Classic funny quotations laugh at internal injuries.

1, in this world, it is more difficult to kill a Q pet than to kill a person.

2. You are my super happy insole. Let me step on you.

I stayed in a nervous crowd for a long time and found myself normal.

4. When you go to the street, sprinkle some oil on others and tell them: Don't worry, it's all automatic!

If you can't tolerate me, it means that either your mind is too narrow or my personality is too great.

6. Tell me about you. Learn to be ugly without a diploma. If you are not smart, learn from others' baldness!

7. When two male turtles fight, the most ruthless trick is to turn each other over.

8. No matter how much water you have, you can't drink enough loneliness.

9. What is happiness? You eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones!

10, don't give me a sweaty look, or I'll pay you back with my nose.

1 1, big head, thick neck, stupid like a pig!

12, in order to celebrate the success of quitting smoking today, I decided to smoke another one.

13, when I saw your face, I felt that your parents were not serious when they made you.

14, reading travel novels every day, looking at the toilet is like a hole passing through.

15, does it itch? Itching is right. When the wound is growing, so are the nerve endings.

16, a day is really short. As soon as the computer was turned on, the day passed.

17, if you treat me like a game, I will kill you.

18, spread soy sauce all over the world and make others jealous.

19, how can you get married without going through scum? No one can be a mother casually.

20. I don't look down on you, but I don't care about you at all.

2 1, my so-called dream is dreaming at night and daydreaming during the day.

22. Superman always flies in briefs because triangles are very stable.

23. Close your eyes and see the bank, which is where I hide my money.

24, benefactor, if you bully being original, it is a disgrace to Jesus.

25. It's even more embarrassing to drown one's sorrows by drinking. Tang Yan washes his hair softly.

26. Diapers that can resist floods are diapers that can really suck.

27, finished, you also ignore me, I became a dog ignore.

28. What should I do if the egg hurts? Continue licking the egg.

29. When I get rich, I will go back to Afghanistan, because where can I find four wives?

It is said that we are the flowers of the motherland. Why am I the one who gets hurt?

3 1. Youth is running wildly and then falling down beautifully.

32, after hearing what you said, a sense of superiority in IQ arises spontaneously!

33. I always fantasize that I am human, but the fact tells me that I am just a rugged person.

34. When playing a game, when there is one blood left, call three letters to revive Zeng Ge.

35. Women mix well and wear less. Men mix well, and their hair falls backwards.

36. There must be a driveway in front of the mountain, and I can't stop it.

37. Men are naked animals, but putting on clothes is the devil wears Prada.

38. In fact, if you like a girl, buy her more food. If you get fat, no one will chase you. It's yours.

I love you without explanation, because explanation is a cover-up.

Fzl's funny quotation "Laughing and Bending"

1, you are not handsome, you are ugly!

We have all grown up, but Xiaoming in the math problem has always been so big.

Your shameless appearance has my youthful charm.

Suddenly looking back, there is a dog looking at me in the back.

5, the so-called love is to waste expression after love,

6, feelings are sometimes just a person's business. It has nothing to do with anyone. Love, or not love, can only end by itself.

7. I used to feel that the future was boundless, but now I always feel that the future is not bright.

8. I swear I'll chop my hands when I surf the Internet again. I found out that I am Guanyin with a thousand hands.

9. In my heart, you are as sacred as the sun. As long as I touch you gently, I will be burned to black charcoal in an instant.

10, it's not that I look down on you, but that I don't care about you at all.

1 1 My dream is to have a lot of delicious food.

12, God, give me a bowl of big white rice and a plate of hot and sour potato shreds.

13. Without studying, Wan Li Road is just a postman.

14, come. Suddenly come back and ask for a blind date in disguise …

15, my mother said my wife is virtuous, but I think she is too idle to do anything!

16, she has been laughing and listening to my jokes. I'm always so stupid in her heart.

17, when the class is very noisy, the teacher always shouts at us: "Don't you understand?" Actually, we are disobedient.

18, even if you are occupied, I will use flowers instead of trees.

