Humorous jokes

1, the night is dark and windy. A woman was walking alone on the road. Suddenly, a strange man stood in front of her with a dagger.

The woman trembled with fear, but she listened to the man's speech politely: "Sister, can you give me some money?" Have pity on me, a poor man who has no job and is starving! You see, the only property I have now is this dagger! "

2. An old woman suffered from eye disease, and she was treated by a doctor. After the doctor saw the doctor, she paid for the business with the old lady.

After that, the doctor came to give her medicine every day, and when she finished taking the medicine, she closed her eyes and stole things.

A month later, the doctor said that she was well and the old lady was paid.

The old woman refused to say, "My eyes are not cured, but worse." I used to see everything at home, but now I don't see much. "

A lady with four children is sitting in the train carriage. The children are fighting, making noise, pushing and screaming.

A passenger said unhappily, "When traveling, at least half of your children should stay at home."

The lady sighed. "That's what I did."

4. A man asked his friend, "Why do you laugh when you smoke? Is the cigarette delicious? "

The friend replied, "No, I just read in the book that smoking a cigarette will shorten your life span by 5 seconds, while smiling will prolong your life span by 10 seconds ... so you can live forever!" " "

5. Actor: "Director, I didn't appear until the end of the play, and I walked silently across the stage with a suitcase in my hand. I don't have much drama. "

Hearing this, the director said sincerely, "What you said is reasonable. When you come out tomorrow, you can carry two suitcases. "

1, someone is dumb, he will pay a New Year call to his father-in-law, but he won't say a good word.

His wife taught him: "I wish my father-in-law luck and happiness, and live a long life."

I'm afraid he forgot to put in a good word, so I walked and watched. When crossing the wooden bridge, he was a little flustered, shaking from side to side and sweating with fear.

Cross the bridge, damn it! I forgot all the words! Go back and ask, it's too far.

It suddenly occurred to him that I made a slip of the tongue when crossing the bridge. I must have fallen into the river. Go into the water and touch them! But after touching for a long time, where can I touch it? Had to slouch forward.

At the beginning of the banquet, the eldest son-in-law first got up and made a toast: "I wish my father-in-law happiness as the East China Sea and a longer life than Nanshan!"

At this time, he just arrived. Hearing this, he flew into a rage and rushed forward. He slapped his eldest son-in-law and scolded, "So you took my words and made me miserable in the river!" "

2. Liu suffers from eye disease. He was bitten by his own dog when he went out to see a doctor.

When the doctor examined him, he also told the doctor about the dog biting clothes.

The doctor jokingly said to him, "Your dog must have something wrong with his eyes, otherwise how could he bite his master's clothes?"

When Liu came home, he thought, "This dog has an eye disease. Biting me is a trivial matter. If a thief comes at night and he can't see it, it's a big deal! "

So he boiled the medicine prescribed by the doctor, fed it to the dog first, and ate the rest of the dregs himself.

3. A man wanted to shovel, and a blacksmith happened to pass by the door. He called the blacksmith into the house, took the weight and told him to hit him.

The blacksmith said, "This is pig iron. You can't beat it. "

The man said, "Then come tomorrow and I'll get you wrought iron."

The next day, the blacksmith arrived as promised, and the man fished out the weight from the pot.

The blacksmith said unhappily, "I told you this is pig iron and can't be used!" " "

Unexpectedly, this person also lost his temper: "Don't try to be brave if the technology is not good! I put this weight in the pot yesterday and cooked it in the middle of the night with a big fire. How can you say it's still raw!