Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Comment on a Dream of Red Mansions
Comment on a Dream of Red Mansions
(Music) Wake up the wood, gently fold the fan and shake it, and discuss the past and the present with you all night.
Welcome to the story-telling series of China People's Broadcasting Station. Ladies and gentlemen, please continue to listen to A Dream of Red Mansions, a long ballad adapted from a classical novel, which was broadcast by Pang Liren, Pang Li, and recently recorded and premiered exclusively by our station.
Shi Xiangyun's uncle's name is Shi Ding, and he is a hereditary duke. People call him Little Duke. The young Duke Shi Ding was too busy with foreign affairs to take care of Shi Xiangyun, the daughter left by his dead brother and sister-in-law. Historians are rich, but they can't reach Xiangyun. It is difficult to spend only a few pendants a month. Today, she said, "I will open a poetry club as the host tomorrow." Can make Xue Baochai anxious. In the evening, under the light, she reminded Xiangyun: "Can you take out your money? It's not worthwhile for you to go home for this. Besides, it is not easy to take out the money when you go home. " This reminds Xiangyun that she is also worried. "Oh, I didn't think so much. What should I do? " "Yes, so many people need a lot of money just for a meal?" "Oh, elder sister, you really are my sister. Can you help me think of a way? " "I have an idea. There is a man in my shop. There is a fat crab in his field. He sent a few pounds the day before yesterday. Everyone from the old lady to the garden likes crabs. A few days ago, my menstruation said: I want to invite the old lady to the garden to enjoy osmanthus and eat crabs. I haven't had time to invite her yet! The poetry club stopped talking, so I invited them to eat crabs. How many poems can't be done without them? I told my brother that it is not convenient, lively and economical to ask his buddies to get a few baskets of fat crabs from home? " Shi Xiangyun admired Baochai's shrewdness. "Oh, you are so thoughtful and calculating." "Hey, I really did it for you, not to underestimate you. Don't worry too much. " "How can you? I can't thank you enough here I don't think I put you
As my own sister, I can't tell you everything about my family last time, can I? "Baochai called a woman with a smile." Go out and tell your uncle how many baskets you want to hold a big crab like the other day. After dinner tomorrow, I will invite the old lady and menstruation to enjoy osmanthus. Tell uncle never to forget that I have invited someone. ""hey. "The woman sent a letter. Xiangyun said, "What's our problem tomorrow? As I said just now, the title of this poem should not be too clever, but it should not be too vulgar. So what should it be? Baochai said, "We girls don't have to say this. "。 Is redundant. For you and me, we grew up in the boudoir, that is, women workers, embroidery and painting flowers are the real skills. When I am free, I will read some useful books, such as Five Classics, Four Books, Biography of Shrew, Daughter Classics and so on. I want to talk about poetry ... Xiangyun said, "Hey, don't talk so much. "。 Yesterday, everyone made a poem of begonia. How about drawing up a chrysanthemum topic tomorrow? " Baochai thought for a moment: well, chrysanthemum is also suitable for the present situation, but there are too many predecessors who have done this topic. Well, I'm also afraid of breaking the rules. Baochai said, "How about this? Let's take chrysanthemums as guests and people as the foundation. We should draw up several topics in two words, one is imaginary and the other is real. Xiangyun said with a smile, "Yes, it's good. I just don't know what empty word to use. Please give an example first. " Baochai thought for a moment: "hey, for example, chrysanthemum dream is good." "Hey, that's nice. What do you think of my chrysanthemum shadow? " "Count in one, I have already asked. What do you think? " "Yes, I have a chrysanthemum tour." That's it. You keep telling me that two come up with twelve. What are you doing? Chrysanthemum Dream, Chrysanthemum Shadow, Chrysanthemum Question, Chrysanthemum Interview, Chrysanthemum Memory, Chrysanthemum Planting, Chrysanthemum Gift, Chrysanthemum Singing, Chrysanthemum Painting, Chrysanthemum Praise, Chrysanthemum Remnant, Twelve Chrysanthemums. Tomorrow, let's put twelve topics on the wall. Whoever likes to do which one is seven rhythms anyway. Those who can do it can do more, and those who can't can't. If you do it well and quickly, you are the first. Even if someone does it on the twelfth, you don't have to hand in the paper again. How about the last one eliminated and the last one punished? ""good. "Two people to discuss, and then rest for a night. Get up the next day, Shi Xiangyun went to invite the lady dowager and others to enjoy osmanthus. "Miss Yun is in such a good mood, so let's bother her," said the old lady. By noon, Grandmother Jia had brought Lady Wang, Xifeng and Aunt Xue into the garden. "。 