Super cold jokes hurt the stomach.

Joke is a Chinese vocabulary, which means something that makes people laugh. Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. The following is a super cold joke I compiled for you, which hurts your stomach. For reference only. Let's have a look.

When I was in college, I asked a buddy how Manchester United was. He said excitedly, "Manchester United lost and Beckham took two yellow plates!" "

2, just went to college, military training, the company commander did not know where the accent was, shouting the password-"drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

3. When I was in college, I heard a girl say, "Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potatoes, not potatoes!"

4, cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!"

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago …" What's more, the examiner even said "Oh" and said, "A student of Confucius?"

I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, "Boss, how much is Shakespeare?" The boss froze on the spot.

Super cold jokes hurt your stomach. 2 1. The fourth dormitory classmate got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, ask everyone: where have my shoes been dragged?

2. When the unit made a toast, a leader said, "I wish you good health ...".

3. Once I went to buy mutton kebabs, I stretched out four fingers and said to my boss, "Three mutton kebabs." The boss is stupefied: "How many?" I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

5. My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" That's when I yelled at that guy!

6. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" (Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed until I sprayed the soup.

7. One day, I was eating in a rice noodle shop, and the rice noodles were very slow. I was so hungry that I finally yelled at the table. I was going to say that if I didn't go to the rice noodle shop, I would lift the table! The result said, "Boss! I will eat the table if I don't serve rice noodles! " The whole store was silent for 3 seconds, and then burst into laughter under the table ... shame. ...

8. When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I'll go out!"

9. Playing basketball in high school, A gets the ball and selflessly passes it to B, and B scores easily. After a while, B got the ball, A shouted to pass it to him, but B threw it himself. As a result, A shouted angrily, "I was really blind just now …" The audience laughed.

10, I am impressed that the monitor of primary and secondary schools is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, "Whoever makes any noise again will break his mouth!" " ..... class be quiet.

Super cold jokes hurt the stomach. 3 1. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution.

Make the lunch box blue.

2. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

4. American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

China: No!

American: Then why is the Chinese character "cup" beside the wooden character?

China people: Isn't there a word "no" next to the word "cup"? In other words, it is not made of wood.

One day, when the national war was in full swing, the guild leader came to the grassland front to boost morale. ...

The guild leader asked: What's the situation?

Report to the member archers: report to the head! There is a Bezos archer next to the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is very poor. He has shot many times these days, but he didn't hit anyone.

After listening to this, the colonel asked: Since we have found the enemy archer, why not kill him?

The archer said: Report to the team leader! No, don't you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one?

6. Soldier: "Thirst … Thirst …"

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place once, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. After a short walk, I may come to the soldiers and say, "Oh … there are plums to eat … Oh …"

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

7. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello?

because ..

Because they are not familiar with each other! Ha ha laugh

8. The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic: "Brother, are we poisonous?" The snake said, "Why do you ask?"

The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

9. In the tortoise-rabbit race, the rabbit quickly ran to the front.

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly and said to him, come up, I'll carry you.

Then the snail came up.

After a while, the tortoise saw an ant again. Say to him: You come up, too.

So the ants came up.

When the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said hello to him.

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said, "Hurry up, this turtle is so fast."

10, bad news: a pilot fell off the plane.

Good news: He brought a parachute.

Bad news: the parachute is broken.

Good news: There is a haystack below.

Bad news: There is a dung fork on the haystack.

Good news: he didn't fall on the dung fork.

Bad news: He didn't fall on the haystack either.

Super cold jokes hurt the stomach. 4 1. I connected all my memories into a movie, and a tragedy happened.

2, you have to dispute with me, I will never be generous. You have to be particularly impressed. I am definitely more open than you.

3, failure is success, damn it, then I already have many mothers, but none of them are pregnant.

4. Never underestimate the curiosity of girls! She can turn out a person's Weibo, comments and replies from last year to the year before last! As long as she wants to know!

I should put it on Taobao, because I am also a baby.

6. I woke up in the morning thinking that I had grown taller overnight, only to find that the quilt was covered horizontally.

7. I hope I can indulge in learning, then forget all about eating and sleeping, and finally get thinner and thinner.

I want to be an onion in my next life. Whoever bullies me makes me cry.

9. Don't worry about girls with fat hands, the gold ring given by her boyfriend will be bigger in the future!

10, you leave when you say it, and you never worry about my feelings. I knew at first sight that you were a difficult dog to keep.

1 1. What I value most about boys is talent. Looks are not important, just handsome.

12. Opportunity is like a hair on a bald head. If you catch it, you catch it, and if you can't catch it, it's gone.

13, please pay attention to the food around you. If you are not careful, she may die.

14, I'm a good-natured person. If someone steps on my bottom line one day. What would that be like? Then I'll lower the bottom line again.

15, you always say that dreams are out of reach, but you never go to bed early and get up early.

