Who has Lao She's Crescent Moon? I want the whole one.

one

Yes, I saw the crescent moon again, the light golden hook, with a little chill. How many times have I seen the same crescent moon as this one? How many times? It carries different feelings and different landscapes. When I sat down to look at it, it hung obliquely on the blue sky in my memory again and again. It awakens my memory, just like the evening breeze blowing through a sleeping flower.

two

For the first time, it was really cold in Leng Yue. It was sour and bitter on my cloud for the first time, and its faint golden light shone on my tears. At that time, I was only seven years old, a little girl in a short red cotton-padded jacket. Wearing a small hat sewn by my mother, blue cloth with small flowers printed on it, I remember. I leaned against the crib in that hut and looked at the crescent moon. The room smells of medicine, smoke, mother's tears and father's illness; I watched the crescent moon on the steps alone, and no one greeted me or cared about cooking dinner for me. I know this house is terrible, because everyone says my father is ill ... but I feel more miserable. I am cold and hungry, and no one cares about me. I stood until the new moon set. There is nothing left. I can't help crying. But my crying was suppressed by my mother; Dad, be quiet. You have a piece of white cloth on your face. I want to open the white cloth and see my father again, but I dare not. There is only a little space at home, which is occupied by my father. My mother is dressed in white, and my red coat is covered with a white robe without seams. I remember it because I have been tearing off the white silk on the edge. Everyone is busy, shouting and crying, but there are not many things, and it seems that it is not worth shouting: Dad is locked in such a four-piece coffin, and there are cracks everywhere. Then, five or six people carried him away. My mother and I are crying in the back. I remember my father, I remember my father's affairs box. That box ended everything for my father: whenever I think of my father, I think that I can't see him unless I open the box. However, the box is deeply buried in the ground. I know it is buried somewhere outside the city, but it seems like a drop of rain falling on the ground and will never be found.

three

My mother and I were still wearing white robes, and I saw the crescent moon again. It was very cold that day, and my mother took me out of town to see my father's grave. Mother is holding a thin roll of paper. My mother was very kind to me that day. Give me a ride if I can't walk any further, and buy me some fried chestnuts at the gate. Everything is cold, only these chestnuts are hot; I can't bear to eat them. Use them to warm my hands. I don't remember how far I walked. That must be a long, long time. On the day of dad's funeral, I didn't seem to feel so far away, or it was because there were many people that day; It's just the two of us this time. Mom doesn't talk, and I'm too lazy to make any noise. All is silent. Those loess roads are quiet without a head. The day is short, I remember the grave: a small pile of soil, some high mounds in the distance, and the sun hangs obliquely on the yellow mounds. My mother seems to have forgotten me, pulled me aside and cried with her grave in her arms. I sat in front of the grave with chestnuts in my hand. Mother cried for a while and burned the paper. Some paper ashes rolled up in a circle or two before my eyes, and then fell lazily to the ground. The wind is light, but it is cold enough. Mother began to cry again. I miss dad, too, but I don't want to cry for him. I cried pitifully for my mother, but I also shed tears. I once held my mother's hand: "Mom doesn't cry! Stop crying! " Mother cried even harder. She held me in her arms. Seeing the sun set, there was no one around, only us girls. Mom seems a little scared, too. With tears in her eyes, she grabbed me and left. She turned around and I turned around: Dad's grave is not clear; There are graves on this side of the mound, a small pile and a small pile, which have been placed under the mound. Mother sighed. We walked slowly, and I saw the crescent moon before we reached the city gate. It was dark outside, there was no sound, only the crescent moon gave off cold light. I'm tired, and my mother will pick me up. I don't know how I got into town, except that there was a crescent moon in a daze.

