The most classic joke

1, thunderbolt, as loud as an ear; Great things and small things are happy, and everything is concerned; Peace of mind, happy every day; Sunny, rainy, rainy, happy every day! ?

2, the wallet is bulging, the figure is beautiful, the eyes are big, the appearance is pretty, the life is wide, the handsome guys and beautiful women are accompanied, you and I smile at each other, and everyone goes out. I wish you all the best in the future! ?

3. A funeral administrator went on a blind date and the girl asked about her job. The man said, my work is the most sacred. Responsible for sending people to the happiest place. Girl: Playground? Man: Heaven. ?

4. Now cockroaches are too rampant, spreading germs and ruining food; Thirty-six plans are the best policy, and the honey plan is the best; Let's brew the mood first, and vaguely call out: Zhang Lang! It must have fainted with joy, so you took the opportunity to cut its belly! ?

The volleyball court was in full swing between the north and the south, and a foreign audience shouted: Come on, South! Come on in the south! A fat girl refused to accept and shouted: Come on, woman! Come on, woman! ?

6. The origin of "bastard": "bastard" was originally "forgetting eight tails". The ancient "eight tails" refers to "filial piety, filial piety, loyalty, faithfulness, courtesy, righteousness, honesty and shame", which is the foundation of being a man. Forget the "eight tails" and forget the essence of being a man. ?

7. Send a short message that will steal things, steal your troubles, steal your sadness, steal your losses, steal everything that affects your happiness, and make you a poor person with only happiness! ?

8. The magpie flies, and the mother tells the child that it is a happy bird or guest, the swallow flies, and the mother says that it is a beneficial bird or guest, and the crow flies. The children asked if you were my guest. The crow said, I am a hacker. ?

9, don't think that I am jealous, broken cans have their own broken lids; Don't think I'm ugly, ugly ghosts have their own ugly methods; As long as we can love each other, cow dung is washed and mixed with coriander, as long as you come to my house to eat bran and swallow vegetables and get fat, pockmarked shiny. ?

10, M: That's very kind of you. Can you be my baby? Woman: I don't want it. I don't want it. You are squatting. M: It's easy to get old when you're angry. Woman: It's not good to die. ?

1 1. I bury my head in your arms, put my hand on your chest and put my ear on your heart every day. My dream is closest to you, and you can hear my snoring most clearly. You let me lie down easily and calmly. I love your pillow! ?

12, can't sleep, let's talk about some heavy topics, such as your weight, oh! This is too heavy, not good. Say something superficial, such as your IQ! By the way, it's a good thing that you gained weight before the price of meat rose, and there is a lot of room for appreciation! Good night?

13. preliminary study on the causes of global warming: parents spoil their children too much, leading to the greenhouse effect. Network information is developed, and hot spots emerge one after another. All kinds of enthusiasts are strange and varied, and the high fever does not retreat! ?

14, on the third day of military training, a classmate stood in a military posture and bowed his head. The instructor yelled at him: "Look down, there is money on the ground!" I saw that the classmate silently picked up a coin from the ground, and the whole team was silent for a while, and then burst into laughter. I wish the students in military training happy. ?

15, want to be a smart workaholic, regardless of hard work for work-when the boss is around; Fascinated by work-when the boss is watching; Take better care of your health when the boss is away. Let's be smart workaholics! ?

16. Today, I entered your space and saw your recent photo. It is still so beautiful. Melancholy eyes, sighing beard and miraculous combination all fascinated me deeply-yes, I entered brother sharp space. ?

17, affectionate farmer Ben, 23 years old. After graduating from college, he is still at home. Dad is in the group, and mom is the deputy county level. She is not worried about food and clothing, and she is not afraid of spending money. If you want to find a good wife to accompany me lonely, just spend a good year at home. ?

18, there is no reason to love you, but I love you. A big kiss has not changed my love. I am calm? Look down when you are calm: look back at the first five sentences, and read the second word of each sentence one by one. When you are calm, I will count you as malicious. ?

19, the snow is coming, reminding all my friends that "pig" means cold and warm. Caring for every pig will never fail. I would rather send a thousand mistakes than let one go. Please forward the wrong one and save the default one. ?

