A short comedy conversation between two people.

Hello, XXX.

Easy, easy. Don't be so loud.

A: What's the matter?

B: (looking around) I'm afraid of being discovered by acquaintances.

A: Why?

I'm looking for a place to move.

Oh, I'm going to buy a new house. Then I congratulate you.

Never say congratulations.

A: Why?

B: To tell you the truth, I have been congratulated several times recently. I tremble when I congratulate you. I have to move when I tremble.

A: What logic is this?

Do you know someone I want to ask you?

A: Who?

B: the Monkey King.

The Monkey King?

Are you familiar with it?

A: No.

B: Who is familiar with it?

A: I don't know anyone. That is a mythical figure.

Come on, man, someone knows him. I have something to entrust to him.

A: What's this?

B: I want to ask him to go through the back door and move his family to the Dragon Palace in Donghai.

A: Dragon Palace?

B: If the Dragon Palace is tight, Nantianmen will do.

A: Nantianmen?

B: There is really no place, and it's okay to live on the moon. As long as you can help me do this, I will give him 10 thousand yuan as a bonus.

A: What a mess. Are you crazy or something?

B: I thought it was all forced.

Who forced you to do this?

There are too many people.

A: Why?

I can't say.

A: Not yet. I think you are crazy. Who is full and fine, driving you crazy?

Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

A: Then tell me, let everyone listen and help you with your suggestions and opinions.

Right here?

A: Of course.

B: (looking around, then off the stage) Can you tell me about this place?

How do you feel?

B: I'll see if there are any acquaintances in the audience.

A: Don't worry, the audience are all my acquaintances, not yours. Tell me.

what can I say?

A: Go ahead.

Do you know the lottery?

A: Everyone knows that. I often buy them, too.

Not long ago, I bought one.

A: What kind?

B: traditional sports lottery.

A: Just choose 7 numbers randomly from 0 to 9.

Not bad.

A: The seven numbers are in the right order, which is the grand prize.

B: Yes.

What number did you buy?

B: 13 13766。

A: Just one number?

B: That day was also a coincidence. I only have five dollars. Breakfast is three yuan, and this number is two yuan. Random call.

You won?

B: That's right.

What award? (trembling)

Excuse me. Grand prize.

A: Five million? (trembling)

B: After paying personal income tax, there is still 4 million.

A: (frantically shaking B's hand) Congratulations.

Don't congratulate me. Keep congratulating me. My hand will bow and die.

You have so much money. How are you going to spend it?

B: My daughter-in-law said, buy a new house, the latest decoration, furniture and appliances, change all the lights, fly, go shopping, and have nothing to do but play mahjong.

I really like it.

B: I'll add that's all. Change brides. -Dad.

What's that noise?

My wife slapped me.

A: Yes!

That's a good idea. I stayed up all night. The next morning, before dawn, someone knocked at the door.

A: Who is it?

I'll get the door, Huo! There are hundreds of people standing outside the door. I looked carefully and didn't know anyone.

A: Wrong door.

No, someone spoke.

A: Who is it?

B: (Tianjin dialect) Congratulations, Big Brother.

A: And you are?

B: We are members of the municipal lottery elite research society. I heard you won the lottery. Let's congratulate you.

Congratulations. Let's leave now.

Dude, you're not a friend.

What do you mean, man?

B: We heard that you won the grand prize. You were so happy that you stayed up all night.

A: What are you glad that someone else won the lottery?

We discussed it all night and decided to recommend you as honorary chairman of our association.

A: honorary chairman?

b； We should publicize your advanced deeds?

A: how to spread it?

B: We will hold a large-scale lottery winning experience exchange meeting in the largest stadium in this city. We will invite my brother Zhao Benshan to chair the meeting.

A: Zhao Benshan?

B: originally, we wanted to invite his brother to host it?

Who is his brother?

B: Zhao Zhongxiang.

Can you buy it?

B: When I asked him later, he went to the animal world to marry an elephant. The appearance fee there is very high.