four

Just eight years old, I learned to be a man. I know that if we don't get the money, we girls won't have food; Because mom has some ideas, but she won't ask me to go. You know, every time she gives me a small bag, I can't even see the bottom of the porridge in the pot. Our pot is sometimes as clean as a decent widow. On this day, I took a mirror. It's just that this thing seems unnecessary, although mom uses it every day. Spring came, and as soon as we took off our cotton-padded clothes, we entered the pawnshop. I hold this mirror. I know how to be careful, be careful and walk fast. Pawnshops have been here for a long time. I'm afraid of the Dahongmen in the pawnshop and the big, tall and long counter. My heart beats at the sight of that door. But I have to go in, as if I were climbing in. That high hurdle is too high. I have to give it up with all my strength and shout "Dangdang!" "With money and pawn tickets, knowing that my mother is not at ease, I know that I should be careful and hurry home. But this time the pawnshop doesn't want this mirror, so let me add another one. I know what "first" means. I held the mirror to my chest and ran home as fast as I could. Mother cried; She can't find the second thing. Accustomed to living in that hut, I always feel that there are many things; It was not until I helped my mother find clothes as chess pieces that my little heart realized that we had very little, very little. Mom stopped asking me to go. But "Mom, what shall we eat?" Mother cried and handed me the silver hairpin dates on her head. This is the only thing that is silver. I know, she pulled it several times, but she refused to be my pawn. This is a piece of jewelry from grandma's family when mom went out. Now, she gave me the last piece of silver and told me to put the mirror down. I tried my best to get back to the pawnshop, and the terrible door was closed. I sat on the dock with a silver hairpin. Dare not cry loudly, I look at the sky, ah, the crescent moon shines my tears again! Crying for a long time, my mother came in the dark, and she took my hand. Oh, what hot hands, I forgot all the suffering, even my hunger, as long as I have my mother's hot hands to hold me. I sobbed and said, "Mom! Let's go home and sleep. Come back tomorrow morning! "Mom didn't say anything. Walk for a while: "Mom! Look at this new moon; The day dad died, it was so crooked. Why is she always so inclined? " Mom still didn't say a word, and her hands trembled a little.

five

Mother washes clothes all day. I always wanted to help my mother, but I couldn't get in. I'll wait for my mother, and I won't sleep until she finishes. Sometimes the crescent moon has come up, and she still hums and washes. Those smelly socks, like hard cowhide, were sent by the guys in the shop. Mom can't eat these cowhide after washing them. I sat next to her and looked at the crescent moon. Bats will pass under that light, like water chestnuts on the silver line, and soon fall into darkness again. The more I pity my mother, the more I love this crescent moon, because I feel more comfortable looking at it. Summer is more lovely, always a little cold, like a piece of ice. I love the small shadow it leaves on the ground, and it will soon disappear; I am in a daze, but when the shadow disappears, the ground is particularly dark, the stars are particularly bright, and the flowers are particularly fragrant. Our neighbors have many flowers and trees, and that tall acacia always leaves flowers on our side like a layer of snow.

six

Mom has scales on her hands, so she can rub her back to stop itching. But I dare not work with her often. Her hands are rough. She is very thin and often doesn't eat because of smelly socks. I know mom will figure something out, I know. She often pushes her clothes aside and stares. She said to herself. What does she think? I can't guess.

seven

My mother told me not to be awkward and called me "dad": she found me another father. This is another father, I know, because a father has been buried in the grave. When mother told me, she looked away. She said with tears in her eyes, "You can't starve to death!" Oh, because I didn't starve to death, my mother found me another father! I don't understand many things, and I'm a little scared. I hope Jujube really won't be hungry again. What a coincidence! When we left the hut, a crescent moon hung in the sky. This crescent moon is clearer than any other one, and it is terrible; I want to leave this accustomed cabin. Mom sits in a red sedan chair, and there are some drummers in front. She didn't play well at all. The sedan chair went ahead, and I followed with a man. He held my hand. There is a little light in that terrible crescent moon, as if trembling in the cool wind. There are very few people in the street, only some wild dogs chase the drummer to bite; The sedan chair goes very fast. Where are you going? Do you want to take mom out of town to the cemetery? The man dragged me away and I was out of breath. I can't cry if I want to. The man's palms were sweaty and cold as a fish. I want to call it "mom", but I dare not. After a while, the crescent moon looked like a big gap to be closed, and the sedan chair entered an alley.

eight

It seems that I haven't seen the crescent moon for three or four years. The new father is very kind to us. He has two rooms. He lives in the back room with his mother and I sleep in the outer room. At first I wanted to sleep with my mother, but after a few days I fell in love with my cabin. There are white walls, a long table and a chair in the room. This seems to be all mine. My quilt is thicker and warmer than before. Mother is a little fatter, her face is red, and the scales on her hands are slowly falling off. I haven't been to Dangdang for a long time. My new father asked me to go to school. Sometimes he will play with me for a while. I don't know why I don't like calling him "Dad", although I know he is cute. He seems to know this, too. He often smiles at me like that. His eyes are beautiful when he smiles. But my mother secretly called me dad, and I didn't want to be embarrassed. I know in my heart that my mother and I are eating and drinking now because of this father, I understand. Yes, I don't remember seeing a crescent moon in these three or four years; I may have seen it, but I don't remember it. I will never forget the crescent moon when my father died and the crescent moon in front of my mother's sedan chair. That little bit of light, that little bit of cold, has always been in my heart, brighter and cooler than anything, like a piece of jade, and sometimes I feel as if I can touch it with my hands.

