Women who are so embarrassing that they make men collapse

1. When I was about to go to bed last night, my wife suddenly asked me: If you had the chance, would you cheat?

While she was thinking about how to answer to satisfy her, she sighed again: Oh, forget it, stop talking. If there is a chance, I may not be able to take it myself. . .

2. Wife: How many times have I told you that this rice needs to be boiled with more water to taste better.

I said: You bought the rice and you cooked it.

My wife was furious: I’m not teaching you!

3. I have been married to my wife for more than ten years, and the romantic period has been long gone! In the morning, I suddenly said to my wife on a whim: Let's fall in love again, and you pretend you don't know me.

My wife said: OK!

I said to her: Hi! Little sissies!

Unexpectedly, this guy raised his hand and gave me a slap in the face, and also cursed: "You dare to harass my aunt, I'm tired of living with you!"

4. My husband and I are planning to have a child, so recently I have strictly managed my husband’s diet and work schedule. The most important thing is to supervise my husband to quit smoking. My husband can’t stand it even after three days!

So I discussed with me whether we could allow him to smoke a cigarette when he went to the toilet. Seeing that my husband was really uncomfortable, I agreed.

However, this morning, I discovered that my husband was secretly taking laxatives. . .

6. When I got home from get off work, I saw that my wife was already asleep, so I lifted up the quilt and was about to get in when I smelled the smell of liquor.

I asked my wife what was going on? Why does it smell like alcohol?

She said: Didn’t you say that white wine is used for disinfection? I just took a bath with white wine to see how effective it was and what the fuss was about.

Me. . . Embarrassing! Of course the son of the Bull Demon King is called the Calf Demon King

Introduction: A female colleague has a very naughty son. When she is so angry, she often says that it would have been better if she had just given birth to a girl. One day the little boy was wearing her skirt and was dancing around the room. When he saw his mother, he shouted loudly: Mom, look, you have a girl or me.

1. Motorcycle violations have been strictly investigated in the city recently. A friend of mine, who had all the documents, saw the pol.ice checking his car on the road, so he deliberately rode next to the pol.ice, and sure enough, he was arrested by the pol.ice. He was stopped, and he proudly took out all kinds of documents, and found out that the police fined him two hundred yuan for driving a motorcycle while wearing slippers...

2. The Three-Character Sutra of Struggle for Ideals: Problems: good food, He likes to pick up girls, smoke, and drink. Analyze the reasons: the food is delicious, the girls are good, the cigarettes are good, and the wine is good to drink. Summarize experience: Eat well, pick up girls well, smoke well, drink well. Corrective measures: Eat well, hang out with girls well, smoke well, and drink wine well. The ultimate realization: eat good food, pick up good girls, smoke good cigarettes, and drink good wine.

3. Once, I went to the vegetable market to buy vegetables and saw a beautiful woman buying pork. I couldn't help but take a look. The beauty wanted to buy a kilogram of pork, but there was not enough pork left, so the boss cut off a piece of the pig's face. The beauty shouted: "I am shameless!"

4. One day, The younger brother asked his mother: "Mom, what is the name of the Bull Demon King's son?" My mother pursed her lips and said, "You don't even know this, you are so stupid. Of course the Bull Demon King's son is called the Calf Demon King." I fainted on the spot...

5. One day, my boyfriend and I finally held hands for the first time. We stood face to face, and he held both of my hands with both hands. The scene was very romantic. Suddenly I discovered that his right hand was slippery. You don't just apply moisturizer on your right hand, do you? I asked him jokingly, and after he stayed there awkwardly, I seemed to understand something...

6. One day, my younger brother asked his mother: "Mom, what is the name of the Bull Demon King's son?" The mother pursed her lips and said: "You don't know this, you are so stupid, of course the son of the Bull Demon King is called the Calf Demon King.

"I fainted on the spot...

7. "Dear, do you know? Don't mess with women when they come to Dayi Mama, because at this time we all have bad tempers and are completely unreasonable, so don't mind when I told you to break up last time! "It sounds like you've always been reasonable!" ! ! "

8. One day, the teacher met Wang Zhizhi, who often skipped classes. The teacher was very angry. Wang Zhizhi saw it and ran away. The teacher said: "No way! Wang Zhixi said, "I don't believe it!" "Then, Wang Zhi hit the wall.

