Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Like water from side to side.
Like water from side to side.
Li Xuedong is a salesman in a small company. He looks ordinary and behaves ordinary. Outside the company, few people pay attention to him.
This morning, as usual, Li Xuedong came to the bus stop to wait for the bus to go to work. While waiting, my girlfriend Wan Fang called. Wan Fang works in a gold shop on the other side of the city and often works overtime, so they don't have much chance to be together. After a few words, Wan Fang said, "By the way, let me tell you something. There was another batch of new goods in our store yesterday, and I like it very much. " Li Xuedong suddenly shivered and said, "Here comes the bus. Talk to you later. "
Hang up the phone, Li Xuedong sighed. Although he loves Wan Fang very much, it is this that makes him hesitate. Recently, Wan Fang always mentioned Wang Lin in the store intentionally or unintentionally, and was shocked by his carefulness, and he was moved to talk more. Chatting and chatting, Wang Lin's home arrived, and Chen Ji said anxiously, "Don't lock the door, I'll be right back." After a while, he came back with a small plastic bag containing mosquito bites and essential oil. He stuffed the bag into her hand and turned away. He came wearing a light blue plaid shirt with dark gray. Unexpectedly, dramatic changes took place immediately. I saw a smile and sweetness that a girl had never seen before and asked, "What's the matter with you, sir?" Where did I hurt you? "Gray pants, no belt, but with a deep beige leather straps. There must be warm clothes under the shirt, and the spring is chilly. Most people still wear short trench coats. Jewelry and painting. From then on, Yimei went to Xiaoding's studio every day. Tell vividly how those customers spend a lot of money to win a beautiful smile. Li Xuedong is not a fool, of course, understand her thoughts. He worked for ten years, scrimped and saved some money, but that was to get married. He was not sure whether Wan Fang would marry himself. People in their thirties have passed the age of impulsive love, and even if they fall in love, they will inevitably have reservations.
At this time, the bus came, and the people waiting for the bus immediately became a mess. Li Xuedong was caught by the crowd and pushed up desperately. Just as he got on the bus with one foot, suddenly, someone grabbed his back collar and pulled it hard behind him. His center of gravity was unstable and he fell backwards at once. Fortunately, just fell into a man's arms, Li Xuedong steadied himself, looking back, it was a woman of about thirty years old, wearing ordinary clothes.
Li Xuedong has been crowded in buses for ten years, and he has never seen such a rude person. He was about to question each other, but he didn't want the woman to help him. When night fell again, the boy came to the park involuntarily. Sure enough, he saw the girl sitting in that chair, his eyes still looking anxiously into the distance. Catch it. Li Xuedong instinctively failed, but her face was scratched by her nails, which made her miserable. He shouted, "What do you want? Are you crazy? " The woman grabbed it again and cried, "God have pity on me, I finally found you!" " Beast! "
Sure enough, he is a madman! Li Xuedong secretly called bad luck, clumsily dodged and asked passers-by for help, but they either showed disgust or smiled knowingly. Perhaps, they regarded him as a heartbreaker.
Fortunately, it wasn't long before the police came and pulled them away. The policeman asked why. Li Xuedong told me what happened just now and said, "That's what happened. I don't know her at all! " The woman spat at him and said bitterly, "At first, you said you would love me all your life, but after I was pregnant with my son, you suddenly abandoned us both." God pity me. I've been looking for you for ten years, and today I finally found you. You still say you don't know me? ! "
The two held their own words, and the police didn't know who to trust, so they were asked to take out their ID cards. A woman takes out her ID card, finds the crisis and defends her love. She should not only protect the man's body, but also protect his heart. Pan Xiao found a Twitter email in Qin Chunqiu's mailbox and sent her all the photos of Qin Chunqiu since she got married. She solemnly announced to her his happiness today in the name of Qin Chunqiu. A few days later, in Qin Chunqiu's mailbox, Pan Xiao saw the following words: Qin Chunqiu, I wish you happiness. Then choo choo disappeared. Give him a photo. Li Xuedong glanced at her ID card. It turned out that her name was He, and she was from Dongshan County thousands of miles away. After seeing the ID card, the police picked up the photo and asked Li Xuedong, "Is this you?"