A: Nonsense.

B: Besides Zhao Benshan, there is also his lover.

His lover?

B: Song Dandan, you are really uneducated. Is to take off your vest and become a snake.

A: You are literate. What a mess.

B: After Song Dandan turned into a snake, it's your turn to speak.

A: I still talk.

b； Of course. You should tell us how you won the prize at the meeting.

I see.

B: I can't say I was cheated. There is learning here.

A: I was cheated.

B: Yes, and a congratulatory message from our Standing Committee.

A: Standing Committee?

Yes, we are a regular organization at the municipal level. When we were founded, the municipal party Committee issued a document. We have a standing committee, a director, a chairman, an honorary chairman and a secretariat for specific work. I am the Secretary-General of the Secretariat dealing with specific affairs.

A: Huo! That's formal.

B: After the congratulations, here are the members' feelings and experiences about your award.

A: Where did their feelings and experiences come from when I won the prize?

B: You don't understand. They are going to talk about 18 reasons why your number can win the prize.

A: Eighteen reasons?

b； This was chosen after internal communication. We originally prepared 36.

A: Is there so much?

B: Then there will be a ceremony to issue you a certificate.

A: Certificate?

B: Honorary Chairman.

A: I forgot this crop.

How could I forget? If you forget, we won't forget. This is the climax of this meeting. It is also the theme of this meeting.

A: Then award the prize.

B: I have to say hello to you before issuing the certificate.

A: Go ahead.

B: Originally, we wanted to ask someone who won the grand prize to give you this certificate.

What was the result?

Come to think of it, you are the first.

a； There are no winners in your society.

I thought we were still trying.

A: The issuance of the certificate will definitely end.

No, it's not over.

A: It's not over yet.

B: Is there a show?

A: A performance?

We will invite Liu Huan, whose Good Han Song is my favorite, and Han Hong, whose Qinghai-Tibet Plateau I also like to listen to. Finally, Jinggangshan, "I only have eyes for you".

A: stare at me.

B: After the performance, you don't want anything good, just get some turtles to eat.

A: Turtle or something.

B: Let's have the last topic at dinner.

I have to work to eat. This attitude didn't say.

I will get even with you.

Get even with me?

B: You must pay all this money.

A: Ah! I've been making trouble for a long time. I was asked to pay it.

Look at you. If you get $4 million, take out $1 million and go home with the honorary chairman. Very cheap.

A: It's cheaper to buy a broken certificate for one million yuan.

Didn't you win the lottery? It is also used in the right direction when we study. There is a saying, take it from the people and use it for the people.

A: Is that all right?

What do you think this is?

What about you?

B: What shall we do? I can't be provoked. I can't afford to hide? I moved.

Yes, that's a good idea. Where do you live?

B: Chengnan New Village, the first floor.

Where are you going to move?

B: I moved from the southernmost part of the city to the northernmost part.

A: There are no new villages in the north.

How dare you live in a new village?

A: So where do you live?

I'm telling you, you won't believe it.

A: Tell me about it.

Remember that old water tower?

Yes, in the past, the city was very small. First, pump water into the tower, and then put it into the pipe. This is tap water. It's abandoned now.

That's where I live.

Can people live on it? I'm afraid it's more than twenty meters high.

B: The exact height is 28.5 meters. It's really nice to live on it, and the whole city is in my eyes. I finally understand why the Japanese want to build blockhouses.

A: Why?

A: Stand tall and see far.

A: Isn't that nonsense?

B: Anything else?

A: What?

B: There is only one way up and down. I can see anyone who wants to get up.

Who wants to go up?

B: You can't imagine.

Do you really want to go there?

B: Yes.

A: What about this time?

B: my daughter-in-law and I were about to sleep that day when we suddenly heard a tweeter calling my name from below?

What do you need a tweeter for?

B: The way up and down is a rusty iron ladder. I bought ten locks and locked them. I can't hear you without a tweeter.

A: As for it.

I thought I was afraid of people.

