Cold joke program

1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally became a road (deer)! ! ! !

Two tomatoes crossed the road and a car sped by. One of them couldn't hide and was squashed, and the other tomato pointed at the quilt.

Squeeze tomatoes and laugh: dig hahaha, ketchup …

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" ! ! "Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

4. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became Xiao Huang.

Melon! !

The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I stretched out my hand to scratch it and burned myself to death …

6. Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn.

After the bird flew over, ...

I think it will be very cold if it snows. ...

One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, what's wrong with you?"

What would be a silly child? "

A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello?

(assuming they can talk)

because ..............

because ................

Because they are all strangers ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "What do you admire most?"

Which hostess? "The audience said," It's you. " Ask Wang, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because.

You look a bit like Yang Lan! "

10 Why did Xiaoming fall?

Please think twice ........................

Because the floor is slippery.

1 1 After the party, a group of animals rushed into 7- 1 1 convenience store to buy things. Because it was too noisy, I was beaten by the clerk.

I came out, but I left the mutton alone in the shop. Why?

Convenience stores are open 24 hours a day. ...

12 There is a polar bear playing with a penguin, and the penguin plucks his hair one by one.

After that, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!"

When the polar bear heard this, he tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold.

13 There is a hide-and-seek club, and the leader hasn't been found yet. ...

1. The glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the bus!

As a result, the glass was hit by a car and the coffee cup was fine. Why?

Coffee cups have ears!

I hate two kinds of people the most:

First, there is racial discrimination;

The second is black;

Third, I can't count!

3. Soldier: "Thirst … Thirst …"

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. Go for a while.

Maybe it's here. "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

Once upon a time, a horse walked into a bar, sat down at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine ... The bartender said, your face is so long. ...

……………….

Two ants were walking on the road when they suddenly saw a big pear. Type the country name. Answer 1: Ant A: Hey, big pear? (Italy)

Answer 2: Ant B: "Shh, pear." (Syria) Answer 3: Oh, big pear. (Australia) Answer 4: Ant B:

"Hey, move." (Spain) Answer 5: Ant A: "I'll come!" (Brunei) Answer 6: Ant B: "Take it home." (

Bulgaria) Answer 7: I can't hold it. Ant A has an idea: "Eat pears." Answer 8: Ant B took a bite and said

This pear is not tender. "(Lebanon) Answer 9: Ant A also took a bite and said," Noodles. "(Myanmar) Answer 10: Ant B again.

Took a bite and said, "A pear." (Israel)

Xiaoming said to Xiaohong, lend me your eraser. Xiaohong said no, Xiaoming said you would die if you didn't, and then Xiaohong died. ...

…………….

There is a toothpick, and I suddenly feel itchy. I bent down and broke my waist.

A ghost rode a bicycle, rode it, fell into a ditch and died. ................

Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang. I called the hundred-dollar bill and said, "Hello! Your son is here, so if you don't want us to kill him, you can trade yourself for him.

! "The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said," Tear it up, you won't even have five dollars! "

10 The earthworm family was bored that day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two and went to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she puts herself.

Has been cut into four pieces to play mahjong, earthworm father thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you here?"

How stupid? You will die if you cut so hard! Father earthworm said weakly. ... I suddenly want to play football. "

1 1 tortoise and rabbit race ... the rabbit ran quickly to the front ... the tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him, come on, I'll carry you.

... then ... the snail climbed up ... soon ... the tortoise saw an ant again ... and said to him, come up, too ... so the ant came up.

Here it comes. When the ant came up, he saw the snail on it and greeted him. Do you know what the snail said? Said the snail.

Hurry up, this turtle runs so fast. ...

There is a man and a woman eating. Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me? The boy glanced at the girl and went on eating dinner, girl.

The student was very angry and asked, Do you love me or not? The boy finally said: Love girls, and asked: Then how do you prove it? Suddenly, the boy came out of his pocket.

She took out thirty dollars from her bag and asked the girl, do you have ten dollars? The girl gave the boy ten yuan .. The boy put forty yuan on the table.

Soon ... the girl was very angry and asked the boy: Do you want to prove that you love me or not? Boys say I have been proved! ! ! four

Ten in front of you!

13 One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mom is nervous about growing up outdoors.

Shout, "son ... what are you doing ... you are still on fire ..." The son replied ... "I'm wearing socks.

Ah ... Mom asked again, "What socks were you wearing when the fire broke out?" ... "five minutes later, my son hasn't come out ... mom.

He shouted nervously, "What the hell are you doing, son?" Come out ~ it's on fire, stay inside ... "The son said," I

Take off your socks ... "

14 The story that happened the day before yesterday: A mouse was chased by a cat and went into a flower shop by mistake. Seeing that there was no way out, the mouse picked up a bunch of roses as a weapon.

Stubborn resistance ... The cat was startled, immediately lowered its head and said shyly, you damn fool, this is too sudden. ...

Patient: Doctor, I have a hearing problem. I'm almost half deaf. Doctor: All right! You repeat what I said! ......88。 disease

Person: 44.

17 An advertisement posted by a dairy merchant: "Drink a glass of milk every day for 1200 months, and you will surely live to be 100 years old!"

18 the police officer who executed the death penalty walked into the cell and announced the order to the prisoner while shaking his raincoat. The prisoner said in surprise: take such a heavy rain to punish.

