Tell jokes to girls.

"Duanzi" was originally an artistic term in cross talk, referring to a paragraph or an artistic content in cross talk works, and its connotation has quietly changed with the frequent use of the word "Duanzi". I hope you like the jokes I brought to girls below!

Tell jokes to girls 1 1. When I passed an intersection that day, I had the desire to fart. A man just got on a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to hide my fart. I don't know. It's too noisy. The motorcyclist thought that the motorcycle had started and was about to leave when it was in gear. I was embarrassed that time.

The manager is talking to a beautiful girl: "Sorry, swimming is forbidden here …" "Then why didn't you tell me before I undressed?" "We didn't ban undressing."

3. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, she hoped to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

4. On the bus, a little girl: Mom, Mom, I like small animals very much. I want to keep a pet. Mom: OK, get off the bus later, and mom will catch two ants for you. Little girl: ......

The butterfly said to the bee, "You are so stingy. You are full of sweet words, but you won't give me a word. " The bee said, "Hum! Still talking about me, you have two long antennas on your head, why don't you send me a text message? "

6. A parrot was taught to speak: "I can walk." Parrot: "I can walk." A: "I can talk." Parrot: "I can talk." A: "I can fly." Parrot: "Don't be ridiculous."

7. Teacher: "Xiao Xin, your problem is the improper use of words. Now let me test you, and use an idiom to describe it. The teacher is very happy. " Xiao Xin: "Laugh at Jiuquan."

8, maternal labor is just around the corner, and relatives and friends are anxiously waiting outside the delivery room. The nurse finally carried the baby out and everyone swarmed. "Is it a boy or a girl?" Fathers are most concerned about this problem. He couldn't wait to reach into his swaddling clothes and grope for it, then shouted happily, "It's a boy! It's a boy! " "What boy?" The nurse scolded angrily, "Let go of my finger!"

Tell jokes to girls 2 1. The girl I like actually confessed to me this morning!

I said excitedly, am I dreaming?

She said to me: you can slap yourself, maybe you will wake up.

I slapped myself and woke up. ...

2. Girl: "If you can give me a rainbow right away, I will associate with you!" "

Boy: "Where do you want it to appear?"

The girl held out her left hand and said, "Here."

The boy smiled and grabbed the girl's left hand and pressed it on the ground, stepping on the red hard. ...

3. A female colleague came to work wearing translucent clothes. I couldn't help asking her, is it that hot? Do you have to dress like this?

Her words are amazing: I don't dress like this. Who can show you some K underwear inside?

I quarreled with my girlfriend these two days, during the cold war. Asked if my colleague could get his girlfriend to talk to me, he said, "When you go home, turn off the main tap water gate, drink all the water in the water dispenser, unscrew the light bulb in the toilet and put some viruses in her computer. She will naturally talk to you. "

So I went home and did it right away.

When my girlfriend came home, she found that it was not used well at home and felt sorry for me. Now she has to break up with me. ...

5. Woman: "Men are liars unless you admit that you are not a man."

Man: "well, I admit I'm not a man."

Woman: "Look, you are a big liar!" " "

6. "Dear, do you know that behind every successful man there is a great woman?"

"I see, but can you come down and walk for a while? I really can't move. "

7. I went to my best friend's house and she was reading a book. ...

I asked her why she was so diligent.

She said: color matters to people, and color declines gracefully.

I asked what it meant, and she explained: I send selfies every day, and my friends are tired of watching them. So I'm going to make jokes and be an educated slut.

8. My girlfriend cried and asked me why I broke up with her. What did she do wrong?

I told her bored: you are good everywhere, beautiful, generous, gentle and considerate, and will hurt people. only ...

Girlfriend is nervous: What's the matter?

Me: Treat your husband better than me!

9. When Xiao Ming was looking for a job after graduation, the interviewer asked, "What is your biggest weakness?"

Xiao Ming replied: "Honest."

Interviewer: "I don't think this is a shortcoming."

Xiao Ming immediately said happily, "Really, fatty?"

10, once I went to my wife's house, there was a live milkman in their village, and a bottle was seven yuan a catty.

I couldn't drink that much, so I said, boss, I want two dollars. The boss gave me a white look: two dollars? Why don't you squat down and take a sip yourself? ...

Tell jokes to girls 3 1. You can't wake up a person who doesn't return messages, but red envelopes can.

2. When you meet a beloved girl and kiss her face directly, she will definitely say "shameless". At this time, you can kiss her.

3. Couples should be equal. Listen to your boyfriend when you agree, and listen to your girlfriend when you disagree.

I want to go to the movies with my friends on Tanabata. What good friends recommend?

