The cultural and art festival is coming, and there is no good-hearted person to help me design a funny sketch script It shouldn't be long. The performance lasts about 5 minutes, with 2-4 people.

2. nephew of white bear

12; Bow on the stage (bow)

1: global warming

2. Environmental pollution

1 My nephew is the direct victim.

2. Yes, young, polluted, experienced vicissitudes and mature. Get familiar with the face first (pull off the face)

1: Here, on behalf of the animal kingdom, the white bear family and friends of mankind, I would like to express my high respect.

1: We also want to thank our human friends for their outstanding contributions to the continuous warming of the earth over the years, and we also want to thank our human friends for making so many blessings for the earth over the years.

2: Uncle White Bear!

1: nephew of the white bear,

12: (Bow) Bow again.

1: We should sincerely thank our human friends for giving us such a right to speak.

2. Because on this earth, my uncle and I are the only white bears who can play sketches.

1: Dear human friends, the glaciers in our hometown are almost melting!

2: Uncle, what should we do?

1: What should I do? Keep it, and keep it until you die.

2: (Hug 1) Uncle, I hug you very tightly.

1: What are you doing with it? The tighter you hold it, the faster it melts.

2. The newspaper is hopeless, tight and fast. Then let's run!

1: There is still hope for running. Let's go to Alps, Loki Island, Kilimanjaro Island and Himalaya Island.

2: Wait, Uncle, are you dizzy? These places used to be mountains. How can they be islands?

1: Glaciers melt and sea level rises. Aren't all these mountains islands?

2: How about Bali and Maldives?

1: The Himalayas have become islands, and those places have long been underwater!

2: Then how can we find them?

1: Thanks for the great inventions of mankind.

2. What great invention?

1: Global Positioning System

2: g what PS?

1: regardless of islands, forests, roads and oceans, GPS can help you locate accurately.

2: So can the Amazon rainforest be located?

1: I don't know this.

2. Can the Great Barrier Reef be located?

1: This is not clear.

2. Can we find the Arctic Glacier, our hometown?

1: This will definitely not work.

2: Then what's the use of your PS?

1: nephew, what is this PS? This is the so-called GPS, which is used by humans to locate those places that exist on the earth (emphasizing "existing places")

2: Then the place that already exists on the earth!

1: I just want to praise your progress.

2: I want to go there!

1: OK, OK, nephew, don't worry, don't worry. Man has great inventions.

2. What great invention?

1: LED large screen

2. LED is also a big screen.

65438+

2. Realism, is that fake or fake?

1: Especially on the outer wall of the stock exchange, there is a huge LED screen. You see, that big piece of green caused the birds to plummet, showing how unreal that thing is.

2: It's true, those poor birds were killed.

1: I don't care that much. Anyway, our descendants can watch it and know many animals and different scenery.

2: Uncle, we are male bears.

1: Yes, we are male bears, so it doesn't matter. Humans have cloning technology.

2. What is cloning technology?

1: They can clone a little bit of DNA, whether male or female, old or young.

2. What if I accidentally cloned a man and a woman?

1: I don't care that much. Anyway, we have descendants.

2. If the bear dies, without the glory of ice, the glacier will melt, clone and regenerate.

1: nephew, you are so talented!

2: What?

1: So Bai Juyi is a bear.

2: Right

1: We want to thank our friends again for their great efforts to protect endangered species.

My uncle is in danger, which requires great sacrifice.

1: There will be no sacrifice. You don't know that human beings and our white bear souls are already the same.

2. What is isomorphism?

1: The obsession with fur is a great atavistic impulse of human beings.

2. What is the atavistic impulse?

1: The atavistic impulse, in turn, made our ancestors very impulsive. You see, human ladies are so concerned about our white bear. They skinned us and put them on themselves. This does not mean that our souls are the same as human beings.

2. We are all human. They are atavism, and we are completely naked.

1: That's right. Now the temperature is rising and the weather is getting hotter and hotter. We are still wrapped in this thick fur, and sooner or later we will die of heat. It's best to peel off the skin early and give our skin to those who need it. Still win-win!

2: It is a win-win situation. We can't win.

1: Why can't we win?

Can you stop people from emitting waste gas? Can you stop people from making more rubbish? Can you stop humans from cutting down indiscriminately? Can you stop more and more carbon dioxide on the earth? Are you talking?

