A big plate of driving jokes

1, it seems that the coach can't say anything else. The coach's most common sentence is: fortunately, I don't have a heart attack, or 2. It is not necessarily the boss who draws Chinese, but the driving school coach. .

3. Driving school coach: You go and buy me a bag of Chinese, and then hand it to me 10, saying remember to get the change back. Soon I was holding a China toothpaste and my 3 yuan change.

4, touch porcelain dog, square dance, driving school coach 250.

5, as the saying goes: dust to dust, soil to soil, don't mention the old mother when swearing: touching porcelain dogs, square dancing, driving school coach 250.

When you went to driving school, you asked me to pray for you.

7. I saw a car on the road in the morning, and a sign was posted behind the car, marking a sentence: driving school delisted, self-study.

8. Thank you for giving me this time. I was very happy when I was in driving school, except waiting for the bus. Thank you for rejecting me, which makes me feel at ease and wishes you happiness.

9. My friends wish me a smooth promotion in driving school subject 2 tomorrow, 3Q.

10, you have got the license plate and bought a car. You must drive to the training ground and let me have a look, so that I can remember you well. I will hide when I meet you driving on the road in the future!

1 1, I practiced piling again, and suddenly I heard the coach say: Where are you going? My heart tightened, so I rushed in the opposite direction to play. I heard the coach say, where are you going to play? ! I'm nervous again, my phone is turned off and I'm depressed. Looking back, the coach is training students in another car.

12, step on the gas! It's in gear! Did you hit the clutch? Where are the brakes? Can't you see it's about to hit! Brake gently! Catch up and wait for food! Turn on the turn signal! Turn off the steering wheel! Go down like a fool!

13, when driving fast, the coach said: Only when the courage of being an official is getting bigger and bigger and the courage of driving is getting smaller and smaller, you are an exception!

14, another time I heard the coach training the students: you can't learn like this, just understand for yourself! I'm still meditating. Me!

15, I'm rude, and I'm always noisy when I practice driving. The coach has been reading: Oh, after all the trouble, are you trying to unplug my steering wheel? Do you want me to get you a tank to drive?

16, in the summer, Anonymous took a road test. She kept looking down at the gear nervously and the examiner stopped her. This woman is more nervous. She looked up at the front, reached for the gear and accidentally touched the examiner's thigh! The examiner said with a straight face, I won't buy your set!

17, when I learned to drive, I used an old pickup truck. A person in our group is a chef in our school and has great strength. Once when parking on the ramp, the coach said: You pull the brake hard, you pull hard, you pull hard. . . . As a result, the chef pulled the handbrake hard.

Coach: See that man? Trainee: I saw the coach: I killed him. Student: I dare not. Coach: I dare not. If you don't fucking brake, there is a piece of meat hanging on the steering wheel. Dogs can drive better than you!

19, a few days ago, my colleague learned to walk on the road. The coach told her to step on the gas. She fished for a long time without stepping on it. She blurted out: where is the oil? Where is the oil? Make the coach happy: in the supermarket, there are vegetable oil and peanut oil. Which one do you want?

20. The examiner rushed out of the room and waved his fist at me and shouted: Fail! ! ! Knock down seven, how the fuck did you learn! I admit that I am a poor driver, but don't exaggerate! There are six poles in all. Where did you get seven? Then the coach was lying there, too!

Talking about the emotional pressure of learning to drive in summer. I learned to drive seriously, and I was seriously burned into briquettes.

1 When I learned to drive, I used a very old pickup truck. A person in our group is a chef in our school and has great strength. Once when parking on the ramp, the coach said: You pull the brake hard, you pull hard, you pull hard. . . . As a result, the chef pulled the handbrake hard.

2. After another candidate got on the bus successfully, he sat in the driver's seat and lit a fire. After stepping on the accelerator to check the instrument, he said to the examiner: report to the examiner that the instrument is normal and request to take off. (It should be aimed at the requirements. It is estimated that candidates have the ideal of being a pilot since childhood. After listening, the examiner calmly replied: permission to take off, pay attention to the high-voltage line ahead.