nine

I like school very much. I always feel that there are many flowers in school, but there are not; Just as I think of school, I think of flowers, just as I think of my father's grave, I think of crescent dates outside the city, curled up in the small wind in the wild. Mother likes flowers very much. Although she can't afford it, someone gave her one and she likes to wear it on her head. I will fold one or two flowers for her when I have the chance; Wearing a flower, my mother's shadow is still very young. Mom likes it, so do I. I like it at school, too Maybe because of this, I think of school and flowers?

ten

When I graduated from primary school, my mother asked me to go to Dangdang again. I don't know why my new father left suddenly. Mom doesn't seem to know where he has gone. My mother also asked me to go to school. She thinks my father will come back soon. He hasn't come back for many days, not even a letter. I think it's time for my mother to wash smelly socks again, which makes me extremely uncomfortable. But mom doesn't have such a plan. She still dresses up and loves flowers; Strange! She doesn't cry, but she is very funny; Why? I don't understand! Several times, I came to school and saw her standing at the door. Not long after, I was walking on the road, and someone "hi" me: "Hi! Send a message to your mother! " "ah! Are you selling it or not? Small and tender! " I blushed like a fire and hung my head as low as possible. I understand, but I just can't help it. I can't ask mom, I can't. She is very kind to me, and sometimes she solemnly says to me, "study!" " Study! "Mom can't read. Why are you urging me to study? I doubt it; I often suspect that my mother did it for me. Mom, there is no better way. When I doubt, I wish I could scold my mother. On second thought, I want to hug her and beg her not to do that again. I hate that I can't help my mother. So I also thought: What's the use of my primary school graduation? I inquired with my classmates, and some told me that several aunts graduated last year. Someone told me who the secret door is. I don't know much about these things, but judging from what they said, I guess it's not a good thing. They seem to know everything, and they also like to secretly say things that they know are unfair, making their faces red and showing their pride. I doubt my mother more. I don't know if I can do it after graduation ... Sometimes I'm afraid to go home. I'm afraid to meet my mother. My mother sometimes gives me money to buy snacks, but I refuse to spend it. I go to gymnastics hungry and often faint. How sweet it is to watch others eat snacks! But I have to save money, in case my mother asks me to go … I can run, if I have money. When I was richest, I had more than ten cents in my hand! At these times, even during the day, I sometimes look up at the sky to find my new moon. If the pain in my heart can be likened to a shape, it must be a crescent moon. It hangs helplessly in the gray-blue sky, with weak light, and will soon be wrapped in darkness.

eleven

What saddens me most is that I slowly learned to hate my mother. But whenever I hate her, I can't help but think of her carrying me to the grave. Considering this, I can't hate her. I have to hate her again. My heart is like a jujube or a crescent moon. It can only shine for a moment, but the darkness is infinite. Men often come to my mother's house, and she no longer avoids me. Their eyes looked at me like dogs, their tongues sticking out and their saliva hanging down. I'm more satisfied in their eyes, I can see that. After a while, I suddenly understood a lot of things. I know I have to protect myself. I feel as if I have something of value on me. I can smell what I have, which makes me shy and sentimental. I have some power, which can protect myself or destroy myself. Sometimes I am hard, sometimes I am soft. I don't know what to do. I want to love my mother. At this time, it is necessary for me to ask my mother and need her comfort. But this time, I have to avoid her, I have to hate her; Otherwise, I wouldn't exist. When I can't sleep, I calmly think that my mother can be forgiven. She has to look at our mouths. But it made me refuse to eat the food she gave me again. My heart is hot and cold, like the winter wind, take a break and blow hard again; I waited for my anger to come, and I couldn't stop it.