9. In order to borrow the banana fan, Sun Wukong got into Princess Iron Fan's belly. Let's look at the following dialogue. Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I have already It's inside you. "Princess Iron Fan:" Come out quickly and stop me. Uncle, I can't stand it anymore... Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon, open your mouth quickly." Princess Iron Fan: "No!" The Bull Demon King heard it outside the door and left a divorce agreement... From now on, we are far away Go somewhere else.

10. A: Did you fight with your wife again yesterday? B: Well, she finally gave in and knelt on the ground to beg me! A: What did she ask for? B: She knelt beside the bed and said, Husband, I beg you, please come out from under the bed quickly, I won’t hit you anymore.

11. During the arithmetic class, the teacher asked the imbecile boy Dumb: "What is 1+1?" Dumb thought for a while and replied: "Teacher! I don't know." The teacher was angry. , said: "You are such a loser! You can't even solve this question. Let me ask you again: For example, how much would it be if I added you?" Duan said: "I know this, two losers."

12. "Sister, sister, looking at you, you must be a person who respects the elderly and loves the young." "Brother, how can you tell?" "Mom told me several stories about respecting the elderly and loving the young yesterday. There is a story called "Dinosaur gives pear"

13. When I went to buy fruit, the landlady was so beautiful that my mouth watered. After weighing it, she said it was ten pounds per pound. I said, "Are you kidding me?" ? How can this be ten kilograms!" She continued: "Eight kilograms of saliva..."

14. When I was talking about the properties of aluminum hydroxide Al(OH)3 with classmate Wang Xiaomeng, I said: " Aluminum hydroxide can react with acids to form salt and water, and can also react with strong bases to form salt and water. What do we call it?" Wang Xiaomeng said without thinking, "Bisexuality?" He went on...

15. That night, you sat in the yard and looked up at the moonlight, took out a cigarette, put it to your mouth, paused, and then put it down. I was behind you, looking at your lonely back, and asked: "Are you quitting?" You didn't look back and replied: "It's me, senior brother."

16. A female colleague has a child. Her son was very naughty, and when she was so angry, she often said that it would have been better if she had just given birth to a girl. One day the little boy was wearing her skirt and was dancing around the room. When he saw his mother, he shouted loudly: Mom, look, you have a girl or me.

17. Human beings can no longer stop teachers from assigning homework! ! ! The teacher brought a dozen papers and put them on the table. When he left, the students said in unison: "Teacher, your dozen!!" The teacher looked back and smiled: "It's your dozen."

18. A classmate took a taxi back to school and complained to Brother Xiang: "Your car is so boring, there is no music." Brother Xiang said: "Then you'd better take a fire truck and a sprinkler truck."

19. "Tiantian, why haven't you gone on a date these days?" Tiantian said in a heroic tone, "Hey, forget it. My girlfriend thought my wallet was too small, so she blew it. Now I'm trying to think of ways to make money." "That's it!" But when he saw the wallet spread out not far away, "I said you're a liar! You said you had no money for this multi-card card." Just when I was about to ask why I lied to myself, "Yeah, I finally made a profit." Ten billion, now we can go on a date." He picked up the phone, "Hello, my dear, I have already earned ten billion. Let's go to the mall together." ""..." >

20. In class, the teacher saw that we were drowsy again, closed the textbook and said, "Now let me tell you a story about a romantic monk." We were slightly refreshed. The teacher said: "There was a romantic monk who passed a bridge while walking one day and saw a beautiful woman coming." Then he stopped suddenly. We were completely sleepless and asked what happened. The teacher said calmly: "One went to the west and the other to the east.

Okay, let’s start class now..."

21. When doing exercises in physical education class, a piece of paper full of words fell out of the pocket of one of our male classmates. The sports committee member picked it up and read it. His face turned red, and later he found out that it was a love letter written by the male physics teacher of our class to the male classmate...