Boy, good for you. What are you yelling about?

B: (Shaanxi dialect) An Hong, I love you! Anhong, I love you!

Is this for you? Isn't this a movie line?

My name is Anhong, too.

Who called you this time? It's not Zhang Yimou.

B: This is from the Beggar Retreat Association.

A: Beggar?

B: Not bad! You see, I live so high, he can find it, except beggars who have the ability.

A: That's true. Beggars are everywhere. They what do you do?

B: You want me to be a beggar leader.

A: You don't have to pay this time.

B: They say we are poor and used to suffering. We don't want much, just100000. Even if you pity us.

A: Unfortunately,100000!

B: I don't think I can help it. I have to move.

A: I moved again. Where did you move this time?

I moved to the suburb north of the city. Farmhouse, adobe house, grass roof, no water and no electricity. The door is full of stinking ditches.

A: Longxugou.

B: Not much better than Longxugou.

A: It's quiet this time.

I think so. I moved here. No one would have thought that I would have 4 million.

I think this is a punishment.

My daughter-in-law quit.

What did she say?

Are you dead?

a； Dead ghost?

This is my wife's pet name.

I also like to be called.

B: Fuck you. I thought you won the lottery. Our family can spend a few days happily, buying a new house, changing furniture and matching brand-new home appliances.

Then I flew to Singapore and Malaysia. It's all right now. Singapore and Malaysia didn't make it, so I ran here and became neighbors with the sewer. The plane didn't shoot, but it was on the water tower, not bad. The water tower is also quite high. Even if you have been on an airplane, you can still see the clouds floating in front of you.

This is my opinion of you.

B: I can't help it

A: Give it some advice.

B: she also said.

Say what?

B: She said, I've thought about it all, but your winning number is not good.

A: What does this have to do with figures?

That's what I asked.

What did she say?

B: She said, Look at you, 13 13766, singing Domi Domi Siirala.

A: There's nothing wrong with that.

B: she said, the homonym is: unlucky.

Can you buy it?

B: I can't help it Go to sleep first.

A: Go to sleep.

I had a dream when I was asleep.

A: What dream?

I dreamed that I lived on the moon.

A: I became neighbors with Chang 'e and WU GANG.

I think no one will bother me now.

A: Not bad.

Someone is knocking at the door.

A: Who is it?

As soon as I opened the door, it was WU GANG.

A: I came to see you.

B: Can I help you?

What did WU GANG say?

B: As WU GANG said, I am the secretary general of the Moon Lottery Research Association. Entrusted by our President Chang 'e, I'm here to communicate with you.

Double cross talk short script II

Ladies and gentlemen, today we are going to tell you a cross talk.

B: What are we talking about?

A: Tell me about a person. Very strange person.

Does it have horns on its head?

A: You have feet on your head, and then your hands grow on your ass.

B: I'm just saying. Which one is with which one?

Which one is that?

B: Take one sentence as you say. Why are you making such a fuss?

A: You answered it without my permission. Is this still a fuss? At least, this is an offense to me; To the greatest extent, this is a great offense to me; At most, this is an offence to me and my father.

Come on, let's get down to business. What's so strange about that kind of person?

No, you have to apologize to me first After the apology, I'll talk about it. That kind of strangeness will be interesting. I was very happy all day yesterday.

Okay, I was wrong. You can tell me now.

A: That kind of person is someone who likes to take advantage of his mouth.

B: What's so strange about such people? There are many things in life.

A: Many things are rare.

B: raw? There's one standing in front of me.

A: Hehe, one eye!

B: Ah, you are that kind of person.

A: Yes, don't you feel honored?

I don't understand.

I can't believe you're standing in front of someone like me, only a foot away. Sneezing will spray on your face. Don't you feel honored?

B: So, you are still very proud.

A: Of course.

B: Then tell me what you are proud of.

A: Think about it. If the other party says something, you refute the other party's ten sentences and eight sentences, and finally make the other party speechless. Isn't that a superpower?

