Humorous jokes that amuse girls.

The humorous jokes that make girls happy are as follows:

1. A mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day. A nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?" The mental patient jumped up and shouted, "What's the matter with you? Can't you see that the fish tank is empty? "

2. "You see I am as strong as a bull, because I eat beef every day." "Really, but I eat fish every day. Why can't I swim now? "

3. Let's chat: Where there is water, there should be fish. Lao Li: I don't think so. Is there any fish in the open bottle?

Bees chase butterflies, but butterflies marry snails. The bee doesn't understand: where is he better than me? Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, unlike you who live in a dormitory.

5. "Hey, why did you pour the medicine into the lake?" "I want to feed the fish some appetizers. The fish here have a bad appetite and don't eat the bait I made with sesame oil. "

6. Friends climb mountains together. When they reached the top of the mountain, a girl shouted to the beautiful mountains and rivers: motherland! My mother! A boy who secretly loves her quickly shouted: motherland! My mother-in-law

7. A student was sleeping in class and was found by the teacher. Teacher: "Why do you sleep in class?" A student: "I didn't sleep!" " "Teacher:" Then why do you close your eyes? "A student:" I'm closing my eyes! ""Teacher: "Then why do you nod?" A student: "What you just said is very reasonable!" " "Teacher:" Then why are you drooling? A student: "teacher, you speak with relish!" "

8. Wife: "I heard that the wife has a beautiful son and the handsome husband has a beautiful daughter. Husband, let's ... "Husband:" Let's adopt one. "

9. I was pregnant and went shopping one day. Just walked to the door of the community, my husband called and I said I would go out to play. I heard a growl on the phone: It's all because of you that you stayed up at home and went out to play in such a hot day. ...

10, my wife is in charge of financial power, and she doesn't give much pocket money every time, so I want to talk to her today. "Wife, you can give me more pocket money every day. I want to do a good deed every day. " "hmm? Who is Wang Li? How dare you ask me for money for such a thing! "

1 1, Xiao Wu came to the unit wrapped in a gauze. Everyone was curious and asked him what was going on. Xiao Liu said: "Last night, he was playing with fireworks with a cigarette, and the fireworks accidentally exploded in the room!" " "Blow you up like this?" Everyone asked. "No," Xiao Wu replied gloomily. "My wife called."

12, I had dinner with my cousin yesterday. My wife is a doctor, saying that my cousin's blood pressure and blood sugar are high and she is not allowed to drink. Cousin is anxious to say: drink to death! My wife said simply: If you want to die, die early, while I am still young.

13, "Husband, I have a crush on a bag and think it suits me very well. Seeing it, I seem to feel the feeling of first love, so pure, so pure It's only over XX yuan, and I deserve it ... ""The subscriber you dialed is not in service area, please stop calling ... "

14. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?" The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

15, Lao Sun's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are at odds and often quarrel. I have no choice but to write a letter to my son who works in other places: Son, there is something wrong with our family. According to my careful observation, the main reason is that your wife and my wife don't share a room. I think we should criticize each other's wives for the sake of family unity. Really can't. I think the only solution is to abandon your wife and keep mine.

16, dad doesn't know what to do after retirement, and he is crazy about online games. This is a big problem for the elderly who are not in good health. In order to treat dad's internet addiction, we must try to let him go outdoors. When he is interested in other things, the internet addiction will be lifted.

Next, my mother and I took turns doing my father's work, and he finally agreed to accompany her to travel. A week later, my parents came back from a trip. After meeting, I asked my father, "How was your trip these days?" Dad is very happy: "yes, my game role has risen to three levels!" " "

17, if you want to talk about how traffic jams are on holidays, just look at the poem. A line of egrets went to heaven, and Lao Tzu was squeezed in the middle; Excuse me, where is the restaurant? It's blocked at the toll booth. She also hid half of her face behind her guitar so that we couldn't see it, and forgot to bring instant noodles in the car; Since God has given talents, let them be used! , did not move for five hours; Cold rain into the night, watching the sunrise on the highway; Apes on both sides of the Taiwan Strait don't cry and don't live in cars at home. Yell when the road is rough, and walk the dog in high-speed traffic jams. ...

18, couplets, I'll take this! Part one: The world is so big that I want to see it. The road is so blocked that it hurts to think about it! Bottom line: the wallet is too small to go anywhere; The scenic spots are so expensive that it breaks my heart to ask! Horizontal criticism: let's go to the owner's house for a party.

19, I went out with my classmates and climbed to the top of the mountain. A girl stood on the top of the mountain very excitedly and shouted: motherland, my mother! Then a boy who secretly loves this girl shouted excitedly: motherland, my mother-in-law!

20. Xiaoming: "Today, the math teacher and the PE teacher had a fight, and he beat the PE teacher to pieces." Dad: "It's outrageous for teachers to fight. Why? " Xiaoming: "The math teacher said that the reason why he beat the PE teacher was to let us understand a truth." Dad: "What do you know?" Xiaoming: "Knowledge is power."

2 1 in the review of grade three, a physics problem: how to judge whether two small bulbs are connected in series or in parallel? I wrote down the answer: break a small light bulb, another light, parallel; The other one is not bright, connected in series. The deskmate replied: take down a small light bulb, the other one is bright and connected in parallel; The other one is not bright, connected in series.

