Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Are there any lines from the sketch {Legend of the New White Snake}
Are there any lines from the sketch {Legend of the New White Snake}
Snake Catcher: Hey, hey ... OK, now let me catch you! .
Little shepherd boy: Grandpa, please let go! It's pathetic.
Snake Catcher: Poor? I'm sorry ... I tell you, I climbed half a mountain for it, and I was soaked to the skin, and my mouth was still smoking. I'm going to take its snake gall now.
Little shepherd boy: Alas ... slow down, old man. Aren't you sweating and thirsty? This is the peach I just picked. Try one! .
Snake Catcher: Alas ... this this.
Little shepherd boy: Take it! .
Snake Catcher: Hey, wow ... Bah, look, look, the snake ran away and was bitten.
Little shepherd boy: Don't be angry, old man! How about you eat peaches and I play the flute for you? .
Snake Catcher: Playing the flute. Ok, you play, ...............................................................................................................................................................! Xiao Bai, you can't run.
Little White Snake: Brother Shepherd Boy.
Little shepherd boy: Who is it? Who is calling me? .
Little White Snake: Brother Shepherd Boy.
Little Shepherd Boy: Hey ... Who are you? .
White Snake: Thank you ... Brother Shepherd Boy.
Little shepherd boy: What do you thank me for? .
Little White Snake: Saved my life.
Little shepherd boy: Who did I save? There is no such thing.
Little White Snake: Remember, I will repay you later.
Little shepherd boy: Are you kidding? Tell me who you are.
Little White Snake: My last name is Bai.
Little shepherd boy: Bai, you are probably lost. Come on, I'll take you home.
White Snake: No, I can't go with you. You go ahead. See you later.
1700 years later
Tune: love and hate
Bian Bai: Guanyin, the cash body of Emei Jinding.
Good men and women came to worship, indicating that they were destined to cross Hangpu.
Guanyin: Who knelt down?
White Snake: White Snake meets Master at the foot of Qingcheng Mountain.
Guanyin: If you have any wishes, ask me.
Mrs. White Snake: Master Rong ...
Music: Past Lives
White Snake: Qingcheng Mountain is under the White Snake.
I practiced this body in the cave for thousands of years.
Practice hard and study hard.
Completely become a person.
Single-minded, no distractions.
Convert to the three treasures and abandon the world of mortals.
I hope the Bodhisattva will enlighten me.
Through my virginity, out of the dust.
Hey hey hey.
Hey hey hey.
Through my virginity, out of the dust.
Guanyin: OK, OK, it's rare that you have the sincerity to convert to the Three Treasures. Just you, with unfinished business, how can you soar in the daytime?
White Snake: Disciple's mind is fixed, and he is surrounded by four poles. I am willing to cut off any dust.
Guanyin: the fate of dust can be abandoned, and it is difficult to repay. You still owe the world, so you don't want to pay it back.
Mrs. White Snake: This ... disciple also knows how to repay kindness, but it's been a thousand years. How can I repay kindness?
Guanyin: OK, OK.
Tune: "March 3 is Qingming"
Guanyin: March 3 is Qingming.
It rains in succession during the Qingming Festival.
Meet thousands of miles away.
You must look for it at the height of the West Lake.
White Snake: I still don't understand. I hope I can consult tuas.
Guanyin: Don't reveal the secret. Ask for your own blessing. Come to me when you are in trouble.
Xu Xian: Wang Yue: I am lewd, but I am reasonable: I love my concubine to take the place of the king, and there is a poem saying: The imperial court and the imperial court come to the court to fetch horses.
As for his subordinates, he loves and hisses at women's desires, and when he does so, he has no complaints inside and no crazy people outside.
If a king is lewd and knows all the people, there is no fool king.
Xu Jiaorong: China people, China people.
The king said: I have my own lust, lust, lust.
Xu Jiaorong: Oh, what a lewd and horrible thing, brother, what are you reading?
Xu Xian: Mencius is a book of sages.
Xu Jiaorong: There is such nonsense in the book of sages.