22. When I was in high school, the teacher would go to each dormitory every night to count the number of people. One night Before going to bed, I routinely checked the number of people. I saw that one person's quilt was shaking non-stop. I thought it was cramps, so I went over and pulled the quilt away... I still can't forget the look of that classmate holding the J8 at a loss... and then again I never had a teacher come to check our dormitory.

23. When I was a child, my parents had no time to take care of me, so my grandparents took me to kindergarten every day. As a result, no one came after school one day. Pick me up. I sat holding the big iron gate of the kindergarten until it was almost dark. Suddenly I saw my parents walking here. My mother pointed at me and said to my father, "Look, this child looks like our daughter!" ”

24. On my way home from elementary school, I suddenly saw my dad’s car passing by. I thought I didn’t have to walk anymore, so I yelled at the top of my lungs: Dad, Dad… Everyone in the whole street knows this. I was calling dad, and after chasing more than 100 meters, the car stopped. The person who rolled down the bed turned out to be an old man. In order to cover up his embarrassment, he continued to run forward and called dad...

25. After school At the dinner table, my dad asked me: “Girl, do you have a boyfriend? "I said how could it be possible? No. After a while, my mother brought the food. He suddenly said, "This food is delicious. Bring some to your partner." I said he doesn't like this food! Suddenly, we were silent. A whole five seconds...

26. My brother was very troublesome when he was a child, and my mother refused to listen to him. Then my brother would cry with his mouth open. One time, when he cried with his mouth open, I Mom spit in his mouth. From then on, my brother stopped crying.

27. Mom, I don’t mind if you buy a wig. I don’t mind if you put the wig in my closet, but please tell me! Do you know what I did when I opened the closet and saw a head jumping up and rolling to my feet? What a mood! I was so scared that I peed! 28. I remember when I was in the first grade of junior high school, my father said he would come to pick me up. Pick up and drop off. I waited for an hour after school but still didn’t see anyone, so I walked back by myself. When I got home, my father beat me with a clothes hanger and asked me why I skipped class. He waited for me at XX Elementary School for more than half an hour. Before I could wait, I cried and said: "Dad, I'm in the first grade of junior high school."

29. Views on the company: From a distance it looks like heaven, from up close it looks like a bank, and when you go in it looks like a prison cell. It's better to go home. Herding cattle and sheep. Everyone said yes, and everyone went there. The money they earned here was spent here, and there was no money to send home. They all said that the wages here were so high that I had no money to buy toothpaste. They all said that the food here was good. Green vegetables are mixed with grass; everyone says that the environment here is good, with cockroaches and ants running around; everyone says that the foreman here is handsome, and everyone has a flat head like a pot lid. Every year they work, they are like a monkey, they work overtime every day, they are scolded every day for no reason, and they meet the boss. He lowered his head and shook his head after receiving his salary. At the end of the month, he started to worry about how long it would take for him to start his career.

30. When I heard a group of men at work talking about their private money, everyone was lamenting that no matter what, their wives would find out. Angkor opposite me said calmly: "I deposit everything in the bank. "Everyone asked: "What about the passbook or card? Angkor smiled honestly: "Burn it." When you need to use it, bring your ID card to get it replaced. ”

Editor’s Note: One day my boyfriend and I finally held hands for the first time. We stood face to face, and he held both of my hands with both hands. The scene was very romantic. Suddenly I found him My right hand is slippery. You don’t just apply moisturizer on your right hand, do you? I asked him jokingly. After asking, he stayed there awkwardly, and I seemed to understand something... Crazy funny phrases

Introduction: My best friend said that a sign of her maturity is that she keeps accounts every day. Out of curiosity, I looked through her account book and saw that it said: money was spent on May 7th, money was spent on May 8th, 5. I actually spent money again on the 9th... Damn...

1. Ask your girlfriend: "You are not the youngest, why do your roommates call you boss?" She said proudly: "Our dormitories are not arranged by age."

"Looking at her towering breasts, I seem to understand something...

