20 words of humor

There are 20 words in Humor Encyclopedia, and we can often hear all kinds of contents in our life. Many contents contain different meanings in all aspects, some are philosophical sayings, and some are entertainment jokes. The following are 20 words in the joke humor encyclopedia.

A loyal party member died. God didn't want to know the soul of an atheist in heaven, so he sent him to hell. A month later, the prince came sweating and said, "Take that man away quickly. He has trained almost all my children to be young pioneers! " God understood, and after another month, the prince gloated and asked God, "What happened to that party member?" God said, "First of all, please call me * * ..."

2. The history teacher said: The order of unifying the six countries in the Qin Dynasty can be recorded as: Call Zhao Wei to action! (Zhao Han Weichu Yanqi)

Giraffe said: Rabbit, I hope you can know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what I eat delicious, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. The rabbit looked at him blankly. In summer, rabbit, cold water slowly flows through my long neck. It's delicious. What a long neck! Rabbit, can you imagine? The rabbit said slowly, did you throw up?

It is said that the sandstorm blew to Taiwan Province province. Many old people took to the streets, spread out their hands, looked up at the sky, burst into tears, took a deep breath and said excitedly, for many years, for many years, they finally smelled the soil in their hometown.

Before getting married, I think boys are the most handsome when they play basketball. After marriage, I suddenly found that it is the most exciting thing for men to cook, wash dishes and clean up the house!

6. What is a brother? Brother, you are lying in bed when you are old. I asked you to drink water. You shake your head. Eat fruit? You still shake your head. I asked again: Find a girl for you? You open your eyes with tears in your eyes. Brother, help me up and try.

7. I had an opportunity to add clothes before, and I didn't cherish it until I caught a cold. If God gives me another chance to start over, I will not hesitate to add all my clothes.

8. The National Development and Reform Commission will raise the price of gasoline and diesel by RMB per ton from 0: 00/month 1 day. After receiving the news, people all over the country said that the price increase of oil products does not include waste oil, so it has little impact on real life.

9. On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, Don't you know I'm pregnant? See that person says nervously only: "the child is not mine!" "

10, Xiao Di MM has a swimming class for the first time. An hour later, she said to the coach, "I think, is today the day to practice there?" "Why?" "I really can't drink any more."

1 1, Weaver Girl went down the mountain to take a bath and got to know Cowherd, and interpreted an emotional story that made the gods cry. This tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, so it is necessary to take a bath outside.

12, Jing m Guo, a seven-foot man; Chris Lee, a good family; Model husband Yang Zhenning; Have a pure heart and want nothing; Wu Ailan, a chaste and heroic woman; The United States is in dire straits; Democratic and free Korea, the origin of the world is South Korea.

13, a child asked a rich man: Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: I had nothing like you when I was a child. My father gave me an apple, so I sold it, bought two more apples with the money I earned, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. Mr. Millionaire said: You know your sister, and then my father died, and I inherited all his inheritance.

14, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

15. When the bull was running, he saw a cow grazing on the roadside and said to the cow eagerly, "Run, the expert is coming." Niu: "What are you afraid of when experts come? Aren't experts human? " Niu: "Experts are bragging at the moment." The cow was frightened, so Huan Zi ran to the bull and asked, "Experts brag, you are a bull. What are you afraid of? " The bull said, "You really don't know. At present, experts can not only brag but also pull eggs. "

16, the woman is ugly and can't get married, expecting to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. When the kidnapper brought it back, she insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, the car is not good!

17, Judge: Why do you want to print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently: because I can't print real money!

18 patient: "doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

19 years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm hungry. "

20. Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. She felt that there were too many pimples on her face, so she sliced it herself and applied it to her face.

2 1. When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone has a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and that damn diligent little man was killed.