The old lady asked, "Where should I go? Xifeng said, "Ancestor, everything here is fine. "。 Miss Yun is ready in Lotus Square. There are two osmanthus trees blooming well under the hillside, and the water in the river is blue-green. Isn't it bright to sit on the pavilion in the middle of the river? You look at the water with clear eyes! ""well, then go there. " Said, and led the people to the lotus root champs. It turns out that the Lotus Roots and Champs are hidden in the water, with windows on all sides and winding corridors on the left and right, crossing the water and reaching the shore. This is a zigzag bamboo bridge. Everyone got on the bamboo bridge, and Feng quickly helped the old lady and said, "Ancestor, take another big step. This bamboo bridge creaks like this. It's okay. " In this way, everyone entered the Lotus Champs Elysé es. I saw two bamboo cases outside the railing, one with a cup of chopsticks and wine and the other with various tea sets. There are two little girls over there fanning a small stove to make tea, and the girl over there fanning the stove to make wine. That said, it's not winter yet, so why make wine? Don't forget, today is a crab feast, and crabs are cold. Grandmother Jia looked up and saw a pair of couplets hanging on the pillar, with black plaques and gold characters. The first part writes: the lotus shadow is broken and belongs to the blue paddle; The bottom line is the end match: Lingou Lane Shenxie Bamboo Eight Bridge. Grandmother Jia turned to Aunt Xue and said, "When I was young, there was such a pavilion at home, called the Pillow Pavilion. I was as old as them at that time, and I ran and played with my sisters every day. I accidentally fell into the water that day, almost drowned, and was finally rescued, and my head was broken by that wooden nail. Look, look, there is a hole the size of a finger's belly in my sideburns. At that time, everyone was afraid of water purulent, who knows. When Xifeng saw this, she took the opportunity to coax the old lady. "。 Before anyone else could take over, she said, "Ancestor, it was not a good time. Who can enjoy this great blessing now? "Ancestors have lived a long life since childhood, and the devil touched this pit for longevity and wealth. You see, there used to be a hole in the old man of the birthday boy, because the birthday boy was full, but he bulged out a big bag. " Grandmother Jia and others covered their stomachs with laughter. "Monkey, monkey," said Grandmother Jia, "I'm used to playing jokes on you, so I won't tear your mouth off." They entered the pavilion again with a smile, talking and laughing. Someone served tea, and Feng quickly put a cup of chopsticks on the table. On the table are Jia Mu, Aunt Xue, Baochai, Daiyu and Baoyu. On the east table are Shi Xiangyun, Mrs. Wang, Yingchun, Tanchun and Xichun. The tables on the west side of the door are Li Wan and Feng. This is a dummy table, and two people dare not sit on it. The little sisters-in-law had to stand and pour tea. Xifeng told them not to take more crabs, but to take more than a dozen at a time and put the rest in a steamer. As she spoke, she washed her hands and stood in front of the old lady peeling crab meat. She asked Aunt Xue first, and her period said, "Hello, hello! So Xi-feng asked the old lady and Baoyu to bring wine. They began to eat crabs, and they were very lively while eating. Later, when the old lady stopped eating, the people dispersed. Some go to see flowers, and some go to make water to see fish. Lady Wang said to Grandmother Jia, "It's windy here. We just ate crabs. The old lady had better go back to her room to rest. " "Well, I'm going back to rest, for fear that my walk will spoil your fun. That is to say, then I will go back. Xiangyun, don't let your brother and sister Lin eat too much. Hey, you and Baochai don't eat too much. Although it is delicious, it is chilly, and it hurts to eat too much. " "Hey, I know. The two men promised to see the old lady and her wife out of the garden and ordered them to move the remaining seats and set another table. "。 