19, there are only graves in the world. If there are more dead people, there will be graves. ...

20. Don't be afraid of losing. What you can lose is not yours after all.

2 1, rural mother said that distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors, and I said that few people in the city know the opposite door.

22. As a monster, my wish is to destroy at least one Altman!

23. It is even stronger to hear that you have lost weight recently and have broken up with you.

24. I think there must be many people who secretly love me, because no one has confessed to me for so many years.

Although I can't save the whole life, I can bring disaster to all beings.

26. I'm not a saint who can't satisfy everyone//I'm not a money who can't satisfy everyone.

27. I tell you, as long as the Russian small universe broke out, Jesus could not be reborn.

28. Once a little girl said to me upstairs: Brother, you are so handsome! I immediately replied: not handsome, not handsome, just long.

Let me say: I like people like you! Tell me if you can: I like you.

30. We have all grown up, but Xiao Ming on math problems has always been so big.

3 1, the problem of human body structure is very profound, so let's go home and study it …

32, the school expelled me, I can only use the last sentence of Grey Wolf: I will definitely come back.

33. Boss, weigh two catties of love and take it home to feed the dog.

Classic funny quotations that set off the atmosphere, laughing to death.

1, I didn't spray as well as you. That's a fountain.

2. You are patriotic, dedicated and have backbone.

It is not that the sun is bad, but that the fence is too high.

4, the beginning is terrible; Ghosts, funny in the middle; He ate a fart and ended badly; He's dead.

5, love is like a grave, knowing that it is death, piling up soil bit by bit.

6. My heart is not a bus. You can take it if you have a seat.

7. Brother, can you lower the resolution on your face a little?

8. If one day, you say you miss me, I will tell you: it's late.

9. I used to be proud to be happy together for a lifetime.

10, the brothers United to overthrow the government and demanded that the government give each of us a beautiful woman.

1 1, Love plus, Dream Xianglian, San Xiao is Pan Jinlian …

12, my heart is broken and it looks like dumpling stuffing.

13, you look very creative and live bravely. Ugliness is not your intention, but God is losing his temper.

14, I believe you every time, but you lie to me again and again, damn the weather forecast.

15, Lao Li's laundry opened, and Lao Wang gave him a plaque that read: "Give me back my innocence.

16, always eat when you are unhappy. If I eat too much, I will get fat. If I get fat, I will be unhappy.

17, unrequited love is a successful pantomime, and when it is said, it becomes a tragedy.

18, you can't guess who I am without blindfolding!

19, why is it more nonsense than the advertisement of Hunan Satellite TV?

20. I moved my heart for you alone and broke the hearts of thousands of women in Qian Qian.

2 1, people must not do dog things, so dogs have to be laid off.

22. Looking back 500 times in previous lives, I got a "rogue" in this life!

23, fart, they say it is love. I heard it and smelled it, but no one saw it.

24. Men in the new century: They got the hall and the kitchen. I can support my wife, remember my mother, and please my mother-in-law.

25, well said, you said a lot, I don't quite understand.

26, laugh, maybe you don't know, sigh, let it go. Unable to retain. Just because time took it away.

27. The person I love has been taken away, and the person who loves me is terrible.

28. In the past, the route was simple, but walking revealed the sexy essence.

30 classic funny quotations _ Laughing till your mouth cramps

1. A ten-page paper is due in the college composition class to discuss the meaning of being a man. I try my best to finish my homework. The professor not only rated it as a masterpiece, but also encouraged me to make a living by writing. The next year, my boyfriend also took this course, and he also had to hand in a paper assignment with the same topic and the same length. He asked me for help, and I gave him my old work for reference, but he handed it in word for word. When I got the paper back, I saw the professor write a sentence on it: How is your girlfriend recently?

Jack's screams came from the bedroom. Mom ran in and saw her 2-year-old sister pulling his hair. Mother gently pulled away her little daughter's hand and comforted little Jack: She was too young to know it would hurt you. No sooner had the mother walked out of the bedroom than there came the screams of her little daughter. What happened? Mom turned and rushed in to ask. Now she knows. Jack replied.