This is a picture of hugging a man. The background seems to be in the mountains. Because it is a full-length photo, the face is not very clear, but the man's head and appearance are really a bit like him. Li Xuedong shook his head and said, "This is definitely not me. I've never taken such a picture. Besides, I'm sure I've never been to this place. "
The policeman was not sure if the person in the photo was him, so he turned to ask, "Since you think he is the person you are looking for, do you know his name?" He Li Qin burst into tears and said, "How could I not know his name? For ten years, his name has been recited by me every day. His name is Li Xuedong and I will never forget it. "
Li Xuedong suddenly froze. How did she know her name? The police obviously lost patience. After handing in their ID cards, they waved and said, "Let's settle private matters privately, and don't make trouble in public." All right, let's go. "
Li Xuedong suddenly understood, Li-Qin He must also like him, glanced at his ID card. This can't be explained by madness or mistaken identity. Does she want to blackmail herself? But Cheqin encountered a greater risk. On May 19, 2004, they rehearsed a newly designed magic trick called "Saw Saw Man". This time, the chainsaw was not wrapped, but the whole blade was exposed. According to Qin's design, Yao Jinfen should be lying there, handcuffed and shackled, and then he saw Yao Jinfen holding a real chainsaw. Get up again, of course, there is no danger, and people are fine. She doesn't look for so many people who dress better than him, but she wants to find herself? Is he kind?
Being late for work, Li Xuedong ran away without much thought. But I didn't expect He Liqin to catch up all the way. The chase between the two attracted passers-by to point fingers, so Li Xuedong had to stop and shouted angrily, "Are you finished? What exactly do you want? "
Panting, he said piteously to Li Qin, "Even if you don't recognize me, you should recognize your son, right? Xiaohai had heart problems when he was born, and I also had problems with my parents because of you. I've been looking for him for ten years and treating him all the way. Now I am really at the end of my rope. "
"Ha", Li Xuedong sneered, "The fox's tail is exposed. You really want to correct me, but you mistook me for someone else. I am a wage earner and have no money. I'll teach you who to correct. " He pointed to a Mercedes that had just stopped in front. "See the fat man out of the car? That's the rich. You should go to them. "
He Liqin stared at him for a long time with a sad and desperate face and said, "Well, since you don't care, I'll let your son die." Then she turned and left.
Her tragic appearance chilled Li Xuedong's heart, and she vaguely felt as if she had done something wrong, but on second thought, it was none of his business. Besides, even if he wants to manage it, he has no ability.
2. Stubborn woman
In the evening, after work, Li Xuedong returned to his residence when he saw Wan Fang inside. He asked in surprise, "Why are you here? Don't you want to work overtime tonight ... "
Before the words were finished, Wan Fang snorted and said, "No wonder you never want to buy a wedding ring. It turns out that there is not only a woman but also a son outside. " Li Xuewei; At first glance, how did she know about it so quickly? He quickly explained, "you misunderstood. I don't know her at all. " After that, he told the story of today in detail.
Wan Fang asked incredulously, "Why did she want to see you when there were so many people?" Li Xuedong scratched his head and said, "How should I know? Maybe I am a beautiful woman, just like the person she is looking for. Don't you always say I'm a public face? Didn't you admit my mistake several times when we first met? " Wan Fang couldn't help laughing and said, "At that time, one of my colleagues was waiting for the bus. When she told me this, my first reaction was that the woman must have mistaken me for someone else. Although you are a little boring, I really don't believe you can do such a thing. "
Li Xuedong breathed a sigh of relief, suddenly thought of something and asked, "So you have been telling me about the ring because you want to buy a wedding ring." Wan Fang poked him and said bitterly, "What do you think this means? We are not old enough to talk about this topic all the time. But if you don't take the initiative, I can't ask directly! " Li Xuedong was very happy and said, "It's easy. I'll find a time to pick it out in your shop. "
This weekend, Li Xuedong went to the gold shop. After Wan Fang's wife died, "Nice try!" Xiaomei scolded him lightly. Seeing Xiao Lin speak confidently and methodically, he doesn't seem to be bragging. Xiaomei couldn't help wondering: What is more important than a house? So he repeatedly urged: "Don't be a suspense, tell me what it is!" " Life in Jinchuan is a mess. For more than 30 years, Jinchuan has been eating his wife's cooking and never cooked it himself. Even if I have time to stay at home, I never do housework. Colleagues heard that he came to buy a wedding ring, and they all helped to choose one by one with great interest. Finally, they chose a pair of moderately priced rings. After buying it, Wan Fang asked Li Xuedong to go back with the ring first and said, "I won't work overtime at night, I'll go to your place." Looking at her ambiguous eyes, Li Xuedong seems to have drunk honey.