2. A nearby takeaway shop recently had a promotion that said that if it is not delivered within 45 minutes, the order will be waived. It's really exciting. ! In short, the courier guy chased my mobile home for 20 minutes and finally failed to catch up, cool!

3. I went to withdraw money from the ATM this morning, and I sat in the battery car. Wait for her. Later, an old classmate came, and I had a crush on him. He instantly changed from a cross-legged posture to a shy cross-legged posture. After withdrawing the money, my mother looked at me and looked embarrassed. He said: "How long has it been, and the hemorrhoids are still not cured?" "My dear mother...

4. I took the bus in the morning and saw a pair of children. The girl asked the boy: Do you love me? The boy answered: Yes. The girl asked: How long will you love me? The boy replied : I will love you until the day when Big Big Wolf eats all the sheep in Yangcun. Damn it, I’m completely shocked. This is more powerful than The End of the World.

5. Horror movies are great for couples! , is the best product for flirting. From the first time the ghost comes out, the girl will say "I'm so scared," and then hide in the boy's chest. The boy will start to coax the girl and say, "Don't be afraid, I will always protect you." your. "The two of them made love to each other until the end of the movie. Horror movies are horror movies for single people. People are tough and can't be broken apart!

6. Auntie: How do you sell this meat, young man? Waiter: 18.8 yuan. Auntie: It’s so expensive. Yesterday it was only fifteen yuan. The waiter said impatiently: Do you want to buy it? Auntie was furious: Don’t you know that the customer is God? Believe in Buddhism...

7. Yesterday, I went out with my roommate and saw a couple. The man was carrying the woman on his back. I said to the roommate: "How about the woman coming down for a walk? The man So stupid, I don’t know how to save my energy for the evening. "

8. Just now, my second-rate roommate told me very proudly: "I did something very meaningful today. I released the two little hamsters that you took good care of back to the campus. "Nima, don't you know that the wild cats in the school have been spying on them for a long time? We really can't play together.

9. At the work dinner in the evening, I took my son with me. During the dinner, I said to my son: " Son, do you want to live in a villa? The son nodded: "Yeah!" Me: "Want to drive a luxury car?" ""Uh-huh! "Do you want to be a rich second generation with no worries about food and clothing?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" I touched my son's head and said, "If you want to, study hard and make a lot of money for your father in the future, so that you can be an upright rich second generation." ”

10. Mom: Yesterday, I received a phone call, saying that you had made the girl pregnant and asked me to pay for an abortion. Son: Hahaha, with your wisdom and wisdom, you will definitely fool the liar. Mom: I asked them to give birth to the child, and I paid them 50 yuan for child support. Son: Mom, you were cheated! This is the closest I have ever been to my grandson!

11. When my mother arranged a blind date for me to exchange photos, she took a copy of my ID card. Photo. Mom, do you want me to never get married?

12. The husband looked at his daughter and said proudly: "Look at how good I was in my previous life and how beautiful I found my lover. I won’t be able to do it for the rest of my life, alas. "I was very angry after hearing this, and just about to get angry, my dad said leisurely: "The way you look at me in this life is much better than in the previous life. "I messed with whoever I provoked!

13. I just saw the photos of my former classmates in the space, which made me deeply feel: It turns out that an ugly duckling can also become an ugly old duck.

14. The girl held his hand tightly and asked him: "Will you hold my hand forever like this?" He cried and said to the girl in the car window: "Can you just fucking let go?" The train has already left. ”

15. I saw a very inspiring story. There was a very poor young man in a company who fell in love with Bai Fumei, so he decided to impress Bai Fumei’s heart with his sincerity. After that, he secretly Stuffing a piece of paper filled with love words into Bai Fumei's drawer, day after day, year after year, I finally developed good calligraphy.

16. While walking in the square. When I saw a young woman bringing a little boy of about four or five years old, I couldn't help but look at him a few more times.

The little boy climbed up the fitness ladder, which was about two meters high, and shouted excitedly: "Mom, am I awesome?" The young woman smiled and said at the bottom, "The baby is so brave, are you afraid?" The little boy went down. He looked at it and said, "Afraid!" Then he cried.

