What are the lines of Empresses in the Palace in Song Xiaobao's prose?

Song Xiaobao's sketch lines in Empresses in the Palace are as follows:

Yang Shulin: Hello, I'm the head of Liaoning Folk Art Troupe. My name is ...

Audience: Yang Shulin!

Yang Shulin: Thank you for remembering me. I'm afraid you'll forget me. Our group participated in the recording of "Happy Comedian" six times, three times first and three times second. This Song Xiaobao always blames me for the second time. What does it have to do with me?

I'm an assistant. I didn't hit you on the back, did I? This time it's not only my fault, but also the screenwriter, complaining that the screenwriter's script is not well written. This time, Song Xiaobao wrote a play called Empresses in the Palace. I'm telling you, he asked me to play the eunuch, and I'm the head of the team. If you don't want me to play the prince, you'll let me play the doctor too much!

Let me play a eunuch. I can't help it The colonel won't talk easily and can't control others. They are wrists. You all praise him, who will praise me? Thank you for praising me so much. Anyway, I'm still a supporting role today. (Shouting backstage) Are the actors ready? (Everyone is ready) Tell me about it. Let's go! (Start shooting)

Eunuch: (whispering) Silence! The emperor worked hard for his country. He didn't sleep for three days and nights, and the old slave stayed with him. I am tired now. I heard that the emperor will go out tomorrow to observe the people's feelings and travel incognito, and I don't know which concubine he will take out of the palace.

Maid of Fat Princess: The Empress is here ~ (The eunuch walks aside to meet Fat Princess, and Fat Princess Maid helps her in)

Princess: I have won the favor of the emperor since I entered the palace. Just because I have knowledge (eunuch spit), that's all. (Feifei sits down)

Feifei Maid: Empress, your low-key luxury has connotation ~ (The eunuch continues to vomit, Feifei Maid finds out) Yo ~ Is Grandpa Yang pregnant?

Eunuch: Don't make fun of the old slave. Say hello to the empress, and the fat princess, Wan Fu Jin 'an ~

Feifei: Get up.

Eunuch: No kneeling. Empress, you are really radiant today (the fat princess caresses her face), but the fly in the ointment is that your eyes are a little black.

Fat princess maid: Can it not be dark? I fought with the landlord all night yesterday, but two kings and four twos didn't come out.

Feifei: (impatiently to the maid) Clap your mouth! (The maid slaps her mouth) Don't listen to his nonsense, will you? Last night, I was summoned by the emperor and watched the memorial with him all night. I am very tired ~

Eunuch: Empress, it was the old slave who stayed with the emperor all night. I have never seen you before.

Feifei: (laughs) That was the day before yesterday ~

Eunuch: It was an old slave who accompanied me the day before yesterday.

Feifei: (with an embarrassed smile) That was last week ~

Eunuch: Last week, too …

Feifei: (angrily) Clap your mouth!

Fat Princess Maid: (slaps eunuch's mouth) I told you to owe your son ~ (eunuch touches face)

Fat princess: Grandpa, I heard that the emperor will leave the palace tomorrow. Is it best to take me to the palace?

Feifei Maid: The Empress is absolutely right. You are the only one. We can fight the landlord with the emperor.

Cafe Princess Maid: Here comes the queen! (The maid of the princess in the cafe and the princess in the cafe cover their faces with handkerchiefs, step into the arena with the rhythm of the music, and move the handkerchiefs left and right in front of their faces. )

Caffe: Haha.

Caffe Maid: Ho ho Ho Ha Ha ~

Garfield: (pushing the maid) You scared me! Since I entered the palace, I have been favored by the emperor ~ There are 3,000 beauties in this harem, but the emperor pampers me alone, so I advised the emperor not to touch the rain and dew, and the emperor wouldn't listen. Your majesty, just spoil me ~ just spoil me ~ it's shameful that you call it slavery! (Rich in body movements, ask the coffee princess) Are you happy?

Caffeine maid: Happy!

Cafe Princess: Laugh!

Caffe Maid: Ho ho Ho Ha Ha ~

Cafe Princess: Here! The coffee princess stops laughing and turns to the chair. ) Ah, my sister is here, too. Please pay tribute to her ~

Feifei: Get up.

