Let someone you hate tell a joke.

Childlike fun (a boutique that laughs N times)

My colleague will go to kidney calculi and rest at home. His little nephew asked kidney calculi what it was, and he said that a stone came out when he peed. His little nephew was very worried and said, Uncle, when you pee, you must spread your feet apart, and be careful not to hit your feet!

One day, I saw a pair of twins, so cute,

But I can't see the size

So I asked: who is older and who is younger?

The girl said mysteriously: guess who is our brother and sister ~! !

In the evening, I took my three-year-old daughter for a walk in the park, and two lovers hugged and kissed in the shade.

My daughter looked at it for a while, then turned to me and said affirmatively, "Mom, they must be stealing something good."

Mingming is five years old and just learned to count. I want to find someone to write a question. His father said to him, "Do the problem yourself and do the math yourself."

Ming Ming thought about it and said, "Shampoo+Massage+Back Treading = 18, Hair Dyeing+Sauna+Mask =20"

Everyone was stunned first, and then everyone laughed.

Child: "Mom, what is this?"

Mom: "This is rat poison."

Child: "Mom, is our mouse sick?"

I really like children in small classes.

I've been teasing him

Ask him: What's mother's name?

She was so angry that she finally spat out the name * * *

"So, what's dad's name?

I saw him in high spirits and said two words unequivocally: husband

One of her colleagues has a 6-year-old daughter who has started to change her teeth. Her mother took her back to work after her tooth was pulled out. My mother asked her, "Does your tooth still hurt?" The little girl's answer made everyone around her laugh: "Oh, I left my tooth in the hospital. I don't know if it hurts! " "

Once, the father asked the child

Who's in charge at home?

"Dad, he is the head of the family."

Mom knows.

I also asked him, "Who is in charge in the family? Good point, buy you candy. "

The child said, "it's mom, it's mom."

"Didn't you say that dad is the head of the family?"

"But mom is the head of the family. Turn your head that way and turn that way ~ ~ ~ ~ "

Occasionally, one day a male colleague was drinking and eating in a roadside restaurant. He saw a little girl in grade three who was very cute, so he went up to tease her: "Little sister, how about playing with you?" The little girl looked at him and said, "No, my mother said little girls should play with little girls." My colleague never gave up and said, "I'm a girl, too. Please play with me ... Finally, the little girl answered the classic. Take off your pants and let me see! " =_=#

When my son was 4 years old, he saw a frog jumping, so he jumped like this frog, jumped a few times, stood up and said, I'm so tired! ! ! It's hard to be a frog, jumping like this every day.

I almost fainted when I saw the email from my friend. Guaranteed to be true and original.

Listening to the radio in the dormitory that day, I heard a very young girl order songs for her mother. She said that her mother

Mom is very hard and can't rest on Sunday. She wants to buy her a lot of problem sets in the bookstore, so she wants to.

Order a song for her mother.

Hearing this, the master said, "What a sensible child. What song do you want to give your mother?

The little girl said in a childish voice,' I want to order Winnie Hin's "Why do women bother women?"

Respondent: Head-Scholar Level 2 5- 12 10:25

Someone asked the farmer, "What do you feed the pigs?" "Use leftovers and unnecessary vegetable skins." The farmer replied.

"In that case, I should punish you." The man said, "I'm a public health inspector. It is illegal for you to feed animals to the public with malnourished things. " . Fine 1 ten thousand yuan. "

After a while, another well-dressed man came over and asked the farmer, "What a fat pig! What do you feed them? "

"Shark's fin, chicken liver, seafood and so on," the farmer replied.

"Then I should punish you." The man said, "I'm an inspector of the International Food Association. One third of the world's population is starving. I can't let you feed pigs with such good food. You will be fined 1 ten thousand yuan. "

A few months later, a third person came. Like the first two men, he leaned his head against the farmer's fence and asked, "What do you feed the pigs?"

"Brother," the farmer replied, "now I give them 10 yuan every day. They buy whatever they want to eat. "

Answer: I am very happy-apprentice wizard level 2 5- 12 10:3 1.

