Short and funny jokes

Collection of short and cold jokes

A cold joke refers to a joke itself that is caused by problems such as boredom, homophones, translation, or omission of the subject, different logic, assertions or special content, or due to Due to reasons such as the performer's tone or expression, a joke cannot achieve the purpose of being funny, and it is difficult to make people laugh and ends up being a dull moment. However, this does not mean that the joke itself is dull. This is also a manifestation of humor. Below I bring you a collection of short jokes, I hope you like them!

Short and cold jokes 1

1. When I woke up in the morning, my wife was looking at her pillow thoughtfully... I said: Why did you wake up so early? Wife: Do you think I will get Alzheimer’s disease? I said: Why? Wife: I seemed to be drooling when I slept last night. I said: Let's sleep a little longer, it's definitely not because of Alzheimer's disease. Wife: Then why do you think it is? I said: Because I sleep next to you!

2. During dinner, I said to my daughter-in-law: "You are my treasure, and no one will give it to you. Even if someone else takes one million, I wouldn't trade it for ten million." My daughter-in-law listened. Finally cried: "Oh, I said you should change quickly. I also want to live a good life with a rich man."

3. "My wife, you are the cutest person I have ever seen!" Husband, I like you who have never seen the world..."

4. After the wife came home, she happily said to her husband: I asked someone to read my palm today, and he said my second My husband is a handsome, knowledgeable, and very considerate man. oh? The husband quickly asked, are you getting married to me for the second time?

5. Wife: "The young couple next door are quarreling, and no one else cares. Why are you trying to stir up trouble?" Husband: "How can I ignore it? When we fight in the future, no one will stop the fight, so I will fight. Can you live there? ”

6. Wife: Men should do housework, now men and women are equal. Husband: I do the housework, what do you do? Aren’t we equal? Wife: I am responsible for giving birth! Husband: I serve you every day, just to give birth to a child for you? The wife laughed: It takes a thousand days to raise an army in just one moment!

7. The couple were fishing, and the wife was nagging while fishing. After a while, a big fish took the bait. Wife: This big fish is so pitiful. Husband: Yes! As long as it shuts its mouth, wouldn't it be fine?

8. In the middle of the night, the husband suddenly shook his wife awake and said excitedly: I just dreamed that I picked up a bag with five thousand yuan in it! The wife sighed and fell asleep again. After a while, the husband was awakened by his wife's sobbing and asked her why she was crying. The wife said: I dreamed that the bag you picked up was stolen.

9. I said to my wife nonchalantly, "Do you want to lose weight? I have played with fat people, but I have never played with thin people." My wife glanced at me and said, "You haven't done it yet. "I'm so angry that I have black threads all over my face... 10. There is a man who is very afraid of his wife. One day, my wife broke a tea cup, and the man whispered: Fortunately, it was not me.

11. Wife: "Husband, I can't sleep, tell me a story." Husband: "Okay. A long time ago, there was a young man who was studying in medical school. One year, he participated in He took the exam for practicing physicians. He took exams in physiology, biochemistry, pathology, pharmacology, immunity, microbiology, prevention, statistics, infectious diseases, health law, psychology, ethics, internal medicine..." Before he finished speaking, his wife fell asleep.

12. Wife: "You are so immoral. When you see a beautiful woman, you forget that you are married.

Husband: "On the contrary, every time I see a beautiful woman, the most clear thing in my mind is how could I have been married!" ”

13. When I went to bed last night, I went to bed first. When my wife got into bed, I farted a super smelly fart: Who fart? I am puzzled by the question, is there anything else?

14. Sun Yang is from Zhejiang, Xu Jiayu is from Zhejiang, Fu Yuanhui is from Zhejiang, Ye Shiwen is from Zhejiang, and Li Zhuhao is from Zhejiang. So the question is, are Zhejiang people so good at swimming?

15. Yesterday, Xiao Ming went to eat barbecue. The boss asked me how spicy I wanted it. Xiao Ming said it was spicy, so the boss touched Xiao Ming’s butt while adding chili pepper and asked, “Is this perverted enough?” Is this perverted enough? ”

16. Question: Do you have a brief history of time? Answer: You are sick. I don’t pick up shit when I have time.

17. Xiao Ming has been dark since he was a child. Once there was a fire at home. When the fireman arrived, Xiao Ming ran out desperately. Then he heard a person say: "This child is burnt and he still runs so fast!" "

18. The courier from YTO Express called me early in the morning. As soon as he got through, he said: "Hello, I am..." He paused for a few seconds, and then called He said, "Wait a minute, let me see what kind of knowledge I have."

19. When you meet a person selling Guiling paste on the road, don’t yell, just get a calculator and press it hard - return to zero, return to zero, return to zero, return to zero, return to zero, return to zero, return to zero. Return to zero.

20. A buddy asked his wife why she chose him among many suitors. His wife said he was the only one who didn't snore. Short and funny jokes 2

1. When I was a child, I wanted to buy a toy, but my parents wouldn’t let me, so I would pretend to sleep at night and talk in my sleep, whispering about the toy. After my dad saw it, he bought it the next day. I recently wanted to buy a car, but my wife insisted on buying a house first. Last night, she repeated her old trick, driving after driving... "Pa", I woke up with pain, and then I heard a loud curse: "You don't sleep in the middle of the night, what are you shouting?" "Shout!"

