Tell the coldest joke in the world.

Once upon a time, a doctor got lost while climbing a snowy mountain, so he wrote two big words for help on a flat piece of snow, but in the end no one came to save him.

Because no one can read his handwriting ~ ~

At a wine tasting, the French poured a glass of brandy, and a mouse fainted after drinking it; The Englishman poured a glass of whisky, but a mouse added it and fell down; China people poured a cup of Erguotou, and a mouse smelled it and ran away. The judge was about to announce the result when the mouse came again with a kitchen knife: "where's the cat?" Where is the cat? "

Today is my birthday. My girlfriend called early to say that she would come home at night to celebrate my birthday and give me a surprise! Hear the good news! Today, I worked hard and ran a dozen customers! Back to the company. It is three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went to the canteen, I found only one miserable dish and one soup, three beans fried with meat (fried soybeans, green beans and peas) and radish soup. No way, after running all morning, the customer's stomach was growling, so he had to order a big plate of fried three beans with meat and a big pot of radish soup to eat! Unexpectedly, after work, my stomach is like the engine of a cross-country jeep! -The intense piston movement started! In a flash, puffs of gas rushed out of my body! I rushed to a place where no one was there, and my stomach began to sing softly in embarrassment, but immediately it became a rapid-fire puff! My stomach is so swollen! Just then, my girlfriend called and said that she had arrived home, and asked me to go home quickly. Alas! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see my embarrassment! ……

On the way home, I deliberately tried to fart a lot. Almost home, my stomach feels much better. I think there should be no more problems. I saw my girlfriend waiting at the door from a distance. She looks a little excited. She shouted, "honey, I have prepared a wonderful gift for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you."

Before entering the door, my girlfriend covered my eyes tightly with a piece of cloth and said that she would give me a surprise! He took me to a chair in front of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I want to fart again. Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse that it was too messy and asked her to answer the phone in the other room! She insisted that I couldn't open the blindfold and made me swear! Then I ran to the other room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, put all my weight on one leg and let my fart out. This fart not only rings, but also smells like rotten eggs. I could hardly breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned it hard to get rid of the bad smell.

Just when my mood improved, another fart came again. I raised my leg again and started to release it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and the smell is even worse this time. In order not to suffocate myself, I fanned the chair cushion with my arm, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible.

When everything is about to return to normal, another fart can't wait to come. So I stood up, bent down, pursed my ass and leaned back! Let it out. This fart is really first-class, and even the newspapers behind it are blown to the ground. ..........

I listened to my girlfriend's voice in the other room, and I was afraid to open the blindfold because I had to keep my promise not to peek. I just kept farting in the dark, in order to quickly expel all the gas in my stomach without making the room worse! I unbuttoned my trousers, took off my underwear and pants below my stomach, exposed my ass, groped for the door of the balcony behind me, almost extended my whole ass to the balcony, and began to fart wildly ..., ah! Much better! After that, I danced and fanned the chair cushions all over the room, praying that the stench would dissipate quickly ... In this way, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushions for the next ten minutes. Finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach were much better! I quickly tied my pants and arranged my hair, and began to wait for my dear girl to give me an elegant smile.

When she approached, I had a satisfied smile and warm eyes on my face. My girlfriend first apologized for taking so long to call me, and then asked me if I had ever secretly opened the cloth. After I assured her that I didn't peek, my girlfriend took off the cloth that covered my eyes and said to me, "What a surprise! My girlfriend insisted that I bring them to see you today. They say you are very graceful and handsome in the photo! Here! You see, the five people sitting at the table are my good sisters, and the six people standing on the balcony are my best friends at school! "

At this time, I was extremely shocked and horrified to find that there were a lot of girls sitting on the table opposite me, while there was another pile standing on the balcony behind me. They all came to this birthday party that surprised me very much. Now, each of them looks at me with an indescribable expression on his face, as if he had found a Martian.

In the sixth year of medical school, the first class of human anatomy was given, and the body was covered with white cloth. His uncle began to give lectures. "As a doctor, you must have two important qualities. First, you must not be afraid of nausea. " . After that, his uncle uncovered the white cloth, inserted his finger into the anus of the corpse, and then pulled it out and sucked it in his mouth. "Learn to do it," he told Lao Liu. Lao Liu felt sick and hesitated for a long time, but finally he had to do it. When he finished, his uncle said, "The second quality is observation. I inserted my middle finger, but sucked it. Old six, pay attention to observation! "

There is a woman who says that when a song is ugly to the extreme, men avoid it after seeing it. At that time, Song had one of the biggest wishes, that is, to be kidnapped by traffickers, and then ... So, whenever night falls, she lingers on a sparsely populated country road, waiting for the arrival of that moment.