Jokes that are too long are not funny. I have a shorter one.

One day, a monkey accidentally stepped on the feces of an ape. Later, they got married. Someone asked them why they got married. Monkeys say it's all the shit of an ape (fate)! ! !

Interviewee: lanselq- Magician Level 4 5- 12 10:32

On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man nervously say: the child is not mine!

Respondent: Xiao Assistant Level 3 5- 12 10:34

The fox walked along the street and met the old wolf head-on. The old wolf reached out and gave him a big mouth, "Let you not wear a hat".

The fox came home depressed and found a hat to wear.

The next day, I met an old wolf and got a big mouth, "Let you wear a hat".

If so, you will be beaten all the time. The fox thought, it's not a problem to be beaten often. No, I have to complain to the tiger.

No sooner had I arrived at the tiger's door than I heard the tiger talking in the room.

"You can't always be so unreasonable to hit the fox. The fox came back to complain to me. I can't protect you. At least we can get by on the surface. I'll teach you a trick.

Next time you see a fox, tell him: Bring me some clothes. He brought you soap, so you beat him up and said I wanted washing powder, but who told you to get the soap? He brought washing powder, you can call and say I want soap, but who told you to bring washing powder?

Why don't you tell him to find me a woman? He finds you a fat one, and you beat him up and say I want to be thin; I'll find you a thin one, and you can beat me up and say I want to be fat.

If it doesn't end like this, you can hit him, which makes sense to me. "

Hearing this, the fox said, well, let's stop complaining and go home.

The next day, the fox met the old wolf in the street again. The old wolf shouted, "Go and find me some clothes."

The fox took his time: Do you want washing powder or soap?

Hearing this, the old wolf, huh? Very good at it. He said, find me a woman.

The fox is still in no hurry: do you want to be fat or thin?

The old wolf flew into a rage and reached out and gave the fox a big mouth.

Let you wear no hat!

Interviewee: xdufo- trainee magician level 2 5- 12 10:37

I started a new company, and everyone calls me Lao ... OK, Lao Wang, Lao Zhang and Liu Jie, introduce me: "This is my husband!" "Good husband! ! ! "

Liu Jie: "This is my husband! ! ! "

Responder: Love Group-Trainee Magician Level 2 5- 12 10:38

Wife instruction

Instructions for drug use:

The commodity name is commonly known as wife, and it can be called wife or wife on formal occasions; It's also called honey now.

Chemical name WUMEN

Ingredients: water, blood and fatty carbohydrates, with fragrant smell.

Physical and chemical properties are lively, which can be divided into univalent (marriage), bivalent (marriage) and trivalent (marriage) according to the situation. . . . N valence (marriage) is dissolved in sweet words; The melting point is reduced under the catalysis of true feelings, diamonds, money and luxury houses. Insoluble in butyl white.

Features This product is a cola-shaped concave-convex object with smooth surface, coated with various cosmetics, and has a strong affinity for diamonds and platinum. Red shift will occur when you are shy; Blue shift (green shift) due to anger The product will turn yellow with time, and its shape will change, but it will not affect its continued use.

The function is mainly used to treat single phobia, and also has obvious effect on lovelorn and lovesickness.

Usage and dosage suggest one tablet for life.

Note: This product is only suitable for single adult men. Be careful when taking it. If the drug causes the user's ears to be soft (palladium ears), henpecked, tracheitis, etc. , you must consult relevant professional doctors immediately and use them under the guidance of doctors. If not, you can continue to use. Eating more will lead to fatal allergic reactions, and eating more than two will lead to adverse reactions!

Specifications are generally 45 kg to 65 kg. In case of special overweight, please ask men to strengthen exercise or find a health care doctor to deal with it.

Proper storage at room temperature, indoor ventilation is the best; If you are outdoors, you need to avoid groups of women and handsome men. During use, it is especially forbidden to stay at home at night.

Wrap all kinds of fashions, jewelry and handbags, and change them at any time with the change of seasons.

