Help a joke

1. When a professor gave a speech, he took out $20. He asked the students who wanted the $20, and the audience raised their hands. The professor threw the money on the ground and ran it over with his foot. He asked who wanted it, or someone raised his hand. The professor said, "I treated this coin like this, and you still want it because it has not depreciated because of my trampling, and so does life." The value of life lies not in the appreciation or criticism of others, but in ourselves. "

Ruin: So the professor took off his pants. Stand up. Stuff 20 dollars into the chrysanthemum. Then say shyly, come and get what you want.

2. The dog said to the kitten, Guess how many sweets are in my pocket? The kitten said, you guessed it. Can you give it to me? The dog nodded: well, I guess I'll give it to you two! The kitten swallowed and said, I guess five dollars! Then, the dog smiled and put the candy in the kitten's hand, saying, I still owe you three dollars. This is not a joke with low IQ, but because I love you and I allow you a little greed.

Ruin: The cat ate these two pieces of candy with a lot of sleeping pills excitedly and fainted. Then I was fucked by a dog.

After breaking up for many years, I met unexpectedly in a city. Man: "How are you?" Woman: "good". Man: "How is he?" Woman: "good". The woman asked, "How are you?" The man replied, "Good". Woman: "How is she?" Man: "She just told me that she is fine". This is my favorite love story.

Ruin: After a silence, the woman said, "Have you ever heard of Amway?"

4. Machine new message: "I decided to confess!" He and she have always been good friends, although she has always loved him, "Oh … then come on." "I waited outside her house for a long time and didn't dare to knock." "Got the nerve to knock at the door! I support you! " "Do you think she will agree?" "I don't know." She put down her mobile phone and shed tears reluctantly. The phone shook again, but it was a phone call. "Please open the door, I still dare not knock."

Ruin: She opened the door excitedly. He looked at her with tears on her face and said, why are you crying? . . . Is your roommate Xiaoli there?

At the wedding, a young man rushed in. The bride immediately said, "I have read the micro-novel, and I am ready!" Come on, are you here to rob the groom, bride, best man or maid of honor? " "Or a priest?" The groom added. The young man looked frightened: "I, I'm the master of ceremonies at your wedding. I'm sorry I'm late …" "

Destruction: complete. He took the bride's mother by the hand and rushed out.

He fell asleep at his desk, and she found his diary in his bag. This is the fourth year that he has secretly loved her. He wrote it on the first page of his diary. After writing this diary, he would confess to her. She carefully put the diary back in her bag and tore up all the blank pages at the back.

Destruction: then. She ran to the toilet, clutching her stomach, holding the newspapers in her hand.

7. He met her when he was a freshman, but he never exchanged a word. Every time, she met him at the corner of the corridor where he often passed. For four years, they smiled at each other and passed each other every day. She doesn't want to break the quiet of this secret love. On the night of graduation, she received his short message: four years, we passed each other silently for four years, and this time, I want to hold your hand.

Destroy: put it on my penis.

He refused her confession. She smiled faintly and said to him, "Didn't it take six years to like you? Don't worry, I can give up in six days. I wish you happiness! " Turn around and leave, tears welled up in an instant. Only she knows in her heart that some people, once engraved in her heart, may not be forgotten even if it takes 60 years.

Ruin: And he watched her 200 kg back leave. Slowly breathed a sigh of relief

8. At the door of the obstetrics and gynecology operating room, she held his hand nervously. "Husband, do you like boys or girls?" "I like both. If it is a girl, I will protect your mother. If it is a boy, we can't have you. " Her eyes are full of tears! He leaned down in her ear and said, "Besides, if it's twins, it's just a table of mahjong." Poof, she smiled! He watched the nurse push her in and waited anxiously outside the door.

Ruin: All I can think about is the looming XX of the nurse who pushed her in.

He has had a crush on her for a long time, but he never knew her attitude, because she seldom contacted him on her own initiative. But at 23 o'clock that day, I suddenly received a short message from her: It's cold, so put on more clothes. He was overjoyed, but he still had a lingering fear. He said, why don't you go to bed so late? She replied: someone in the dormitory has a birthday and still can't sleep. The next day, it dawned on him that yesterday was her birthday, so he gently expected his blessing.

Destroy: She said to her roommate: Nima. Last night's adventure was a fucking loss!

10. The black driver took the white mother and son, and the child asked, "Why is the color of the driver's uncle different from ours?" Mother replied, "God created people of different colors and made the world colorful." The black driver who arrived at the destination insisted on not collecting money. He said, "I asked my mother the same question when I was a child. My mother said that we were black and doomed to be inferior. If she had changed to your answer, I would have achieved something different today. "

Extinguish: After getting off the bus, the child smiled: Mom. You can save a lot of money every time you ride a nigger's car.

