I can't help feeling sad at the thought of your future without me.

Every night when we lie down, you will nest in my arms for a while. We didn't fall asleep right away, but talked all the time.

Tonight, the theme of our conversation is that while you are waiting for your birthday, I will give you a gift. You suddenly said that when you grow up, all your things should be left to your children. You say that because your child has nothing.

I said yes, then whether you gave birth to a boy or a girl, you replied, of course it is a girl, as long as the girl is quiet. I won't talk to you too much. When this happens, you will understand that you want to buy whatever your child likes.

After a while, after we said good night to each other, you fell asleep soon. I pulled my arm out from under your neck, and you rolled over and slept on the wall.

I can't sleep, and faint sadness comes to my mind.

I can't help but feel sad when I listen to your childish words about your children. Now that we are the closest people, there will be more and more people in your world in the future. Where will I line up?

When I think like this, I can't help thinking of your grandmother, my mother. When I grow up, I always want to go out and break into the outside world, and gradually get farther and farther away from home. I have my own family, and now my five-year-old daughter, you, has become the most important person in my life.

Is my mother sad, too?

These days, we often talk about people getting old and dying. Because on the first day of October last month, we went out for a walk, and you saw a lot of paper money sellers on the street. You asked me why. I said people bought paper money for the dead to burn.

At first, you were afraid that I would get old. Will mom get old after asking? I said that as long as I keep happy, I won't get old. You looked at me sadly and said you hoped I wouldn't get old.

You said you would be like your mother when you grow up, but don't wear glasses like your mother. I'm glad you said that. You said your mother was the most beautiful mother. I believe you will be a hundred times more beautiful than your mother when you grow up.

Once, we watched the beautiful scenery on TV together. You said you wanted to go. I said when you grow up, you can go wherever you want. You said that when you grow up, you will go to that beautiful place with your husband. When you come back, draw me a picture and burn it for me.

I was already sad when I heard that you didn't have me in your trip. When I heard you say that, I thought I was dead. You want to draw a beautiful picture and burn it for me underground. You also said that when you grow up and become beautiful, you should burn a photo of you for my father and me so that we can see that you are beautiful.

Dear baby, we shouldn't die so early. We can watch you grow up, and you just said it unintentionally. But, my heart, when I think that you don't have my future vision, my sadness is almost a river against the current.

You forget that a few months ago, you tried to take my husband. You said you would marry your father when you grew up. No matter which male star you see on TV, you will say that your father is the most handsome, and you will cry even if you are not allowed to marry him.

When you were a child, you said many times that you wanted to marry your father, and his father had to correct you. Your child could not marry his own father. I advised him not to explain, although you are not yet five years old. You see, your world is not all fathers now. You see the cool boys who work out on TV, and you say they are so cool. When you grow up, you need to find a man like that

You are my first child and will be the only one. I have been with you since I was born. My child has no one to take care of, and I am reluctant to give you to anyone. Now you are the person I cherish most.

I know that one day, I won't be everything to you, and you will grow up and leave me slowly, because I haven't experienced your leaving when you grow up, so I don't know what I will be like at that time. Just like before I gave birth, I didn't know I would like being with you so much.

I am experiencing happiness with you now.

I like to hear that you want to open a Chongqing noodle restaurant when you grow up, so that my father and I can eat it for free. I like to hear that you want to open a barber shop when you grow up and ask your father to cut your hair for free. I like to hear you say that when you grow up, you can open a bookstore, give it to others for free, and open a clothing store for free.

I'm afraid to hear you say that mom is old, and I'm afraid to hear you say that you and your husband and your children.

I can't help feeling sad at the thought of your future without me.