The validity depends on the degree of happiness, up to a lifetime; The shortest, one day may be invalid.

See the inner page of the diamond ring manual for the official approval number.

Grandparents and fathers-in-law of production enterprises.

Taboo No matter when, you can't say fat.

Husband handbook

Instructions for drug use:

The commodity name is commonly known as husband, and it can also be called husband on formal occasions; Now also known as Hani.

Chemical name man

Ingredients: water, blood and fatty carbohydrates, with sweaty taste.

Physical and chemical properties are lively, which can be divided into phase I (knot), phase II (knot) and phase III (knot) according to the situation. . . . N stage (knot). Dissolve in sweet words; The melting point is reduced under the catalysis of true feelings, cigarettes, wine, money and famous cars.

Features This product is cola-shaped concave and convex, with rough surface and strong affinity for tobacco and alcohol. Red shift will occur when you are shy; Blue shift (green shift) due to anger The product will turn yellow with time, and its shape will change, but it will not affect its continued use.

The function is mainly used to treat single phobia, and also has obvious effect on lovelorn and lovesickness.

Usage and dosage suggest one tablet for life.

Note: This product is only suitable for single adult women. Be careful when taking it. If drugs cause domestic violence to users, they must immediately consult relevant professional doctors (in serious cases, they can report to public security organs for magical assistance) and use them under the guidance of doctors; If not, you can continue to use. Eating more will lead to fatal allergic reactions, and eating more than two will lead to adverse reactions!

Specifications are generally 65 kg to 80 kg. In case of special overweight, please ask men to strengthen exercise or find a health care doctor to deal with it.

Proper storage at room temperature, indoor ventilation is the best; If you are outdoors, you need to avoid groups of women and handsome men. During use, it is especially forbidden to stay at home at night.

Pack all kinds of fashions, watches and cars, which change with the seasons.

The validity depends on the degree of happiness, up to a lifetime; The shortest, one day may be invalid.

See the inner page of the diamond ring manual for the official approval number.

Old women and old men in production enterprises.

No matter when, you can't say smelly.

Interviewee: wenxiao 18- Assistant Level 2 5- 12 10:4 1.

severe

Responder: Wind Sand-Trainee Magician Level 2 5- 12 10:42

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

9. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

12, the beauty of learning is that people are confused; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in her stupidity.

No regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.

13 I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I'm dizzy!

14, have you heard of it? Looking back 500 times in my last life, I brushed it in my life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, but H turned his fucking head!

15, two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried, and the farmer gave them two 7 pieces.

16, your life portrayal: at the age of ten, learn to bathe yourself-pigs wash themselves; Brilliant at the age of twenty ―― when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― throw pigs.

Responder: Red Star Erguotou Delicious-Assistant Level 2 5- 12 10:42

I have a question that I don't understand. Why do some people say before death?

Listen to ChristianRandPhillips's "come back, come back", how is it like "the ghost is coming, the ghost is coming"

Defendant: magical you-probation period level 1 5- 12 10:44.

rttttttttttttttttt

Responder: pbdong- magic apprentice level 1 5- 12 10:49

Still a real joke.

My parents.

Our family is having dinner and the news is on TV.

Mom suddenly said: Look ~! Look ~! That mouse is naked ~!

I didn't reflect it at that time. When I saw TV,

A hairless mouse! ~ spit rice ~ ~ ~

Another time when I was watching TV, my dad liked to say, ah, this, this, isn't it just playing that so-and-so ~! I know. That time he was watching a TV series and started again, this time with a loud voice: Ah! ~ this, this! ~ that's the ~ ~ little grape ~ ~ little grape ~?

I haven't understood the meaning of small grapes for a long time. Finally, my sister reflected quickly! ~ what a small grape ~! It took a long time to shoot that advertisement.

Sesame seed cake original

Interviewee: Sad Sesame Cake-probation period level 1 5- 12 10:49.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Japanese, Korean and Chinese football coaches met God. China Coach asked, "When will our country win the World Cup?" God said, "A hundred years." China Coach cried, "I can't see it.