The exam is coming to an end. The examiner said: stop in front. Unexpectedly, there is a fire hydrant in front. The student was shocked and replied: report the fire hydrant, you can't stop ahead.

4. The examiner rushed out of the room and waved his fist at me and shouted: Fail! ! ! Knock down seven, how the fuck did you learn! I admit that I am a poor driver, but don't exaggerate! There are six poles in all. Where did you get seven? Then the coach was lying there, too!

If people are too nervous, they don't know what they are talking about. Last time, there was a student driving test in our driving school. After getting on the bus, everything was ready, but the car just wouldn't start. The examiner asked if he was ready. The student said he was ready, and the examiner asked, why don't you start the car and go? The student said, report to the dog officer, there is an examiner in front of the car!

Before the road test, as usual, a candidate stood in front of the driver's seat and reported to the examiner, for example, that student xxx asked to get on the bus. Examiner's response: permission to get on the bus. As a result, an unfortunate girl said: Report to the examiner, student xxx asked to sleep. Small goods and big goods are mostly tested by students and coaches. At that time, all beings laughed together. What's more, the examiner replied as soon as he listened to the music: Allow me to sleep. Which one do you think is suitable?

7. Coach: Did you see that man? Trainee: I saw the coach: I killed him. Student: I dare not. Coach: I don't even dare to brake.

8. Regarding the departure, a buddy said because he was nervous: The instrument is all right and he asked to get up. The examiner was happy when he heard it: haven't you woken up yet? Allow to get up

9. Hang a piece of meat on the steering wheel, and the dog is better than you!

10, I heard my uncle tell a joke when he was taking the car test (years ago): At that time, everyone tried their best to please the examiner and used all bt tricks. One got on the bus, didn't light the fire first, and smirked at the examiner around him. The examiner smiled and asked him what he was smirking about. He said: I think you are thinking like my third uncle's examiner is unconscious.

1 1. Another person got on the bus and said to the examiner first: I am too nervous to drive when you sit next to me. The examiner gave him a white look: don't be nervous, drive yours well. Then the man began to talk to himself: In fact, I also know that there is no need to be nervous, but I just can't control myself. Just now, I asked the students who just came down if there was any way not to be nervous. They told me: Don't think about anything when you get on the bus, just think that you are alone in the car now, or that a dog sitting next to you is unconscious again ~ ~ ~

12, my colleague learned to hit the road a few days ago. The coach told her to step on the gas. She fished for a long time without stepping on it. She blurted out: where is the oil? Where is the oil? Make the coach happy: in the supermarket, there are vegetable oil and peanut oil. Which one do you want? 、

13. Where the heart goes, where the hand goes, where the car goes. How many years of practice does it take? When the car becomes your body, the car is you, a living person. When the car leaves, you are walking. At this time, driving is not driving a vehicle, but getting along with people, talking to the environment and handling everything.

14. Legend of Jianghu people: How can a person wander in Jianghu without being stabbed? Rough language, rough reasoning. The lyrics of the song "People Wandering in Rivers and Lakes" are very inspirational and interesting: if you want to live, don't be afraid of being stabbed, and the difficulties will be less; If you want to climb, don't be afraid of wrestling. Stand up and walk on your bright road. Being a man should be like sailing in the sea, driving on the road, not afraid of difficulties, going forward bravely, not afraid of pain, not afraid of being bruised all over, bravely breaking through the world and showing your style.

15, life is like driving on the road. How can we avoid several setbacks and pain points? In life, injuries are inevitable. Every scar contains the rhythm of life, and notes such as courage, perseverance and persistence flow gracefully. Every scar is a flag. If you follow, you will continue to accumulate rationality and experience and become mature and stable. Life has more weight and connotation because of wounds, and life has more spirit and strength because of scars.