1 1. She waved and stopped the taxi. When she got on the bus, she found that he was driving! ! Ten years ago, they were close lovers She broke up under the pressure of her parents and never met in the same city again. "How are you?" "I'm fine, and you?" "I'm fine." She saw that he was still wearing the watch she gave him; He heard the ringing sound of the little bell on her backpack, and he gave it to her. ...

Extinguish: "Hehe, where are you going?" "Made in heaven. Come on. I'm in a hurry. "

12. That year, she fell in love with him. She is an elegant and beautiful woman, while he is a lazy man with nothing. Friends don't pay attention to it, and parents also say that she is gambling with her happiness. After contact, he worked hard as if he were a different person. A few years later, he had his own career and charm. She asked: Why did he suddenly look like a different person? He replied: you bet on your happiness in life. How can I let you lose?

Destruction: complete. He touched the painful chrysanthemum that was exploded by the boss last night.

13. I opened my eyes, and an old woman who looked like a nurse was staring at me, her voice boiling. "Congratulations to the master, I gave birth to a young master." I was about to ask a question when suddenly I smacked my ass and wanted to shout, but something fell out. This is a piece of jade. "Well, this child was born with jade and was named Jia Baoyu." I understood at once, haha, it's so cool to wear, and it can harm the Grand View Garden ~ "Gee, that's it." A sunglasses man suddenly shouted.

Destroyed: Sunglasses man turned to the 12 big man behind him, dressed in ancient costume and full of beard residue. This ancient costume GV, you have to give it some strength!

14. She likes to eat an apple when surfing the Internet. He peels two apples every day, one for each. She likes a warm and romantic feeling. It's just that she found that he always took a bite of two apples first and then handed her one. To this end, she thought for a long time. Finally, one day, when he went out to answer the phone, she took a bite of his apple and felt less crisp and sweet than herself. Tears slipped across my face in an instant.

Destroy: Then continue to use Meitu Xiu Xiu to change her 45 selfies and upload them to QQ space. And write: students work part-time, 100 fast food, 300 full sets.

15. I tell you, the words written by this pen are generally invisible! ""well, how can I see it? " After that, he dipped his finger in some water and stuck it on a post-it note, and "Happy Birthday" appeared. Years later, she found a pen and paper, which was the only birthday present he gave her. She still loves him. She looked at these sad tears, a few tears, and a line appeared: I like you.

Destruction: As the tears spread on the paper. There are three words at the end of that line: chest.

16. On the train, a boy sent a Weibo with his mobile phone. He wrote in Weibo: "On the train, I fell in love with her at first sight. She hates the smell of smoke. I don't know why, she kept looking out of the window ... "The boy looked at her silently, thinking that she must not know. After a while, someone in Weibo replied to him: "Because you are reflected outside the window." The boy looked up and she was smiling at herself.

Yi: Then silently handed me a business card. It says ping an insurance. .

17. She cried her eyes out when she walked out of the examination room. Seeing such a beautiful girl crying like a pear with rain, the candidates were shocked. Ignoring other people's eyes, he grabbed her and said fiercely, "If you cry again, I will kiss you in public." She cried even harder. "Mathematics is too difficult for us to go to the same university." Idiot, I knew you wouldn't. I didn't do the big problem behind.

Ruin: Later, he was admitted to Lan Xiang. Her mother sent her to study abroad.

18. Female: I'm not tall and my figure is not good. M: I don't want a model. Woman: I'm not beautiful. Man: I don't want a fairy girl: I can't cook. Man: I don't want a chef. Woman: I have a low degree. Man: I don't want talented girls: I have a bad temper. Man: I don't want a maid. Woman: So ... what do you want? Man: I just want you, you know? My baby!

Destroy: Woman: All right. Son. Don't say that. Go and do your homework.

19. They broke up after three years of love. Since then, his qq signature has not changed: my dream is so big but so far away. She couldn't help asking him: What is your dream? He smiled: take my last name and give you your first name.

Destroy: Later. She became his stepmother.

20. "Forgive me" He met her during the war. Because he is a confidential receiver, the superior specially arranged for her to solve the marriage problem, a deaf-mute girl. He fell in love with her as soon as he saw her, even though she couldn't speak. But when he was happy, he was captured by the enemy. When he tortured him, she came to see him in tears. He struggled to say that he finally wanted to listen to her, and she choked and said, "forgive me."

Ai: Hearing this rich and slightly hoarse male voice, he spurted blood and died.

