!

2. As long as you are courageous, Qingming has nine days off; As long as you are awesome enough, you will have a holiday until May Day; The will is not fragile, and the holiday is at the end of the term; If it is evil again, there will be no classes in the university.

3. Tomb-Sweeping Day has arrived! Ah! Think twice about your relatives during the festive season.

4. What is April Fool's Day confession? Tomb-Sweeping Day confession is king! Because ... if it's rejected ... you can say that ... Ah, I was possessed just now.

Yesterday, my husband went home and took a bundle of paper money, one meter high, to burn paper for his parents there.

I asked, "Why did you buy so many?"

He said: "Now the price is so high, there will be price increases."

6. After coming back from ancestor worship, some people dream that their ancestors are crying every night. I couldn't stand it, so I asked someone to help me.

The master pinched his finger and exclaimed, "You are evil, offering sacrifices to your ancestors with dyed steamed bread and meat mixed with lean meat."

1, entertainment star tourist: "I want an emergency exit seat."

Employee: "Sorry, it's gone."

Passenger: "change it."

Employee: "Can't change it."

Passenger: "Do you know who I am?"

Employee: "It's cloudy today, and you are wearing sunglasses. I don't know you. "

The passenger took off his sunglasses angrily.

The employee looked at it carefully for a long time and said, "Sorry, I don't know. . . You'd better put it on. "

2. The cashier Xiaoli recently pressed a family photo under the desk glass.

The accountant came to check the accounts that day and asked Xiaoli after seeing the photos: "This is a family photo of your family!" " "

Xiaoli: "Hmm"

Accountant: "Is this you?"

Xiaoli: "Hmm"

Accountant: "Who is this person next to you?"

Xiaoli: "My brother."

Accountant: "Oh, which one of you is older?"

Xiaoli. . .

3. Four people learn to drive together, including three MM and a big brother.

Stop after starting, there is a problem with the coordination of the 1 MM oil separator, and the car jumps.

The coach, a female teacher, said, "Yo, you are hanging a rabbit block!" "

4. A man came to the mall drunk, stood in front of a counter and said, "I want to buy an ashtray, bring it to me quickly."

The waiter reminded him, "Sir, this is an inkstone, not an ashtray."

The drunk pointed to another thing and said, "I want that cigarette."

The waiter said awkwardly, "That's not a cigarette, it's a brush."

The drunk added, "I want it, sir." . . "

The waiter smiled and said, "I'm not a gentleman, I'm a lady."

1. A husband and wife work in the same company, and the husband is his superior.

When I got up this morning, my wife heard the sound of dripping water from the kitchen faucet and asked her husband, "Why didn't you turn off the faucet last night?"

The husband kept his mouth shut and said, "It's closed, but it's not closed tightly."

At work time, my husband organized a meeting for everyone and asked not to answer the phone during the meeting. As soon as the voice fell, his wife's cell phone rang, and a group of employees were watching how he handled it. . .

He stepped forward and asked, "Why don't you obey the discipline and turn off your cell phone?"

The wife said, "I turned off my cell phone."

Husband: "Why is it still ringing when it is turned off?"

Wife: "Never mind!"

Several old people in the street are about to retire. On this day, a group of people are chatting. One of them has been retired for four years, and everyone asks, "Is it good to retire?"

The old man smiled and said, "The first two years were very good."

They asked, "What about the next two years? Not good? "

The old man frowned and said, "My wife has also retired in the last two years."

The cosmetics counter in the shopping mall is having a promotion. The wife was very moved and said to her husband, "Dear, I want to buy eye cream, mascara and eyeliner."

My husband took a look and said, "I don't think it's necessary!" " "

The wife said with a straight face, "I feel bad about money!" " "

Husband: "You clearly know how much I pay. You don't need to make your eyes so sharp! " "

A man went to a witch and said that he had been tortured by a terrible spell for many years. He asked the witch if she could help him remove it.

The witch rolled her eyes and said, "Of course, but I must know what the spell is first."

The man sighed and said in dismay, "I remember clearly that the spell was:' You have completed the legal procedure, and I declare you husband and wife. "

1, every grass and tree is a soldier and said to the recruiter: I heard that you need manpower? I have many brothers here, and they are all obedient to you.

Recruit soldiers and say to all the grass and trees: I really dare not do anything with your brothers, let alone have weak combat effectiveness. If people attack with fire, it is all over!

2, starting from scratch, said to the old man: You have found a satisfactory object for painting the interior wall, and the couple are kind and loving, which really makes me envy!

Don't worry, young man, we all struggled out of your poor days. You have this ability to make steamed bread, and sooner or later, girls will take a fancy to you.

3. Gossip that catches the wind and shadows: I have the strength to work hard, but I really can't find a better job. Being a porter is really tiring. It's really heavy

Catch the wind and tell gossip, brother, my job is not easy either. Although the wind shadow is light, I can never catch it.

I said to the thief: I said it was so dark that I couldn't see anything at once. So your boy did a good job.

Stealing the day, he said to the gloom: this is a big business, I can't do it. Spring has arrived, and the sandstorm is chaotic.

5. Words are like pearls. You can even eat words. Is it high in calories or delicious?

Chewing the text, I said to the text: just so-so, I just look at the beauty function of Chinese characters. Sister, you know this better than I do.

Funny words are funny.

1. In ancient times, there were two brothers, the old rich and the young poor.

The younger brother asked his younger brother, "How come you are so rich?"

My brother replied, "I killed pigs and sheep and sacrificed eight feet to the god of the earth, which is why I am today."

The younger brother told his wife what he said, and the wife said, "We have two eight-legged stools in our house, which can be counted as pigs and sheep offering sacrifices to the earth god."

The younger brother thought it was right, so he raised his stool and worshipped the land god devoutly.

The land god was furious and scolded, "How can a stool be eaten?"

The landlady came out to make amends: "Forget it, although I can't eat, I'd better stay."

2. The rich man called the debtor and said, "If any of you can't pay your debts, you can swear to me and tell me how to pay them back in the afterlife, and I will burn the debt and not pay it back."

Those who owe less said, "I would like to be a horse in my next life and ride for my master to pay off debts."

The rich man nodded and burned the iou.

People who owe a little more say, "I would like to be a cow in my next life." The master also nodded.

The person with the most debts said, "I would like to be your father in the next life."

Hearing this, the rich man was furious, and the man quickly explained, "I owe too much debt, and I can't pay it off by turning an ox into a horse, so I'd rather be your father, be a big official, make a fortune and leave a fortune for you to enjoy, so that I can pay you back?"

The rich man came to collect debts, and the debtor's wife came out and said, "You came at a bad time. My husband just went out. "

The rich man said, "Yes, I met him outside the door. He told me that the money is at home and you go to my wife. "

At this time, the debtor rushed out of the house and scolded, "liar!" When did I say that? "

4. In ancient times, there was a county magistrate who liked to brag. His subordinates were all passive to him, Nuo Nuo, and he was Nuo Nuo. One day, the county magistrate was very angry and said to his subordinates, "Yesterday, a group of robbers came after me. The bandit leader cut my mount in half with one knife, so I had to ride the first half of the horse. "

Subordinate to see the county magistrate blown out of focus, unable to echo, all silent with your eyes open.

The county magistrate was furious and asked loudly, "What, you don't believe it?"

A subordinate replied in a low voice, "My Lord, your horse's ass is gone. Where can I shoot? "