17. In class today, my goddess sat behind me. During class, the goddess did not bring a book. The teacher asked those who did not bring a book to stand up. I suddenly remembered that this was not the same as in "Those Years" The plot is the same. So I gave the book to the goddess and I stood up. The teacher said: "You are still so good at standing up, go out and do 500 frog jumps." About 5 minutes later, the goddess also came out, and I said, "Why did you come out?" Goddess Said: "Why are you giving me an English book in math class?"

18. As long as the things you like do not exceed your financial income, don't hesitate. Don't talk about practicality and long-term effects. Spending some money to buy happiness and pleasure is the most important thing, because when you really become a rich man, no amount of money may be able to buy the same happiness. Life is short, buy it if you like it! So, I said loudly in the convenience store: Boss, give me a popsicle!

19. Recently I have seen a lot of people talking about being cheated on by their best friend. Thinking about how smart the poster is, he found his best friend’s brother as his husband. This is a great precaution, haha...

20. Male: We can meet each other in this life only because you left tooth marks on my arm 500 years ago. Woman: Wow, so romantic. Man: My name was Lu Dongbin 500 years ago...

21. My wife is fat. Yesterday she came over to me very excitedly and told me that she had lost 4 pounds. I looked at her bloated figure, patted her and comforted her: "Don't worry, you can't see it!"

22. Dad was a little unhappy today. I went over to comfort her, and finally said: "Think about the happiest thing you did when you were young and review it again?" Then my dad beat me up. I must be the biological son of Uncle Wang next door!

23. The teacher was talking about hiding one’s ears and stealing the bell. When talking about rising, he asked a student to share his thoughts after reading. The student replied: “Some things do not exist if you don’t know or pretend not to know, such as ties. , such as love, such as the school bell! ”

24. If you were uglier, I might take you shopping, watch a movie, have a Western meal, take a walk and talk about life and ideals in front of the stars. But you are so beautiful, I just want to sleep with you.

25. The second brother in our dormitory is a very dedicated person, including sleeping. One night, everyone was asleep for a long time. Suddenly the second brother fell off the bed and everyone woke up. But I was too lazy to open my eyes for about five minutes. Just when everyone was about to fall asleep again, they heard the second brother getting up from the ground. Shouting: Damn it, it turns out I fell.

26. A child came to draw blood in the morning. He started crying as soon as he came over. His mother comforted him: "Don't cry. It's like a mosquito bite. It will be fine soon." The child cried so much Even more fierce: "Uuuuuuuuuah, it's because the uncle who drew the blood is so ugly and doesn't wear a mask."

27. When Xiao Wang was squeezing on the bus that day, a short and fat woman swayed beside him. A foot stepped on his foot. The woman turned around and asked, "Did it hurt you to step on you?" Seeing her feeling so guilty, Xiao Wang felt hot in his heart, so he shook his head in embarrassment and said, "It doesn't hurt too much." As soon as he finished speaking, the woman immediately said excitedly: " Haha, so my weight loss is finally effective! I have stepped on many people’s feet these days, but you are the only one who said it doesn’t hurt.” 28. I finally got up the courage to go to the plastic surgery hospital. When I arrived at the front desk, I saw the receptionist running and shouting: "Director, big business is coming!" Oh my god!

29. Baby: "There is a girl in the class who is very annoying!" Mom: "Really?" Baby: "Yes! He asked me to borrow elephant skins and homework. Please treat me to some ice cream." Mom: "Tell me the point!" Baby: "She looks ugly!" 30. One day, I was watching a TV series with my mother at home. The heroine fell in love with a foreigner, but her family opposed her in various ways, and they eventually broke up. So I asked my mother, "What would you do if I wanted to marry a foreigner?" My mother looked at me carefully and said, "If you can marry, not to mention foreigners, even aliens will do!" I...

Postscript: One day I asked an English student for advice: "Hello, student, I can't remember the words." The student said: "It's not difficult actually, qq password You remember it how you remember it.