16, in order to prevent me from spending money indiscriminately in the New Year, I have already spent all my money in advance. This is me, unexpected me. I'm just a different fireworks. I saw myself on fire.

17, as long as you work hard and shit seriously.

18, thinking of me is too complicated, which means you are not simple.

19, this summer, is it going to kill me!

I used to think that money could buy everything, but later I found that there was not enough money.

2 1, the cashier said: No change. Here are two plastic bags for you!

The saddest thing in the world is lack of sleep, especially when you have a cold.

23. I'm not fat, I just expand with heat and contract with cold.

24. People who have girlfriends are called New Year's Eve, and you can endure it at most.

25. My wife asked me: If a female colleague seduces you, will you listen? I smiled and shook my head, ha ha, who do you take me for? Am I the kind of person who will tell you what you really think?

26. In fact, fate is always fair. If God doesn't let you spend Valentine's Day, it will make it up to you and let you spend Singles Day.

When I was poor, I thought I would be happy if I had money. When I really have money, I find that having money is not just happiness. This is a godsend.

28. Losing weight will never cross the bridge for you. You will lose weight before you reach the bridge.

29. At the beginning, it was agreed that I would not suffer a little injustice, and indeed more than a little.

30. Although the famous flowers are taken, I will loosen the soil.

3 1, I used to love you as a joke, but now you love me as a fart.

32. If the teacher didn't say you can't litter, I would throw you out.

33. A good horse doesn't eat grass back, so a good horse always goes hungry.

34. Don't talk. Feel my handsomeness with your heart

35. I wanted to turn around and smile at the male god, but I laughed a nose bubble.

36. If you think you can get me, you can try and I'll let you know what you want.

37. A luxury car passed by me just now and splashed all over me. At that time, I swore that when I got rich, I would buy a raincoat of my own.

I just made a very risky investment. If I succeed, I can make hundreds of millions at once. If I fail, I will beat Shui Piao with these two dollars.

39. Seeing someone wearing the same clothes as me in the distance, I can't help but sigh: it's really the same person with different clothes. He dresses like a fool. Take a closer look, mirror!

40. I am really lucky. I am grateful to know these sincere friends for many years. My attitude towards me has never changed. For example, I didn't receive the Mid-Autumn Festival gift last year. I still don't have a Mid-Autumn Festival gift this year.

4 1, love is like a ghost, many people believe it, but few people see it.

42. Children are happy when they are sad, but we adults can't. We have to eat a good meal or buy something.

Ghosts are very afraid of death, because when they die, they will become people.

44. They all say that I am bad-tempered, joking, good-looking and good-tempered. It doesn't matter.

45. If someone thinks you are stupid, you can continue to be stupid. Anyway, if you are idle, let him play!

46. I'm 30 degrees south, and you wear long pants in the north.

47. Don't fall in love with someone just because there is water in your head, in case the water dries up one day.

48. Eating together is called spelling rice, and going home together is called carpooling. You give me the rest of your life and live together. It's called despair.

49. Senior three went to the bank to get a card, and the counter gave me a list. The type of certificate I fill in is: rectangle.

50. Money is not everything. Sometimes you need a credit card.

5 1, your new love is still someone else's whore.

52. It's no use drinking too much chicken soup for the soul. Science has proved that dirty chicken soup is the most nutritious.

53. Every winter, the places outside the bed are far away, and the places that cannot be reached are all foreign countries. The last toilet is for business, and the last shift is to go abroad.

54. I am really a playboy. Just after the summer vacation, I think about the winter vacation.

55. I am a very principled person. My principle is that where the food is, I will be there!

56. I finally know why most couriers are men, because if they are women, they will open them for you halfway.

57. Besides teeth, there is love.

58. Sometimes I think I like you very much. That feeling is like eating too much and bursting.

59, selfie this kind of thing: three points are doomed, and seven points depend on the filter.

60. Smart girls are generally fatter, because the latest scientific research proves that women use adipose tissue to store their IQ. The thicker the fat layer, the higher the IQ.

6 1, if you are in a bad mood, go to the school gate and kick your bicycles one by one.

62. The table is too hot. Mahjong burnt as soon as it was coded.

63. Everything you wear looks good, not necessarily because you look good, but also because you are so ugly that your clothes look bad.

If you can appreciate my strangeness, you will be as lovely as me.

65. The existence of tears proves that sadness is not an illusion.

66. Let's fall in love when we have time, and I will continue to have a crush on you when we don't.

I thought the air was free until I bought a bag of potato chips.

68. A faint crow with a withered vine and an old tree, an air-conditioned cola watermelon, lay on the sofa after the play, and the sun went down, and the mood was so good that it exploded.

69. In summer, I don't object to girls wearing skirts, especially short skirts, but why should they wear safety pants inside? I got up from the ground angrily.

70. Don't always make excuses for yourself! When you are constipated, you blame gravity for not having gravity!

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