1: nephew Bai Xiong, it seems that you can only start from yourself.

2: That's right!

1: We must be a bear for mankind. Oh, no! Set an example. Yes, it is. Tell me what to do.

2. Emission reduction

1: From where?

2. Emission reduction means reducing carbon dioxide emissions.

1: Stop it, just hold your breath! No problem, I will reduce my breathing by 17% in the future.

2: Good

1: You subtract 40%

2: Well, no, why are you more than me?

1: You are still young. You are still a developing white bear. I am your uncle. I am already a developed white bear!

2: You are hegemonism! There's nothing I can do.

1: nephew of the white bear!

2: Uncle White Bear

1: In fact, in the final analysis, we still have to rely on human beings, believe in human beings and please human beings!

12: Come back here!

2: Uncle, I have to call you uncle from now on! That's impossible! ! !

1: Why?

My sister is your mother, Uncle White Bear.

1: nephew of white bear

12: step down and bow!

(Crosstalk)

Pay attention to politeness

People should be polite.

Politeness is very important.

A: Politeness is the fire of winter, the adhesive of feelings, the key to friendship and the warm hand of a friend in need.

B: It seems that you really need to be polite.

For example, when we meet for the first time in the morning, we usually say hello: "Good morning"! Don't underestimate this sentence: "Good morning", which makes people feel psychologically warm.

That's true.

A: Actually, it doesn't matter whether we say hello or not. No one should belong to anyone or owe anyone. However, there is no such thing as "good morning"! You will feel uncomfortable, believe it?

Is it that mysterious?

A: If you don't believe me, let's try it in front of so many audiences and see what your reaction is. Let's start now.

B: how to try?

A: Very simple. Consider it the first time we met in the morning. Where are you from? I'm from here. We are old acquaintances, but after meeting, you looked at you and I looked at you, and no one said anything.

B: It's too easy.

A: Come on, let's go.

(Action: Two people walk opposite each other, and there are many of them.)

A: How about that? How do you feel?

B: Stop it. It's really embarrassing.

Do you feel sick?

B: Of course not. How do you feel?

Do you know how I felt when I saw you like that?

How do I know how you feel?

I think you are ill. You're not very ill.

B: You're the one who's sick. Say something ugly, say something disgusting, really.

A: Actually, this courtesy is very important. It is not only a matter of greeting, but also a display of one's accomplishment.

Is it that serious?

A: Of course. If people want to be respected by others, they must first respect others.

B: That's right. A person who does not respect others cannot be respected by others.

A: It is not enough for a person to be polite, but also to know the minimum etiquette. It's important to be polite to people, but you can't do it without understanding etiquette.

B: be polite?

Professor Jin teaches very good social etiquette on CCTV Education Channel. I don't know if you have seen it. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you have a look, which is very beneficial.

You really need to learn more manners.

A: This etiquette is not immutable. It also changes with the changes of society and national habits.

B: It seems that there are still so many problems with this etiquette.

A: Yes, take our country for example. As a multi-ethnic country, there are great regional differences, so the manners are different. The bigger the world is, the more different the manners are. We also have a saying among the people: ten miles are different.

B: You learned a lot from what you said. Can you show me something?

I'm glad to hear your praise. Why don't I raise my hand? I'll give them to you today and show you three or four hands in front of everyone. what do you think?

B: He was really out of breath when he said he was fat. All right, show me four or five hands.

No problem. First, let's meet and say hello. Do you think this grade is ok?

Yes, anywhere will do.

A: But sometimes you have to cooperate.

B: No problem, three to four times is fine, that is, five to six times. Please take care of yourself.

A: I have to perform well in such a good supporting role.

Who is your supporting role? Beautify yourself.

Stop it and start now. Let's just say that different countries and regions, different nationalities and different genders have different meeting etiquette.

B: What's it like to meet and say hello in China?

A: Are you asking about ancient times or modern times?

B: Just ask the ancients.

Do you mean greetings between men or women?

B: Ask first how to greet a man.

A: Very simple. If two people are friends or peers, they just punch each other and say hello. If there are different generations, the next generation should bow to their elders with their fists and then greet them. If you say hello to your parents or older elders, sometimes you will kneel and knock on the door. If you give it to the emperor, it will be more exquisite. You should give it as a gift. Would you?

