I am lazy and don’t like to take baths. I am mentally ill. Can any man love me?

1. The young man asked the Zen Master: "Master, I..." "If you can't let go of some things, you can't let go of some people, right?" The young man exclaimed: "Master, how do you know?" "Come on, come on," the Zen Master Pulling the young man along, he said, "I have boiled the hot water. You idiots will feel uncomfortable if you don't get hot."

2. The young man asked the Zen master: "Faye Wong, Li Yapeng, Zhou Xun, Cecilia Cheung, Nicholas Tse They are all single. Celebrities are so dazzling individually. Why can’t they be together?” The Zen master took out a plate of sesame seeds, a plate of peanuts, a plate of melon seeds, a plate of walnuts, and a plate of almonds for the young man to taste respectively, and asked him: “It’s delicious. "?" The young man nodded. The Zen master took out another piece of five-nut moon cake for the young man to taste. After vomiting, the young man suddenly realized.

3. The young man asked the Zen master: "Master, how much chicken soup is needed to look at life with a smile?" The Zen master suddenly slapped the young man to the ground and handed him a cold medicine. After eating, the young man had an epiphany and said: "Master, are you saying that my cultivation of chicken soup is still very weak, and should I use chicken soup to improve myself at any time in life?" The Zen master shook his head and said, "You must have taken the wrong medicine."

4. The young man asked the Zen master: "I am often bullied and cannot straighten my spine." The old Zen master smiled and took out a snake. The young man realized: "You want me to bend and stretch like a snake, right?" The old Zen master smiled and replied: "Whoever bullies you, put this thing in his bed..."

5. The young man asked the Zen master: " I broke up with my girlfriend of seven years, does love not exist?" The Zen master smiled slightly and took the young man to the stadium where the game was being played. "You will understand after you look at it." The young man looked at it thoughtfully for a long time. He said: "Does the master mean that the meaning of love is like a game? As long as you work hard in the process, the result is not important?" The master closed his eyes and said: "No! What I mean is that if you break up, it will affect me." Football?"

6. The young man asked the Zen master: "I am desperate for life because my wife took all the money away." The Zen master took out an ax and chopped off the table. The young man seemed to have something to say. He said thoughtfully: "Did the Zen master ask me to use my strength to break the fear in front of me?" The Zen master said: "You still want to chat with me when you have no money! Believe it or not, I will hack you to death!"

7. The young man asked the Zen master : "Master, what do you think is patriotism?" The Zen master sat on the futon and turned a deaf ear. There was no response for a long time. After deep meditation, the young man seemed to have an epiphany: "Master, what you mean is that even though you are an ordinary person, even if you have the love to sacrifice your life for the country and the passion to kill the enemy, you should keep it deep in your heart without showing it off?" The Zen master suddenly said Throwing the futon under the seat, he glared and cursed: "If you can't afford six thousand yuan of high-quality incense, don't bother me with your lunch break here! Get out!"

8. The young man asked the Zen master: "How can I end my single life?" The Zen Master pointed to a mountain opposite. The young man said thoughtfully, "What the Zen Master means is that there is another expert on the mountain opposite who can answer me?" The Zen Master said, "What the hell did I do back then?" Even if no one wants to become a Zen master, you still come to ask me? There is still room on the mountain opposite, so you should become a Zen master as soon as possible."

9. The young man asked the Zen master: "Master, I have been there recently. Life is stressful, how do you relieve it?" The Zen Master took out a mobile phone and said with a smile: "Young man, play a game to relax. Have you ever played Rhythm Master?" The young man hesitated for a while, thinking that it was National Day. Jie suddenly realized it, so he beat up the Zen master!

10. The young man asked the Zen master: "Everyone says I am ugly, am I really ugly?" The Zen master picked up a glass of water and poured it on the young man's head. The young man was puzzled: "You mean, if I wash my hair every day, I won't be so ugly?" The Zen master replied: "It's so ugly that the water will flow even more, and it will make the ugliness even uglier when you drink it with a cup."

”

11. The young man asked the Zen master: “Master, I am very rich now, but I am not happy at all. Can you tell me what to do?” The Zen master asked, "What does it mean to be rich?" The young man replied: "With 8 digits in the bank card and 3 houses in Wudaokou, doesn't it count as rich?" "The Zen master didn't say anything, but only stretched out his right hand. The young man suddenly realized: "The Zen master wants me to know how to be grateful and repay? "No, Tuhao...can we...be friends?" ”

12. The young woman asked the Zen master: “Why am I young, beautiful, and charming, but no man likes me?” The Zen master asked: "Do you know why men like the sea but not the lake?" The young woman thought for a while and replied excitedly: "I know, because the sea is a big challenge and men like challenges, so they like the sea, right?" "Zen Master: "What a challenge, because the sea is so big! ”