Baoyu said, "Don't let it go, let's start writing poems. Put the big round table in the middle and put the food and drink aside. Whoever likes to eat will eat. Xiangyun said, "No, you don't write poetry. Set another table, get some hot crabs, and invite Aroma, Zijuan and others to sit down. Two flower blankets were laid under the osmanthus tree on the hillside, and the maids were told to eat and drink casually with the women. Look at these sisters starting to write poems. Twelve questions were finished in one meal. Yingchun copied the paper again, and everyone tasted tea. Sure enough, they all had their own characteristics. After several appraisals, Lin Daiyu, the concubine of Xiaoxiang, won the first prize in "Chanting Chrysanthemum". Daiyu is quick-witted, and has excellent poems and songs. She was associated with Tao Yuanming, a great poet who loved Qiu Ju, and was cited as a bosom friend. Tao Yuanming is awe-inspiring, who doesn't praise him all the time! Twelve poems, storytellers don't read them one by one. A dream of red mansions is recorded, so you can read it slowly. Besides, these sisters in the poetry club, after the poem was written, everyone gathered together and put crabs to eat and drink. Baoyu glanced at the chrysanthemum poem and let Sister Lin win the prize. Why not chant on the crab in front of him and see who is the first this time? Thinking of this, I said, "Today, I have to admire laurel without poetry. "I have a song in my heart. What do you think? " After that, I wiped my hands and wrote it. Daiyu watched, only to find that he had written: "Holding claws is more like osmanthus flowers, and throwing vinegar is more like ginger madness." The gluttonous prince and grandson should have wine, but the rampant son has no intestines, his navel is cold and greedy, and his fingers are stained with fishy smell. Originally, the world was beautiful, and Poxian had laughed all her life. Daiyu said with a smile, "What good poem is this?" ? Baoyu said, "What's the matter?" ? Not good? Hum, at this moment, your talent is exhausted, you don't say no, and you insult others. Daiyu didn't say anything, so she picked up a pen and stroked it gently. "。 This is also a song. Dai Yu wrote, "Real armor is long, and I have never forgotten it. I like to taste the color of the pile first. "Chelated tender jade is full, with red grease protruding from the shell and fragrant. What a pity it is to have more meat. Who will advise me to help you? Today's good reward festival, the breeze and chrysanthemum cream. " Baoyu looked at it and put up his finger. Sister Lin is really talented, and I admire her from the heart. He was about to pick it up when Daiyu grabbed it and tore it. "Your songs are better." "Hey, what are you doing?" At this time, Baochai also handed a piece of writing paper. "I also ordered one. Let's smile. " When everyone saw it, it read: "Gui Yin raised his hand and Chang 'an looked forward to Chongyang. There is no warp and weft in front of the road, and the skin in spring and autumn is black and yellow! Chrysanthemum is also used to prevent colds and the accumulation of ginger. What are the benefits of falling into the kettle today? Yuepu has a leisurely meal. "Everyone applauded after reading it." Well, this is really the swan song of singing crabs. "In this kung fu, ping son came back. It turns out that when the old lady left, Mrs. Wang, Xifeng and Pinger all left together. Now that Pinger has come back by herself, everyone asks, "What is your grandmother doing?" This refers to Xifeng. Pinger said, "As soon as she came back, there were piles and piles. Can she come out? I'm still talking to the old lady! The hostess didn't eat well just now. Let me come and ask if there is any more. Take some home to eat. Xiangyun said, "Yes, there are many," so she brought a dozen extra-large ones. " "Hey, more around the navel, ah! "Li Wan said," ping son, don't go. Come and have a drink. " "No, no, I have to go back." "Now, I won't let you go today, so you listen to Miss Feng instead of me? Somebody, take this crab to the second wife and tell her that Pinger told me to stay. " "hey." The woman turned away with the box. Soon, she came to the grandmother to send crabs. "Hey, why didn't Pinger come with her?" said Xi-feng. The old woman said, "Pinger wants to come back, but the girls won't let her go. "。 She wanted two glasses of wine, so she asked me to send crabs. ""Oh, you go back and thank me. Don't laugh at my greed. " "That's not enough. I'm leaving. " "Wait a minute, I have some food here. You can take it to them. Look at this box. My uncle and wife just gave it to me. There are powder cakes and chicken oil rolls in it. Take it back and let the girls taste it. " "yes." The woman left with a food box. Wang Xifeng accompanied Grandmother Jia to talk while eating crabs. In this battle, Zhou Rui's daughter-in-law came to Jianli. "grandma granny Liu came with Banel, and also brought many local products in the farm yard, such as red dates and pumpkins. I know you're busy, and you have to stay with her for a long time. Grandma Liu said that it was getting late and she was in a hurry to go back, fearing that she would not be able to leave the city. ""oh. "Search is very happy today. She thought granny Liu hadn't come for two or three years. It is very tiring to find something for her from far away. I'll stay the night today and let her go tomorrow. When the old lady heard this, she asked Xi-feng, "Xi-feng, how can there be such a granny Liu?" Who is granny Liu? " "Ancestor, this