16, at night, it's past 9 o'clock, and I'm driving alone on the road in the city. The noisy city has quieted down at the moment, and the lights and songs from the stereo and the mysterious neon lights outside the window give people an unreal feeling. In the window of the shopping mall, modernist photo advertisements are secretive and vivid against the bright lights. The car is driving, the window is open, the wind is blowing, long hair is dancing with the wind, and the refreshing wind is mixed with the breath of the city.

17. Some car owners often forget to re-lock the central locking when turning off the engine. At this point, anyone passing by can easily open the car door and may inadvertently steal or rob property. So, even if you are still waiting in the car, lock the door again and put your important things in a place where you can take care of them easily.

18, it's no use just thinking about learning to drive. I'm usually too busy to go anywhere. I go out to buy food and shopping, but the vegetable market and the big supermarket are at home, which is very convenient. If you travel far away, you will go to a bus stop or a subway station. After all, driving is vanity and has no special practical value.

Dad talked about driving when he was learning to drive.

1. I never thought that I learned to drive so slowly because I couldn't make an appointment for the exam. It's boring to be at home every day!

2. Touch porcelain dog, square dance, driving school coach 250.

3. "When you get your license and buy a car, be sure to drive to the training ground and show it to me, so that I can remember you. When I meet you driving on the road, I will stay away!"

I suggest you learn a racing driver's license in the future! You are not fit to drive such an ordinary car!

5. The examiner rushed out of the room and shouted at me with his fist: "Fail! ! ! Knocked down seven, how did you learn! " "I admit that my driving skills are poor, but you also don't exaggerate, ok! There are six poles in all. Where did you get seven? " Then the coach was lying there, too!

6. Learning to drive without words is really the most negative thing I have experienced since I was a child.

7. Coach: See the man in front? Hit him! Me: I dare not. Coach: Don't be afraid to step on the brakes!

8. Learning to drive is too difficult. I'm going to be scolded to death. I am so poor, timid and cowardly.

9. I failed the exam of subject 2 twice. I want to give up because I am studying driving in other places. Please give me an advantage of not being able to drive.

10. I'm a little nervous, because I have to take subject 2 tomorrow. I hope we can have one. But I haven't won my first victory yet.

1 1. It is not necessarily the boss who draws Chinese, but the driving school coach.

12. I failed the first exam. Coach: I don't blame your poor driving skills, but our coach is worthless.

13. People who are not nervous about having children are nervous about taking subject 2, and the logic is broken.

14. I have to come here! I don't know if it's because I'm stupid or something, and I'm inexplicably afraid to drive. My parents have been urging me to practice driving recently. I'm so annoyed.

15. You drove my Volkswagen out of the sound of a sports car!

16. I tied a piece of meat to the front of the car, and the dog drives better than you!

17. I was so nervous about the second exam that I turned the library upside down. ......

18. The story of our driving school, the road test, the examiner said: turn left around the island ahead, the students said: I understand, turn left around the island ahead, I turn around, the examiner said, get off, fail, the students don't understand. Can you let me die? The examiner said in a daze: you count how many times you turned before you turned around ~ ~

19. Everyone must pay more attention to safety when crossing the road in the future. Ben, who can ride a bike, began to learn to drive.

20. change it. I can't teach you.

2 1. Are you trying to kick me out by stepping on the brakes like this?

22. Thank you for giving me this time. I was very happy when I was in driving school, except waiting for the bus. Thank you for rejecting me, which makes me feel at ease and wishes you happiness.

23. About the beginning, there was also a "buddy who said he did it because he was nervous: the instrument was all right" and asked to get up. The examiner was happy when he heard it: haven't you woken up yet? Allow to get up

24. Every word in the name of the freshman newspaper and the certificate obtained by the senior graduation is typed with tears.

25. I passed the exam in subject 2 and cried after the exam.

26. Others step on clutch, and I step on joys and sorrows.

27. When you went to driving school, you asked me to pray for you.

28. I am very happy to talk to you for so long today. Let's call it a day. I feel broken. I found that many friends will have exams tomorrow. I hope you can help.