13. The young man asked the Zen master: “I have never been able to catch up with the girl I like. What should I do?” "The Zen master opened his eyes and pointed at the snail that was struggling to crawl on the tree pole next to him. The young man suddenly realized: "Zen Master, are you saying that as long as you persevere like this snail, you will always succeed? The Zen master picked up the wooden fish and smashed it hard: "Silly man, you have to have a decent house like it first!" ”

14. The young man asked the Zen master: “Several of my friends are divorced, and I don’t believe in love anymore. What should I do?” The Zen master smiled slightly, pointed at a wooden hammer in front of him and said to the young man: "Look at it and you will understand." The young man studied it for a long time and said thoughtfully: "Does the master mean that the meaning of love is like this wooden hammer? It seems ordinary, but as long as you persist, it can be extremely strong." The master closed his eyes and said, "No!" I mean, divorce is none of your business. ”

15. The young man asked the Zen master: “Master answers questions and solves doubts all day long and helps all sentient beings. How can he practice meditation without being disturbed by worldly things?” The Zen master smiled slightly: "I turn off my phone every night before going to bed!" ”

16. The young man asked the Zen master: “I have a big dream. If it comes true, there will be no more disputes in this world.” So I need a lot of money, master, can you help me? "The Zen master took out a child's hat and a pair of children's gloves for the young man to put on, and then asked: "How do you feel? "Hands, head a little tight." ""Me too. ”

17. The young man couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night, so he asked the Zen master: “Master, I often suffer from insomnia. What should I do?” "The Zen master closed his eyes and said nothing, pointing his finger at the wall of the Zen room. The young man looked at it and saw a white wall with nothing else on it. After pondering for a long time, the young man suddenly realized: "The master said that you should get rid of distracting thoughts in your heart. Can't you sleep without thinking about anything? The Zen master shook his head and said angrily: "I mean, get out of here!" It's already one o'clock in the morning and you can't let anyone sleep! ”

18. The young man asked the Zen master: “Why do most of the men and women who successfully hold hands on the dating show end up cheating?” "The Zen master took out a rubber band and asked him to stretch it. Suddenly he let go, and the rubber band bounced over. Beads of sweat appeared on the young man's head. He squinted and bared his teeth while touching his painful hand. He suddenly realized, "You mean the injured president?" Someone who doesn’t want to let go? "The Zen master said angrily: "What I mean is that pimping will not end well. ”

19. The young man asked the Zen master: “Why do the wealthy people refuse to be friends with me even though I have tried every means?” "The Zen Master sat upright for a long time, took out a piece of soap from behind and threw it to the ground. The young man had an epiphany: "It turns out that the Zen Master made me understand that I will miss many things in life. Friendships that are not true are not worth mentioning at all, and those that cannot be saved will eventually be lost. will be lost! "The Zen master sighed and said, "No. It makes you pick up soap in front of the rich man when you take a shower! ”

20. The young man asked the Zen master: “Master, I love my girlfriend very much. She also has many advantages, but there are always several shortcomings that I hate very much. Is there any way to make her change?” The Zen master smiled slightly and replied: "The method is very simple, but...have you heard of Amway?" ”

21. The young man asked the Zen master: “I have gone on many dates and confessed to many girls I like, but none of them have been successful. Why is this happening?” "Zen Master stood up silently, took off his pants and peed, "Zen Master, what are you doing? "Come and take a look and you will understand." ”

22. The young man asked the Zen master: “Master, I can’t let go of some people and things. The Zen master threw down a piece of soap and said, "You see, it is actually very easy to put it down, but it is more difficult to pick it up." Are you going to pick it up and try it now? ”

23. The young man asked the old Zen master: “I live without any sense of security. What should I do?” "The old Zen master pointed to his chest.

The young man suddenly realized: "I understand. Only when you are carefree can you be carefree, right?" "No." The old Zen master slowly took out a small notebook from his chest, which read: "The Secretary of the State of the United States of America here by requests..."

24. The young man asked the Zen Master: "I am always very upset inside. Master, can you teach me how to calm down?" The Zen Master answered. He went to the garbage dump and asked him: "Choose any one and go down the mountain to dump it." The young man did as he said. When he came back, the Zen Master asked him to dump it again, eight times in a row. After taking out the garbage, the young man asked the Zen master: "Master, do you want to tell me to stick to it?" The Zen master replied: "I told you to take out the garbage eight times (the homophone is my own idea), and thank you for taking out the garbage for us."< /p>

25. The young man said: "I want to have a lot of money." The Zen master said: "As long as you can find 7 balls, your wish will come true." The young man asked: "Are you talking about the Dragon Balls? The Zen master shook his head and said, "No, it's a double-colored ball."