B: I've seen it on TV and movies, but I know a little. I'm sorry

A: Can you also perform "the ceremony of the monarch and the minister"? Then why don't you give me a gift for everyone to judge and give you a score to see if you are qualified?

B: Go and play.

A: It doesn't matter if you salute or not. Don't be angry. I am' playing with you'.

B: What if women greet each other?

A: It's also very simple, that is, say "Long live" to each other. That's it (doing actions).

B: This is ancient, so you should also learn from modern people and modern people.

A: why can't you talk? What do you mean by "learning"? To be exact, you mean "teaching".

B: Teaching? Who do you teach?

A: You, "A threesome must have a teacher". "The knower is the teacher". You forgot everything.

B: Well, even if you are a teacher, in that case, I have to have a good consultation today (to himself).

Answer: Go ahead, disciple. Teachers everywhere are selfless without reservation.

B: Teacher, how do modern people greet each other when they meet?

As a student, how can you be so stupid? You can't even meet and say hello. It's really rude.

Teacher, you are very polite. Ask me.

A: Well, modern manners have also been reformed. With the improvement of living standards, etiquette is constantly changing. Bow to shake hands. Lesbians, in particular, greet each other and never say "Long live" again. Young people don't have to kneel and kowtow when they meet their elders. Think about it. People nowadays pay attention to hygiene, just like you. If I climb to the ground and kowtow as soon as I see Master, I'm sorry, and it's unsanitary, don't you think?

B: Who kowtowed to you?

A: Not only has this etiquette changed, but the language of this greeting has also changed. Especially in recent years, with the improvement of living standards, people began to pay attention to etiquette. This etiquette has also become a compulsory "course" for modern people. They go out, deal with others, socialize, and learn a lot of manners in this respect.

That's true.

A: The language of this greeting has also changed a lot.

B: What did they say when they met in the 1960s and 1970s?

A: At that time, the problem of food and clothing was not solved. When people meet, they always ask "Have you eaten" first? "Have you eaten?"

Why do you ask? Can't you ask something else?

Everyone is. At that time, eating was the first problem, and everyone regarded eating as the most valuable thing. Some places are even more interesting. No matter all the year round, everyone is outside the door when eating. Men, women and children are holding bowls outside, no matter what "good things" are in the bowls, so that others can see them. At least it means that my family has food today. This is not only for eating, but also for showing off.

It's so unsanitary! What's the answer?

A: Generally speaking, the answer is "yes". Whether you are hungry or not, whether you have eaten or not, you should answer first. Then ask, "Have you eaten?" If the answer is "no", it probably means that you have no food in the pot, and maybe you can't even get a wife.

B: It seems that this greeting still bears the brand of the times.

A: That's it. "Have you eaten?" ? There are still many jokes.

Really? Tell me about it.

A: Once, I just came out of the toilet and a colleague happened to pass by. He also went to the toilet. He started by asking "Did you eat"?

What's your answer?

A: Of course I answered "Yes", so I asked him, "Have you eaten?"

What did he say?

A: Not yet. I will eat later.

B: No matter how embarrassing it is, there is no other topic.

A: It was like this at that time. Older comrades may remember.

B: Teacher, what gifts do foreigners give when they meet? Please advise.

A: When it comes to foreign countries, there are too many. I won't tell you one by one today. Pick a few typical ones, such as Europe and Africa, and teach them to you simply. You don't have to pay tuition today. It's free, but it won't happen again.

Nice try. Whoever has money will ask you for advice.

For example, in Europe, men usually hug or shake hands when they meet.

B: When we met, we asked, "Have you eaten?" This sentence?

A: People don't ask this question. They usually greet each other with "hi" or "hello". When they meet, they usually talk about the weather. If you see an old man, China people respect him. Just ask "Are you old this year?".

B: That's age.

An old man in China will be happy to tell you his or her age. But it is impolite abroad, especially for older lesbians. It's impolite. She will be angry. For example: Where did you get rich? What is the salary? You can't even ask.

B: Then how do you ask?

She will be very happy if you praise her.

How? For example, I met an old lesbian.

A: Generally speaking, foreigners are not called "comrades" but "ladies".

I'm used to saying that.

A: You said, "You look so young and you are so beautiful". She would say, "Thank you!"