On the way back, Li Xuedong dropped by the fruit market in Hotan Village nearby. After buying two bags of Wan Fang's favorite fruit, I was about to go back.
"Husband, you have worked hard. I have been indifferent to you these years." She also handed him her bill. He opened the bill and saw it read: a man's responsibility; A burden shouldered by both shoulders; Fatigue in the middle of the night; Running around; Unfavorable grievances; The students who stayed in the face class all focused on the sound, mocking and surprised, and all kinds of eyes intertwined to cover me. I can't wait to find a hole to get into. They never imagined that I, who had always been proud and confident, would sell vegetables in a noisy market. Changes in life; Obligations of seven aunts and eight aunts; Ups and downs; A mortal with nine advantages and one disadvantage; Always be loyal to your family ... this is your husband. A woman who picked up rotten fruit on the ground in 2002, she graduated from Iverson University and enlisted in the army. The following year, she took part in the American war in Iraq. Before entering Iraq, he was full of yearning for the ancient civilization history of this country. He never imagined that he was carrying a submachine gun, and with unspeakable doubts and fears, he stepped into Baghdad, which had just been looted by the war. Man reflects his eyesight. The woman seemed to have a hunch and suddenly looked up, just meeting his eyes. Li Xuedong one leng, originally is what.
He ran up to him with a surprised face and asked, "Are you here to see me and my son?" Li Xuedong wanted to shake his head, but he was worried that she would be adamant4 after hearing it, so he nodded vaguely. He Liqin smiled happily and said, "I knew the summer vacation was coming to an end. I received his package. A photo slipped from my notebook. I was surprised. I looked out of the window with my chin propped up. His desk was so close to me in the photo. He wrote on the back of the photo: Thanks for this summer vacation, let us know that people who have always liked it happen to like themselves. Tao, you are not the kind of heartless person, but something happened suddenly and you can't get over it for a while. "
He Liqin led Li Xuedong to an alley, then pushed open a door and said, "My son and I live here."
The room was dark and smelled of mildew. Li Xuedong's eyes took a while to get used to it. The room is very small, and the small empty room is full of all kinds of waste. There is a small bed in the corner with a child wrapped in a quilt. He subconsciously looked forward and saw that the child was sleeping, his face was not rosy, his hair was sparse and yellow, and he knew at a glance that he was really ill.
"He is Xiaohai." He Liqin rubbed her hand happily. Li Xuedong suddenly woke up, took two steps back and said, "I'm sorry. Although I sympathize with you, I'm really not the person you're looking for." He Liqin's smile suddenly condensed and said, "Now, are you afraid to admit it?" Li Xuedong said in distress situation: "I don't dare, but I really have the wrong person."
He Liqin burst into tears and said, "Ten years ago, you taught in our village, have you forgotten?" She said that after they fell in love, Li Xuedong vowed to marry her. However, after her pregnancy reaction, he suddenly disappeared. At this time, He Liqin discovered that he didn't even know where his home was except his own name. It turned out that the parents who didn't like her and Li Xuedong went on the rampage and ordered her to abort the child. He Li Qin didn't want to do this, so she ran away from home. Later, after the baby was born, she was diagnosed with congenital heart disease, so she had to look for Li Xuedong to treat the baby while collecting junk. "Finding you is the reason why Hu, who has supported me for ten years, can't hear you, but I understand from Wan Xiaobo's gesture that my daughter was seriously ill and her hair turned white in a few days. Seeing Hu Lichun's father in such a hurry, Wan Xiaobo felt even worse. He began to work in the farmland day and night, eager to earn more money. Although he knows that guarding a few acres of fertile land, no matter how hard he works, he can't earn much money, but this is the only hope for this family. By. I don't care, but Xiaohai ... The doctor said that if he didn't operate as soon as possible, he would probably ... "
Li Xuedong sighed: "I came to this city after graduating from college and never taught at all." He put down the fruit in his hand, thought about it, rummaged through his pockets and put all his money on the bed. "I'm sorry, I can't help you anymore." With that, he ran away.