Xu Xian: Yes, everything is in the book.
Xu Jiaorong: I don't believe it.
Xu Xian: Well, as the saying goes, everything is inferior to people, and only those who study well have their own golden rooms and pink ladies.
The book has its own good friends, and being a good friend of the ancients is not lonely. In a word, how about studying?
Xu Jiaorong: Reading really has so many benefits, so let me ask you, can there be daily necessities in the book?
Xu Xian: Ah. ...........................................................................................................................................................................
Xu Jiaorong: Well, don't study from now on. What you have always wanted most is to practice medicine. I told Mr. Wang of Qingyutang today that you want to be an apprentice with him.
Xu Xian: What did you learn as an apprentice?
Xu Jiaorong: Learn to sell medicine first, and then learn to practice medicine. what do you think?
Xu Xian: Well, if I had learned to treat diseases in my early years, my parents would not have both died of dysentery.
Xu Jiaorong: Yes, if you learn to practice medicine, you can also save people.
Li Gongfu: Why did you close the door?
Xu Xian: It's my brother-in-law. Get the door.
Li Gongfu: Open the door, open the door.
Xu Xian: If I become a doctor in the future, my brother-in-law will be the first person to be saved. He was very angry.
Xu Jiaorong: Coming, coming.
Li Gongfu: Open the door quickly. Oh, what are you doing in there? I knocked on the door for a long time.
Xu Jiaorong: I'm talking to Xu Xian in the study.
Xu Xian: Brother-in-law, was Bitter Sound robbed in the yamen again?
Li Gongfu: How do you know? Is that you?
Xu Xian: Oh, brother-in-law, don't make a wild guess. Recently, I heard you say that the vault was robbed two or three times, the money disappeared without a trace and the chain was not broken.
Xu Jiaorong: Did a ghost steal this silver?
Li Gongfu: I really saw a ghost.
Xu Jiaorong: Hey, where are you going?
Li Gonggong: Tonight, I will stay with him for another night. I will catch the thief myself. Otherwise, how can I be a monitor in Qiantang County?
Xu Jiaorong: Hey, let's go after dinner.
Li Gongfu: We can't get back the money for dinner, and everyone has no food.
Xu Xian: Hey, brother-in-law, I'm going to be an apprentice in Qingyutang today.
Li Gongfu: Go ahead, study hard, open your own pharmacy in the future, and don't eat the indignant food at Yamen's mouth like your brother-in-law.
Xu Jiaorong: Be careful.
Xu Xian: Hey, sis, is it over there?
Xu Jiaorong: Then come here. This is Mr. Wang.
Wang Fengshan: Thank you for waiting.
Xu Jiaorong: Hello, Mr. Wang. This is my brother Xu Hanwen. Please call him Mr. Wang.
Xu Xian: Hello, doctor.
Xu Jiaorong: I want to call Mr. Yuan Wai.
Wang Fengshan: That's all right. I like being called a doctor.
Xu Jiaorong: Then call Dr. Yuan Waiye.
Xu Xian: Doctor, your drugstore is really beautiful. I think there are so many palaces.
Wang Fengshan: I'm flattered. This drugstore has a history of several years, so it has just been renovated.
Xu Jiaorong: Miss Wang, this Qingyutang, if ranked second in Qiantang County, has not dared to be called the first.
Wang Fengshan: OK, OK, it's too sloppy. Young people can't understand.
Xu Xian: How did that happen, doctor? Your calligraphy is catching up with the second king. You have a common history. How can you not know each other? just ...
Wang Fengshan: Is it because our prescription is wrong?
Xu Xian: No, no, no, doctor, you have the right medicine. What's wrong with you, but ...
Xu Jiaorong: China people.
Wang Fengshan: Why not? Let him talk.
Xu Xian: Doctor, if you add licorice to this prescription.
Wang Fengshan: Well ... that's more complete. Ok, aunt, go and get some medicine. Young man, how do you know licorice is needed in this recipe when you are so young?