B: It will certainly work in China.

A: You are wrong. For example, if you meet a beautiful lesbian on the road, you want to strike up a conversation with her and say, "You are so beautiful".

She will be very happy.

She'll call you a hooligan.

B: how to curse.

A: Everyone says that you are a rogue and respect you. If this lesbian gets angry and sends you to the police station, you will struggle if you can't eat. If you meet her boyfriend or husband, it will be even more unlucky.

B: It seems that customs vary greatly from place to place.

A: Of course, when we meet, most of us will smile and say hello, but there is a tribe in Africa. Welcome to meet you for the first time. Cry first.

B: Don't feel bad.

A: You have to cry a few words to show that you are happy to welcome your host. If you can't cry, you're not sincere.

B: The customs are so different.

A: That's right. Most friends or colleagues shake hands or hug when they meet. Do you know when you will go to France?

B: No one in France knows.

If you meet your friend's wife or lady in France, do you know what to do?

B: Of course, a hug. Comrades, what do you say? Who doesn't want a hug?

A: Wrong. You must kiss your hand.

A hand kiss? Smell my wife's or lady's hand with my nose?

No, it means kissing with the mouth. Kissing is kissing, that is, kissing each other's hands with their mouths to show respect.

Well, I won't do it. Kiss her hand with my mouth. It doesn't matter if she just finished wearing makeup. What should I do if she just came out of the toilet?

A: You are out of luck.

B: then I'll be miserable.

How can you be so stingy that you dare not even kiss a woman's hand? It's not like a man.

You look like a man. Did you kiss?

A: I have kissed. It's impossible.

B: Exactly. You wouldn't do it if I asked you. What I know is "hand kiss", and what I don't know is thought to be a hooligan.

A: This is quite civilized. You can't accept some etiquette at all, but you have to accept it, or you have to accept it. After all, do as the Romans do.

B: It seems that if you want to go to a new place, you must first understand other people's customs, otherwise, you will become a joke.

A: Let's talk about foreign countries. In some parts of Africa, the meeting ceremony is very special.

B: What kind of special law?

Answer: When you see a guest coming, don't serve tea first, but smear mud on the guest first. Look at the suit and skirt you are wearing. When you arrive, I will look at you again soon and I won't recognize you. This is a sculpture. If you act like a thinker.

Is this welcome? The whole thing is bullying the guests.

A: You are wrong. This is the most solemn etiquette. You must accept it. It is said that there is a disease in the local area. This mud can prevent guests from getting this disease.

B: In that case, you really need to put more mud on your body. It can cure diseases.

A: We are talking about foreign countries, and even our country is very different. Even in the same area, there are great differences.

Is it that serious?

Ok, I'll test you now.

B: Go ahead, whatever.

Have you started?

What are you talking about? What do you mean by being a teacher?

Let me ask you, what color do we Han people like best?

Of course, it is bright red and green. It symbolizes auspiciousness and peace.

A: If someone gave you a white cloth to hang around your neck, would you do it? Please answer.

No. Absolutely not.

Yes, absolutely.

No, absolutely not.

A: It seems that you are still ignorant, and you still have to study hard. I tell you, it's not called "white cloth", it's called "Hada". It was given to you by a Tibetan girl to show your friendship. It symbolizes pure friendship. White actually symbolizes purity and friendship.

I think I have to think about it.

A: This is the etiquette of Tibetan compatriots and the highest etiquette.

B: It seems that we really can't hurt the feelings between brothers and compatriots with our likes and dislikes, so we have to accept it.

A: That is to say, the manners and customs in the same area are also quite different. I have suffered this loss.

B: You're so smart, and you've suffered?

A: You don't understand. Even the cleverest hunter sometimes misses.

Excuse me, sir, what time did you miss?

A: Speaking of which, I'm afraid everyone here will laugh. It was none other than your majesty, me and my daughter-in-law.

B: Why do you still have etiquette with your daughter-in-law? It seems that I am not the only one who is afraid of my daughter-in-law. What gift did you give your wife?

Go ahead, I'll pay tribute to her, okay? This is surprising. Why can't you talk, you.

B: Didn't you say you were rude in front of your wife?

A: I have been there before, and I am not afraid of your jokes. My daughter-in-law and I are both in the same district, but we are not in love, if we are a matchmaker. It is because of different customs that I almost divorced her.

