Short lines from three funny sketches

Sketch figures: dormitory uncle, n boys and n girls props: tables and chairs, signs, money, watercolor pens, newspapers and so on. (A table, uncle sitting on a stool) Uncle: The world is getting worse, morality is declining, people are distracted, and the team is not easy to bring. Now some male students are a bit obscene, and they want to rush in when they see the girls' dormitory. (At this moment, a boy wants to sneak in) Uncle: (Strikes the table) Stop! Demo, play dirty with me, you are still young. Man A: What are you shouting? I've never seen a handsome guy. Uncle: Just you? Look at the mountains and waters from a distance, grin from a distance, look at the mountains and waters from a distance, and look at freckles from a distance. Man A: How dare you insult me? Do you know who I am? Man A: I'm a legendary handsome man. I'm called a landslide, a ghost sees sorrow, a combination of beauty and wisdom, the embodiment of hero and chivalry. Everyone loves me, and I do everything for my friends and my girlfriend. Uncle: Oh, aren't you the uncle who owes me a beating when I was a child and a scolding when I grow up, and has no money to buy cards online and play Tetris? Man A: Low key, low key. Uncle: No man. A: It doesn't matter if I don't know you. When I come here often, you will know me. We are all from Normal University, and we are our own. You stay here and watch, and I'll help you patrol. Uncle: Please (Fan Wei). Man A: Don't thank me. This is what we young pioneers should do. Uncle: Stop! Come back, come back, you almost got in. Uncle: Are you the only one who wants to blend in? A weak word kuo (the first sound) is on my face. As a freshman, I have the cheek to tell you about the Young Pioneers. Disappear in front of my eyes immediately. (Action: Man A makes a stop) Man A: My father works in a factory. Uncle: Which factory is your father from? Man A: My father is from the crematorium and my mother is from the funeral home. This is my business card. I can give you a 99% discount if anything happens to your family in the future. Uncle: Your skin itches. Man A: I see your face is blue, your pupils are dilated, you have epilepsy in the upper body and a stroke in the lower body. Why don't I book you a seat first? Uncle: If you don't fight for three days, you'll go to the house and uncover the tiles! (Two men jump out-soldier A and soldier B) Uncle: Who is that? Get him. (Man A is dragged out) Man A (loudly): 10% off! 50% off buy one get one free! (Man A disappears, man B continues, and uncle continues to read the newspaper) Man B: (While singing, he goes on stage) Everyone says I look like Chow Yun Fat, but in fact I look like Andy Lau. Man b: I'm bored to death. Being handsome is annoying. If I were a girl, I would marry myself. Uncle: What's your name again? Man B: You can call me by my nickname. My nickname is Jay. Uncle: Jay, what are you doing here? Have you tried? Man B: Nothing, just looking around. Uncle: Then why did you turn around here? Do you know where this is? Man B: Isn't it the girls' dormitory? Girls' dormitory, boys are moving forward. Uncle: The abdomen is slightly contracted, the chest is naturally raised, the shoulders are stretched back, the neck is raised ~ ~ ~, and the feet are not raised, right? Uncle: If you go any further, you will be fined. 10 yuan, 3050 yuan! Man B: You rob money, my poor boy. You can't treat me like this. Uncle: (looking up and down) Why can't I see that you are poor? Man B: I'll sing you a little song and you'll know: Wowotou is in your hand, and there's not a drop of oil in the dish ~ ~ ~ Where I am, traffic basically depends on walking, communication basically depends on shouting, heating basically depends on shaking, and public security basically depends on dogs. Are you poor in my house? Uncle: My family sells iron pots from time to time. Are you crying with me? Growing up, I don't know how sweet sugar is and how salty salt is. Besides, you are old, why don't you go out and earn money? To steal, to rob, to cheat, to turn, really not, you can sell! Now there are so many college students starting businesses, you can also learn. Man B: Stealing, having no skill, robbing, having no guts, cheating, having no IQ and no skill, only selling things. How much do you think these pants are worth? Uncle: Still selling clothes? These are all leftovers from playing when I was a child. I sold my blood online and donated my kidney to the glory edition. When I sold my dog, I thought you were still in an atomic state. Man B: I didn't expect anyone to be poorer than me. So, you can keep this little thing. I'll buy you a drink later, and we can have a good talk. Uncle (striking table): Who do you take me for? Don't let me in without paying? What happened to this guy? Open your mouth and close your mouth. Who told you about money, serving the people, and the beauty of adults? ... how much money is in it? Uncle: Why is this with a face value of 200? Why haven't I seen it before? Male new in 2008. How did you see it? Uncle: This year seems to be 2007, right? Man B (in a low voice): There is someone in my bank. Uncle: Oh. Uncle+Male B: Shh ... (Uncle Ye, female A) Female A (loudly): Brother Jielun (female A runs to male B) Male B: There are three words hidden in my heart for a long time, and I have never dared to say that I have no friends. Today, I finally got up the courage. I want to say to you, "Who are you?" I really don't know you. Woman A: You accidentally stepped on me in the cafeteria that day. Tell me you're sorry. Man B: No way. Is it okay? I can't count how many girls I step on every day. Who are you? Woman A: Then why are you here? Man B: I'm waiting for someone. Woman A: Then can you promise me something? Man B: Say, I'll try my best. Woman A: Can you forgive me? I dropped a dollar, and you seem to have been stepping on it. Man B: No wonder I feel something under my feet. (Female A goes down and female B goes up) Male B: Xiao Li, is that Xiao Li? Woman B: Easy, I'm coming ... Man B (turns to woman B and rushes past with open arms with a smile): You are a frequent visitor in my dream, and you are the protagonist in my life. Without you, my world will stop breathing. Without you, my life will be meaningless. Ah, RMB! Female B (stares at him severely): Hum! I thought I was thinking about you! You don't know that people think about you every day. (Singing) I love you as a mouse loves rice. Man B: Don't do these useless things. I'm here to talk business with you. (Pretending to be deep) Have you finished your homework? Lend it to me. Woman b: no. Man b: if you don't borrow it, you're dead! Woman B: Never borrow it! Male b: cow * female b: why don't you invite me to dinner? Man B: Where to? Woman B: Haagen-Dazs! Man B: What are you talking about? I don't understand. Canyouseakenglish, Japanese, Albalia, Brubrukaka? Woman B: I'm not poor with you. I will do my homework by myself. Have you been lazy in your studies recently? Man B: I will always remember your advice, study hard and make progress every day. You said that if I didn't study hard, my face would change color, my head would vibrate, my ears would chord, my body would be straight, and my hands and feet would be used. Woman B: Then how do you explain your English exam? There is nothing wrong with reading comprehension. Did you choose a topic without reading it? Man B: No! Woman B: How dare you quibble! Man B: I flipped a coin without even looking at the topic. Woman B: And your composition. Why does it look so familiar? Man B: Does it look strange? Read and understand the first sentence of each paragraph ... Woman B: I really don't know what you are up to these days. Man B: I miss you every day. Woman B: Men should focus on their studies, and we should all make good use of four years of college. Man B: Why didn't you tell me earlier? ! You are right, it is true that college students are innocent in love, but we should also proceed from reality! For the sake of great ideals and lofty beliefs, you can turn your back on them. what can I say? Ok, I understand you, I support you, and I want to learn from you. You know, you are a role model for our college students! Woman B: So, shall we work together? Man B: OK. Man B: I left quietly, just like I came gently. I waved my sleeve and said goodbye.