"After listening to this, I felt a lot of emotions. I went back to the dormitory and decisively changed the words I needed to memorize into my QQ password. As a result, I woke up the next day and couldn't access QQ... Embarrassing phrases

Guide Quote: Yesterday, my aunt came to check the hygiene of our dormitory. When she saw that the floor was quite dirty, she said, "Hurry up and mop this floor. It's too dirty!" Suddenly a mentally retarded roommate who was lying on the bed said: "Why are you dragging us? You want us to get rheumatism!" "And our dormitory still has no electricity!

1. I went to take the subway with my teammates today, and got off the elevator at the subway station. A 2B in front of me held up a piece of bread, and it was right next to his teammates' mouths! He bit it without saying a word I took a big mouthful.

2. Girlfriend: “What would you do if we met a robber? ” Me: “I will help you take off your makeup!” ”

3. It is said that squeezing on the bus can squeeze pregnancy. I always thought it was just an exaggeration, but today I finally realized that there is really no place to put the extra flesh of a man. And the more crowded it is, the more space it takes up!

4. I just had a fight with a colleague. I didn’t expect that he didn’t hold grudges at all and was very concerned about my safety. He said this: “Be careful in the future! ”

5. Son: Dad, can I sleep with my mother for one night? Dad: No... Son: Why? Dad: Because you have grown up, adults are not allowed to sleep with your mother! Son: Dad is so partial, Uncle Wang is also an adult, why can he sleep with mom? Dad:...

6. Every time I take the bus at night, I look at the passers-by outside the window, the dim street lights, and the feasting. The streets always make me think a lot. Thinking of the past memories, I can’t help but ask myself: Have I ever sat or stood there again?

7. My mother bought a new dress yesterday. When I tried it on at home, she said: "Mom, this looks a bit old. Let me give it to you..."

8. There is a little lolita (5 years old) who likes "Frozen" very much and she asks me this question every day. : "Teacher, what will you do if you get frozen one day? There is no true love that can save you..." He asked me every day in a very worried tone, and I was really about to cry.

9. When I came to Shanghai, I was not used to eating sweets all day long, so I called Dad complained. My dad: “Do you want me to send you hot sauce in a big plastic bottle? ” Me: “No, just exchange the hot sauce for bills, stuff them all.” My dad: "Okay, there are a lot of dimes at home!" Me: "You are really a biological father, why don't you make a red fortress!" "My dad: "Then I'll give you a dime mixed with hot sauce? "Me:...

10. I went shopping with my dad today and saw a mobile phone for 1,500 yuan. I said to my dad: "Take half of the pocket money your mom gives you for a month. Come out, I'll use half of this month's living expenses to buy it. Dad thought for a while, gritted his teeth and said, "Okay!" "So I happily took out 700 yuan, and my father tremblingly took out 30 yuan from the sole of his shoe.

11. A classmate's QQ account was stolen. The scammer asked his mother for money, and asked for 45,000 yuan. Then My classmate’s mother said to call me, and the liar said: My phone is broken, do you think I am a liar? Then the liar changed the classmate’s QQ signature to: It turns out that I am a liar in the eyes of my family! < /p>

12. Just when I passed by an intersection, I saw a big black dog barking at me, "Hey... I got so bad-tempered right away. I stood next to it and teased it hard, but it didn't work." Thinking of it, the chain was broken...

13. In the middle of the night, a roommate got up to burn toilet paper. We were woken up by the smoke. We were puzzled and asked him why he was burning toilet paper. His answer will never be forgotten in my life. Burial is not allowed now, only cremation is allowed. ”

14. In the past, my mother said that I was beautiful, and I always felt that she was selfishly preferring her own daughter. It wasn’t until she told me that Jack Ma was handsome during the National Day that I completely understood. In my eyes, I am really beautiful.

15. When I was taking a shower, I noticed that my hair was falling out and I was sweating! I asked my colleague who went to wash it with me if this was the case. He was very sure: "It's normal!" Spring and autumn are the seasons when animals moult! ”

16. Today, I had dinner with a friend who I haven’t seen for many years. When the two of us were paying the bill at the counter, you were fighting for it, pushing each other away, and we were already at the entrance of the hotel. , and then ran away like this.