Dear, I want to thank God for giving you to me. When I am depressed, you will send me warmth. When I am upset, you can send me a little coolness; On the road of life, you are with me, and there is no regret in this life-water dispenser! ?

2 1, the king of a small cannibal country flew, and the stewardess invited him to lunch: steak? The king shook his head. Ask again: chicken chops? The king still shook his head. Stewardess: What exactly do you want to eat? King: Please show me the passenger list. ?

22. Recently, the weather has been irritable and the work efficiency has plummeted. To cool off the heat, leaders care; In order to improve efficiency, it is really necessary to ask for the cost of cooling summer, which is a miraculous effect to appease people's hearts. Look forward to it, the summer vacation expenses will come! ?

23. Two little boys quarreled in the kindergarten. One of them shouted, I'll go back and let my dad hit your dad on the head. Another child said with a smile, he can't hit! My mother always said that my father had no brains at all! ?

24. It is said that fools are blessed. Especially when I saw the silly force Guo Jing holding the hand of the beautiful woman Huang Rong, I was convinced, but it took me so long to wait for Fu and Rong Jie. Alas! I am a fool, but I am not smart! ?

25. Money can't buy happy moments, time and friends. I will help you spend flowers, invite me to eat fried rice with eggs, and I will add a canned fish. ?

26. At every important intersection in your life, there is always an important news waiting for you! Now this message is in front of you, don't hesitate, please send it to your people for dinner! Waiting for you! ?

27. The crab asked the director to make himself red. Director: If you want to be red, you have to be "fire"! Crab: Well, the redder you fry me, the better. Director: Who brings a pot, improve the food today, and eat fried crab with onion and ginger at noon! ?

28. Today, I scored two goals. I want to find a bunch of good wives. Although I have a lot of money, I have been naked so far. Because of fear of feelings, the new wife should be polite, kind and simple, and share joys and sorrows. ?

29. Brain teaser: Why is a mute being perverted when he attends a song club and sends flowers to a female singer? It's not that nerds are ugly, it's not that nerds are touching, but that nerds are offering popcorn! ?

30. Look left, look right, look up, look down, just want to see you but can't see you; Turn left, turn right, turn up, turn down, I am crazy to find you; I miss you so much at this moment that I forgot to bring you toilet paper! ?

3 1, safflower, reminiscing about the past; Good cry, once the memory; Bird's nest, indelible handwriting, pond, splashing. Hide-and-seek, checkers, gyro racing, hoop rolling, playing gold ingot, laughing together, me and you. ?

32. Player: I always kick the ball out of the goal. Why? Coach: This is because you kicked the door. If you kick somewhere else, you may kick the ball into the goal. ?

You are as light as the wind, as gentle as the water, as romantic as the moon, as warm as the sun, as strong as an ox and as tolerant as the sea. In a word, you are nothing like human beings! ?

34. My love is really miserable, really. When I chase my girlfriend, I believe it, but I feel the harmonious heartbeat of the sacred unicorn. I ordered it and was beaten. I believe that taking a step back is broad and broad. I took a step back and ended up empty. ?

35. Your plump and sexy body always haunts my mind. The imprint of your smile always makes me unforgettable. Why is the annual party so short, my dear Halloween jack-o 'lantern. ?

36. Interpretation of the national conditions of the population in the census: In the 1970s, many hands make light work; In the 1980s, many hands make light work; In the 1990 s, many people were popular; 00 years, rich in human resources; 10 era, abundant human capital! ?

In order to drive away bad luck, Japan holds a "naked sacrifice" every year. It can be seen that a person streaking is crazy, a group of people streaking becomes a festival, and a group of people insist on streaking for thousands of years and become a traditional culture. ?

38. Making money is bitter, making money is tiring, and making money requires labor; It is difficult to spend money, but it is tiring. Instead of saving money, it is better to grab it quickly. Rob money well, rob money well, rob money can go to jail. It is better to earn a salary safely. Did you make money today? ?

39. Welcome the Expo-Confucius Edition: Friends from all over the world welcome the Expo; The national pavilion must have its own characteristics. Choose the strangest and observe them. If they are not, leave them. The camera clicked to commemorate eternity. ?

40, Wednesday arrived, get rid of fatigue Wednesday, life has a new starting point, get rid of depravity Wednesday, husband and wife harmony is sweeter than honey. Don't indulge in a hard day, think about the stacks of money after hard work, and think about the kiss from my wife at home. Are you still tired? Work hard! ?

4 1, solemnly declare: I will attack you emotionally, please be prepared for defense. If you are not careful, I will capture your heart, have your body and let you take care of my children and grandchildren. ?

42. A boy met a girl in his class on the way to take a shower and thought he should say hello, but it seemed that there was nothing to say, but he popped out: Are there many people in the bathhouse? ?

43, fog is not fog, flowers are not flowers, friends come to offer flowers for you: big twist, pressing people to hang flowers; A bowl of tofu, eat heart flowers; A bundle of big fireworks, dazzling; A little spark will blow you into popcorn! ?

44. In the Putonghua test, please read the following sentences with emotion: The shore is green, the shore is green in Da Chun, and the shore is green in Da Chun! Don't understand? Then you are really a big donkey; Have you read the standard? Then congratulations, super invincible donkey! ?

45, national day, you go to play, wear black pants and call a car on the side of the road: you: hello, I'm calling a car. Driver: Where is it? You: Xujiahui. Driver: What clothes to wear? You: black pants. Driver: Where to? You: Get down on your knees! ?

46, live well, the days are getting more and more prosperous; Don't compare, don't compare, don't be angry with yourself; Eat less salt, be jealous, play less mahjong and take more walks; Go to bed on time, get up on time, run and dance for fitness; I wish you the best of health! ?

47. Do you like women with greasy hair? B: No! A: What about those with flat noses and small eyes? I don't know! A: What about those with bad breath? B: Less! Then why did you seduce my wife? ?

48. National Football Joke: The national football team welcomes you and touches you with the net surplus ball. You have enough points. When we come out, the national football team welcomes you. It is a blessing to meet China, and the amateur United team can also advance. ?

49. A female centipede asked her boyfriend why it took so long to answer the phone. The male centipede was very wronged and said, I was very excited at that time, and I didn't know which hand to press the answer key with. ?

50. Because of your high devotion to love, you have been successfully selected as one of the top ten couples in the "Love Even Death" Cup. Please bring your lover (only one person) to the "Love Only" award ceremony held on September 12. You must not be absent! ?

5 1, dating for half an hour, 1 min, scratching your head for 2 minutes, picking your nose for 3 minutes, wandering around for 4 minutes, shaking your feet for 5 minutes, glaring for 7 minutes and getting angry for 8 minutes! 3 1 min, overtime 1 min, running done! ?

52. I am a good farmer, and I am 27 years old. Filial piety from an early age has the knowledge of sages. I have no choice but to be beautiful in the sky. Now my father orders me to get married. If I have an aesthetic eye, I can be together. Xiao Sheng is very polite here. ?

53, the magical use of the hand: wave when you meet; Meet and shake hands; Clap your hands at the conference; Please raise your hand when voting; Struggle for power and profit; Use it; Show off your skills; Strange fake hands; Spend a lot of money; Stand by when you see difficulties; Dance arm in arm; Wave separately; Let it go when it's solved?

54. I lead the horse, you carry the burden, I walk in front, you look at the back, I eat the fruit, you complain, I look at your helpless face and give you one. You laughed while eating, and you said, Monkey, this fruit is delicious! ?

55. I went out by car and suddenly broke down on the way. The driver told everyone that I could wait for the next bus to change. When getting off the bus, an old lady in the countryside was walking and chanting: It's too hot for cars. Look, she doesn't even work. Not as good as my livestock. ?

56. What is the most painful thing in the world? The radiation came and the salt was gone; What is the most painful thing in the world? When radiation comes, salt doesn't work; What is the most painful thing in the world? Radiation didn't come, so I bought too much salt. What is the most painful thing in the world? When people die, they can't run out of salt. ?

57. Girl: Send her 999 flowers-moved; Cut onions for her-a prank; Help her blow the sand out of her eyes-save her; Take her to the meteor shower-her eyes are too sour; When she comforts you in your arms ... she can only cry. ?