Is it that serious?

A: It's not just divorce. I even want to be older than her.

B: What's this? I haven't heard you say that.

Today, I am throwing caution to the wind. It's not my fault anyway. I'll tell you something, so that you can judge whether it's my fault or my wife's fault. The thing is, there is a custom in our country that the daughter-in-law who just met the media will go back to her mother's house with her new husband on the second day after the Spring Festival, that is, the second day of the first month.

B: nonsense, this husband alternates between old and new.

A: My husband is also visiting his father-in-law's house for the first time. Also called to pay New Year greetings to his parents-in-law.

B: What's so strange about that? So is our family.

I have been looking forward to this day. Finally. But unexpectedly, it was this day that I almost divorced my lovely wife. You'd better bring some tears when you speak with a heavy tone. )

Tell me what happened.

A: On the second day of the first month. My wife and I prepared gifts early. My mood is really indescribable (I might as well take some action), let alone how happy I am. I clearly remember that day, it just snowed, and the ground was covered with newly melted snow. We have a habit there. On this day, people will go to the streets to see the "new son-in-law". I thought I was good-looking, so I thought, look at this. Anyway, although I am not as handsome as Andy Lau, I am not as ugly as Pan Changjiang. Now that I'm here, I can't help watching it.

B: What's the matter?

A: I walked by in full view and heard many compliments, saying that I was handsome, and many older girls were praising me (making shy moves).

Stop dreaming.

Suddenly, several big men appeared from the roadside. I was happy at first sight. It's my brother-in-law and his cousin. I thought they were coming to pick me up, but every time I say hello to them, they knock me down regardless of the willy-nilly. You said it had just snowed and there was mud everywhere. You should also find a place without mud. When I reacted, I only heard laughter all over the street. Look, I'm covered in mud. I'm about to explode, not to mention.

Why is this happening? They don't like you?

A: This is a local custom, that is, when a new son-in-law goes to his mother-in-law's house for the first time, his brother-in-law and brother-in-law must wrestle to say hello, and my daughter-in-law didn't tell me, so let me prepare myself psychologically. If I had known, I wouldn't have put on clothes and rags.

You'd better leave here.

A: You're right. Can I walk? Can my brother-in-law let me go? After a few steps, they let me go again. When I arrived at my father-in-law's house, I looked like a clay figurine.

B: What's the etiquette?

This is why I have to divorce my daughter-in-law. Later, I learned that this is the best etiquette for newcomers.

B: Then why are you angry? Look how enthusiastic people are about you!

My wife should have told me earlier, don't you think? I was ready for this.

B: It seems that this etiquette still has so many details. If you are not mentally prepared, you will be scared.

A: That's right. Friends who have been to Yunnan know that there is a custom in Yunnan, "Water Splashing Festival". If a girl has a crush on a boy and throws water at her to show friendship and love, it may be related to the climate in Yunnan, because it is hot there, so there is no need to worry about guests catching a cold.

B: It's a good etiquette, especially for those who can't take a bath.

A: Well, that's the custom of ethnic minorities. But if this etiquette is used in Harbin, I'm afraid it won't work, especially in winter.

B: That's the same.

A: Or?

B: It's a human habit, of course.

A: If you are in Harbin, it is over 30 degrees below zero in winter, and the biting north wind keeps blowing, and you are walking alone in the street in a suit and tie.

B: Speak slowly. The more I listen to it, the more I sound like a wolf from the north.

Let's forget about wolves. Suddenly, a beautiful girl appeared in front of you.

B: It seems that I'm going to get lucky.

This girl is fascinated by your charming young man. The girl took a bucket of cold water from home to express it.

B: Nonsense. Boiling water is chicken withdrawal.

Pour this on your head.

I feel very comfortable.

Look at you.

Keep an eye on that girl.

A: You are not like you now.

Like what?

A: A whole popsicle.

A: As soon as the two of us came on stage, everyone could see four words from us.

What four words?

A: be polite.

Yes, we are all very polite and civilized.

Yes, we are not fair-weather friends. Pay attention to self-denial, caution, initiative, willingness, courtesy and honesty, and don't take part in accidental amusement (b points to a nail). What are you doing? I'm right, I'm kidding!