Princess of Cafe: Sister Xie.

Fat Princess: Give up your seat.

Princess of Cafe: Sister Xie. (Sit down)

Feifei: Sister, I haven't seen you haggard for days.

Caffe: Sister really has a good eye ~ Well, I was summoned by the emperor last night to review the paper. I stayed up all night. I'm very tired ~

Fat princess: (asking her father-in-law) Grandpa, what are you listening to him?

Eunuch: Go back to the empress. Last night, I was an old slave who accompanied the emperor. I have never seen this before.

Garfield: That was the night before yesterday ~

Eunuch: It was an old slave who accompanied me the day before yesterday.

Coffee Princess: The day before yesterday ~

Eunuch: I was there the day before yesterday ...

Garfield: Hahahaha ~ (waving to eunuch) You come, Hahahaha (slapping eunuch's mouth). When did you leave? (The eunuch touches his face) I owe you so much that I can take it whenever I say!

Princess's maid: yo ~ you are so grumpy that my slave's eyes are clumsy. Which concubine is this?

Cafe: Cafe!

Fat girl: (pointing to the girl selling coffee) Who is she?

Cafe Princess Maid: I'm a companion!

Fat Princess Maid: You can't go wrong. Even the color is right. (to the fat princess) Empress, do you think there are women like this in our palace?

Feifei: It should be the best.

Fat princess maid: It looks like a sacrifice to me.

Garfield: Who are you talking about? I burned you both to death. I am a tribute!

I'm a gift.

Garfield: What kind of sister are you? How could I forget?

Feifei: Ask me, I'm Ural ~ What's your last name?

Garfield: Hey, hey, I'm nothing. Grandpa, tell him about my life.

Eunuch: Empress, I want you to meet this coffee princess. She comes from the tortoise kingdom. ...

Caffe: (Shouting) Tubo country, clap your hands (to Caffe's maid)!

Cafe Princess Maid: KATTO! (slapping eunuch's mouth)

Eunuch: This Kafei is a tribute from the Tubo country, which held a national beauty contest and won the first prize. (pointing to Caffe's maid) She is the second.

My sister and I are only one vote apart.

Garfield: I became a concubine.

Caffe Maid: I became a maid.

Coffee shop princess: Are you happy?

Cafe Princess Maid: Happy.

Cafe Princess: Laugh.

Caffe Maid: Ho ho Ho Ha Ha ~

Cafe Princess: Here! (Coffee princess and maid stop laughing) Grandpa, will the emperor leave the palace tomorrow?

Eunuch: Yes.

Garfield: You said there were 3,000 beauties in this harem. Isn't it the most appropriate to take me to the palace?

Eunuch: Go back to Empress, you two decide this matter. My face hurts. (step back)

Princess of Cafe: Well, don't bother my sister about the emperor driving, okay?

Feifei: I'll go.

Caffeine: I'll go.

Feifei: I'll go.

Caffeine: I'll go.

Feifei: (stands up and walks up to Caffe, shouting) I'll go, I'll go, I'll go!

Caffe: (stands up) Oh, I'll go!

Feifei: I'll go.

Garfield: What are you going to do?

Feifei: Accompany the emperor out of the palace.

Garfield: Who is it?

Feifei: Me.

Garfield: What are you going to do?

Feifei: Accompany the emperor out of the palace.

Evaluation of Song Xiaobao Empresses in the Palace:

Although Song Xiaobao came out injured, this Empresses in the Palace, written, directed and acted by himself, is unambiguous. When he took off his masked white handkerchief, the audience was almost unprepared and was shocked by his "beautiful" appearance. This "Song Song" hasn't been performed yet, so just modeling is enough. When the audience watched Song Xiaobao show his big white teeth, ravaging the Colonel and Wen Song, they couldn't help teasing Song Xiaobao for learning the essence of "the Queen of Love".

In the performance, Song Xiaobao turned a "scheming" queen into a "spoof" queen selling cute tricks. When Song Xiaobao and fat ya were arguing about who would accompany the emperor out of the palace, "What are you going to do" and "accompany the emperor out of the palace" simply became a brainwashing new word.