58. Lottery tickets with animal designs on them are winners. After someone opened one, he shouted: I am a donkey! A person next to him repeatedly chanted and said angrily, what are you yelling at? All animals have prizes! ?

59. An escaped prisoner was brought back. The policeman asked: Why did you escape from prison? Answer: Because the food tastes terrible. Ask again: Then what tool did you use to pry open the iron gate of the prison? A: Fried dough sticks in the morning. ?

60. The ant said to the bee: You are a cheapskate! Full of sweet words, but reluctant to tell me, ignore you! The bee said unjustly, you are stingy! There are two antennas that big on my head, and I can't bear to send me a message! ?

6 1. Six people in the dormitory discuss whether there really is pure friendship between men and women. A brother was moved, and in order to take the opportunity to enhance his feelings, he sent a text message to his long-cherished MM to solve the problem. After a while, he received a reply: Wow, just like you and me. ?

62. May life be comfortable, love be sweet, be happy day and night, be happy all the time and be happy for a long time. Don't be sentimental! I am talking to myself. Of course, if I'm well, you'll be well. It's really good if everyone is well! ?

63. Since we broke up, why not let go? Time cannot stay any longer. We had a beautiful stay. Don't pretend to be strong, continue to be brave. Please don't give me this extra care. Fatty, you go. ?

64, funny window preview: 1 new car on the road, there is a killer. 2 female driver+running-in+first time = devil Prada. 3 novice hand tide, the more urgent the face. 4 the brakes and throttle are inseparable, and they are all working! If you love me, chase me. Don't kiss me shyly! ?

65. There was a love that suited me. I don't care about him. If God gives me another chance, I will say, Little Sister, be a friend! ?

66, humorous quotations: Youth is gone forever, I wish it a pleasant journey; The Monkey King is fickle, (next88) so she is destined to be single; Otaku will never miss home; Niu B should be like Jobs: swipe my card before death and swipe my screen after death! ?

67. A pair of ducks went to play by the river and saw the frog couple hibernating in the cave by the river. Drake: Look, how happy I am. Mother duck said to the drake: Don't look, it's the big boss, living in a villa, honeymoon, let's never think about it in this life! ?

68. Animal Revelation: Shrimp: The red day is a time of great sorrow. Tortoise: You can stretch and bend, but you can't stand out. Spider: You can sit back and relax, enjoy success and rely on that network. Crab: If you trample on it, you will foam at the mouth! ?

69. If you want to be happy, you must be sloppy; If you want to be healthy, you must obey the rules; If you want to be happy, you must be true; If you want to succeed, you must be down to earth; If you want to have it, you must be diligent; If you want me, you have to send text messages like me! ?

70. In this era, super girls have other gestures, which is really strange; In this era, there is no true love, and everyone loves it in the prodigal son; In this era, the change is too fast, the mind is clumsy and there is nothing to do. ?

7 1. My mother-in-law has a preference for sons over daughters. She said, give me another grandson while you are still young. I was very angry. I was just about to open my mouth to refute, when my four-year-old daughter replied, Grandma, you were born to me. I am younger than my mother. ?

72. Honey, do you like this message? Remember to reply with favorable comments if you like, dear! Now answer me, you can come to my house to borrow salt when there is no salt! Honey! Actions speak louder than actions! ?

73. Shuai Guo: Auntie, I am as beautiful as Feng Jie. I raised my hand and drooled. In my dream, I found you kicking over the bed. I ate a table shyly and dumped Brother Sharp with a smile. I was in a hurry to smash the pot in order to send a text message to Shuai Guo. ?

74. It's tiring to be alive! I had to wait in line when I got on the bus. Secret love is really painful. Eating is tasteless, drinking is easy to get drunk, and work is very tired. I can't rob yet. You have to pay taxes when you earn money. I like it. I hope everyone can do it! ?

75. Do you want to grow taller? I'll teach you a way! Find a wall, step back, hit your head against the wall a few times, and measure your height after five minutes. There will be surprises! Remember, the harder you hit, the bigger the surprise. I don't tell him about most people. ?

A: It's been so many days. What have you been up to recently? I sleep at home. I have been suffering from insomnia recently. I wake up every 12 hour. A: Then you must have a check-up. I am better than you. Wake up every 23 hours, but I always feel groggy. I still didn't sleep well! ?