Xu Xian: I have read some messy medical books, such as The Classic of Dragon Materia Medica, Sun Simiao's Thousand Women, and the Record of Sacrifice to the Truth, so I know a little. Nonsense, please don't laugh at the doctor.
Wang Fengshan: Haha, you have read all these books. Why don't you study medicine? That's a good thing to help the living.
Xu Jiaorong: Sir, you are so forgetful. Didn't I mention it to you some time ago? My brother will come to Qingyutang to be your apprentice.
Wang Fengshan: Forgive him for being your brother Xu Xian.
Xu Jiaorong: Yes, China people, don't hurry to pay their respects to Master Yuan.
Xu Xian: Old Master Q is in class. Xu Hanwen, a student, is invited to pay homage.
Wang Fengshan: Get up.
Xu Xian: Sister, what's the matter with you? Did your brother-in-law bully you?
Xu Jiaorong: Your brother-in-law had Yang hit him twenty times, and his legs were swollen.
Wang Fengshan: How come, Han Wen? Go get some medicine for the sore and see your brother-in-law.
Xu Jiaorong: Ah, China people, pay more attention, Mr. Wang, thank you.
Li Gongfu: Oh, easy, easy.
Xu Xian: This young man is cruel.
Li Gongfu: All those bandits. When I heal my wounds, I will arrest them and bring them to justice. Where is your sister?
Wang Fengshan: From China.
Xu Xian: Master.
Wang Fengshan: Is your brother-in-law's injury much better?
Xu Xian: Much better, thanks to your good medicine for sore. My sister keeps asking me to thank you.
Wang Fengshan: Well, from China and China, let me talk to you. China, did your brother-in-law get engaged to you at home?
Xu Xian: I mentioned it, but I don't want it.
Wang Fengshan: Oh, you don't like it or you think it's ugly.
Xu Xian: No, it's because I don't think I can do it. I didn't do it. I want to marry a daughter-in-law.
Wang Fengshan: Your breath is not small. You're not famous yet. What happened? You have to wait until you go to school and learn from your teacher before you get married.
Xu Xian: No, at least you should learn medical skills from the master, or you can open your own pharmacy, if you can meet a like-minded person.
Wang Fengshan: Fairy, you just got married.
Xu Xian: Almost.
Wang Fengshan: Almost. You don't want to think about it. You are a poor boy. What ability do you have to support a beautiful woman? Don't be paranoid all day.
Xu Xian: I think I'm imagining things, too. I'm kidding. In fact, as soon as I see someone, I can't speak. Maybe I will be single all my life.
Xiaoqing: Haha, darling, how dare you sneak into this palace? What do you do?
White Snake: I wanted to stay here, but I didn't expect someone here. Are you ... Are you human?
Xiaoqing: I'm not a person, I'm a fairy. Hey, honey, have you ever seen a fairy?
Mrs. White Snake: I don't think you look like a fairy, but more like a goat.
Xiaoqing: OK, you're just in time. I am the monarch, and you will be my princess.
Mrs. White Snake: Don't be rude, or don't blame me for embarrassing you.
Qing: Really? I don't believe it.
Mrs. White Snake: What do you want?
Xiaoqing: I want you to be my concubine.
White Snake: Be your concubine. Yes, I'll give you three chances. If you can hold me down, I will follow you.
Qing: Great. I want to leave when I look at the move.
Mrs. White Snake: Please.
Qing: You just said to give me three chances.
Mrs. White Snake: You still have two chances.
Xiaoqing: Don't be complacent too early. If you have the ability, we will make gestures. Otherwise, you will lose.
Mrs. White Snake: If you have any tricks, tell them.
Qing: OK.
Mrs. White Snake: I thought it was some kind of monster, but it turned out to be the same kind.
Qing: You too.
Mrs. White Snake: How old are you? How dare you be so presumptuous? If I don't get rid of you today, you will be in trouble later.
Xiaoqing: Xiong Huang Jian, girl, go easy on me. I knew that I had made a mistake.
