The more malicious jokes, the better.

I saw a small frontispiece in the street today. There is a piece of paper on the door and window, which reads: "The country is in a hurry and closed." My eyes were bad, so I took two steps forward to get better. Oh, it says, "Business is suspended due to family emergency." My father expressed his views on my obesity: I don't have a life in Han Hong, but I have Han Hong's disease. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. Wait till you know me later. . . . . . . If she (he) tells you "forget me", you will definitely hit me. "You told each other," I never remember. "If I marry you, the first thing I want to do is blow up the divorce office. On the bus this morning, I saw a man take out his mobile phone from his bag to look at the time, and then said, "I'm Cao." I thought it was too late for him. Take a closer look, he has an air-conditioning remote control in his hand. " Doctor, I've been having the same nightmare recently. What's going on here? The doctor asked, "What nightmare did you have?" The patient said, "I always dreamed that I came to a door, so I pushed and pushed, but I just couldn't push it open!" "What's on the door?" The doctor asked eagerly. "There is a word' la' …" There was a question in a literature exam: Noun explanation: Shakespeare (the respectful name of Shakespeare) was answered by a classmate: Shakespeare, a strange bird. I brought my son to my friend's birthday. The younger son volunteered to play the leading role. Applause is everywhere. I sang a birthday song for my uncle. A public outcry. I looked back at the screen: pray. There is a text called Waterfall. In the middle, it is said that the author turned a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in it. When one of my female classmates was reading aloud, she was also reading aloud: I was shocked when I climbed over this mountain, and there was a rag hanging on the mountain. The whole class was shocked at the Men's Basketball World Championships some time ago. When cooking in the canteen. The canteen master saw me (I am taller). Say: alas. Seeing you reminds me that the men's basketball team lost. Me:. . . Then he gave me three bowls of rice. Say in a tone of hating iron not to produce: You give me more. Don't lose again Another drunk came to handle business and forgot his password. The bank clerk prompted him to call his family. He said "Oh", immediately picked up the password keyboard and pressed a string of numbers, and asked, "Where's the microphone?" Laugh angrily. When the customer saves money, the teller asks, "Do you save money regularly?" He immediately turned his head and asked his wife, "Are we going to die regularly?" The wife replied, "Let's die for three years first!" I can't help laughing. I took a bus once. There is a beautiful mm next to me. A pervert harassed mm. When I saw MM, I shouted back: "You squeeze a JB!" " The whole car was silent, only to hear that pervert timidly say "a JB." The whole car burst into laughter, and then the pervert got off at the next stop On a hot day, he was playing mahjong when suddenly the power went out and he had to buy candles to continue playing. Half an hour later, it was so hot that a man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. " The director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for not listening to the class and said, "Don't blame me for being inhuman if you do this again!" " "When I first delivered the house, there were many people coming and going, and every time the security guard asked questions. I wanted to say I was the owner, but I often said I was the landlord ... I ran away when the security guard had a short circuit. I bought an evil graduation book when I graduated from primary school, because it says that the constellation of 65438+1October 20th-February 18 is Aquarius. Later, when people asked me what constellation you were, I always said Aquarius! The funeral procession downstairs is playing "Go home and have a look" ... I don't know what my family thinks ... On Tanabata, I took the opportunity to confess to a boy I like. He is an otaku and often watches cartoons and cartoons. After I confessed to him, he said to me, "I'm sorry, in fact, I only like two-dimensional beautiful girls, but I'm not interested in three-dimensional creatures" ... I didn't understand what he meant until I heard it twice ... It was very cold in the winter of my second year of high school, and one of my classmates was very active. He dragged the corridor with a wet mop and it froze. The math teacher at that time was a young man, so he sneaked into the classroom while figure skating. I saw that he was in no hurry, wearing clothes and holding a book, and calmly said: It's okay, when I have money, I will buy two lollipops. 1 Show you that I eat, 1 Show you that my deskmate sleeps in class. The teacher looked at it. "Students who are sleeping, please answer this question. "My deskmate woke up with a tingle." I won't ... "Teacher:" Concentrate on the class, don't sleep, sit down! Then student 53 will answer this question. The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I won't." ... "The teacher fainted." Sit down, and then the students will answer! "The deskmate stood up and said," Teacher, I really can't! " "Sit down! The representative of Chinese class gave me an answer! The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I am the representative of Chinese class." ... "A couple got married in a church. When it was time to exchange rings, the nervous groom forgot about it. The priest raised his finger anxiously, made a snapping gesture and winked at the groom. I saw the groom blushing and stammering, "Reverend, isn't it the same on the wedding night tonight?" A country woman called the operator for the first time in town and said, "Pick up my husband, I want to talk to him." "The operator asked," what's your husband's number? "The woman is furious:" How can I have so many husbands to make up the number? "My wife and I went to the reclining Buddha Temple. My wife can't walk on the road, so I carry her on my back. An old woman saw it and said seriously, you see, you are also a scholar. My wife is ill, so it's no use going to the hospital earlier. The breakfast seller in the morning market saw the car with "administrative law enforcement" coming, and everyone immediately said hello and ran away. When the car stopped, two people got off and looked at each other helplessly. One of them said, I said don't drive. You have to drive. Look, there is no breakfast! These are all jokes that I think are hilarious ~ I wish you a happy life ~