At night, a masked gangster broke into Mike's house with a knife. He shouted to Mike, "Give me all your money, or I'll kill you!" " Mike looked at the gangster and said helplessly, "I'm sorry, I've been unemployed for half a year, and I have no money to give you." The gangster was furious: "you lazy bastard, I just lost my job last month and have been robbing outside this month!" " "

23. I saw her with a shy face and a lovely expression. I couldn't help shivering and asked in a low voice, "What about you ... do you really like me?" She buried her head and said, "Guess!" "I like it ~" Her face is redder and her head is lower. "Guess again!"

24. After the Tang Priest drove Wukong away, he met the monster again, so he had to read a spell to call Wukong back for help. Soon, a new voice came from the air: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is not in service area, please redial later.

25. "Why are hurricanes usually named after women?" "It is because of the hurricane that you ran lightly, but when the hurricane left, it took away your house and car."

26, the minimum standard for college students; Peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.

27. Woman: "As long as I have money, I will marry who." Man: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?"

28. In order to attract business, Hot Pot City wrote the following sentence on the advertisement of the cat flapping lamp: "Self-help hot pot, each serving is RMB, and children under the height of meters are free." My aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. She was pregnant with yuan and took a class 100 children to the hot pot city.

29. A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: Husband, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go! Hearing this, the man swooped down. The policeman said, "You really shouldn't threaten him like this!"

In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the questions. The classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said, "Is that okay?"? I won't scream either! " Classmate: "Cheep."

3 1. The working girl joked on his msn signature that he was tired from work. Many male colleagues called to ask about the price, and some smart people asked: How much is the annual package? How much is the monthly subscription? Whether it can be counted by the day; In the end, only one person captured the beauty's heart. He asked, "Can you calculate by flow?

32. My brother went to a primary school to play basketball and heard a junior girl ask a junior boy, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly, "My mother gives me yuan a day, and two and a half yuan is for you to buy snacks.". Do you think I love you or not? "

33. A couple went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital examination?" "Checked, his home. The cars are gone. " "I'm going to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy."

34. The new edition of The Three Kingdoms has been accused of procrastination. Some netizens questioned on the Internet: "The new" Three Kingdoms "is too procrastinating, and the eight episodes of Song Jiang have not appeared! When can I learn from the Western Heaven? If we can't get the scriptures again, Baoyu and others are anxious. "

35. The answer is: monkeys are the most typical; Orangutans have low intelligence and few tendons; Apes are the precursors of Alzheimer's disease; King Kong is a fool whose head is caught in the door; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

36. Children are thinking about "heredity and environment". Mother interjected: "This question is very simple. Everyone knows that if a child is like a father, it is hereditary. " Like neighbors, that's the environment. "

37. Chatting with friends the day before yesterday. He has never had a girlfriend. I asked him why. He said earnestly that my feelings died as early as kindergarten! Then he lit a cigarette. I liked girls at that time. One day I bought some candy bars! She came up to me as if she wanted to eat. I said I'll give you one, and you let me kiss you. She said yes! So I gave her one, but she ran away. Since then, I no longer believe in feelings!

38. The mouse is depressed because he doesn't have a girlfriend. When the last bat agreed to marry him, the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess.

39. There is a tree in the university called Shu Gao, and many people hang it. ...

40. Hee hee and Haha are a pair of good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to the grave and said, "Haha, you are dead."

4 1, someone spilled oil on you and said to you, don't worry, it's automatic! What would you do? Beat him for kidney deficiency and say to him, "Don't worry, there are six kinds of Dihuang pills to treat kidney deficiency and contain no sugar."

42. I said you were a pig, but you said: I am a pig. From then on, I will call you "pig head monster"! Finally one day, you can't help shouting at everyone: I'm not a pig!

43. A woman asked a man, "Do I look good?" The man said: You are like Mona Lisa's sister at the moment. The woman said: Really, who is her sister? The man said: Janet Martha.