3. Once I quarreled with my deskmate, both of them were very unhappy. When I opened it, it turned out to be from my deskmate. I'm sorry. I was very moved to reply to his message. As a result, 2B immediately raised his hand and said, Teacher, he plays with his mobile phone in class.

A girl just gave birth to a baby, and in the second month, a group of girlfriends went to visit. One of the girlfriends leaned in and said, Wow, you really look like your husband! Another girlfriend said: Yes, very similar, especially when breastfeeding, the eyes are super similar! Suddenly everyone was silent.

The doctor comforted the patient and said, please believe me, there is nothing wrong with you. You need fresh air. I suggest you walk more and walk more. What do you do? Postman, doctor. The patient replied.

6. During the mobilization before the exam, the math teacher drank some wine and said on the platform: Teaching is a grand secret love. You try your best to love a group of people, but in the end you only touch yourself. It is true that students abuse me thousands of times. I treat students like first love. I used to be afraid that I would not do well in the exam alone, but now I am afraid that a group of people will not do well in the exam. If you never leave, I will live and die together. If you give up on yourself, there is nothing I can do. Suddenly the whole class applauded, teacher. You just fell in love!

7. A seriously ill patient went to see a famous doctor. The nurse told him that the doctor's schedule was full, and it would take at least three weeks for your turn. What? It takes three weeks? The patient cried, maybe I won't live to that time! Oh, that's all right, said the nurse. At that time, you can ask your family to cancel the appointment for you.

8. My cousin's daughter is a graduate student working in Shanghai. She is 3 1 this year and still single. The matchmaker in her hometown introduced her to a young man, saying that he was handsome and engaged in music. Then my cousin asked for leave to come back for a blind date. She is an old bachelor, playing suona for weddings and funerals in the country, and her face is blue with anger.

9. The conductor made up the ticket. The conductor asked: where can I make up the ticket? Zhengzhou! Do you have any kids？ There is one. How old is it? Four and a half years old. Is he over1.2m tall? I don't think so. Where is it? Come and see if it's over. Huh? My child is in his hometown! In the old ... hometown? The conductor froze for a few seconds, feeling that this girl naturally wanted to stay!

10. After the teacher handed out the test paper to the students, he asked the parents to sign it. Student Meng Xiao asked: Teacher, do you want mom and dad to sign, or do you want grandparents to sign? The teacher said: whoever keeps his word in your family will sign it. After listening, Meng Xiao muttered: So, I can only sign.

1 1, the matchmaker said to the girl: That young man is really nice, strong, likes outdoor life, likes camping and has chest hair. The girl said to the matchmaker, can he walk upright?

Xiaoming has always been proud that his father is a great engineer. One day, he met Xiaohua and chatted with him. Xiaoming said to Xiaohua, Do you know the Himalayas? Xiaohua said: I know. Xiaoming said: My father built it. Ha ha. Xiaohua was speechless at that time. He thought for a moment and said, Do you know the Dead Sea? Killed by my father.

13, a man teased a child: Are you your father or am I your father? The child said: You are your father! The man hurriedly said, wrong! Think about it. The child thought for a long time and asked doubtfully, am I your father?

14, Patient: I have been forgetful recently, and I forgot what I just said as soon as I turned my head! Doctor: How long have you been like this? Patient: How long has what been?

15 On Sunday, my brother-in-law took his nephew, who just went to elementary school, to visit Zhoukoudian Ape Cave. He thought it was time to give his son a basic history education, so he pointed to the model of the ape-man and asked, Do you know who your ancestors were? The nephew looked at him in surprise and replied, My grandfather? !

16, a buddy accosted a beautiful woman on the road: Sister Mei, you are so beautiful. What do you do? The beauty said: I am a service person. The buddy said happily, Oh, how I want to be your customer! Where do you work? The beauty said that I patched up the body in the crematorium. When will you come?