Many things happen. Late that night, she was finally kidnapped by kidnappers and stuffed into the car. The kidnapper came to see the kidnapper leader with his "victory fruit", ready to ask for a reward. However, when the kidnapper leader saw Dangsong, he couldn't help cursing the kidnapper for his lack of foresight and ordered him to let Dangsong leave the car immediately. The kidnapper told Dang Ge to get off at the boss's order, but Dang Ge didn't mean to get off at all. After a long stalemate, the kidnappers used threats, intimidation, beatings and other means to let Dang Ge get off, but Dang Ge never gave in, and she just wouldn't get off. When the kidnapper leader saw it, he shouted helplessly: "Forget it! Don't want the car! "

Lao Liu and his uncle went to the theater to see the play. Seeing that they were arguing about the plot development halfway, they made a bet. Lao Liu pointed to a row of spittoons placed in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what is there." Unfortunately, Liu lost, so Liu took a sip with a frown. The two went on to bet on the next plot. This time, his uncle lost. I saw that his uncle picked up a spittoon and swallowed fifteen mouthfuls in one gulp. Old six was surprised and envious, and said to his uncle, "You are so amazing that you can drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "His uncle shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! "

One day, three people came to the gate of heaven, Lao Liu, his uncle and Nanpai.

As a result, the old doorman said he wouldn't let anything in because it was too late, and there was only one place left.

So the old man said: You say, whoever died the worst, I will let him in. Tell me about it.

Old six: I am the boss of a company. Working hard every day leads to a bad heart. I forgot to take my medicine when I went to the company that day, so I went home to get it. I found my wife lying in bed with messy clothes. I immediately understood what was going on, so I searched the whole house and couldn't find the adulterer. However, God has eyes. I saw a pair of hands on the balcony. I immediately found a hammer to hammer his right hand. But this hateful man can still hang up his left hand, and I hammered his right hand off. But this XX actually fell to the seventh floor and is not dead. I grabbed a refrigerator and smashed it to death. As a result, I died of heart failure.

Uncle: I'm a painter. I was painting the balcony outside the eighth floor this day. At this moment, a strong wind blew, and I slipped and fell. Fortunately, I strengthened my physical exercise at ordinary times and grabbed the balcony on the seventh floor at the critical moment. But I don't know where a madman rushed out and smashed my right hand. Fortunately, I am left-handed and can catch the balcony. But this madman smashed my left hand again. I thought it was over ... fortunately, I fell from the seventh floor and didn't die, but then I dropped a refrigerator somewhere and killed me.

Nanpai: I am a gangster on the eighth floor of an apartment. The man downstairs is obviously not a good person. His beautiful wife often leans out of the balcony to sigh. I knew my chance had come, so I slipped downstairs while the painter was painting the balcony to find the coquettish woman downstairs, so that even if someone saw me, they could deny that I was supervising painting in the house. I slept with her smoothly, but her husband said that he just came back suddenly, so I had no choice but to hide in the refrigerator on the balcony. After a while, I heard a crash and died with a bang.

Librarian: ... you all go in. If something goes wrong, I'll take care of it.

Lao Liu went to eat mala Tang, and when it was sold out, he wanted to eat something else, but later he found that his uncle at the next table stared at his mala Tang and refused to eat it. He asked his uncle if he could give him spicy food, and he agreed. He started to eat this mala Tang, and when he finally found a dead mouse at the bottom of the bowl, he felt sick and vomited all the mala Tang he had just eaten into the bowl. At this time, his uncle said, it's okay, so was I just now. Just spit it out.

It's my first time to play a game, but I haven't played it before.

The first level of Xianjian 4, I went to that cave to find wild boar. Several toads appeared on the way, but I couldn't get through. What an old dead man! ! ! ! ! ! !

Once upon a time, there was a pig, running and running ... "Bang" hit a tree, you saw it, ... ran past ... "Bang" hit the pig. ...

These are transferred from xianjian bar 4.