3. Promise me one condition
When Li Xuedong came home, it was not long before Wan Fang came back. As soon as she entered the room, she said excitedly, "Where's the ring? There were so many people in the shop just now that I didn't have the courage to look carefully. Take it out quickly, and I will enjoy it. " Li Xuedong smiled and touched his pocket, but he found it empty. Suddenly, he was surprised and looked around, but he couldn't find it anywhere. Angry and anxious, Wan Fang roared, "You don't have me in your heart at all, otherwise you can throw away such an important thing!"
Li Xuedong didn't have time to argue, so he carefully remembered that he had only been to He Liqin since he came out of the gold shop. Did he leave it with her when he paid? Or did she just steal it so that she could see the children after selling it?
In a rage, Wan Fang added, "I have never seen through you. I don't even know what you have done before. I thought marriage could shorten the distance between us, but I didn't expect you to put it off for a long time, and now you have no choice but to buy a ring and drop it. You don't want others to walk into your heart at all. "
Li Xuedong argued, "I really lost it, but I just lost my ring. Don't you think that's a little far-fetched Besides, didn't I tell you that I have been working in this company since I graduated from college? My resume is as simple as that. " Wan Fang stamped his foot angrily and said, "Falling in love is not a resume! Forget it, I can't say clearly! " After that, as soon as she leaned over to see me, I hid it behind the easel and felt guilty like a thief. But one day he saw it. I said light light blue, I said; "Light light blue forgot us when she had a boyfriend, but we have known each other for more than ten years." Shaoyang dug up the painting "The Boat of Water" and said with a cold face, "I have known you for more than ten years. What about him? Have you forgotten me too? " There is also a painting behind the easel, a sketch of Shaoyang, which I promised him a long time ago. It is not finished yet, and it is covered with thick dust. .
When Li Xuedong caught up, Wan Fang had got into a taxi. He wanted to think, did not catch up, but stopped a taxi and went to Hotan Village. What can you fantasize about anyway? It was all over, and Liu Jing cried with her son in her arms. I want it back.
At He's door, I knocked at the door, but no one answered. An old man passed by and said, "She is not here. It seems that the child was ill just now and took the child to the hospital. " Li Xuedong asked, "Do you know which hospital?" The old man said, "The front should be the People's Hospital."
Sure enough, I met He at the gate of the emergency room of the People's Hospital. He Liqin has obviously lost his mind. When he saw him, he hugged him and began to cry. Li Xuedong hesitated for a moment, but still patted her on the back to comfort and said, "How?"
Don't worry, the baby will be fine. "
More than half an hour later, one night in June, 20 10, Yuan was awakened by Dai He's phone in his sleep: "Yuan, I was bullied!" Then she cried and accused the American airport staff of discriminating against her. After listening to Dai He's complaints, Yuan Song breathed a sigh of relief. Fortunately, it was just a little dispute at the airport. Hang up the phone, he is no longer sleepy. I think Dai He is alone in a foreign country, but her boyfriend is a video that only asks questions and tells two cold jokes. So, Yuan made up his mind secretly: Dai He, I must become stronger to protect you! A doctor came out of the emergency room. The two men hurried forward to ask. The doctor said angrily, "How did you become the parents of Chapter 4? It was like this before children came to see it! " Li Xuedong was about to explain when Li Qin asked, "Doctor, what happened to the child? "After the doctor's poor performance, Stalin met with Anastasia Davydova, a national leader, in a secret reception room with high security in the background. He gave Anastasia Davydova an irresistible look, full of desire. A long-lost * * * made Stalin involuntarily walk over, gently pulled up Anastasia Davydova's slender jade hand with black lace gloves and kissed it, praising: "You are more beautiful than on the stage." This sudden scene made Anastasia Davydova breathless. Stalin sensed her nervousness. He stroked the back of her hand to comfort her: "Why are you so nervous? Do you think I am a lion? No, I am also a very ordinary person. " He said angrily, "You must operate at once, or the child will die at any time." Li Xuedong asked, "How much does the operation cost?" The doctor said, "200,000 to 300,000. "
Li Xuedong suddenly became stupid, but it was obvious that Li Qin had asked about the cost of the operation. Not too surprised, she pleaded, "doctor, can you operate first?" We will collect money. " The doctor shook his head and said, "I'm sorry, the hospital has rules." I can't be the master. " He looked at their clothes and said sympathetically, "However, if you can attract social attention, the leader may change his mind."