twelve

Things got worse when I didn't think of a good way. My mother asked me, "How come?" What if I really love her? My mother said that I should help her. Otherwise, she can't care about me anymore. It's not like mom can say, but she did say it. She made it clear: "I am old. In two years, no one will want it for nothing! " "That's right. Mom has been throwing a lot of powder recently, and her face is still showing a passbook. She wants to go further and serve a man. Her soul has no time to serve many people. For her own sake, someone can ask her to be a steamed stuffed bun shop at this time. The shopkeeper wants her to be jujube, and she should leave at once. But I am a big girl, and walking behind my mother's sedan chair is not as easy as when I was a child. I have an idea to arrange myself. If I am willing to "help" my mother, she can not take this step, and I will earn money instead of her. I really want to earn money for her; But that way of making money makes me tremble. What do I know to make money like a middle-aged woman? ! Mom's heart is cruel, but money is even more cruel. Mom didn't force me to go which way. She asked me to help her on my own day, or we both went our separate ways. Mother's eyes have no tears and have already dried up. What should I do?

thirteen

I told the principal. The headmaster is a woman in her forties, chubby, not very clever, but very enthusiastic. I really don't know. Otherwise, how can I tell my mother ... I have never been close to the headmaster. When I told her, every word burned my throat like a red-hot briquette, and I was speechless. It took me a long time to spit out a word The headmaster is willing to help me. She can't give me money, she can only provide me with two meals and a place to live. She lives in school and is accompanied by an old maid. She asked me to help with the paperwork, but I don't need to do it at once, because my calligraphy needs to be practiced. Two meals and a place to live solved a huge problem. I can keep mom out of trouble. Mom didn't even sit in a sedan chair this time. She took a foreign car and left in the dark. She gave me bedding. When she left, my mother struggled not to cry, but the tears in her heart turned up. She knows I can't go to her again, her own daughter. Me, I forgot how to cry. I just grinned, sobbed and burst into tears. I am her daughter, friend and comfort. But I can't help her unless I have to do something I will never do. In hindsight, we girls are like two dogs that nobody cares about. Because of our mouths, we have to bear everything, as if we had nothing but one mouth. We have to sell everything for this mouth. I don't hate my mother, I get it. It's not mom's fault, it's not that we shouldn't have that mouth, it's the food Why can't you eat without it? This separation overwhelmed all the sufferings in the past. The crescent moon, who knows best how my tears flow, won't come out this time. This time, there was only darkness, not even the light of fireflies. Mom just left, like a living ghost in the dark, without even a shadow. Even if she dies soon, I'm afraid she will not be buried with her father. I don't even know where her future grave is. I only have such a mother and friend. I'm the only one left in my world.

fourteen

Mom will never meet again. Love dies in my heart, like a spring flower beaten by frost. I practice calligraphy seriously to help the headmaster copy something unimportant. I have to be useful. I'm eating other people's food. Unlike those female students, they pay attention to others all the time, what they eat, wear and say; I always pay attention to myself. My shadow is my friend. I have always been in my heart, because no one loves me. I love myself, feel sorry for myself, encourage myself and blame myself; I know myself as if I were someone else. There is a little change in me that scares me, makes me happy and puzzles me. I hold it in my hand like a delicate flower. Can only consider the present, no future, dare not think deeply. Chewing other people's food, I know whether it is noon or evening, otherwise I can't remember the time; Without hope, there is no time. I seem to be nailed to a place where there is no sun and moon. Thinking of my mother, I know that I have lived for more than ten years. For the future, I don't look forward to holidays, festivals and Chinese New Year like my classmates. What do holidays and years have to do with me? But my body is getting bigger and longer, I think. I feel a little older and slimmer. I don't believe in myself. The longer it grows, the more beautiful it looks, which is a little comfort; Beauty has elevated my status. But I have no identity at all. Comfort is sweet first, then bitter, and bitter at last makes me proud. Poor, but beautiful! This scares me again: mom is not ugly either.

fifteen

I haven't seen the crescent moon again. I dare not, although I want to. I have graduated and still live in school. At night, there are only two old servants in the school, a man and a woman. They don't know how to be nice to me. I am neither a student nor a teacher, nor a servant, but I am a bit like a servant. Walking alone in the yard at night is often driven into the house by the crescent moon. I don't have the courage to see it. But in the house, I will imagine what it is like, especially when there is a slight breeze. The breeze seems to blow into my heart for that little glimmer of light, which reminds me of the past and aggravates my immediate sadness. My heart is like a bat in the moonlight. Although it is under the light, it is black. Black things are still black even if they can fly. I'm hopeless. I don't cry, I just frown.

