Borrow a joke

1。 I dropped the bowl. It was a big scar. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! ! 3。 Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying! 4。 When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! The whole class is cold! 5。 Once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?" 6。 Me: That's our physics teacher. . . Classmate: What do you teach? Me: Chemistry. . . 7。 In the internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "teacher!" " " 8。 One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: too much urine and too much wine. 9。 Buy oranges. Boss: 1.5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: No, 10. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen (originally I wanted to say LCD). 1 1。 Junior high school art evening, grab the answer link. Hostess: "attention, everyone, don't grab too fast." "Raise your hand when I'm finished." Then start reading the topic and say, "Now. . . "At this time, a player scrambled to answer. The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I'm still in my mouth, so why are you grabbing it? " 12。 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~" in the canteen. 13。 When I was at school, one day my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Your mother * *". As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man or a woman?" Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. 14。 A classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and tossed his hair: "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" " "Say that finish, I added:" More rice noodles! "boss:" . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? 15. Once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory. I used to say "he is not here", but I want to say "he is out" this time. "The result is:" He ... left. " 16。 Gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It burns me to death! " " 17。 When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?" 18。 Once I patted my roommate's stomach, and she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach." 19。 In high school, everyone has a badge. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . . 20。 I went home on weekends when I was at school, but I became addicted to smoking after dinner, and I planned to find an excuse to go for a walk. When changing shoes at the door, my old father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K. 2 1. Once, the leaders of the Education Bureau checked the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!" 22。 In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked like Tang Priest in A Chinese Odyssey. I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Mr. Tang, this question …" 24. A teacher probably played mahjong all night, and when he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is the host today?" Don't clean the blackboard! " 25。 Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure, and suddenly shouted, "Your skin is so good, why do you still use soothing treasure?" " 26。 The teacher left homework, so I copied it from others if I couldn't do it, and then I went to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " " 27。 Once we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, the tour guide just introduced that the Hundred Steps Ladder is a small flower scenic spot in Liu Xiaoqing. Suddenly, a person in our group blurted out, "Director. . . . . . . . "Everyone is dizzy. 28。 At that time, several female students came to my house to play, and I went to fetch some water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted to turn down the channel. The channel is wrong, and I am speechless. My face turned red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~ 29. Even in high school, I went home with MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were so many seniors on the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip". Suddenly, there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." 30。 I quarreled with my mm mobile phone, and she turned up the TV. I was very angry and said loudly, "Turn off your cell phone!" " "Now that I think about it, it's cold! 3 1。 In the morning, I went to have breakfast with my classmates. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. Just as we were talking, when they were wasting their time, two students who ate stuffing came over and said, "You can eat my foreskin when you are finished." All the people who drink porridge here gush. 32。 Tell a true story. On the bus to work in the factory, MM asked me: My computer doesn't work well, and it always crashes. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . I still remember it vividly. 34. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea! " " 35。 We used to have a political economy teacher who especially liked to talk! I once talked about the strength of the dollar. He said, "Do you know why only the US dollar is called' Dollar', but you have never heard of it as' British Gold' or' French Gold'?" 36。 During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: look at your side light! We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic. . . . 37。 The female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know why I made the following mistake: "Thank you, I have no sexual desire recently, please eat more!" " "At that time, everyone was having a picnic. . 38。 Our unit has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, you can sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off! 39。 I used to be crazy about online games, and I often killed myself in internet cafes. After the semester, I went home with a group of brothers. The train is about to leave, but we haven't found the platform yet. I suddenly said, "MD, why isn't there even a coordinate here?" "Hearing this, the brothers burst into laughter." 40. When I live on campus, I often sleep in bunk beds. The mobile phone needs to be recharged once. But a bed has only one socket, so reading with a desk lamp can't be recharged. As a result, A plugged the charger into B, and B wanted to listen to music at night. When he saw A's charger, he shouted, "Hey, I said, why do you always plug it into me?" Why don't you hit yourself in the face? "After a commotion, Khan 4 1. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! 42。 A buddy of mine went on a blind date, and when he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, they walked into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl shouted to the master: Hey, the master who pulled two bowls of noodles: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull. 43。 When I was a child, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. My roommate quickly boiled the water, but after the water boiled, the fellow was reading leisurely and motionless. He couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Is it time to pull it out?" "It's too noisy. . "No response. 15 seconds later, he added, "It's very hot there, so it's always easy to break down." . "Nothing happened. In half a minute, the water was completely boiled and splashed. " Well, shoot it out. Spit out a lot of things louder and louder, and I'm afraid it will ruin people if you insert them again. . Are you sure you won't quit? " .。 . A thick book flies towards my head! ! ! ￣ 45。 Our head teacher teaches senior three mathematics. . . When he was reviewing for us, every time he drew a picture and a line, he said loudly, "Look, classmates, I took 46. "When I was in college, I went to Hengshan to play. I was halfway up the mountain. When I am tired, I want to have a rest. Seeing a souvenir-buying Obasan by the roadside, he went up and asked, "Wife. . . . . . . . " 47。 During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words. Help me write them down. "MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't help it any longer, shouting, Teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insists on me (touch) him! ! ! 48。 One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " "cold! A large group of students laughed to death. 49。 My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. 5 1。 Once in ktv, I ordered a song, and a mm shouted, "Give me a song called" Double Jay ",and cut it with a stick every week. . . . . .

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