Li Xuedong suddenly thought of something. He pulled He aside and said, "Maybe I have an idea, but you must promise me one condition." He Liqin was surprised and happy, and repeatedly said, "A promise is worth a thousand dollars, and a hundred promises."
After receiving the promise, Li Xuedong said that one of his college classmates was a talk show host of the city TV station. Although he hasn't been in touch for many years, he is willing to have the cheek to try for Xiaohai. "My condition is that it doesn't matter whether we can do it or not." Li Qin's face suddenly changed. She stared at Li Xuedong, mumbled something. For a long time, she said gloomily, "I will promise you anything as long as I can save Xiaohai."
Li Xuedong immediately went to the TV station to find her classmate Zhou Yifei and talked about it. On Monday, Fei realized that the news was hyped by the professional instinct of media people and immediately decided to interview He.
A few days later, Li Xuedong came home from work and saw Wan Fang standing at the door. Wan Fang came to apologize. She admitted that she lost her mind that day and said something she shouldn't have said. Wan Fang dares to love and hate, which is what attracts Li Xuedong. The two immediately made up.
While eating, Li Xuedong turned on the TV. There is an interview with He on Monday.
In order to find a husband, a weak woman with a seriously ill son has been wandering around China for thousands of kilometers for ten years, which is already very sad. Coupled with the sensational performance on Monday, the program was very successful, and the guests on the scene were almost crying. Everyone has been beating around the bush to induce him to say the man's name, but she just won't. '
Wan Fang slapped chopsticks on the table and scolded, "What a nuisance. If I were her, I would say the name of that smelly man, let everyone eat him and look at him "but encore loves you." "I have known him for many years, and he was a childhood friend, but he later fell in love with you. In order to respect you, he must break up with me first. I can't stand him like this. I can't lose my self-esteem. I forced him to take me to see you. I said that if you would admit that you love her regardless of grievances under such circumstances, then I would give up, but at that time, you ... Ann was a very proud person. That day, I heard him beg you like that, so please don't be angry ... maybe you really don't love him, maybe you are too proud ... but in front of love, you are proud. Suddenly, she realized something and turned to ask, "By the way, she didn't admit you that day, did she?" Li Xuedong nodded and said, "Later, I met her again." He told what happened later, "I didn't tell you, just in case you misunderstood." "You have to believe me, I really don't know her." Wan Fang said, "Of course I believe you. However, you have done your best in this matter. Now get rid of it as soon as possible. I'm afraid you will drag yourself down if you continue. "
Li Xuedong nodded, which is exactly what he thought.
4. Love is a thing of the past
A few days later, on Monday, Fei came home and told him that after the program came out, he and his mother received a lot of love donations, and the hospital also offered to reduce some operation expenses. Li Xuedong listened to a long sigh. Just then, Wan Fang went home with food, and Li Xuedong invited him to have a potluck together on Monday.
After three glasses of wine, on Monday, Fei suddenly said, "You know, if he hadn't denied it again and again, I really thought she was looking for you." Li Xuedong was shocked and asked, "Why do you think so?" Zhou? Yifei smiled strangely and said, "People at the time and place can match the number." Li Xuedong still didn't understand and asked, "What are you trying to say? Why can't I understand? " On Monday, Fei looked busy in the kitchen and smiled: "Nothing." He changed the subject and said, "He Li Qin is not a simple woman. Originally, I just wanted to improve the ratings, but after the show was done, I moved myself first. I admire her very much. "
On Monday, half a month later, Fei told Xiao Hai that the operation was very successful. At this time, the marriage between Li Xuedong and Wan Fang was put on the agenda. Both parents are not in this city and are going to meet their parents at each other's home.
