Begging for a joke ... be funny. ...

1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier!

2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing?

4. A sister-in-law saw a person who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, and quickly said to that person, Comrade, you dropped the cigarettes! The man is furious: you just castrated!

5. A village woman wanted to go to the toilet for the first time in the city. She hadn't seen each other for a long time, so she had no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet ahead. Where is the mother toilet?

6. What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If I ... Woman: It's over! Women's power is limited after all!

7. A person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I didn't take off my pants!"

A foreign youth in China can't understand the difference between "iron" and "steel". One night he came home late and couldn't open the door, so he had to shout, landlady, will you open your steel door? I can't get in!

9. When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."

10. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!

1 1. The old man confessed to his wife before he died: I once had an affair, please forgive me! Wife: What a big deal! You can sleep now! Which of our children looks like you?

12. A white couple got married for many years and finally had a child, but it turned out to be dark. The husband blamed his wife and said, It's all your fault! You must turn off the light every time you go to bed.

13. The swimming coach is straight and loud. One day, he met a female student in the shopping mall and greeted him. He said loudly, you really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes.

14. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, he heard a woman training her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf!

The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars!

15. A prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then it was fired.

The second shot ... the third shot ... then the prisoner cried: eldest brother, strangle me, it's really fucking scary!

16. After watching the black 100-meter run, an old lady said with tears, she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot.

Shoot, shoot without aiming, the children are too scared to stop the rope!

Mr. Huang loves the revolution and named his son "Jun" in memory of the Red Army.

One day, when I saw my son coming to class and the No.8 bus stop, I shouted to my son, Huang Jun, the No.8 bus is coming!

18, a bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer.

When the bear came to the mountain and met the tiger, he was so scared that he raised his sickle and hammer and hit him on the head.

The tiger said: I didn't see it. Are you a bear or party member!

Talking in your sleep is crazy.

1, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

2, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

4. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

6. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

7, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

8. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

9, junior high school art evening, answering session.

2010-3-2714: 21reply

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1 fans

second floor

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." Please raise your hand when I finish. "

Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "

10, I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!"

1 1, at school

One day, my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

12, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

13, once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

14, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"

15, my sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

16, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

17, everyone was given badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

18, go home on weekends when I go to school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

19, a leader of the Education Bureau checked the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

20. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

2 1. One day, on my way to school, my bicycle had a flat tire. I asked where it was inflated, and my classmate said, "There are abortions everywhere in the street!" "

22. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

23. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

24. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I finished copying!" "

25. At that time, several female students came to my house to play, and I went to fetch some water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted, "Keep your voice down, the tone is wrong." Suddenly I was speechless, and my face turned red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~

26. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many seniors on the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip", and then there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." .

27. Go to breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. Just as we were talking, the two students who ate stuffing when wasting came over and said, "Well, you can eat my foreskin in the future." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.

28. Tell a true story. MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.

29. A classmate from high school in my dormitory called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

30. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

Because I don't like posting curse posts, people who reply and don't reply are healthy every day.