Field? The officer said, what do you have to complain about? I have to come back in the rain!

19 centipede was bitten by a snake and sent to hospital for emergency treatment. After the doctor diagnosed, he said: for the spread of anti-virus liquid, it must be amputated! The centipede thought: Fortunately, I have many legs.

! The doctor consoled: relax, brother, you will be an earthworm in the future.

A man went to a company to apply for a job. The recruiter asked him: What can you do? The man replied, what could it be? I don't know, but my predecessor is old.

The board said there are only two things I can't do ~ ~ The recruiter asked with interest: Which two things can't you do? M: My former boss told me that you too.

No, that won't happen either. ..

2 1 Grenade. One day, it cleaned its teeth after eating. Suddenly, it found a thorn between its teeth, so it pulled it out hard. ...

It exploded. ....

Man: Marry me! I love you! I can't live without you! Woman: No, my mother will be unhappy. She said you were so worthless. M: Oh,

If you don't promise, I will die in front of you! With that, he picked up a pistol. W: Just a moment, please. I'll ask my mother. Man: Hey.

Hey, I knew this would work. Woman: My mother said that I was an adult and could watch such a bloody scene. Man: ...

You occupied four seats in the theater, and when someone called you up, you just, uh, didn't move twice. The security guard came over and said, "What a nuisance!

Ah ~ brother, which way is it? "You gnashed your teeth and said," I fell in the corridor upstairs! "

Why are puppies getting smaller and smaller?

A: Because it goes further and further.

One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. ..

He kept crying. ...

Cry sadly all the time ...

result ...

male ...

send ...

bud ...

it is ...

A cat found a mouse.

So he jumped on the mouse like a hungry tiger to eat it.

But then the cat was eaten by this mouse … ..

Why?

because

Tigers and mice are stupid and can't tell them apart.

A software company is recruiting.

On this day, a dog came to apply. The supervisor felt depressed and wanted to drive the dog out. The dog took out a piece of paper and a pen with neat handwriting.

A few words: Please don't discriminate against animals.

The manager knows that this is not an ordinary dog. Out of curiosity, he decided to have a try.

The manager took out the application conditions, which read: 1. Must be able to type. 2。 Must be able to program. 3。 Master at least one foreign language.

So the dog came to the computer, skillfully typed an article and wrote a very complicated program. Then go to the supervisor,

Say to the supervisor: meow! !

The director and the section chief share the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, you fart! The section chief said: I didn't release it ... Soon the section chief was excused.

At the meeting, the secretary said: you can't afford to take care of big things. What's the use of asking you

A woman trembled when she met a robber and said, "I'm from XX. I just graduated and haven't found a job yet. I really have no money ... "

The robber cried when he heard this. "Elder sister, I am also XX. You have a student ID card, and the robbery in front is XX. Don't worry, I am. "

We will never rob one of our own! "(XX above can be freely replaced by the name of your school or unit, ......................................................).

30. Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin?

A: Eraser.

Because of the eraser

3 1 q: what are three things with one head and one foot?

Answer: Three monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !

When ants go to the desert, why don't they leave footprints in the sand, but only a line?

Answer: Because it rides a bike!

The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!

Answer: I saw his bike parked downstairs.

33 Super Composition of Fifth Grade Girls in Primary School

Topic-me thirty years later

Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote: The weather is good today. I took my children to Da 'an Forest Park, which we bought with my husband.

For me, Lawrence is wearing a big diamond ring he just bought me on his finger and a gold necklace he gave me last month around his neck. I took me with me

Lovely children are walking in the park, and people envy them everywhere. Suddenly, an unpleasant, muddy, no.

The old lady who can go home, let me have a closer look ~ ~ ~ Oh, my God! She turned out to be my fifth-grade Chinese teacher! …………

In CET-4, a classmate is going to roll the dice to do multiple-choice questions.

He said: 1234-ABCD!

Q: What should I do if I throw it at 5 or 6?

Say: Reward again!

You said: I love you 52 1

+Say it again: 365 per day.

—————————

Result = 886

A man and a woman rent a house off campus. During the summer vacation, MM went to other places for an internship, while GG still lived in his room. MM returned from her internship and found the room dirty.

Obviously, I haven't cleaned for weeks, so I gave it a thorough cleaning. GG came back at night and asked, "Why is the dust on the table gone?

Remember the phone number on it ... "

I have only been moved by movies three times in my life:

For the first time, when I was very young, I watched "Mom loves me again" and was deeply moved.

The second time, watching a Chinese Odyssey, I was deeply moved by the love story of the Monkey King and Xia Zi.

The third time, look at the house of flying daggers. When I saw Zhang Ziyi's tenacious vitality, I was deeply moved for the third time!

The mobile phone is in arrears. I call 1860 to ask how to pay. Answer: Sorry, your phone is out of service. For details, please consult 1860.

We are going to do a horrible group dance at the art festival-we need violent and difficult moves such as squatting quickly and lifting our legs high. I didn't practice much as a result.

God, everyone can't stand it, some are covered in scars, some muscles are pulled ... the right leg is badly hurt, and it doesn't work at all!

I go to class on the third floor today. God, I just lift my right leg step by step. The most irritating thing is-walking, only

Listen to the two girls at the back mutter loudly: "Schools in big cities are more formal, which is the root of polio in our hometown."

Ben can't go to school! ! "