sixteen

I got some money: I knitted something for the students and they gave me some money. The headmaster allowed me to do so. But not much because they can knit sweaters. But they want to use it themselves, but they can't come, or put gloves or socks on their families to take care of me. Even so, my heart seems to live a little. I even thought that if my mother hadn't taken that step, I could support her. I knew it was a dream as soon as I counted my little money, but I wanted to make me feel better. I really want to see my mother. If she sees me, she will come with me, and we will have a way to live. I don't think jujube believes it. I miss my mother. She often comes to my dreams. One day, I followed my students to travel outside the city, and it was already past four o'clock in the afternoon when I came back. In order to come back quickly, we made a detour. I saw it, mom! In an alley, there is a steamed bread seller. There is an ingot basket at the door with a big white wooden steamed bread in it. Mother is sitting along the wall, bending back and forth to pull the bellows. I saw the big wooden steamed bread and my mother in the distance, and I knew her back. I want to hug her. But I dare not. I'm afraid the students will laugh at me. They won't allow me to have such a mother. As I got closer, I looked down at her through tears. She didn't see me. A group of us walked past her, and she seemed to see nothing, pulling the bellows intently. Walking out of a distance, I turned around and she was still there. I can't see her face clearly, only her hair hangs loosely on her forehead. I remember the name of this alley.

seventeen

Like a bug biting into my heart, I want to see my mother. I can't be quiet until I see her. Just then, the school changed its principal. The fat headmaster told me that I had an idea. Every day she is here, she will have my food and shelter, but she can't guarantee that the new headmaster will do the same. I counted my money, and a * * * is two dollars and seventy cents. The money won't make me hungry in the last few days, but where can I go? I dare not sit there worrying, I have to do something. My first thought is to find my mother. But can she take me in? If she can't take me in, I'll find her, and even if she can't cause a quarrel with the steamed bread seller, she will be very sad. I have to think of her. She is my mother, not my mother. There is a barrier between mother and daughter made up of poverty. After much deliberation, I refused to invite her. I should bear my own pain. But how to bear your own pain? I don't remember. I think the world is too small for me and my little bedding. I am not as good as a dog. Dogs can sleep in one place. I'm not allowed to lie on the street. Yes, I am a human being, and people can be inferior to dogs. If I pull a long face, how do I know that the new headmaster won't kick me out? I can't wait for someone to kick me out. Spring has arrived. I only see flowers in full bloom. Ye Er is green, but I don't feel any heating. Red flowers are just red flowers, and green leaves are just green leaves. I see some different colors, just a little color; These colors are meaningless. Spring is a cold dead thing in my heart. I won't cry, but my tears will flow by myself.

eighteen

I went out looking for trouble. I don't look for my mother, I don't depend on anyone, I want to earn my own money to eat. After walking for two whole days, I went out with hope and came back with dust and tears. I’m not doing anything right now. I really understand now, mom. I really forgive mom. Mom also washed smelly socks. I can't even do it. Mother's path is unique. The skills and morals taught me at school are jokes and toys when I am full and have nothing to do. My classmates forbid me to have a mother like that. They laughed at the secret door. Yes, they must see it this way. They have food. I have almost made up my mind: I will do anything as long as someone gives me food; Mom is admirable. I won't die, although I thought about it; No, I want to live. I am young, I look good, and I want to live. I didn't create shame.

nineteen

I think I've found something. I dare to walk in the yard, and a crescent moon in spring hangs in the sky. I can see its beauty. The sky is dark blue and there are no clouds. The crescent moon is clear and gentle, and gently sends some soft light to the willow branches. There is a little breeze in the yard, with the fragrance of flowers in the south, blowing the shadow of wicker to the corner with light and the place without light; The light is not strong, the shadow is not heavy, the wind is blowing slightly, it is very gentle, everything is a little sleepy, but it should be gentle. Under the crescent moon and above the willow tip, there are a pair of smiling fairy eyes like stars, teasing the curved crescent moon and swaying willow branches. There is a tree on the other side of the wall, which is full of white flowers. The moonlight turned the snow into half white and half gray, showing unimaginable purity. This new moon is the beginning of hope, I said to myself.

twenty

I went to see the fat headmaster again, and she was not at home. A young man let me in. He is decent and kind. I am always afraid of men, but this young man didn't tell me to be afraid of him. I am embarrassed to say what he asked me to say; His smile softened my heart. I told him the meaning of looking for the principal, and he was very enthusiastic and promised to help me. That night, he sent me two dollars, and I refused to accept it. He said that this was given to me by his aunt, President Zhao Pang. He also said that his aunt found me a place to live and could move there the next day. I want to doubt, but I dare not. His smiling face seems to smile into my heart. I think I'm sorry if I'm paranoid. He is so gentle and lovely. ...

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It's a crescent moon by Lao She.