2 1. I saw on the news yesterday that a man had cancer and died to save money for his family. Before going to bed at night, I asked my husband, "If I get terminally ill, will you treat me?" My husband was about to fall asleep and said in a daze, "Don't talk nonsense ... you have to be cured if you lose everything!" " "I said," what if you get it? Husband: "That's hopeless." I asked, "Why? "Husband:" It's not easy to make money alone. "

Ruin: She breathed a sigh of relief. Give your husband an HIV-positive test sheet.

22. He has a chance to go back in time. Go back to the examination room ten years ago and become the number one scholar? Did you go back to your computer five years ago and buy xx shares with all your money? He thought about it and finally returned to that night a year ago. He lay quietly in bed and sent a short message on his mobile phone. "Don't break up, okay?"

Ruin: I replied with a short message: "If you bought XX shares with all your money four years ago, I wouldn't break up with you. You poor bastard.

23. boys and girls are in conflict, and it is agreed to walk back to back 100 steps, and they will not break up if they can still see each other later. At step 99, the girl finally couldn't help crying on the ground, and a pair of arms circled her from behind. The boy said, "I've been waiting for you to turn around." I will never let you go alone in my life! " "We don't want the seas run dry and the rocks crumble forever, as long as it is warm to hug each other, that's enough!

Extinguish: The girl stopped crying: Be gentle. Heart, you make me unable to breathe.

24. Boys have been chasing girls for a long time, and others can see that boys are sincere to girls. In fact, the girl's heart has long been loose, but there is no wave in her heart. One orange afternoon, the girl turned and asked the boy who followed her silently, "What would you do if I were your girlfriend?" The boy's beautiful eyebrows show a firm arc. "I'll try my best to get a real one."

Extinction: "How do you know mine is not true!" " "Say that finish, the girl took out two pieces of silicone in her bra.

The day after Han Meimei got married, Li Lei swallowed the time capsule he invented, and he went back to the day when he first met Han Meimei. "How are you?" When we met again, he couldn't help blurting out this sentence. "Fine, thanks, and you?" I don't know whether Han Meimei is seriously answering or just having an English conversation. "I'm fine, too." Li Lei said, I just miss you.

Destroyer: "sorry, but I like Jim." His bird is so cute! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "

26. He is going to prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination and is the president of the Student Union. He is very busy and is always late for appointments. Despite some dissatisfaction, she forgave him. Until one day, she said, "Let's break up!" Later, he went abroad to study and she never heard from him again. A few years later, she received a one-way ticket to France, which read: this time, I will wait for you.

Ruin: She wrote back: Thank you very much, dear. Honey, I will take my husband and four children. You need to wrap a package for eating and playing, dear.

27. One day, the girl asked the boy: What does ABCDEFG mean? The boy replied: A boy can do anything for a girl. The girl was very moved. She was told not to forget about Hijk-he was only joking behind her back! The girl replied: even if he lied to me, it doesn't matter, there is LMNOPQ behind him. . . Love must require our patience.

Ruin: The boy is very touched! I want RST. . Damn her!

28. He got up the courage and sent a short message to the person he liked, "Let's spend this Singles' Day together. "I waited for a while with great expectation, and the other party texted back and said," I don't want to spend Singles Day with you. " Disappointed, he got dressed and prepared to go out for a drink alone. Back to a text message, "I want to spend Singles' Day with you. "

Ruin: "I want to be with you but it's not Singles' Day. I know you like me. Wash chrysanthemums at home and wait. Brother loves you. " A complete short message

29. They go for a walk in the park every day. She is very delicate. Every time she takes a few steps, she pouts and "carries me." He doesn't always want to. Sometimes he pretended to squat, and when she was ready to come up, she suddenly jumped out and she chased him. Two years ago, he was seriously ill in hospital. Before she died, she asked him, "Do you have any wishes?" He smiled and said, "I want to carry you again."

Extinction: "Change it. You can't carry me now. " The girl continued to apply lipstick to the mirror without looking at him. The boy smiled again. "Help me!" So, the boy was killed by the girl.

The boy let go of the girl's hand and said, let's call it a day. The girl fought back her tears and said, shall we take a picture together at last? Boys acquiesce. The girl trembled and raised her mobile phone to take a bust, in which she smiled foolishly. The boy asked her why she smiled so happily. The girl said, because three years ago you said that I was always expressionless when taking pictures, our wedding photos would not look good after that, so I have been practicing smiling for our wedding day.

Ruin: A diamond ring appeared in front of the girls, and the boys knelt down on one knee: in this way, the three-year love run ended. Marry me. (This is not ruined, dedicated to all true love hanging springs)