17, one day in class, a student deserted, and the teacher saw it and wanted to make things difficult for the student. Teacher: What shape do you think the earth is? Student: It's round. Not satisfied, the teacher asked: Why is the earth square? Student: I listen to you, teacher! It's your call! What you said is right.

18, the subway to work in the morning was too crowded, and all the bread I bought was squashed. What is this? I used to be much more serious than you. Why? What happened to your bread? This is not bread. I want to fart, but I just burp!

19, in a mental hospital, there are two mental disorders, A said to B; I recently wrote a book. Have you read it? Yes, it's well written, but there are too many names in the book for me to remember. Just then, the dean came in and said, what are you two doing with my phone book?

Yesterday afternoon, I went shopping with my daughter-in-law. She suddenly asked me: Who is your ex-girlfriend or me? Just thinking about it, suddenly a buddy behind him decisively replied: Hello! We turned back in horror and turned out to be a strange buddy. He was probably scared by our expressions and said in a trembling voice, hello, how to get to Bayi Road?

2 1, my roommate has a 12-year-old sister who is fat and hot in summer and always sweats. When she was sweating profusely, she went out to catch chickens, because when she caught them, they would flap their wings wildly. Her sister said it was windy and cool.

22. Xiao Liang is very naughty. He ran to the neighbor's orchard to steal strawberries and was found. Aunt neighbor asked: What's your name? I want to tell your parents! Xiao Liang calmly said, No, my parents know my name.

23. One day, as soon as Xiao Fang came home from work, her son Xiao Qiang ran over and said proudly, Mom, I learned to bargain! Xiao Fang was puzzled and asked, What do you do? Xiao Qiang said: I took some waste products to the recycling station and sold them. The uncle who collected the waste said six dollars, and I said it was too expensive, so he bought me four dollars.

24. A woman, we had dinner together the other day. She was unhappy and asked her why. She said, I think I should find a boyfriend. Me: Come on, big sister, haven't you always claimed to be single? She said: I had a fight with some hooligans last week and my mobile phone broke. Me: So you don't have to do it yourself to find a boyfriend, so you won't break your cell phone? She glared: I mean, if I have a boyfriend, he can help me with my bag and I can let go of those hooligans!

25. Mom: Poor girl! She lost her father and best friend, the dog. Betty, would you like to help her give her your dog? Betty: Oh! Mom, why don't we give dad to her?

26. My son is in a big class, and I have an appointment with him to come to my house for the weekend. My wife got up early in the morning, cleaned the room and cooked some delicious food. I don't know. A group of children are here. You are so promising. The wife said, you don't understand, maybe these people have your future daughter-in-law! God, it's really early!

27. A female colleague is seven months pregnant. I don't know why she can't eat meat or even scrambled eggs. When I went to the hospital for reexamination, I was reminded by the doctor to eat more meat, otherwise it would be very troublesome for the child to be born with malnutrition in the future. Then the doctor paused for a few seconds and asked her softly, Is it because my mother-in-law doesn't like you very much? . . My best friend said truthfully: no, I just can't eat meat. It makes me sick. . The doctor listened blankly for a while, and then said to her, You are not pregnant with that Tang Sanzang, are you?

28. Teacher: Our school will switch to English teaching from next semester. Some classmate: Wow! We won't understand. Teacher: Don't worry about not understanding. Learning a language means listening more. Listen to me speak English every day, and you will understand after a long time. Student B: But I listen to the dog barking at home every day, and I don't know what it is saying.

29. In chemistry class, the teacher told the students: When it thunders, the oxygen in the air will combine to form gaseous ozone, which has an unpleasant smell. A classmate who believes in Jesus suddenly realized, saying, no wonder people say that thunder is God's fart, but it turns out to be true!

30. The school organized a spring outing. The teacher said: This spring outing should be a group activity. We can't be together like last time. I'm embarrassed to talk about you. This time, at least ten people should act together! On the day of the spring outing, everyone performed well. Suddenly, I saw Zhang San clutching his stomach and shouting, who is going to the toilet? We organized nine people! !