2. A couple who had been married for many years, one day the wife asked her husband: "When we were in love, you said that if I married you, even if I wanted the moon in the sky, , you will also pick it for me. Now I am married to you, but where is the moon you promised to pick for me?" My husband forgot to pick it out of the window and said, "It's not that I won't pick it for you, the problem is that the moon is always there at night. Come out, and you don’t let me go out at night.”

3. Wife: “Who is in your office?” Husband: “Just me and the female secretary.” Wife: “That’s fine. "Husband: "I don't have time to chat." Wife: "Are you busy with a lot of things?" Husband: "There is nothing to talk about."

4. The marriage consultant asked the couple to talk. Write down on paper all the things about the other person that make you unhappy. Ten minutes later, the husband raised his hand: "I can't write." "That's great!" said the wife, "Marriage shouldn't be too picky about each other, right?" "There's not enough paper, so I can't write!" ”

5. Wife: Husband, will my newly permed hair look ugly? Husband: No, your ugliness has nothing to do with your hair!

6. When I got off work today, my husband kept staring at a girl and his mouth almost watered. I saw the girl's black high heels, black stockings, black super short pants, and a black suspender top. So I said with a friendly face: "Husband, if you like it, I will wear it every day from now on." Then I saw the second-rate husband, looking back at me quietly and said quietly: "If you dare Then we will divorce, divorce."

7. One day while walking on the road, I saw the newly planted saplings on the roadside were supported by tripods, and then I asked my husband who was walking with me: "Why are they new? The saplings planted need to be supported by supports? "My husband said: "Because the new trees are not straight." 8. Wife: You don't love me as much as you used to, and you don't ask me when you see me crying now. Why. Husband: It’s not that I won’t ask. Every time I ask, I have to go to a big shopping mall. I can’t afford to ask now.

9. Xiao Li is very popular with women, and various girls leave messages on Weibo. Until one day, my wife left a message for Xiao Li: Husband, you were so awesome last night! Since then, Weibo has become increasingly deserted. What Xiao Li said is: This message is like a dog peeing on a telephone pole.

Wife, are you drawing territory?

10. Chic and unrestrained college life - you have hair like grass in the dormitory, you are extremely handsome when you go out, you don’t have to look for beautiful women, you can fall in love casually, you are a mandarin duck before graduation, and you are gone after graduation!

11. Mr. Zhou came home from get off work and suddenly remembered a letter his wife asked him to send. He hurriedly dug through his pockets and stepped into the house without finding anything. He shouted loudly: Madam, I finally didn’t forget to send you a letter today. The letter has been sent and is no longer in my pocket. Mrs. Zhou came out of the room and said, "Don't talk nonsense. I forgot to give you the letter this morning."

12. While eating dinner, there was a salted duck egg on the table. Wife: You can eat it. Eat it to make up for it. Me: Then you should eat it. This is an egg cell. Wife: What if I give birth to a son who walks like this? After that, my wife walked out with duck steps.

13. He asked his wife doubtfully: "Why does the wife downstairs always poke the ceiling with a bamboo pole every time you call me a waste?" Wife: "She means: on the top floor. ”

14. The wife held up a new fashion magazine and said to her husband: This year it will be fashionable among you men to wear buttonless shirts. Great! I've been wearing this stylish shirt for fifteen years.

15. "On the second day of Chinese Valentine's Day, I eavesdropped on two young women chatting on the bus on the way to work. "Yesterday, my husband didn't give me a gift, so I punished him by kneeling down for instant noodles. He was not allowed to kneel to pieces. "That's nothing to you. He didn't go home yesterday. In the evening, he was punished by having to kneel on the ant's knees. He was not allowed to kneel to death. He was not allowed to kneel down and run away." "Holy shit, how cruel is married life!"

16. A jealous wife will track her husband by telegram no matter where he travels, and the husband is extremely disgusted by this. . One day, the husband went out and as soon as he checked into the hotel, he received a telegram from his wife: Don't forget that you are married, wife. The husband thought for a moment and immediately called back: Your telegram has not been received yet, husband.

17. In the morning, the husband said to his wife: "Dear, have you ironed my trousers?" "Here?"

18. I just got my driver's license, so I proudly said to my wife in the evening because I was going to visit my grandma's grave tomorrow. My wife said weakly: "I just went to see grandma, but I didn't say I was going to accompany her."

19. My wife is a cosplay enthusiast. Once she lied to me about a business trip, and then I brought my parents over for dinner after get off work. . When we opened the door, we saw her wearing Tsukino Usagi's clothes, with two yellow braids, pointing her wand at us and saying: I want to destroy you on behalf of the moon~~you~~ah! (increasingly high-pitched) Then she slammed the door shut... When we were stunned, she turned normal for a second and opened the door for us, pretending that nothing was wrong. My parents laughed like crazy...

20. Husband: "I just saw a tea in Qixian Pavilion. The soup was golden and bright. I thought if I could brew it for my concubine, It will surely be a great beauty..." Wife: "Talk like a human being." Husband: "Wife, I bought a bag of tea, please reimburse me..." ;