29. "Sorry, coach, I stopped awry again." No way, the road is crooked!

Quotations that accompany you all your life, don't regret it.

1, in fact, you have changed a long time ago, but I have been holding on to memories.

Life is just a drop in the ocean, but it carries too many feelings.

Never compare new love with old love, it can only prove that you can't let go of old love.

4. The original love is also a kind of love, and the original heartache can also be treated gently.

Happiness means holding the right hand, even if you lose everything, you will not be afraid.

6. If you miss it, there will be new encounters; Fate is, neither early nor late, just right.

7. The greatest admiration in life is that you can afford it, and the greatest comfort in life is to let go.

8. You said you would love me all my life, but I forgot to ask, what was that life?

9. Shakespeare once said: There is love at this age, but there is no future.

10, you have come, I don't think you will leave; When you left, I pretended that you had never lived in the future.

1 1, girl, remember that you are not married to a prince, but to someone who treats you as a princess.

12, some people, one person, can't say anything but like it.

13, happiness, just talking casually, but not everyone is qualified to talk casually about happiness.

14, if it weren't for you, I could laugh at love unscrupulously.

15, love is to make us blush first, then blush.

16, I used time to prove my singleness, but you let time prove my stupidity.

17. If we hadn't met at the beginning, wouldn't there be today's pain?

18, the most tacit thing we do is that I ignore you and you ignore me.

19. If you can't forget him, don't forget him. It doesn't take effort to really forget him.

20. Beauty can only provide eyes for others, but it may not bring happiness.

2 1, clearly know the ending, why do you want to continue, can't let go in your heart, or something.

22. I just hope we are all well. That's funny. Live a good life. Live a good life.

23. I never thought that one day: you would hold someone's hand and forget me.

No matter how confused I am at the moment, in the end, I will live the life I want.

25. Time is always old, and we all live in the past.

26, take others too seriously, as a result, you are nothing in the eyes of others. Everyone is fine.

27. A very real girl is better than a group of fake women who are full of calculations.

28. In fact, you have changed, but I have always been obsessed with memories.

29. Love is superficial with youth, so superficial that it is within reach. I don't want it.

30, clearly know the ending, why continue, can't let go in my heart, or something.

3 1, separation is another kind of understanding, don't torture yourself with past memories.

32. The ending of all stories has long been doomed, no matter whether the process is sad or happy.

33. The only thing in the world that will get better and better with time is memory.

34, is there a person, you said countless times to give up, but after all, still reluctant.

35, always unclear, why bother, the world is too chaotic, just be comfortable.

36, some people are still alive, he is dead; Some people are alive, and he should have died.

37. If there is a pear, put it in the refrigerator and it will turn into a frozen pear.

38. If fate grabs your throat, grab his armpit.

39. Life is a fucking liar, but I still care shamelessly in front of my children.

40. Some people started out as myths and later became jokes. Some people, at first a joke, later became a myth.

4 1, as long as the kung fu is deep, hibiscus is thin into needles; I am willing to get away with it, and Xifeng will get a green card.

42. Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

43. People say things and fart. Talking and farting are just one breath.

44. Showing off your wealth is like being complacent, trying to show off your gorgeous appearance, but being seen by someone else's ass.

45. In fact, you don't have to feel inferior, because you have won the championship among tens of millions or even hundreds of millions of players.

46. The alarm clock only wakes up my body, but not my sleeping heart.

47. Failure is success. His stepmother won't help her when she sees her child fail!

48. The most painful thing in the world is to sleep well and be awakened by urine.

49. Throw away what you can't keep as far as possible. You might bump into something and bounce back.

50. Don't engage in porcelain without Jin Gangzuan, and don't wear short skirts without golden hoops.

5 1, wake up every morning, you and sunshine are there, this is the future I want.

52. When I was a child, smiling was a kind of mood; When you grow up, a smile is an expression.

53. To admit your greatness is to admit your ignorance.

54, don't rely too much on a person, because of dependence, so expect, because of expectation, so disappointed.