B: Hehe, superpowers, so you are superman.

A: Almost.

Superman, fly me one.

You are wrong. It really is too much of you. How could you? You know very well that people don't have wings, so you let them fly. Too much. Let your friends fly a wingless one for you in public.

Obviously, I can't fly, I can't fly, and I make a fool of myself. Tell me, you humiliated your friends, you stabbed them in the back, you betrayed me, and you said you were great.

God, what's wrong with me?

You said to fly one for me.

I appreciate it.

A: When you say you admire, the muscles on your face twitched unnaturally. Although it only took a seventh of a second, it was still caught by my eyes. According to a 20-year investigation of 124 124 by the FBI, you are lying.

You lied in front of your friends in broad daylight. You said that people like you can lie to your face, which means that the bad habit of lying has penetrated into the bone marrow.

Tell me, if you lie to my face today, you won't tell your wife, your children, your mother-in-law, your leader, your judge and your prison guard tomorrow.

B: Wait, there is too much information. I need to manage it.

A: You said, you still have to ignore what I said. Just like you, how can you graduate from junior high school? Did you copy Xiao Wang, the son of Lao Wang next door You said that you graduated from junior high school and you still have to cheat. God knows, how can I be born in the same city as you?

Lao Wang, dad, why do you live next door to his father? God is unfair. How can you tell me about you? You have no face and dignity!

B: Wait, I'll think of something. "I copied Xiao Wang, the son of Lao Wang next door." "Lao Wang, dad, why do you live next door to his father?"

Understand?

I see. You are superman, and I am human. When people graduate from junior high school, they copy Superman's test paper and let themselves graduate from junior high school smoothly. It doesn't matter to you Besides, I invited you to a big dinner, didn't I?

A: Yes. But is a pack of instant noodles a big meal?

No, but don't forget to add a sausage.

A: No. I just chewed half of it, and you snatched it back and ate it. Can it be counted now? Half a root says one root, stealing the beam and replacing the column, confusing the audience, and its evil heart makes people angry.

B: Isn't it cool that you take advantage of such a mouth?

You are not a worm in my stomach. How do you know I'm cool? Even if you are a worm in my stomach, you are a worm, and I am a human being, how does a worm know whether people are happy or not? You don't know if I feel good, just say I feel good.

I didn't mean to. I am a villain and a hypocrite. All right.

A: How can you give up on yourself before I tell you?

Can you do it without giving up on yourself?

A: So give up on yourself? I still want to hit Reservoir Dogs. You are not only a villain, a hypocrite, but also a sinister, cunning, cruel, heinous and evil person.

B: I, I, I'm heinous.

A: You said that people like you have to eat and drink when they are alive. Besides, people eat one bowl at a time. How are you? After eating a bowl, you have to have half a bowl. That's what happened. You exceeded the standard. That's a waste of food.

You said that our country is carrying out the CD-ROM movement and advocating the virtue of saving, because you are a waste of food, setting a bad example for your family tree and teaching your wife and the next generation badly.

In this way, the social morality of our whole society has been delayed, and it is difficult for the national quality to go up a storey still higher. Tell me, you are a person who endangers the country and the nation, are you heinous?

B: From what you say, I really don't feel like a person. What kind of person are you?

What kind of person am I? Are you qualified to say?

B: How about buying you a big meal at a discount?

A: I am good for my country and my nation.

Oh, I'm all ears!

A: If you talk too much, you will fly, and then your mouth will dry up. I want to buy some throat lozenges. I'll buy it in buy buy, and the pharmacy will have business, and the pharmacy owner will be happy.

You can buy more goods, hire more salespeople and buy more goods, which can promote the development of the pharmaceutical industry, hire more people and promote the employment of the whole society.

Think about it, with the great development of industry and the great progress of science and technology, everyone has a job and everyone has an income. What a wonderful society this is. It all comes from me, from my love of speaking.

Okay, I've had enough. What can I do to shut you up?

Lend me 20 yuan. I'm going to buy throat lozenges!