77. The grandmother who watched TV for the first time exclaimed after watching the 100-meter race: How scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row, one with a gun to shoot. They shot without aiming, and the children scared that one away! It was stopped by a rope! ?

78. I am a salt-free woman. I have neither peerless talent nor beautiful appearance. I only have the skill of raising pigs. There are three rooms in my home. I want to recruit my husband. If you mean it, please don't bother me. Come and raise pigs! ?

79. In hot summer, SMS brings you infinite coolness. I'll give you a cup of Nongfu Spring, which is a little sweet, and a cup of coffee to ease your anxiety. There is someone outside, and one day behind (hongta group), a friend is shaking a cattail leaf fan for you. How's it going? Isn't it great? ?

80. The society is too complicated now. I have asked Ping An to be your bodyguard, health as a shield, good luck as an assistant, happiness as a partner, success as a backup and success as a striker. Don't worry! ?

8 1, A: I will never forget anything that enters my mind. I lent you money from 20 yuan two months ago. How did you forget? A: Because the money went into my pocket, not into my head! ?

82. The shopping mall held a sales promotion and advertised "Buy a refrigerator to send an air conditioner". Someone bought a refrigerator and waited for the air conditioner from the mall. The staff of the mall said, "Sir, where is your air conditioner? We can send it back to you! " ?

83. Send money, send money and live a better life; Happy, happy, with pockets full of money; Watch it, watch it, the wallet will soon lose weight; Gifts, gifts, a stack is gone. Save a dime at ordinary times. I wish you unlimited money in the future! ?

84. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch! ?

85. Looking for a secret agent: This man is full of bad feelings, has no clean hands and is full of bad water. He looks a lot like you. If you find this man, laughing three times as a joint signal can cure extreme depression. ?

86. I use a "vacuum cleaner" to suck the dust off your body, I use a "* * * chair" to take away your drowsiness, and I use a "foot bath" to wash away your fatigue all day. May you be happy every day! ?

87. After the military training, handsome men became migrant workers and beautiful women became cleaners. Adam didn't know Eve, nor did Weaver ever meet Cowherd. Love, life and career start here. I hope everyone will set sail and create the future sky together! ?

88. A Ju is going to have an exam. Mother asked Aju whether she had finished reading the book. Ah Zhu said, "I'm finished." The next day, my mother flew into a rage when she saw Zhu's failed paper. "How come I finished reading all the books and did so badly in the exam!" "A Ju:" Mom, what I said that day was. I think it's over. " ?

89. I just got back from the minority water-splashing festival. Suddenly someone shouted: Ali, I am so angry! Come on! The tour guide explained that splashing water meant to bless the tourists and shouted, "This is how I used the time we spent in Hong Kong!" ! ?

Wolf: Tutu, you are awesome this year, and I am miserable. In order to protect you, hunters have intensified their pursuit of me. Rabbit: Then you should be careful. I will be furious in this animal year, or bite your mouth into a rabbit's lip. ?

9 1, it's too difficult not to go to work! Make tofu. Tofu is the safest. If it is hard, it is dried tofu; Being thin is tofu brain; What is made is soybean milk; In case it can't be sold, it can also be used as stinky tofu. Don't go to work! ?

92, a porridge and a meal, when thinking hard. A needle and a thread, when considering material difficulties. Money does not mean waste, well-off does not mean luxury, and a simple and simple life does not mean unhappiness. Simplicity is the trend, and frugality is also the fashion. ?

93. "Cao Cao" took "Black Boy" to "a thousand years later" and found that it was a perfect new world. He bought "soybean milk fried noodles" in the street and continued to look for an enemy called "the second heaven"! ?

94. When I was in high school, I had lunch with my friends near the school. He ordered a bowl of lasagna and another friend was drinking coke. Then I wonder who told a joke. The coke drinker laughed so hard that coke dripped from his nose. Friends laugh at others' embarrassment, but Zhang Kuan's face comes out of his nostrils! ?

95. Magic diet pills: This medicine is mild and has no side effects. Take one capsule every two hours, one day 12 capsules on an empty stomach. One month is a course of treatment. If the medicine is fat-free, it will lose weight in one month and there is no refund. ?