26. The young man asked the Zen master: "Master, I am agitated and can't calm down. I feel heart-blocked and painful." The Zen master smiled and raised his hand. Pointing to the south, he said leisurely: "Go to the south and see the sea." The young man asked thoughtfully: "Does this want me to cultivate my sentiments and feel the broad mind of the sea?" The old Zen master shook his head: "If the sea Okay, take away your shortness."

27. The young man asked the Zen master: "I can't put down some things." The Zen master threw the pork belly raised to his mouth into the garbage basket. Young man: "Are you trying to tell me that you should correct your mistakes and correct them, that there is no great good, and that you should put down your butcher knife and become a Buddha immediately?" The Zen master said, "I want to tell you that if you can't let go of your belly, you will not have a future!"

28. The young man asked the Zen master: "I have goals, opinions, ambition, honesty, integrity, and talent. Why can't I find a partner until now?" The Zen master said nothing and took him to the yard. Several trees The plum trees are silently exuding their fragrance. "The fragrance of plum blossoms comes from the bitter cold..." The young man was very moved: "Master! Do you want to tell me that as long as I keep working hard, I can get what I want?" The Zen master shook his head: "You are talking nonsense, Mei Qian."

29. The young man asked the Zen master: "My colleagues bought cars, my classmates bought houses, and even my childhood friend is now worth millions, but I am still penniless. What should I do?" ?" The Zen master took out an egg from the kitchen and handed it to him without saying a word. The young man looked at the egg in his hand: "You mean... take money lightly?" The Zen master pointed to the egg: "I mean you have an egg to use."

30. Youth Asked the Zen master: "Master, can I ask you a question?" "Are you finished? He has already entered a mental hospital, and you still won't let him go?" the nurse behind the master cursed.

31. The young man asked the Zen master: "I have noble aspirations and can emerge from the mud untainted. I cannot tolerate this filthy world." The Zen master took out a bag and asked the young man to put the garbage in the house. The young man quickly filled it, and the Zen master took out another bag. The young man suddenly realized: "Are you saying that as long as you have a broad enough mind, you can accommodate the world?" The Zen master shook his head, pointed to the bag and said, "Pretend, you continue to pretend."

32. The young man met the Zen master , said: “I think I may be a bit perverted, I like to force other men to do same-sex sexual things, and I always have to torture them to feel happy. "The Zen master was silent and silently picked up a porcelain cup and put it on his chest. The young man suddenly understood and said, "You want to tell me to be compassionate from now on and get rid of the inner demons and karma, right? The Zen master said, "Have mercy on your sister!" If you take one more step forward, I will crush you to death! ”

33. The young man went to the Zen Master to complain. The Zen Master smiled and took out a flag and put it on his forehead. He held a banana and an apple in his mouth, then held the pot in his left hand and a cup in his right hand. He kept pouring hot tea and then took it out. He threw the ax vigorously into the air and finally pulled out a scorpion and stung him wildly. The Zen master said, is it because the flag is moving or is stinging people natural? Do you hear the sky shouting that it hurts? Don't give him an apple if it hurts. After hearing this, the young man called the mental hospital.”

34. Someone asked the Zen Master: “Which one do you think is better, the People’s Daily or the Global Times?” The Zen Master smiled slightly and pointed to the temple. You will understand when you go to the hut.

Someone went there and squatted for a long time: "Master, I had a good time, but why is there no toilet paper in the latrine?" The Zen master smiled and said: "Yes, you look up on the shelf, there are two kinds of newspapers you mentioned, you Use whichever one feels better."

35. Finally found the Zen master living in seclusion in the mountains. He couldn't wait to ask: "I look ugly, what should I do?" "I should be ugly. Like me." The young man nodded: "The heart is as calm as water, and you can be alone?" "No, if you are ugly, you have to hide in a mountain like me.

36. The woman asked the Zen master: Why do some people do it? I am ignorant, stupid, and stupid, but I can find a rich and handsome person, and I am smart, smart, gentle and kind, but I can't get out of the group. The Zen Master didn't say anything, and took out a hundred-yuan note, and then another. One dollar banknote. The woman asked: "Master, do you mean that wealth will eventually dissipate? The Zen master said, "No, it depends on your face." "

37. The Zen master sits on the cloud platform and meditates every day, rain or shine. Some admirers asked the Zen master: "Why do you have to sit upright for four hours every day? What is the mysterious method? "The Zen master said calmly: "The first two hours are to cleanse the mind and wash away the worldly world. "What about the last two hours?" "My legs are sore and I can't stand up..."

38. A samurai asked the Zen master with a live fish in his hand: I'll make a bet with you. Guess whether the fish in my hand is alive or dead. The Zen master thought: If he said it was alive, the samurai would crush the fish to death, but he lied about it knowing that it was alive. Which is more important, the fish's life or the principle? Finally he said: It is dead. The warrior looked at the fish in his hand and said: It was still alive half an hour ago.

