Do you have any funny little jokes? The more the better

An energetic old lady went to catch the bus. After getting on the bus, a polite boy scout stood up and gave up his seat to the old woman. The old woman said: "Sit tight, I'm still very young, I don't need you to give up your seat to me!"

After a while the boy scout Jun stood up again, and the old woman patted him on the shoulder and said, "It doesn't matter. You don't have to let me sit. I'm not that old. I'm still young!" After three, three, and four times, the boy scout cried! "Old lady, I've been home for several stops, why don't you let me go home!!!"

Some people like the dish "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" very much. One time, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked disappointedly. "Sir, it's really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table." The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's meal was almost finished, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed to the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. Suddenly, he found a very small mouse with all its fur lying on the bottom of the casserole. The man felt nauseated and vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was there with his stomach turning, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it? I was like that just now..."

There was a child sitting at a doorway playing. A middle-aged man asked him: "Is your father at home?"

The child replied: "At home", and the middle-aged man went to ring the doorbell. After ringing for a long time, no one opened the door.

So the man asked angrily: "Why don't you open the door?"

The little boy replied: "How did I know, this is not my home!"

Husband I went abroad for inspection, and my wife and little daughter were at home.

The daughter said to her mother: "I want a little brother!"

The mother said: "This is a good idea, but don't you think you should wait for your father to come back?"

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The little daughter said: "Why can't we give him a surprise?"

One day the turtle family had a mountain climbing picnic. After climbing for 50 years, they finally climbed up a big mountain, so they sat down Come down and start the picnic. When he first opened his backpack, the turtle's father was surprised to find that he had forgotten to bring the can opener... so he had to ask the little turtle to go home and get it. . The little turtle was helpless and said to his parents, "You can't eat while I'm gone." The turtle's parents agreed casually...200 years passed quickly...but the little turtle hasn't come back yet...so. There was no choice but to eat something else first... When the turtle's father was about to throw the food into his mouth, the little turtle suddenly jumped out of the grass and said, "Haha... I've been waiting here for 200 years to know. You will eat it secretly...

A female alien who was engaged in biological research came to the earth. After walking around, she felt that there was something wrong with human genes. There was little to learn from, so she captured a man and wanted to bring him back with the text information about human genes. However, the spacecraft was too small to take him away, and the information was too large to be taken away at once. At this moment, the computer help system of the spacecraft said: "This man has a small stick on his body that can solve all your problems..." Then she suddenly realized it, and said to the man with a smile and saliva: ". . . . . Give me the USB flash drive! ”

One day, a man was sitting in a bar staring at his drink. At this time, a truck driver came over and drank his drink in one gulp.

The man burst into tears. The truck driver hurriedly said: "What's the big deal? I'll buy you a drink later." ”

The man twitched and said, “No, today is my most unlucky day.” This morning, my alarm clock broke and I was late for work. My boss got mad and fired me.

Just as I was getting ready to go home, I discovered my car had been stolen and the police said there was nothing they could do. So I took a taxi home. When I got home, I left my wallet in the taxi and the driver drove away. After I got home, I found that my wife was having an affair with the gardener, so I came here and planned to commit suicide. At this time, you appeared and drank all my poison. "

A cavalryman was unfortunately captured during the battle.

"We will kill all prisoners. "The enemy leader said to him, "However, because you performed bravely and admirably in the battle, I can kill you in three days and satisfy your three requirements before that. Now, you can make your first request.

The cavalryman said without thinking, "I want to say something to my horse." "The leader agreed. So the cavalryman walked over and whispered something to his horse. After hearing this, the horse roared and galloped away. At dusk, the horse came back with a beautiful girl on its back. That night , the cavalryman spent the night with the girl. The leader exclaimed: "What a magical horse!" "He said, "However, I still want to kill you. What's your second request? "

The cavalry asked to speak to the horse again. The leader agreed, so the cavalry whispered to the horse again, and the horse roared again and galloped away. At dusk, the horse came back again, This time the girl on his back was even more sexy and touching than the last time. That night, the cavalryman spent another happy night with the girl.

The leader was greatly impressed: "You and your horse. It's all eye-opening, but I'm still going to kill you tomorrow. Now you make your last request. The cavalryman thought for a moment and said, "I want to talk to my horse alone." "The leader felt strange, but he nodded in agreement and left with his entourage. Only the cavalry and his BMW were left in the tent. The cavalry stared at his horse, suddenly grabbed its ears, and said angrily: “I say it again, bring a brigade, not a woman! ”

Xiao Xin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you named yourself Xin, just like some people are short of gold in their lives. Water is named Miao, and some people are named Sen if they lack wood in their lives.

Xiaoxin: Dad, what do you think Sister Guo Jingjing is missing in her life?

Work 76. The bus was overcrowded. There was a man and a woman standing close to the door. The man wore glasses, carried a leather bag, and had a frivolous look on his face. The woman looked like a standard OL. The two talked unscrupulously:

Male: Is your husband not at home tonight? (It’s a lot quieter around here...)

Female: Well, he is out of town this week.

Male: Can we play tonight? ( The uncle next door turned to look...)

Female: What do you want to do? (The aunt next door also turned to look..)

Male: Just keep doing it, I'll get a room (The middle school student next door also turned around...)

Female: Oh, I won't come if you ask for a room, or I will. (Everyone was shocked...)

Male: That's cool, you Come on, I'll come in and beat you to death (the crowd around me gasped...)

Female: She thinks I'm easy to bully and says, I don't know which one to do, and I can't bear it and don't ask for mercy (the crowd's eyes exude BS) )

Male: No matter how fierce you are, I can only stay with you for one hour. I have to stay with my girlfriend at night (there is murderous intent in the carriage...)

Female: Call her. Get up and play (Faint...)

Male: She only knows how to fight landlords, not mahjong... (all run away)

A professor was teaching in the field: "Do not be afraid of scientific research dirty. . . "Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate hurriedly said: "I'm not afraid of getting dirty. . . Then he poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick it clean. The professor said, "In addition, you must be good at observation. I just poked the dung with my middle finger, but I licked it with my index finger." . . "-

Cao Cao fought against Ma Chao at Tongguan, cut off his beard and discarded his robe and returned in defeat, so he kept sighing in the big tent.

Zhang Liao: "Prime Minister, why are you sighing?"

"Hey!" Cao Cao: "I was thinking, it would be great if Guan Yu was still under my command."

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"Yes!" Zhang Liao nodded and said, "If there is a cloud here, I will definitely be able to kill the horse and surpass him."

"That's not what I meant." Cao Cao said. He stroked the half of his beard and said: "Today Ma Chao shouted, 'The one with the beard is Cao Cao, catch the one with the beard.' If Guan Yu were here...his beard is much longer than mine, I would still Is it necessary to be so miserable?"

The history teacher asked: What horse did Guan Yu ride in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms? No one in the audience answered. The teacher reminded again: Think again, this horse Lu Bu has also ridden. At this time someone answered: Diao Chan. The teacher was furious: Bastard! ! ! I asked about riding during the day! ! !

There is a prince who is cursed and can only speak one word a year, but he likes a princess very much, so you endure it without speaking for five years. After you have saved five words, you come to the princess and say: "Please marry me!"

The princess said in shock: "What?"

A, B and C were traveling together, and A caught a cold...

In the evening , everyone sleeps in the same bed, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night...A sneezed hard, and B and B's whole face was covered with A's crystals.

B and C: You will inform us next time...

Half an hour passed

A: Pay attention...

B and C After hearing this, he quickly got under the quilt and made sure there was no connection with the outside world...

Then A farted

They were all collected before...