Once upon a time, there was a king who wanted his daughter to marry her! The competition is archery!

The first apple that hit the princess on the head! He replied that I am Robin Khan!

The second apple also hit the princess on the head! He answered me, Hou Yi!

The third one shot the princess in the head! He replied that he was sorry!

An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your boobs grow on your back?" The camel said,' stay away from death, I don't talk to things that grow on the face of chickens!

An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your boobs grow on your back?" The camel said,' stay away from death, I don't talk to things that grow on the face of chickens!

C jun's broken car rang everywhere except for the bell, but he regarded it as a treasure and locked it three times. I thought, great, this car can at least accompany me through college.

Unexpectedly, one day, Mr. C was shocked: the car was stolen.

My roommate is a psychology student. He explained that a car with three locks can really touch the professional sensitivity of thieves-such a challenging car will be stolen even if it breaks down!

You only want one, don't you? Ok, I'll take it!

Several leaders went to the restaurant hand in hand for dinner. There is a new waiter in the restaurant, who is a dog of 18 years old.

Never experienced it! Leader: "Waiter, tea!" The waiter wanted to think to check the number:

" 1234567。" The leader was furious: the waiter thought he wanted to check the number of people.

"765432 1" is what the leader asked: "What are you counting?" The waiter replied:

"I am a dog" leaders and others are speechless!

Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

Respondent: Birthday Gift 52 1- Magic Apprentice Level 5-12 1 1:39.

A taxi driver drives at night. Suddenly, a woman in red waved to him. He stopped the car and asked the woman where she was going. The woman said, "I'm going to the cemetery!" " "

The driver was very scared and thought, she's not a ghost, is she? But he had to leave. Halfway through the car, the woman suddenly disappeared. Later, she held out her hand and said, "Help me ~! ! "The driver was sweating with fear. . . .

It turned out that the woman fell into the pit. . .

There is a young man who likes playing the violin and thinks he is good at it. One day, he was really amused, so he went to the street to show off his skills. At first, because of curiosity, many people came over. The young man played very hard, but because he was so ugly, everyone was gone for a minute. But an old lady stayed there, and the young man felt very sad. He couldn't wait to show her everything he knew. When the song was finished, the young man asked, "As soon as I heard your music, I thought of my grandson. He was sawed to death by a chainsaw."

Respondent: Fengshen-probation period level 1 5-1211:51.

Once his calf was broken, and one day he was defecating by the ditch. The snake saw it and said, "Why did you shit there? ! "Answer:" How did you come to rob me of my fragrance! " The snake said; It turned out to be Xiangxiang, and I thought it was my dinner! "

Respondent: dede 1984520- probation period level 1 5-121:55.

My computer's memory is only 128M. I pondered for a long time and found a good solution. I inserted the memory backwards, alas! Didi passed the self-test and the memory became 82 1M!

Later, I took the floppy disk to the refrigerator and froze it for a day, then it became a hard disk.

I wrote dual-core Pentium DD on the chassis, and the computer runs much faster.

I soaked the monitor in the fish tank and now it feels like a liquid crystal!

I added a magnifying glass in front of the 14 inch monitor, and it became a 20 inch monitor, which saved me a lot of money.

I added a light bulb to the speaker, and then turned the volume down to the lowest. Oh! It created a subwoofer.

1, Lee Teng-hui, Lien Chan, * travel by helicopter. Lee Teng-hui said: "If I throw a thousand dollars, I will be very happy to find that person." Lien Chan said, "If I throw two 500 yuan, then both of them will be very happy. * Say, "If I drop a hundred dollars, ten people will be very happy. "At this time ...? The driver muttered, "Why not throw yourself down and make 21100,000 people happy? "?

2. "President" A-Bian wants to improve his reputation and issue a stamp with his portrait on it ... After more than a month, A-Bian wants to see how it sells ... A-Bian asks, "How does it sell? Director of the General Post Office: Not bad, but people often complain that they can't insist 1 A-bian: Why? %B