Uncle has nothing to do at night.

Viper: Hehehe, that's ridiculous. You are all gourds. Why do you call me a leprechaun? !

Hu Erwa: You also said that we are gourd-shaped, and naturally we are not goblins.

Serpent: If it is not a demon, what is it?

The gourd dolls said in unison: Hahahahaha! We are plants! Things! People!

2. In the dead of night, the curtain grumbled: "I bask in the sun every day, quilt brother, you are so happy, and I sleep with my mistress every day." Quilt brother: "Happiness? Do you know how long it will take to fart? "

I am sad to hear that Beckham is going to retire. As my idol, this legend has influenced my whole middle school life.

I once carried the dreams of so many people, but I left a lot of regrets when I left.

As a high school student, I just want to tell you that you are still young. Will you continue to play the second part of Wulin Legend?

4. Customer Service: How many seats do you want?

Passenger: How many classes do you have?

Customer service: first class, first class, second class and so on. Second class should wait a little longer.

Passenger: Let me see. Wait a minute.

Customer service: Don't wait, it's no use waiting.

Passenger: That won't wait. I'll take it.

How many cabins did the passengers finally buy?

A special class, B first class, C second class, D, E, F, G, H, etc.

The butterfly said to the ant, "You are so boring that you will never find a girlfriend." Have you considered the future? "

The ant said, "I thought about it, but the queen ant despises me."

The little turtle went to human society for further study and returned to China. After dinner, turtle's father began to sleep.

The little turtle quickly ran over and stopped his father: "Dad, Dad, the book says that sleeping on your stomach is not good for your health."

6. In the context of H7N9, a colleague ate eggs one morning and was asked how he dared to eat eggs at this time.

My colleague looked naive: "What happened to eating eggs? The chicken is sick, but the child is innocent! " ……

4. "Will you open the door? I love you! I got up the courage to knock on your door many times.

You obviously heard it! Why do you never open the door? "Guo Jing tuo stood in front of Korea's house.

At the same time, Han Han looked at the empty door from the cat's eye countless times.

"It's time to find someone to exorcise evil spirits," he thought.

7. The true and false Monkey King was hacked, and winning or losing is undecided. "Let's ask the Bodhisattva to distinguish between true and false!" After that, the two Monkey Kings went straight to the South China Sea.

Guanyin Bodhisattva saw them, read a hoop mantra and told the truth to Wukong. Unexpectedly, both the Monkey King are called pain.

The Bodhisattva sighed, "I can't see it. You'd better go ... wait, wait until I change your golden hoop. "

Liu Er macaque died of headache at the age of 500.

8. My name is Hu Yiduo. Who can help me make a Tibetan poem?

Best answer:

Ground pepper

one jin（=0.5kg）

number; amount; how many; how much

9. A: "Recently, my eyesight has dropped dramatically. I don't know if I have any eye diseases. "

B: "Have you seen a doctor?"

A: "Yes."

B: "Then what?"

A: "I didn't see it clearly."

3, A: The funeral expenses are so expensive. You should cry for me in the future. Don't fool me.

B: Don't worry, I have participated in several issues of "The Voice".

10, during the lunch break, we discussed what to do at the weekend. Some people say they want to go swimming. Everyone talked about swimming skills again.

I can swim since I was a child, and I am very proud of my swimming skills. I said calmly, "I've never drunk water from a swimming pool!" " "

Colleague MM primly told me: "Actually, it's not good."

1 1. The soup pot is boiling. Jiaozi A summoned up her courage and said to Jiaozi B, "There's something I've always wanted to tell you ..."

"I know. You like me. "

"What? ! I've been hiding it well. When will you ... "

Jiaozi B looked at Jiaozi A's broken skin and said sourly, "Just now, you gave it away."

12, one day Xiao Ming and his friends were playing football, and the ball accidentally fell into a pit. Everyone tried many methods but failed to get it out.

At this time, Xiao Ming, who had been standing silently, suggested that everyone pee in the pit together, and finally the ball floated up.

Xiao Ming said earnestly to everyone: Be calm and think more.

The next day, everyone played football together, and Xiaoming fell into the pit. . . . .

13, I went to a case that day. During the trial, the judge asked, "Is the defendant here?"

A: "I am coming."

Ask again: "What about the plaintiff?"

Answer again: "All together!"

The judge said beautifully, "Is everyone here? Then serve! "

14, a: "Don't shit in front of flies." B: "it will think you are showing off your wealth."

15, every time I watch a costume film, I feel strange when I hear someone say, I want to smell it. . .

16, Di Renjie: H7N9 is coming, Fiona Fang, what do you think?

Fiona Fang: My Lord, you should go to Shandong to hide.

Di Renjie: Why?

Fiona Fang: You think about SARS in 2003, avian flu in 2006, snowstorm in 2007, swine flu in 2009, and 12 rainstorm. Shandong is fine. All kinds of signs are enough to prove that Shandong is a treasure!

Di Renjie: OK, just take a trip to friendly Shandong, and worship Mount Tai and sages.