White Snake: You can correct your mistakes, but it's no big deal. Remember, you are not allowed to do anything unnatural in the future. Go ahead.
Xiaoqing: Thank you girl for forgiving me. I don't know how to repay you.
Mrs. White Snake: You and I are different. You're welcome.
Xiaoqing: If you don't dislike the girl, I am willing to serve her all my life and be a loyal servant girl.
Mrs White Snake: Maid, this is. ...
Xiaoqing: Girl, you don't believe me. I was just like you, only for Doby. Do not believe, you see, Xiaoqing met her sister.
Mrs. White Snake: Great. Get up, Xiaoqing. My name is Ms. White Snake. We will be sisters from now on.
Xiaoqing: Oh, no, master and servant should be commensurate. Sister, I will never forget your kindness in life.
White Snake: Suit yourself.
Melody: Love and Law
Bian Bai: Yanhua went for an outing in February, with infinite scenery.
Time flies like water, you can't find it as soon as possible.
Alas alas alas alas alas alas.
Fahai: Brother, what a beautiful face.
Xu Xian: I turned out to be an old host, so I was rude.
Fahai: That's easy to say. Let me ask you something, okay?
Xu Xian: What?
Fahai: The songs sung by those girls.
Xu Xian: Good, as delicate as a lark.
Fahai: You don't know, there are better voices in the world.
Xu Xian: What's that noise?
Fahai: The wooden drum sinks the bell, and the lion growls.
Xu Xian: The lion roars.
Fahai: This is the Buddhist name read by the poor monk. There is no amitabha in the south.
Xu Xian: Master, your voice is too loud.
Fahai: Haha, it's not loud, but it's powerful. Haven't you heard of it, little brother? The magic is boundless and the sea power collapses.
Xu Xian: I don't know, master. What are you talking about? Law, sea and so on.
Fahai: If you can understand the word Fahai, it proves that my brother has some wisdom. My poor monk is called Fahai.
Xu Xian: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I said it off the cuff.
Fahai: If you just talk casually, you can hit the nail on the head. Can you be serious?
Xu Xian: I don't know what you mean.
Fahai: The poor monk means that since I have wisdom roots, I should look for wisdom classics and do something to help the world and save people in the future.
Xu Xian: My advantage is to help the living, not others. I came to the mountain today to collect medicinal materials and save lives.
Fahai: The living can live for a while.
Xu Xian: I don't know what you are talking about.
Fahai: Put down the medicine hoe, pick up the abbot of the monastery, travel around the world and smell incense everywhere. One day, you will be a good disciple of my Buddhism.
Xu Xian: No, no, no. I don't want to be a monk. Besides, I can't become a monk.
Fahai: Why?
Xu Xian: Because I still want to get married and marry a beautiful and virtuous lady as my wife. That would be great.
Fahai: If you have this common idea, you will bring disaster. Then disaster will come and see who can save you.
Xu Xian: I'm not afraid. I won't have any disaster.
Fahai: Why?
Xu Xian: Master, I have a good wife at home. Haven't you ever heard that if you have a good wife, your husband won't ask for trouble?
Fahai: Amitabha.
Music: Past Lives
Bian Bai: Bai Niangzi is kind-hearted, and some people were left behind by the sword to collect Xiaoqing.
The two became sisters and they took refuge in the palace.
The magical power is vast, and the magical power of building a garden is boundless.
The old house in the abandoned garden is brand-new, just like a dead tree meets spring.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Xiaoqing: Sister, you have such a high road, why don't you seek ascension, but go to the world of mortals to live a private life?
Mrs. White Snake: Yes, I am.
Qing: What a great fate.
Mrs. White Snake: I remember one day 1700 years ago, I was almost killed. Fortunately, a shepherd boy saved me, so I can't be ungrateful.
Xiaoqing: I see. Just like you spared my life, I have to repay you, right?
White Snake: You are so wronged.
Xiaoqing: No, that's my wish, but sister, in the past 1700 years, maybe the shepherd boy has been reincarnated more than 20 times. A sea of people. Where are you going to find him, sister?
