Joke sentence

1. A customer called to apply for a payment card, and her boyfriend asked when looking up the customer's name. How do you spell your name? The customer did not hesitate to answer:? Written with a pen! ?

2. By the lake, a painter was painting, and a man and a woman came behind him. They watched it for a while, and finally the girlfriend said to her boyfriend in an irrefutable tone: Look, honey, how miserable it is not to buy a camera! ?

3. The little earthworm is doing math, counting with a small stick and finding that there are not enough sticks. The little earthworm calls:? Dad, find me twenty sticks. ? Father earthworm picked up a knife, cut himself into twenty pieces, and then said weakly, Take it. Chopping your mother is not enough. ?

Once I was drinking water in the office, suddenly the girl sitting in front said to sing us a song on the beach, and everyone acquiesced? Sister began to sing: streaking, streaking, streaking is bad for your health? Suddenly a mouthful of water sprayed on the computer screen, ruining the three views of Shanghai beach?

5、? It's amazing! ? A bald man stood in front of the mirror and said to his son. ? Who are you talking about? The son asked in surprise. ? Of course it's you, dad. Look at my age, I have no white hair. . . ?

6. I went shopping to buy porcelain. I saw a white bowl with great personality, so I bought it and asked my boss before I left. Can I steam it in a pan? The boss was surprised, then looked at me and said, I think so, but this is a flowerpot. ?

7. My boyfriend flew back to his hometown in two days and said to his fiancee, I'm dead, so find another one. You are still young. Don't be a widow for me. The fiancee nodded tearfully: Don't worry, I've found it all, just waiting for you.

8. One of my classmates' old watches is broken. He was filled with joy and wanted his father to buy him a new one. After the phone call, he said, Dad, my watch is broken! ? Listen to his father loudly answer:? It's half past nine! ?

9. a:? Please make an appointment to invite me to dinner at least three days in advance? B said enviously:? Wow! I didn't expect you to have a lot of entertainment! ? A:? No, I'm hungry for three days before I can eat much! ?

10, in the bathhouse, a man said to his friend, look at that man's bottle. It's a shame for a man to take this thing to the bath. His friend asked, how do you know? Answer, I have used it for more than ten years, just look at the bottle cap.

1 1. According to Xinhua News Agency, a user in Chengdu was knocked down by current while checking short messages. After investigation, it was caused by static electricity in his clothes. Experts remind you to take off your clothes before checking the text message to avoid danger. Ha ha!

12, my wife can't get out of bed on confinement. I took care of her carefully, and my wife was moved to say, I'll wait on you when you are paralyzed! ? I'm so touched.

13, I remember playing house with two girls in kindergarten. I said:? I want to be a father! ? A girl said:? I want to be a mother! ? Another girl said shyly: Then ... then I have to be a mistress!

14, at 2 o'clock in the middle of the night, the drunken boyfriend went home. The wife is angry: I have repeatedly told you not to drink more than two bottles and go home at ten o'clock. Do you dare not listen to me? Boyfriend: I remember backwards.

15, my girlfriend is going to take the exam. I handed the examiner 500 yuan as soon as she got on the bus. He said:? Sorry, sir, I don't accept bribes. ? I said,? No, it's not a bribe. It's the repair fee. ?

16. In the morning, my girlfriend and two colleagues bought steamed bread and put it in the microwave to eat it hot. As a result, the three of them discussed for a long time whether to adjust the fire to medium or high heat. What time is it? Ding? With a cry, three people turned on the microwave oven and looked at it. As a result, they forgot to put the steamed stuffed bun in.

17, "One day, a toothpick and his girlfriend were walking on the road and saw a thorn. Quickly said a sentence:? Bus, stop! ? The accusation said:? Sorry, the bus is full. Please take the next bus. ? "

18. Yesterday, a family of four ate out and settled 255 yuan. I said to myself, Huo, it's almost 250 yuan. I asked my boss's wife for a scratch prize and won 5 yuan! ! ! The proprietress murmured, this time it is really 250. . .

19, my boyfriend works in Unicom, and one day I received a phone call: hello? Hello, is this the telephone office? Well, the telephone line here is too long. Hey, can you stop the car?

20. On WeChat that day, I sent a message to a strange MM:? Beauty, are you coming out to play? Gross! Then forget it. I wish you a speedy recovery! ?

2 1, when I was in college, a female classmate in the dormitory looked at herself in the mirror every day and said, alas, a large group of men surround me like flies every day, which is annoying. The upper berth finally couldn't help but say, probably because you look like shit!

22. A criminal is about to be shot, but the bullet quality is not very good. The first shot was empty, then the second shot went off, and the third shot, the criminal cried and said, brother, strangle me, it's too scary.

23. Grandpa: Xiao Ming, you should study hard, or Xiao Ming: Otherwise you can't get a good wife. Grandpa: Who told you that? Xiaoming: Dad. Grandpa: Silly boy, not only can't get a good wife, but also gave birth to a silly son.

24. I went to the toilet with a stomachache and farted for a long time. After taking a shower and preparing to leave, there came a sentence next door:? Dude, do you have any more paper? Just scared by you, the paper fell into the pit.

25. A chicken asked the cow: Where is the master? Niu: I went out to buy mushrooms. The chicken ran away when it heard this. The cow said, why are you running? Chicken: Don't run when the master buys potatoes!

26. the doctor asked: Miss! What's the matter with you? What's the matter? Let me take a look for you! ? Miss coming back: I'm fine! My child is ill and needs to see a doctor! But I left the baby at home and forgot to bring it out?

27. There are many animated CDs at home, but it is difficult to manage, so I marked them with A, B, C and D. One day, my son clamored for an animated CD, and I asked him: Which movie do you want to see? The son said neatly: Porn!

28. Tell my husband that I'm not going to buy new clothes this Spring Festival! Save money! My husband looked at me and said, honey, let's buy clothes! So at least I can know where the money is spent! ?

It was too cold when waiting for the bus, so my boyfriend swayed from side to side. I said, you are QQ, and he said, mm-hmm. Then after a long time, he coughed twice, I asked. Caught a cold. He said I was QQ. It took me a while to react: this is to add me as a friend.

His girlfriend is impatient because you like to brag about yourself like that. One day, when her boyfriend was bragging to people that he was a martial arts champion, his girlfriend swept his leg from behind and made him lie down. Boyfriend said: This is my coach.

3 1, to save money, you must learn to bargain! For example, if you buy something with a price tag of 1000 yuan, you must pretend it doesn't matter. Then the counter-offer is only willing to pay 20 yuan, and then the boss will definitely say: get out! Get out of here and the money will be saved! !

32. My boyfriend asked his girlfriend to go to the movies, but she kept putting on makeup in the house and refused to come out. When I came out, I found my boyfriend reading the newspaper leisurely, with a puzzled face. Why don't you make my boyfriend laugh? It's nothing. I just got back from the movies. ?

33. girlfriend:? Do you really want to eat here? The price of this restaurant is insanely expensive. ? Boyfriend:? How expensive. ? Girlfriend: It's so expensive that I want to pack the unfinished water and take it home. ?

In the afternoon, my wife and I played in bed. My wife pretended to kick me out of bed. My three-year-old daughter saw me and said with indignation. Come on, dad, mom won't let you sleep in her bed. I'll take you to your aunt's bed! ! ! ?

35. Fireflies visited the zoo. The monkey found out and chased him all night. Firefly: I said monkey, why do you always chase me? Monkey: Do you think I want to chase you? I'm chasing the fire on your ass!