17. My real conversation before getting married: “Mom, I have a girlfriend who is older than me.

My mother replied without raising her head: "As long as you are younger than me." "

18. As soon as I opened the door and turned on the lights, my eyes were suddenly filled with salutes and ribbons. A group of people ran out of the room and shouted happily: "Happy birthday! "I looked around movedly and said with tears in my eyes: "I'm sorry, I went to the wrong place. I'm from next door. ”

19. I went back to my hometown for vacation, and my hometown used the stove to cook. I was responsible for lighting the fire. I sent messages to my boyfriend, started the fire, added firewood, looked at my phone, added firewood, looked at the firewood, and added firewood. Mobile phone...

20. God is fair. If he gives you an ugly appearance, he will definitely give you a low IQ to prevent you from appearing uncoordinated.

21. When I was having lunch today, there was a crab on the table. I was stunned, and my mother said, "Eat it, Mom is full, Mom is not hungry." "I lowered my head and picked up the rice. Tears suddenly came out of my eyes and dripped on the rice. "Son, I'm old and useless. You can clean up the table after you finish eating. " She said, pointing to a pile of crab shells like a hill in front of her.

22. Grandpa called the teacher: "Teacher, don't give so many homework to my grandson. The teacher asked: "Why not?" Grandpa said helplessly: "Because I can't finish it." "

23. My girlfriend didn't have her menstrual period. She took a pregnancy test and found it was successful. Then she told her boyfriend about it! The boyfriend was stunned and then said angrily: "I haven't had my period for several months. I told you that, how did you get pregnant? Do you have another man? "My girlfriend said aggrievedly: "If there was another man, would I dare to tell you this? ! The boyfriend thought about it and said, "Then think about what's going on!" "My girlfriend suddenly slapped her head and said, "Could it be because I went to the Forbidden City on National Day and there were too many people and I was squeezed out! "Boyfriend:...

24. A second-rate friend asked, "Do you know why girls like to wear low-cut clothes when taking the bus? "Why?" "That's why someone offered her a seat..."

25. It's very cold in the north now, and there's no heating. Just now I asked my friend to describe how cold it is now in one sentence, and he answered without hesitation: “I can’t bear to lift the quilt even if I fart in bed. ”

26. “Master, when you get up every morning, you should sit quietly for a while. Are you thinking about your life goals, preparing for a new day, or reflecting on what you did yesterday so that you can better prepare for it? The challenge ahead? " "Damn it, I'm waiting for something to soften and then go pee! "

27. I spent all my childhood in Japanese comics, all my youth in Japanese dramas, all my love affairs in Korean dramas, I came out as gay in British dramas, and I spent all my youth in Japanese dramas. I’ve had all my sex life, I’ve been a police doctor, a lawyer, and a forensic doctor in Hong Kong dramas, and I’ve been married in all my domestic dramas—the first half of my life

28. My mother pointed at the unfinished act. He scolded me for being so disobedient. The dogs at home were better than me and asked me to learn from the dogs. After listening, I picked up the homework and chewed it to pieces. My mother was speechless.

< p> 29. When my daughter was born, I showed her to my wife for the first time. After seeing her, my wife turned away! When I asked her what was going on, she said, "This is too ugly!" What should I do if I smash it into my hands in the future? ”

30. Every time I take an exam, I feel like a Taoist priest practicing magic. There is a bowl of water on the table, and all kinds of mysterious strips are covered under it and on my body. I feel nervous, listen to six directions, and see all directions. , the ones sitting on the left and right are colleagues who are not allowed to be disturbed. Since you have already sat down, you cannot move. You must take every step carefully, and you must take the time. If you make a mistake, you may be hurt physically and mentally. Every time you think about this, you will be hurt. …

Editor’s Note: Mom is the one who wants to send you two pieces of clothing if you tell her it’s cold, and she wants to send you the entire wardrobe. Dad is the one who sends it to you right away if you tell her it’s cold. Your husband is the one who comes over to hug you when you say it’s cold. Your wife is the one who gives you a look and says, “Stay where it’s cool.” !