44. The boss kept a secret for half a month. On the night when he came back, in order not to let his wife doubt anything, he worked very hard when making out and made a lot of noise. Suddenly, the neighbor downstairs knocked at the door and shouted angrily, "It's been half a month, every day." And let people sleep? ! "

Beggar: Sister-in-law, I haven't eaten for two days. Can I have some cake? Sister-in-law: Cake? I only have rice here. Beggar: Forget it if it's normal, but today is my birthday!

46. Two counterfeiters didn't notice the counterfeit banknotes with a face value of RMB and decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took the Sugar-Coated Berry that Bird bought with RMB, they cried and the farmer gave them two pieces.

47. The clearest sentence in listening comprehension of CET-4 this day: Please ask the invigilator to take out the tape and turn to side B to continue listening.

48. The sunshine was really good last night.

49. Thief A: "How much did * * * rob this day?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

50. There is a very tall coconut tree with four kinds of animals on it. King Kong, an ape and a monkey, climbed the tree to pick bananas. Which one do you think will be the first? Test your character.

5 1. My colleagues and I drove out for dinner. When I got to the place where I ate, there was no parking space, so I had to park by the side of the road. When asked if he would give my friend a ticket, he said nothing. He took a ticket out of the box and stuck it on the window. It is safe to come back after dinner.

52. Who is more loyal than a bodyguard? American leaders ordered bodyguards to jump off a building. The bodyguard knelt down and said, "Come on, I have family." So the president of the United States gave in. The leader of China ordered the bodyguard to jump, but the bodyguard of China jumped without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly caught him in fear. China's bodyguard said, "Come on, I have a family."

53. A gorilla came to the zoo. It was so ugly that the tourists threw up all over the floor. One day I went and I vomited; Another day, you went and the orangutan threw up.

20 words 2 1, the monitor asked: who is the biggest official in our platoon? A: It's a platoon leader. The monitor asked again: Who's under the teacher? The recruit replied: The teacher rode the horse.

At the gate of the supermarket, I saw a big brother who delivered the courier and just started the motorcycle.

In less than 3 seconds, I heard a bang, and everyone else and the car fell to the ground.

I saw him get up silently, take out the key and unlock the front wheel of the car.

After dinner, I taught my daughter to be polite to others.

I said to my daughter, "First of all, learn to say' thank you'. When you receive a gift from others, say "thank you"; When eating, people will say' thank you' when they bring you food. Mom should also say' thank you' when she dresses you. "

In order to make my daughter understand the meaning of thank you better, I took a bottle of drink and put it at hand. I said to my daughter, "You see, even if it is a bought drink, the producer will print' thank you for your patronage' on the bottle cap."

As I spoke, I unscrewed the bottle cap and showed it to my daughter.

I was dumbfounded after unscrewing the bottle cap. I saw "another bottle" printed on the cover.

At KFC in front of the railway station, a customer asked the waiter: Is there a power supply here?

The waitress said quietly, I'm a waiter.

Guest: ...

5. Two miners pull coal together. One car was behind the other and pulled to a hillside. The person behind found that the person in front didn't exert himself, so he said, "Pull hard!" "

The person in front turned around and said angrily, "Who said I didn't work hard? You see, I have bent the rope. "

6. Old man: "I am old, and now I have a poor memory. Many things are easy to forget."

Young man: "I have a way to solve this problem."

Old man: "Really?"

Young man: "of course, really, you lend me 500 yuan first, and I have to see how bad your memory is first."

7. On the train, the man was alone in the soft sleeper, and a woman pushed the door and inserted it.

Open your chest and scratch your hair and say, give me 5000 yuan, or call someone and say you are flirting with me. The man paused, took out a pen and paper from his bag and wrote, I am deaf-mute. What do you want?

The woman picked up a pen and wrote down what she had just said on the paper.

The man smiled and took the note and opened the door: You can go out.

Joke humor encyclopedia 20 words 3 jokes humor.

1, Chinese coffee

After dinner, I went for a walk in Binhe Park and saw a fashionable couple with a poodle. I support those who like dogs. What a beautiful dog! I sincerely admire and say, what's your name? Call.-Coffee!