39. Gu Tianle asked Zen Master: "Master, netizens say I am evil." . What should I do if I am troubled? "The Zen master touched Gu Tianle's head, and Gu Tianle suddenly realized: "Are you asking me to keep my head clear? The Zen master was very angry: "Fart!" As soon as you entered the house, it was completely dark. I was wondering where you were!

40. What is the difference between love and hate? After the young man knelt for ninety-nine and eighty-one days, the Zen master told him: separated by and.

41. A friend went to tell fortunes and said: "Master, I dreamed last night that all the upper row of teeth in my mouth fell out." "The guy asked, "What does that mean?" The master said quietly, "That means your lower row of teeth will fall out..." 42. The young man saw the Zen master: My girlfriend keeps breaking up with me and I hope you can give me some advice. "The Zen Master smiled and said nothing. He caught a chicken and tied a thread around the chicken's legs. As soon as he pulled the thread, the chicken immediately fell down. The chicken struggled up and continued walking. The Zen Master pulled again and the chicken fell down again. This was repeated eight times.

If the young man has some enlightenment: "Master, are you asking me to play hard to get and play the long game to catch the big fish? "

The Zen Master smiled: "Young man, I'll let you pull me down."

43. A Zen master saw a scorpion falling into the water and decided to save it. Unexpectedly, when he touched it, a scorpion stung his finger. The Zen master was not afraid and took action again. Unexpectedly, he was stung by a scorpion again. Someone nearby said: It keeps stinging people, so why save it? The Zen Master replied: It is the nature of the scorpion to sting, and kindness is my nature. How can I give up my nature because of its nature? The Zen master said again: "Zhe is love, and I can't explain it clearly."

44. The young man asked the Zen master: "I can't let go of some things and some people."

The Zen master : "There is nothing that cannot be put down."

Young man: "But I just can't put it down."

The Zen master asked him to hold a tea cup, and then poured hot water into it. water until it overflows.

The young man was burned but still did not let go of his hand. The young man was furious: "You'd better tell me some Zen principles!"

The Zen master said in confusion: "Eh? Are you numb?"

45. A young man came to see the Zen Master and said, "I have lost my hair recently and am about to become a bald donkey. Please advise me."

The Zen Master closed his eyes and pointed with his finger. The walls of the Zen room.

The young man pointed and looked, and a black wall came into view. The wall was made of square bricks. Although there was no cement, it was tightly connected and solid as a whole.

The young man exclaimed: "This wall is not trivial. I wonder what its meaning is?"

The Zen master smiled and replied: "I went to build a wall with mud.

46. The young man asked the Zen master: I always can't get along with my brothers. They hate me and I hate them...

The Zen master smiled slightly, took out a chopstick, Hand it to the young man: Come, break it...

The young man took the chopsticks and broke them easily.

The Zen master took out forty-seven more chopsticks. The young man grabbed them and broke them all.

The Zen master pondered for a moment, took a stance, and struck the young man to death with a Thousand-leaf Palm of Great Compassion.

47. A person asked the Zen master: "Someone stabbed me in the back, what should I do?"

The Zen master picked up an ax and threw it into the sky, and then asked: "When I hear the sky "Did you scream in pain?"

The man shook his head: "The ax didn't hurt the sky, so how could the sky scream in pain?"

The Zen Master nodded: "The sky is so high and vast. , No matter how hard you throw the ax... Oh my god"

48. A young man asked the Zen master: "Faye Wong and Li Yapeng are divorced, does it mean that love does not exist?" The Zen master smiled slightly and pointed to the two trees on the tree in front of him. The bird said to the young man: "Look at it and you will understand." The young man studied it for a long time and said thoughtfully: "Does the master mean that the meaning of love is like these two birds, seemingly free, In fact, it seems futile, but as long as you keep looking, you will be able to fly together." The master closed his eyes and said, "It's none of your business!" 49. The young man asked the Zen master: "Master, I like a girl. But she and I are thousands of miles apart, and she doesn't like me." The Zen master smiled and drew two horizontal lines on the paper. The young man asked: "You mean, she and I are like two parallel lines that never intersect. If you don't get it, you won't get it. This means there is no fate!" Zen Master: What do you mean? "Ah, people don't like you, but you still chase after them!

50. A young man went to a temple today and asked a Zen master: How can I get a lot of wealth? The Zen master told the young man: According to legend, as long as you collect seven balls, you can get a lot of wealth. A fortune, the young man hurriedly replied, I know, it is the Seven Dragon Balls. The Zen Master said: Wrong, it is the Double Color Ball!