It's been a month since I returned to the city again. On Monday, at the wedding reception, Fei Ba pulled aside and said, "Xiaohai has been discharged from the hospital." Li Xuedong was very happy and said, "I'm too busy these days. You must be worried. That's very kind of you. " "Don't you want to see them?" Wen Fei thought about it on Monday and said, "Forget it. On the afternoon of September 20th, Chen Guang rode an old bicycle and waited for Xueyan to get off work. Who knows, as soon as she went out, a dark black BMW stopped in front of her and carried her away! Chen Guang was shocked, but he didn't come back. Several girls gathered around him and sarcastically said, "If you want to chase Xueyan, it's really a toad trying to eat swan meat! "Meet by chance, or forget the rivers and lakes." On Monday, Fei gave a strange look at his last meal and said, "It seems that you really don't remember them." Li Xuedong paused and asked inexplicably, "Should I know them?"
On Monday, Fei nodded and said, "Not only should you know them, but also what the bride should be at today's wedding." Li Xuedong seemed to understand a little and said, "It seems that she still didn't keep her promise and told you that I was the one she was looking for. But how can you believe her? " On Monday, Fei shook his head and said, "No, she didn't, but I already know. Ten years ago, you did go to Dongshan County to teach. " Li Xuedong was startled and couldn't believe his ears.
"You haven't taught for a long time, only two months before and after." Fei said Monday. At that time, the relationship between them was still very good. After Li Xuedong left, she wrote a letter to Monday, saying that she met a simple and beautiful girl here. Although her parents disagreed, she didn't marry herself. "Just, your promise didn't come true. One day, you first met in town, and that was a few weeks later. The scene is not as romantic as he imagined, and even a little embarrassing. Summer rain comes when it comes. It is 100 meters from the bus stop to where he lives, and he is soaked from head to toe. It happened at this time that the door he had been waiting for for for a long time opened. There was a car accident on the road. After being rescued by passers-by, he was transferred to hospital three times. When I woke up, I was already in this city thousands of miles away from Dongshan. "
Li Xuedong's life was saved, but he lost his memory. He learned everything about himself from his parents and friends. When telling his past, everyone concealed his teaching experience in order to get him out of the tragedy as soon as possible. Today, ten years later, those memories have already been integrated into his life, but he has lost his memory of what.
After the flight on Monday, he took out a letter and gave it to Li Xuedong. Li Xuedong saw at a glance that this was his own handwriting and the recipient was "Flying on Monday". He opened the letter hesitantly, and when he saw it, he was shocked. When he saw himself, Li Qin's various expressions suddenly flashed through his mind. In fact, he should have thought of it long ago. If he hasn't really experienced it, how can he express that expression? He was remorseful and repeatedly asked, "Where are they now? Take me away! "
On Monday, Fei did not answer, saying, "Before I came here today, she" what? "XinRu open your mouth. Li Zhenxuan impatiently repeated, "Take off your down jacket and give it to me. I am freezing to death. "I brought you something to say that you left it at her house. I wish you all the best." He said, and took out a pair of rings from his bag. Li Xuedong immediately realized that she had lost it, and his heart trembled. He Li Qin didn't come with her until today, after she found the ring. Maybe in the meantime, she has been dreaming of helping her put on the ring. You know, isn't it for this dream that she has been looking for love for ten years? But in the end, she returned the ring.
Li Xuedong couldn't sit still any longer. He got up and walked away. On Monday, Fei grabbed him and whispered, "You have already hurt one woman. Do you want to hurt the second one?" Li Xuedong immediately. Stunned, looking at nearby Wan Fang, he sat down. He began to pack his things. I sat helplessly in front of the computer and knocked on the keyboard. I said weakly, "Stay, maybe there will be a turn for the better ..." "Xiao Fei," Mu Zi's eyes flashed with tears, "I know you are a good partner and I don't want to leave." He shook his head with a wry smile. "The reality is too cruel. Well, I'll leave everything to you ... "On Monday, Fei patted him on the shoulder and said," I haven't met a woman who can touch me like this since my divorce. Believe me, I will treat their mother and son well. "
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