The hostess was very happy to hear me praise her dog! Coffee? What a foreign name! I said. Yes! Our coffee is cultured and we are gentlemen. Is its hair beautified? It looks special, like-like what? The hostess asked expectantly. At this time, I made another mistake of talking nonsense and saying that the address was unknown. While observing carefully, I summed up the shape of coffee: wearing a Lei Feng hat, two steamed buns tied around my waist, four happy balls on my feet, and a feather duster on my ass.

2, revenge is strong.

Someone introduced me to an insurance elder sister. She is in her forties, has a hairstyle and looks like Sister Xianglin in the movie. Her sales promotion method is simple-stalking and beating!

When she came for the first time, she poured out how much pressure she had and how hard life was. I told her gently that I was under great pressure and it was not easy to give up if I wanted her to live. Who knows, she is getting braver and braver, and she comes to you for the second time. This time, she changed her strategy and talked about the advantages of her insurance instead of complaining. The implication is that once purchased, it will be worry-free for life and benefit endlessly! In order to get rid of her, I simply said that I didn't intend to buy insurance at all. Most importantly-I whispered in her ear-I have no money to buy it. Now she is at a loss and disgruntled.

Unexpectedly, on the third day, she made a comeback-as excited as chicken blood, full of energy to win me! I just have an excuse to avoid something.

She stopped me calmly and said, I just need one minute of your time. I can only say: go. She asked: Do you have children? I said, yes. She asked again, how old is it? I said truthfully: three years old. She said, just three years old! If you don't buy insurance for him, you will regret if something happens to him!

Her words added fuel to my fire (it seems that she doesn't know my strengths yet). I tried to suppress my anger and asked her, Do you have any children? She said yes. I asked again: Did you buy insurance for him? She said of course she bought it. I pretended to be very concerned and said, what are you going to do if something happens to the child and you make money?

3. You came out.

I met a bank manager in the street. We have a common business relationship. Every time I see him, I see him through bulletproof glass. It's really hard to see him suddenly outside. I greeted him: Have you gone out? This guy paused, put away the smile on his face and replied coldly: I didn't go in originally!

I regretted it afterwards and went to the bank to withdraw money the next day. I deliberately approached him and said, I didn't mean that yesterday. He smiled, too. I know you're joking. In order to apologize, I deliberately raised my voice and said, how can you get in without corruption and bribery?

4. Contract abortion

I went to see a client. She is about thirty years old and a little fat. We had a smooth talk and agreed to sign the contract the next day. It is estimated that I can make a net profit of 50,000 to 60,000, and my heart is exulting. In order to deepen my feelings when I said goodbye, I pointed to her belly and asked with concern, has it been six months? The voice is falling-the noisy office is quiet, and everyone pretends to bow their heads and wait nervously for the following.

The smile on the customer's face immediately froze-his face turned from white to blue-from blue to purple, only to see her abdomen slowly enlarged and gradually narrowed, clutching her fist, and the veins stood out bursting-her eyes seemed to burst into fire! I was startled!

I don't know what I did wrong, so I said incoherently, are you okay, big sister? Don't move, the tire is flat. This sentence caused another burst of suppressed laughter. I seem to understand what's going on and sincerely comfort her: men and women are the same, and daughters carry on the family line! Hearing this, the client stumbled and almost fell, holding the wall with his hand and barely squeezing out a sentence through his teeth: I'm not married yet!

5. Beat Maicheng

When I went to a restaurant to eat steamed stuffed buns, I found that there was little meat stuffing, so I called the waiter and asked, why is there so little meat stuffing? The waiter stared: Less? Give you Baotou pig? I said angrily, what's your attitude? Attendant: Good attitude? Sleeping with you? I am furious: I want to complain about you! Waiter strikes table: Complaint? I won't wait! Say that finish and roared off.