22. The reason why people don't do their homework. A: Sorry, teacher, I forgot to write it. Sincerity B: I'm really sorry, teacher. I really forgot. I can fix it! Idiot C: Teacher, I forget what my homework is. Touched D: Teacher, I think my dirty homework really doesn't deserve to write what you taught me, but I know I still committed the crime of not doing my homework. Please punish me! Ah, yes! Teacher, you are really dazzling today!

23. At the station, a couple are waiting for the bus. The man pulled the woman over to get ready to kiss, and the woman was a little embarrassed and dodged. The man is unhappy: "What's the matter? My wife won't let me kiss you! " "The woman pursed her lips." So many people are watching! Show love in public, that is the talent of middle school students! " The man nodded and stopped moving. Looking at their distant backs, I can't help feeling: the students' consciousness is really high now.

24. Zorro has a tryst at his mistress's house. Mistress: What if my husband comes back? Zorro: If he comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will catch me. Mistress: If he hears a knock at the door, he will come back. After a while, it rained heavily. Suddenly someone knocked at the door. Just then, Zorro jumped out of bed and jumped out of the window. The hostess opened the door and saw a horse standing in front of it. Ma said, tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor.

25. A young woman took out the garbage, accidentally slipped in the garbage and was about to get up. She was held in her arms by an old man in rags. The old man said with emotion: people in the city just can't live, and such a good daughter-in-law said no.

26. A child's diary: Monday, February 30th will be fine. It's too bad that there is no sun today. My father bought a goldfish and drowned it in the water tank. I am very sad ... Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. In February, I have never met the 30th in my life. I have never seen a sunny day without the sun. Never seen a goldfish drowned in the water. ...

27. A man with a dog said angrily to the owner of a pet shop, "You sold this dog to me as a doorman. Last night, a thief came into my house and stole my money, but the dog didn't even say a word? " The boss rolled his eyes: "The dog's previous owner was a millionaire, and he didn't care about money at all."

28. One day, a nurse in a mental hospital received a phone call. The man asked, "Miss, go and see if the patient in bed 4 of 13 is still there?" The nurse said, "Please wait a moment." After a while, the nurse said, "Oh, he's gone!" " "The man on the phone said," that's great! It seems that I really ran out this time ... "

29. Uncle asked the girl the way: How can I get to the Public Security Bureau? Girl: Do you want to walk? Or by car? Uncle: Can I go by bus? By car, of course! So the girl handed the wallet in her arms to her uncle: Take this. After the uncle took the wallet, the girl immediately shouted: robbery! Ten minutes later, uncle left the scene in the van of the public security bureau.

30. Beggar: "Sister, I haven't eaten for two days. Can I have some cake? " Big sister: "Cake? I only have rice here! " Beggar: "Forget it if it's normal, but today is my birthday!" " "

3 1, a patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, cucumber and watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

On the first day of school, I called my deskmate and the teacher asked me to call my parents. I said: nothing, I can hit him myself!

33. M: Marry me! Do you think we will be happy after marriage? M: Of course. W: How do you know? Man: You are such a man. Even if love fails, friendship can last forever.

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A man passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

35. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

36. Long time no see, old classmate. What's your annual salary now? B: tens of thousands? A: How much is it a month? Yes, this is the basic salary. A: Not bad. What do you do? B: Dreaming.

37. On the way, I met my father to buy lottery tickets. I asked him, "Dad, what are you going to do if you win the grand prize?" As a result, my dad gave me a look: "Why do you care so much? It's none of your business. "

38. "Our manager said that selling insurance requires shameless spirit." "That's why you go to the ladies' room to sell insurance!" Asked the policeman.

39. One day, the phone rang at home, because my parents didn't answer it at my parents' door, and neither did my parents. I had to get dressed and get up to answer the phone, only to hear my dad say on the other end of the phone: Send me the TV remote control. ...

Teacher: Xiao Ming, please do a sentence imitation exercise "If every drop of water can represent a blessing, then I will send you an ocean"! Xiaoming: If each flower represents a blessing, I will send you a wreath! In an instant, the whole class is sensational! Teacher: Go, go, go now!

4 1. Today, an idiot asked her sister out and said, "Girl, I think you have good facial features and noble spirit. Can you bury it in my ancestral grave to ward off evil spirits after a hundred years? " I guess this idiot may never find a girlfriend in his life.

42. M: Lovely girl, why did you reject me then? Woman: Because my heart beats faster every time I see you, I blush and my heart beats. I thought I would get sick and die with you.

43. The monitor asked: Who is the largest officer in our platoon? A: It's a platoon leader. The monitor asked again: Who's under the teacher? The recruit replied: The teacher rode the horse.

44. Xiao Li in the office said to Xiao Zhang, "I'll tell you good news and bad news, which should I listen to first?" Xiao Zhang: "Bad news." Xiao Li: "The good news I want to say is false."

45. Son: Dad, tell me a story. Dad: OK. Once upon a time, there was a frog. Son: No, I want to hear historical stories. Dad: OK. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog.