Somebody tell me a joke.

Joke 1 Once I went to buy mutton kebabs, I put out four fingers and said to my boss, "Three kebabs." The boss got "how much?" I held out three fingers and said "four" ... My name is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" At that time, I yelled at the rice noodle shop that guy was slow to get hungry after eating all day. I finally yelled at him because I couldn't stand it. I was going to say that if I didn't go to the rice noodle shop, I would lift the table! The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "After the whole store was silent for 3 seconds, the audience burst into laughter ... 10 My parents quarreled, and my father said angrily," I'll get you out! " 1 1 High school plays basketball. After getting the ball, A selflessly passed it to B, and B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball and A shouted to pass it to him. B threw it himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blind just now ... The audience was dizzy with laughter. 12 I am impressed that the monitor of primary and secondary schools is extremely serious. ! ! ..... 15 The whole class was silent. When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and said, "The sexual function of this material can't be compared with the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."17 When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potatoes instead of potatoes! 18 When I was a sophomore, our Chinese teacher was an old teacher who had just transferred from Nanchang to Beijing. He has a strong accent. His son is attached to the Department of Architecture of Tsinghua, which is also the purpose of his coming to Beijing. He is very proud of his son and always tells us about his son. Every time, he said, "My moth (son) is from the Department of Frog (Tsinghua) and Toad (Architecture). A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ~ ~ ~ ~! When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . 。” What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, boss, how much is Shakespeare? The boss stayed on the spot for 25 days, and heard from classmates that once a girl in their dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins and said to the boss, a pack of sanitary napkins. The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food? Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . . 26. Senior college student, late for educational psychology ... walked into the classroom and glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked her to answer the questions on the blackboard. Senior sister faltered for a long time and said, "This is too difficult to talk about. "The whole class fell out. (note. Professor's original title:) 27 A very good male classmate of mine fell to the ground. I asked a question to show my concern: "Does your ass hurt?" As a result, I accidentally said, "Your ass fell dead. "Khan ~ ~ brother stood up and patted his ass, farted and said," He is still breathing! "I passed out 29 times directly. Our photographer interviewed the anonymous star and told him how he met the star at the meeting. The boss looked at a pile of photos on the table and made a joke: I see you have become his royal photographer. But the boss's southern Mandarin is not clear, so he pronounced "Yu" as "Japanese". From then on, this poor photographer was called "everyday photographer" by us. He worked overtime, and of course he became a "night photographer". 3 1 Our colleague went on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet manager, "I'm here for dinner!" " "When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays and wanted to find a job as a restaurant waiter. Because I'm a child and it's my first job, I'm very nervous. I want to ask the manager if I need a job, but I want to ask if I need manpower. The result is: "Manager, do you need a beater here?" At that time, I almost got into a pit and went to the market 35 times to buy food and prepare for dinner. A Korean friend bought lettuce 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change to the peddler, and there was still a dime missing, so he said to the peddler, "I gave you all my hair, so there is no hair." The peddler was speechless for a long time and replied-"I don't want your hair." I remember when KFC went out to spread its wings and spread its fragrance, because I didn't see the advertisement and heard what others said, I always thought it was Liu Xiang who endorsed KFC. When I get to Ken, tell the waiter directly that I want Liu Xiang to spread her wings. . . After the 38 KFC Sudan Red incident, I went to the KFC waiter and asked, What do you want? I didn't even think about it: a pair of Sudanese red waiters immediately choked. A few days ago, they went to a small shop for dinner with some colleagues after work. There were quite a lot of people in the shop at that time. A fat waiter is as busy as a bee. A colleague shouted "waiter ~ ~" and the girl ran over: "What are the accounts of several nodes?" At that time, we all fell down and went to this restaurant for dinner. When ordering food, we shout "waiter pays the bill" and then shout "order!" ! "I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The tie asked, "Have you eaten? "After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. My colleague replied, "Yes, and you? "I'm dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~ 41My colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how do apes exchange with Japanese yen? 42 dormitory brothers watch Prison Break, which is a scene where a man takes out a blade from his mouth and kills people. The boss suddenly jumped out: "I'm k, I can still talk with my mouth hidden in the blade, and I'm convinced." " .。" One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side. My brother didn't move for a long time. When my mother was in a hurry, she said, "Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side "= _ =! ! ! Having dinner with a group of friends, one of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was depressed, drank a lot of beer, then stood up with a red face and shouted at his brother! Not for sale! ! ! I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale At that time, a dozen people were lying at a table.

Satisfied, please adopt.