5. As long as you are thin, everything is omnipotent. If you are fat, nothing is useful.

6, life is alive, born to live!

7. A girl stepped on my foot in the elevator and said she was sorry. I replied smoothly: you're welcome.

8. You must tell me what I said and did wrong, or I won't know how to be angry with you next time.

9. People who have girlfriends are called New Year's Eve, and you can endure it at most.

10, continue to the west, cross the terminator line, cross the Japanese border and return to the day when I first met you.

Tell jokes to girls 4 1. Today, I saw a beautiful little girl on my way to work, so I followed her. She seemed to find me following her, so she ran a short distance. I think, if I don't grasp this fate, I may regret it all my life, so I chased it up and said, "Beauty, can you give me your phone number?" She ran away in panic with trembling hands and a mobile phone in her hand. ...

2. I went to buy steamed buns today and said to the boss who sells steamed buns, "Boss, what flavor of steamed buns is the best?" The boss said, "Meat buns are delicious." I replied, "Give me a white sugar one."

3. When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that one of his friends expressed his feelings: "My brother is getting married." A message: "Your boy won't get on the boat first and then make up the ticket, will he?" Congratulations! " Later reply: "Not me, but my brother ..."

4. I am a neat freak. I haven't bathed for three months. Ask me why, because the water is dirty!

You know, I met a mentally retarded person yesterday. I've never seen such a stupid person. As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

A lady reported her husband's disappearance to the public security expert bureau. The policeman asked, "When did he disappear?" "Two weeks ago." "Then why did you report the case today?" "I just remembered today, because today is his pay day."

7. I'm a little handsome. One day, I sat in a board game bar in a daze. Suddenly, three sisters invited me to play games with them. One of them is very good at boasting about how rich her family is. She owns this board game bar ... but how can I remember that I am the boss? When did she become mine?

8. The farmer slept naked in the orchard and was awakened by laughter. The result was ... a monkey stood in front of him and laughed wildly. The farmer asked inexplicably, "What are you laughing at?" The monkey said, "I have eaten fruits all my life, and I saw bananas and lychees grow together for the first time."

9. brag about who has the thinnest wife than three people. A Dai: "My wife's scarf can be worn as clothes." Agua refused to accept: "My wife can fall into the sewer if she takes a shower carelessly." Xiao Ming said slowly, "My wife swallowed an almond and everyone thought she was pregnant."

10. Are you asleep? Pigs go to bed so early! Haven't slept yet? Dogs are always so energetic! Want to curse? Monkeys are always less patient than people! Want to hit me? Bears are always so violent! Just ignore me? That's turtle style!

1 1. Strange, seven turtles are dancing, six lions are playing chess, five monkeys are eating pears, four donkeys are chasing Shu Kei, three mice are patting level three, two crabs are playing Tai Chi, and a little pig is reading information!

12. You know our friendship means a lot to me. I cry when you cry, and I laugh when you laugh. When you jump off a tall building, I will stick my head out without hesitation: "Wow! Strangely, not dead! "

13. Early in the morning, on the bus, the software in the mobile phone clearly issued: "Hello ~ My menstruation will come in three days ~" It's embarrassing … ...

14. People are divided into two categories: one is frugal and seems to live forever; The other is as extravagant as if he is going to die tomorrow.

15. The biologist put a beautiful woman and a camera in front of a very clever orangutan, and it chose the latter. The biologist asked the orangutan why he chose this one, and the orangutan replied, "I heard that this camera will automatically zoom."

16. A Dai went to his girlfriend's house, and when he saw no one in the living room, he shouted, "Where are you?" Girlfriend: "I'm washing dates, there's no one at home, come and help me!" " "A Dai is shy and silent. The girlfriend is impatient: "Come on! What are you doing? A Dai: "I'm taking off my clothes." ..."

17. When the husband came home, his wife did a routine check-up and suddenly pointed at his shirt and shouted, "Whose lipstick print is this?" While trying to remember, he muttered, "Remember when I took off my shirt!"

18. The couple went out for an outing by bike. After they climbed a big slope with difficulty, the husband panted, "This, this slope is really steep, it's really difficult to climb, and I'm exhausted!" " My wife echoed, "Yes, if I hadn't stepped on the brakes tightly, we would have slipped down." "

19. The husband happily said to his wife, "You have devoted yourself to your family for so many years, and I'm going to give you a promotion next week!" Wife: "What promotion?" "I marry a little wife and let you be a big wife."

20. Policeman: "What were you doing? Honest account! " Me: "At that time, I went to Ms. Huang's company to see if there were any specific cooperation intentions. As a result, she said that she was too busy to talk to me, so I patted my ass and left. " Policeman: "The question is why did you pat Ms. Huang's ass?"