A selection of funny jokes

1. Boys who have been single for a long time see who is the story of Diesim. The girl who has been single for a long time, look who is love rat!

The so-called single bed and double bed have nothing to do with the width. Someone at the pillow is a double bed, and a single bed is also a single bed.

3. where is it

Eight words. Can make men rain or shine! A phone call will arrive! Come and drink, all women!

I have a mortgage. I have a car loan. Ants borrow it in the middle, with white paper on the left and small particles on the right. My relatives owe it.

80 thousand, my friend owes it.

Hundreds of thousands, people see people hide, dogs see dogs bite, but not strong enough to survive!

5. Why can't you live without onion, ginger and garlic? Because: life is lush. If you know ginger, you are ginger. No ginger, no garlic!

6. Love is like a long run. You thought you would lose at the starting line, but you didn't even have a chance to get on the runway.

Teacher: Xiao Ming, make a sentence with "since". Xiaoming: Since you asked me to make a sentence, I'll make one.

8. If marriage is the grave of love, then blind date is to look at Feng Shui for the grave; Confession is digging your own grave; Marriage is a double suicide; Empathy is moving the grave; sequence

The third is to rob the tomb!

Last night, I asked my dad what love was. Dad said: love is when I had nothing, and your mother married me. This is love. Miss Jie interjected: What is affection? Dad went on to say: your mother said nothing would make you marry a man with nothing. This is affection.

When Tenuto was a child, he tied a plastic bag to the doll as a kite and discovered the principle of parachute. Later, I used an umbrella as a parachute, only to find that it is really expensive to see a doctor in a hospital!

I am a prodigal son who is used to wandering, and I have been waiting for someone who can let me put down my backpack. I think you are the one for me. Cut the crap, big bags and small bags have passed the security check, and come on.

I knew you wouldn't come with me if I held out my hand, so I held out my leg and tripped you. You really stood up and chased me. So I have to admit: since ancient times, we can't be merciful, and we always win people's hearts.

13. I asked Buddha Zu: Is there true love in this world? Buddha said: am I still a monk?

Fourteen in life

80% of the pain comes from work, but I know that if I don't choose to work, 100% of the pain will come from having no money, so between work and having no money, I decided to work in my life.

15. Love is complementary. I feel less angry at the thought that my boyfriend has gone bad because I am too good.

16. Confucius said: no matter how ugly you are, you must fall in love. The world is full of love.

17. How can I eat tutu? Tutu is so cute! Tender meat, fragrant roast, more cumin! It smells good!

18. Don't always say tired to be a dog. Which dog have you ever seen so tired as you!

19. Teacher: There is something. It is covered with beautiful feathers. It wakes you up early every morning. What is this? Child: It's a feather duster!

two

10. Others fall in love by looks, routines and money. And I'm much simpler, just turning a blind eye to each other.

2 1. Q: What's the difference between nobody loving and loving the wrong person? God replied: one has no food and the other has shit.

I heard that skipping breakfast is a kind of chronic suicide. Staying up late at night is also a chronic suicide. Playing computer for too long is also a chronic suicide. It's all chronic suicide, which is one year for me.

36

After five days of doing nothing else, I committed suicide!

Twenty-three How people die is boredom.

24. There was once a sincere love in front of me. I didn't cherish it. If you give me another chance, I won't cherish it, because it looks more awesome!

25. I went shopping in the supermarket today and saw that the shopping carts of two monks were full. I thought monks were really rich. When I checked out, the cashier asked him if he would pay in cash or by credit card. One of the monks said: We have come to beg alms.

Twenty-six. You don't know a week unless you experienced a crash on Monday morning.

The value of five afternoons.

I suddenly received a text message from my son yesterday. Dad, I still have a chance to be rich.

The second generation? Then I had mixed feelings and tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep for a long time. Then, I gritted my teeth and stamped my feet, picked up my mobile phone and forwarded this message to my dad.

Twenty-eight We used to be husband and wife, but now we are mobile phones. A mobile phone in hand, forever. The mobile phone is not in hand, and there is no soul.

29. If you have 6.5438+0 million yuan, buy a suite and collect our love; You have 65438+ million, buy a car to open our love; You have 1 10,000, buy a diamond ring and witness our love; You have 0. 1 10,000, go for an outing and let our love fly; You have 0. 1 10,000, have a candlelight dinner and romantic our love. You have 0.0 1 10,000, buy a bottle of water and water our love.

30. Someone sent a message to Weibo. I went to the hotel with my girlfriend for the first time yesterday, and I met the police to make rounds. What could be more tragic than this? Netizen replied: Yes, the police asked your girlfriend in front of you, why is it always you!