Fiona Fang: Let's eat pancakes and roll green onions to enhance our resistance and make the people of China healthy!

17, a military region recruits training, a recruit arrived, and smoked again, and saw an old man watering flowers at the door. He shouted, "Grandpa bought me a pack of cigarettes."

Grandpa said, "Don't you ban smoking?"

The recruit said, "Nothing. I can't find it. Do me a favor. Northeasters are all living Lei Feng. " So grandpa helped him.

At dinner in the evening, the company commander cursed: "Who asked the company commander to help buy cigarettes, or did all TM Northeast people live Lei Feng?"

18, I took the bus to work in the morning, and there was actually a person eating steamed buns stuffed with leeks. The already turbid air is even worse. Such a person is so incompetent that he completely ignores the feelings of others for himself.

I can't stand it any longer. I must teach him a lesson. I went up to him and took out his wallet.

19, "Does it hurt?"

"It hurts!"

"Do you want to forget it?"

"Nothing, go on."

"There was a lot of blood," Hua Tuo said. "General Guan is so brave!"

20. diaosi: hey, that novel under your pillow is really fucking exciting. Where did you buy it?

Gao Fushuai: Why are you looking through it? That's my diary.

2 1, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty: "Sima Qian, there are so many bad emperors in history, how did you write it yourself?"

Sima Qian: "Does your majesty know that Gong Yu moved mountains? Although my strength is small, I have a son when I die, and a grandson when my son dies. There are countless descendants. "

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty: "Somebody, pull this fellow down and castrate him."

22. I went to help a single female colleague repair the computer, and I finally got it with great effort. The female colleague took out two bananas to express her gratitude, but I said no.

The female colleague said to eat, it's okay, I'm all washed.

23. Confucius visited Mount Tai and saw a woman sitting on the side of the road crying. Confucius asked her: Why are you crying?

The woman replied: My husband was eaten by the tiger, my son was eaten by the tiger, my daughter was eaten by the tiger, and my uncle was eaten by the tiger …

Confucius turned to the students and said, Remember, when you see a woman crying on the road, don't ask around.

24. "Aunt, where have you been these months?"

"After a while, I have been healing on the ice bed."

"Then I'm relieved. Aunt, who is this soldier next to you? "

"Oh, he's Han Bing."

25. Lao Liu said that his ultimate goal in this life is to buy things regardless of the price.

After ten years of unremitting efforts, he finally achieved his goal in life-he was blind.

26. Nowadays, these smoking cessation advertisements are nothing but tepid. When they come up, they give you a whole rotten lung and tell you not to smoke. If you smoke again, it will be rotten, simple and rude, regardless of the feelings of smokers. . .

In fact, the first feeling of most smokers when they see these pictures is: Oh, mom, I'm scared to death. Light a cigarette to suppress shock.

27. An Englishman and an China went to visit the grave. English people bring flowers, while China people bring food.

The Englishman asked the China people, "When did your ancestors come out for dinner?"

China people replied, "When your ancestors came out to enjoy the flowers."

28. A tourist came back from Mexico and told his friend his adventure story: "It was horrible! You can't even imagine: there are Indians on the right, Indians on the left, Indians in front, even behind me.

Come on, Indian. "

"Then what did you do?"

"What can I do? I have to buy a wool quilt recommended by them. "

Father: I promised to buy you a car if you passed the exam, but you didn't do it. What did you do last semester?

Son: I'm learning to drive.

30. "How did A Dai lose his right finger?"

"He put his right hand into the horse's mouth to see how many teeth the horse has."

"Then what?"

"The horse wants to know how many fingers there are."

3 1, at dinner, my parents-in-law quarreled over business matters. Finally, my mother-in-law said, "I'm too lazy to listen to your complaints." If you say anything more, I'll live in the mountains. Don't look for me. " My father-in-law put down his rice bowl and said, "What do you want? You are ginseng! " "

32. A man invited a guest to tea, so he borrowed it from his neighbor's house because there was no tea. For a long time, the neighbors didn't send it, and the water was boiled, so I didn't bring it. No choice but to continue to add cold water to the pot. After a long time, the pot was full of water, and finally the tea was not delivered. The wife said to her husband, "You can't drink tea. Let him take a bath."

33. When I joined the league at school, it was just me and a girl. When the secretary of our League branch presided over the meeting, he said without hesitation, "Today is a big day for two students …" The rest of the students laughed their heads off. I think this is the first time in my life to get married, and the scene is very festive, ha ~ ~ ~.

34. Once I took the elevator with a beautiful woman, and a cool bearded foreigner was with me. That pretty girl kept talking, so I said, "Stop arguing and sell you to this foreigner."

The foreigner opened his mouth wide and his face lit up. He said in nonstandard Mandarin, "Really?"

35. Late one night, a man walked into the dentist's office and said, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I am a moth. "

Dentist: "You shouldn't go to the dentist. You need to see a psychiatrist. "

Man: "Yes, I know."

Dentist: "Then why are you still here?"

Man: "The light is on here."

On the way, the more I think about it, the more wrong it is. Should I wash bananas before eating them?