White Snake: Avalokitesvara once touched me. She said that if we are destined to meet thousands of miles away, we should look for it at the height of the West Lake.
Xiaoqing: So you came to Hangzhou to find a benefactor.
Mrs White Snake: But we must find the height of the West Lake. How to find it? What's your height?
Xiaoqing: Oh, could it be a tall man with a high surname?
White Snake: Who knows, tall, short, fat and thin.
Xiaoqing: Sister, don't worry. Now that Master Guanyin has given us guidance, we will definitely find a place to live. How's this? From tomorrow on, we will visit the West Lake every day to find your benefactor.
White Snake: As soon as this benefactor appeared, I thanked him. I want to fly away with you and never love the world of mortals wholeheartedly again.
Xiaoqing: I'm afraid that's not up to you.
Mrs. White Snake: I have my own determination. I will not be drawn by earthly desires.
Xiaoqing: But, sister, what makes you think he is your benefactor?
Mrs. White Snake: I have my own magic. You'll know then.
Xiaoqing: I really hope he is a handsome husband. That would be fun.
Mrs. White Snake: Who knows?
Wang Fengshan: From China.
Xu Xian: Master, what can I do for you?
Wang Fengshan: Do you know what medicine you are taking?
Xu Xian: Yes, it's pilose antler essence.
Wang Fengshan: Is it for internal use or external use?
Xu Xian: Both oral and external use are acceptable.
Wang Fengshan: So what is its function?
Xu Xian: Tonifying deficiency and supporting yang by oral administration, and stopping bleeding by external use.
Wang Fengshan: What's in it?
Xu Xian: Sulfur.
Wang Fengshan: What are the taboos? I want to see how much you know.
Music: "God doesn't understand love"
Xu Xian: Sulfur is the essence of fire, and Parker nitrate is its opponent.
Mercury, mercury, arsenic and wolfsbane are most afraid of monks.
Croton is born with fire and fire.
Petunia is the most taboo, all the way, all the way.
Cloves, cloves and turmeric.
This medicine has different characteristics. Be careful. Be careful.
Wang Fengshan: Ah ... Be careful when taking different drugs.
If you use it correctly, you can save lives. If you use it wrong, you will die.
If you use it correctly, you can save lives. If you use it wrong, you will die.
All right! All right! All right!
Xu Xian: Yes, master, alas, sister.
Xu Jiaorong: Hello, Mr. Wang, from China.
Wang Fengshan: OK, I came to see my brother again. By the way, I want to tell you that it is right for your brother to study medicine with me. It is rare for him to have this skill in Chinese.
Xu Jiaorong: Thank you for your promotion.
Wang Fengshan: Sit in it.
Xu Xian: Sister, my brother-in-law hasn't been beaten again recently, and he hasn't lost his bitter voice, has he?
Xu Jiaorong: How do you know everything?
Xu Xian: You're not here to get medicine for sores, so I think my brother-in-law must lead a very quiet life.
Xu Jiaorong: Not peaceful. County grandfather forced him to solve the case quickly every day.
Mr w, I came here today to ask for leave from China. Can't he come to the shop all day tomorrow?
Wang Fengshan: Is there anything at home?
Xu Jiaorong: Tomorrow is the third day of March.
Wang Fengshan: You will go out to visit the grave when you are in Tomb-Sweeping Day.
Xu Jiaorong: Yes, so I want to ask my husband for leave. I want to take him up the mountain to sweep the grave. I don't know.
Wang Fengshan: Yes, yes, there is no need to ask for leave. Come tomorrow, take him and let him go out to play.
Xu Xian: Thank you, Master.
Xiaoqing: I think this Guanyin Bodhisattva must be crazy. Otherwise, how could she say these two ambiguous words, "We are destined to meet thousands of miles away, but we have been looking for it for a long time, but we can't find anyone in this West Lake. It's just a deceptive trick. In my opinion ... Sister, what are you looking at?
White Snake: Xiaoqing, look, the man on the bridge.
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