B: Don't be angry. I saw you jumping around.

What do you know? This is called body language.

B: Go back to body language, don't be ridiculous!

A: It seems that you don't understand that this kind of body language is very important in interpersonal communication.

Really?

A: For example.

B: Oh.

A: For example, we two good friends haven't seen each other for a long time, and we meet and say hello on the way. "Hey, isn't this * * *? It's been several days (action: shaking hands). Where are you going?

B: Ah! I'm going to take part in the courtesy contest.

Really? Talk to you later. Goodbye!

Goodbye!

A: Great! Notice the action here?

What action?

A: When I am talking, I keep my eyes on you, and at the same time I extend my right hand to greet you and shake hands in a friendly way. This is simple body language.

B: That's it!

A: It's impolite if I don't look at you when I'm talking and extend my right hand without shaking your hand.

I don't see why not.

Let's try again!

B: Come on.

Yo, isn't this * * *? Long time no see, why are you fatter than me? !

Which of us is fat?

Where are you going? (As he speaks, he acts as a tease for the dog.)

B: tease the dog!

A: What's the matter? Isn't it beautiful? !

B: Almost! Well, now that you mention it, you are an expert in this field of civilization and etiquette.

A: (sorting clothes) Not an expert, just so-so. (shaking his head) Just so-so, third in the world.

B: You see, it's still exciting! Hey, I said the third, I don't know what to say next.

A: If there is something I don't know, I can't stop it. I know everything and I can't stop talking!

My question is how to cultivate good manners.

A: It's a simple question. There are four basic principles to cultivate good manners.

B: What are the four basic principles? Tell me!

A: First, the principle of respecting people; The second is the principle of self-discipline; The third is the principle of moderation; The fourth is the principle of sincerity.

B: That's good.

Understand?

I'm confused.

A: I am busy in vain!

B: You'd better give me an example so that I can be more clear.

That's easy to handle. Let's talk about the principle of respecting people first. Respect is respect, and people are arrogant people.

B: Isn't that nonsense? !

A: To gain the respect of others, we must first respect others. For example, as soon as we came on stage, the audience applauded and we bowed in return. This is mutual respect.

B: Why does it have to be like this? How about one by one?

A: How to adjust:

B: As soon as we get on the stage, let the audience bow and applaud us. Isn't this a sign of mutual respect?

A: Oh, you mean to make hundreds of spectators stand up neatly and bow to us with a straight face?

B: Hey, wait, why do I feel like I'm saying goodbye to my body? !

A: So I said no, we should respect each other and not violate objective laws!

B: It seems that you are really learned!

A: Generally, it is the third in the world!

B: He is excited again, so what is the principle of self-discipline?

A: Self-discipline means being strict with yourself. Ceng Zi said, "I visit three times a day, and I am unfaithful to others! Don't believe in making friends? Can't you learn? "

What is this mess? It's been 2 1 century, and you said Cretaceous!

A: This person is ignorant. This is a saint's words, which means to be strict with yourself and be self-disciplined every day. Confucius said: if we discipline ourselves every day, we will break the law, the law and the criminal law, and then force you to discipline yourself. I don't know whether self-discipline is better than non-discipline or self-discipline is better than non-discipline.

B: Tongue twister, how does this Confucius know everything?

A: Saint.

B: Then, what is the principle of sincerity?

A: Sincerity is easier to understand. !

B: Then tell me what moderation is.

A: Moderate.

B: Ah.

A: Everything must be measured. This degree is not difficult to grasp. People who don't show this degree are not enthusiastic, and people who pass this degree will be very annoyed.

B: Less than this, you are obviously not enthusiastic. After this, aren't you obviously more enthusiastic? What's wrong with it?

A: Then let's perform.

B: Of course.

Dear friends, I'm going to perform a program today. Please forgive me for speaking badly.

Well, you are very modest.

I will sing a song later. I can't sing. Please include more.

B: You're welcome.

A: I'm not good-looking, which turns my stomach. Don't worry about it.

Ok, please hurry.

Please forgive me if I forget me.

B: I said, are you finished? !

A: I'm not finished being polite. Please take care of me. Please give me some applause. I will bow to you. I'm gonna start talking. Please pay attention. If I don't speak well, please take care of me!

B: You're not finished! (Party A and Party B bow to the audience)