granny liu's son-in-law is a relative of our hometown, which is the same thing. At first, I met my aunt and them. " "Oh, great, I just want to talk to an old man. Please come to see me as soon as possible. " Hearing this, Zhou Rui's daughter-in-law was also unexpected. This is fate. She hurried out to urge granny Liu to go quickly. Granny Liu thought, how can I see the old lady like this? "Hey, hey, her sister-in-law, just say I'm gone. "Zhou Rui's daughter-in-law said," hey, it doesn't matter. Our old lady is very kind. She is a great person, cherishing the old and loving the greedy. I will go with you. " Say and Zhou Rui daughter-in-law led granny Liu and Banel to grandma's side. As soon as I entered the door, it happened that the sisters and Baoyu in the Grand View Garden had finished writing poems and went to the old lady's room to chat with them. A room full of people, grandma Liu didn't have enough eyes when she came in. I saw a room full of pearls and flowers, all radiant. Well, there is an old lady sitting on a wooden sofa. She is just kind-hearted, with silver hair and silk all over her body. The maids were all fine-eyed, beating their legs there, and Feng was talking and laughing. Grandma Liu saw at a glance that this was an old lady, that's right. Hurriedly grabbed the first few steps, grinned, said a few words of blessing, and said, "Oh, I'm going to pay a New Year call to the birthday girl. Grandmother Jia leaned over, and Zhou Rui's daughter-in-law took a chair and asked Granny Liu to sit down. "。 Banel is taller than last time, but he is still afraid of people coming to meet him. Grandma Liu was so angry that she spanked him. Grandmother Jia said, "Old man, how old are you this year?" "Ah, to tell you the truth, I am seventy this year." "Oh, you guys look, so big age is so tough, several years older than me! It will be two years before I reach her age. I wonder if I can move? Grandma Liu smiled and said, "The old lady is happy. We are born to suffer. If we do the same, no one will work in the fields. The harvest is very good this year. I'll bring you something fresh to try. " "Well, thank you. How are your eyes and teeth? " "Nothing, that is, the molar on the left is active this year." "Oh, much better than me. I am old, blind, deaf, and have a bad memory, which is useless. You old relatives don't remember. When my relatives came, I was afraid that people would laugh at me and didn't even come out. Take two bites if you can chew, sleep when you are sleepy, and play with these little grandchildren when you are bored. Grandma Liu said with a smile, "Hey, this is your old lady's blessing." We dare not even think about it! "Now, what blessing? Just an old waste. " Everyone laughed. Grandmother Jia suddenly remembered Granny Liu's words, and said to Xifeng, "My father-in-law just brought a lot of melons and vegetables. Please tidy up. I just want to eat melons and vegetables picked in the field. What is bought outside is not as delicious as what is planted in their fields. " Grandma Liu said, "isn't it? This is the freshness of our own yard, but we can't afford fish! " Grandmother Jia said, "Now that we are married, let's stay for a day or two before we go. We also have a garden. You can walk in it and taste the fruit there. Taking some home is also to see in-laws. " Xi Xifeng saw that Grandmother Jia liked it and said that she lived here: "Granny Liu, our yard is not bigger than yours, and there are still two rooms available. Stay for a few days and tell our old lady about the strange things there. " Grandmother Jia said, "Miss Feng, she is a countryman. Don't tease her. She is honest, how can you make fun of her? " "I didn't." Xi-feng hurriedly asked someone to cook dinner for Granny Liu, while Grandmother Jia ordered someone to bring fruit to eat. Banel was afraid to eat when he saw so many people, and Jia was reasonable. She grabbed a handful of bronze characters and asked the servant to take him out to play. After drinking tea for a while, Granny Liu told Grandmother Jia what she had seen and heard in the countryside. Jia mu feels fresh, and the more she listens, the more interesting she becomes. At this time, Xi-feng sent someone over to invite Granny Liu to dinner, and Grandmother Jia's meal came, so she personally selected a few samples for Granny Liu to eat. Seeing that Grandmother Jia likes Granny Liu so much, Xifeng sent him to see the old lady after dinner. Yuanyang ordered the old lady to take Granny Liu to take a bath, and took two more clothes, and asked Granny Liu to change them and take them to the old lady's couch. These days, Baoyu and all his sisters have gathered around. Why? Listen to granny Liu! Granny Liu's words made everyone laugh. Granny Liu thought, I have entertained everyone today, and I will get more money tomorrow.
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