Selected children's jokes

1. My sister's family has two children, the older is 4 years old and the younger is 5 months old.

I'm going downstairs to buy food. Let me look after them for a while.

Soon the little guy kept crying, so I picked him up and sang to her.

I vomited milk just after singing a few words. I was caught off guard.

Tell the older one to call her mother and ask her to come back early.

Just say that my sister vomited milk.

Who knows, she called and said, "Mom, come back quickly.

My uncle threw up my sister by singing. "

My family has a five-year-old daughter. Last night, she was reading a book. I went over and asked her:

"How do you pronounce this?" She said, "Large."

"What about this?"

"small size"

"What about this?"

"Dad, are you okay to see Logger Vick? Me.

I haven't finished my homework, so I don't have time to teach you words. "

Me. . .

On the subway, a three-and-a-half-year-old girl,

Holding the short skirt MM thigh and saying: Sister, your legs are really white!

MM blushed and everyone in the carriage laughed.

Then the little girl said to me, uncle,

I quit. Get off and take me to KFC.

The best Xiong Haizi I have ever seen is the son of a colleague, ten years old.

When his father hit him, he kept howling: "Butterfly!" Dad, you are great! "

The sound insulation of his house is not good, which makes his father afraid to beat him again and drive him out.

Results! He took off his clothes and hid, then squatted at the door and cried.

Later, the neighbors looked at his father strangely.

His father never dared to beat and scold him again.

5. In kindergarten, the teacher asked Xiaoming:

"Xiao Ming, what is your real name?"

Xiao Ming asked curiously, "What is the birth name?"

The teacher said, "The nickname is that you are still breastfeeding."

That's your mother's name when you were at school. "

Xiao Ming thought for a moment: "I can't remember,

But I know my father's milk name is dead ghost. "

6. In the evening, Liu Xiaoke said to his father:

"Dad, I want to change my name to Liu!"

Dad asked, "Your name is Liu Xiaoke, which is very nice.

It's ugly to call Liu Bubugao. Why did you change your name to Liu Bubugao? "

He said, "My name is Liu, and I will get a lot of things that I can't get in the future.

Liu Xiaoke got nothing. Dad scolded, "You talk nonsense in your dream! "

Liu Xiaoke said, "I didn't dream.

I've heard a lot of people say it's rare,

I've never heard anyone say that there are many small things! "

7. Mom saw Dad chewing on the sofa.

After eating half a dish of melon seeds, he said to his father:

"There are half a plate of melon seeds left. Bao Xiao and I will chew them. Stop chewing! "

Dad said, "I'm not satisfied."

Bao Xiaoxiao said with a smile, "Dad is very poor.

Feet don't even know feet! "

8. My son is almost six years old.

I have been watching the list of gods with us these two days.

Look, Jiang Ziya often does mental arithmetic with his fingers.

Say I'll do the math, like Jiang Ziya.

Say, ah, I figured it out,

You can take two days off from four days of study.

Son, today is Monday.

9. It's really yours.

At the gate of a primary school, Xiaogang pulls Xiaohong.

Xiaogang said to Xiaohong, "You got me pregnant, and you should be responsible!" " "

Xiaohong exclaimed, "Kissing has nothing to do with having children?"

Xiao Gang: "Of course! Go back and ask if you don't believe me.

Mom and dad are their own! "

10, Xiao Wu couldn't find a job for a long time after graduation, and he was worried all day. One day, my little nephew came to play with him and comforted him, saying, "Uncle, why don't you go for a personal visit?" ! ~ "Xiao Wu asked him in surprise:" Why? " The little nephew replied very seriously: "It is often said on the radio that you can have an abortion today and go to work tomorrow! " "

1 1, brother and sister let melon

Mother cut the watermelon into four pieces, ate one piece by herself, and left three pieces of different sizes for her brothers and sisters. The younger brother took the small piece and gave the biggest one to his sister. My mother was very pleased to see it, thinking that my brother learned to make pears in Kong Rong, but it was different and more sensible. My brother thought: I ate fast, but my sister hasn't finished eating. The rest piece is mine. I'll eat more.

12, ant

As soon as a first-grade child returned to the classroom, he told the teacher, "Teacher, there are many ants in the toilet!" " "

The female teacher nodded and suddenly thought that she had taught the word ant in English at the beginning of school. To see if the children remembered it, she asked, "What did the ant say?"

The child looked blank and answered after a while: "Ant, he, he didn't speak!" " "

13, birdman, birdhead, birdsong

Dad tutored his son in Chinese and asked him to form words in bird language.

Son: Bird hair.

Father: Yes, again.

Son: bird head, bird sound.

Father: Yes, the last time.

Son: Birdman.

Father: Good. Can you make sentences with these words?

The son looked at his father: you are a bird. You don't have any bird hair. You shake the bird's head all day and talk about birds.

14. Three children bragged about their grandfather by the river.

A said: My grandfather is a good swimmer and can dive 10 minutes!

B said: My grandfather is the best. Once he dived in the water for 20 minutes, and no one could match him!

C said: even your grandfather can't. My grandfather dived from here twenty years ago and hasn't come up yet!

15, the youngest son was crying. The father asked him what was wrong, and the son said, "Hungry." His father comforted him and said, "What do you want, my son?"

Just say if you want to eat, that is, I can bring it for you. "The son said," I don't want anything, just.

Eat it. "Father scolded," You only have to eat what you don't have at home. "One day, a poor magician took a train and said to a child because there was no seat," My uncle will show you his magic. Will you make way for him? "The child is right. The magician threw his suitcase out of the window and then changed it back. The child was very happy and gave up his position to him. The magician sat down and began to doze off.

After a while, the child felt bored and wanted to see the magic, so he picked up the magician's suitcase and threw it out of the window. Then he shook the magician and said, "Uncle, uncle, I want to see you change again."

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