After listening to the warm jokes in my heart.

After listening to the warm jokes in my heart.

After listening to the warm jokes in my heart, everyone should like to listen to jokes, and some people like to tell jokes. Nowadays, many jokes not only make people laugh, but also warm their hearts. Let's listen to the warm jokes in my heart.

A famous surrealist painter got sick in his eyes after hearing this touching joke, so he went to see an ophthalmologist. After careful treatment by the doctor, he finally recovered, so the painter decided to reward the doctor. But the doctor refused to pay the fee and asked the painter to draw a picture for him.

"What kind of painting do you want?" Asked the painter. "The content of the painting is not important, as long as you draw it." The doctor replied. So the painter drew a huge eye, and the center of the pupil of the eye is the portrait of the doctor, which is very realistic and lifelike. The doctor sighed and said, "fortunately, I am not an anorectal doctor!" " "

The mechanic greets the guests at the door of the engine room. A young man came up and said, "Welcome aboard. Which seat are you in? " The passenger replied, "I'm Scorpio, and you?" "I am a Scorpio. I mean, which seat do you sit in? "

3. The company is like a tree full of monkeys. The monkeys at the top see smiles, and the monkeys at the bottom see butts.

4. Say to your daughter-in-law, "I'm going to watch the World Cup tonight, and you have to wait on me." In the evening, she was really nice. She personally brought a basin of water, washed my feet first, and then wiped my face before pouring water.

5, your lovely body makes me dream, your lingering cry makes me refreshed, watching your pace makes me extremely excited, and missing you makes me angry and regretful; Dear bus, I love you!

6. A gust of wind blew away the nearsighted hat, and he lifted his foot and ran away. A middle-aged woman nearby shouted, "Sir, your hat is over there. Don't chase my chicken! " "

7. I just secretly followed the goddess to her house, knocked at the door and went in. Their family cooked and insisted that I eat here. The goddess was cold to me during the whole meal.

In contrast, her family is much more enthusiastic and sends me food from time to time, especially her brother, who says it will be too much for me.

The phone rang at home that day, because I didn't answer it at my parents' door and my parents didn't answer it, so I had to get dressed and get up to answer the phone. I just heard my dad say on the other end of the phone: send me the TV remote control.

I heard a warm joke 2 1.

A man asked his friend, "why do you laugh when you smoke?" Is the cigarette delicious? "

The friend replied: "I read in the book that smoking a cigarette will shorten your life span by 5 seconds;" Smiling longevity 10 second, so I smile every time I smoke, and earn back 5 seconds for my life. "

2

I asked my mother, "If time went back, would you still choose to marry your father?"

Mom said, "I will!" "

I am very touched. Although my mother often complains about my father's little faults, I still love my father deeply.

Then my mother said to me, "Why don't you ask, if I go back in time, would I still have you?"

three

Chatting with my husband, when it comes to rising, my saliva splashed all over his face.

Then instinctively wipe it off by hand.

I'm a little embarrassed, but deliberately shifted the focus and pretended to be angry:

"Why? Dislike me. "

He smiled a gentleman and said, "No, wipe it evenly!" "

four

A small bottle of medicine costs more than 100 for a cold drip.

So I asked the nurse, "Nurse, it used to be a big bottle of medicine, but now it's so small?"

Nurse: "Save water, start from a little bit!" " "

five

Donate blood in the school square, 200CC to send a pair of nail tools, 400CC to send watches.

A girl in the next class felt very happy when she heard about it.

Run to ask the nurse: "What is 1000CC?"

The nurse said calmly, "Send a coffin ..."

six

The professor and the farmer sat opposite each other on the train.

Bored, the professor said, I have a question. If you don't know, give me 5 yuan. What about 500 yuan if I don't know a question? Farmers agree.

Professor: How far is the moon from the earth?

Without saying anything, the farmer handed the money to Professor 5 yuan.

The farmer asked: what animal is going up the mountain with three legs and down the mountain with four legs?

The professor thought hard and gave the farmer 500.

The farmer took the money and prepared to go to bed. The professor asked: What animal is it?

The farmer handed the professor 5 yuan the money and went to bed!

seven

Father wants to teach his daughter to learn to cook, but her daughter refuses to learn.

Father: "If you don't study, you won't marry if you don't study."

Daughter: "What's the relationship between cooking and getting married?"

Father: "Never mind. Your grandfather didn't teach your mother to cook. Your mother can't cook until now. I'm exhausted. I can't hurt people like your grandfather. "

eight

Child: Mom, the teacher praised me for my progress!

Mom: How did you get the compliment?

Child: I used to write a composition, and the teacher gave me the comment that "dogs [farts] don't work".

Now the teacher's comment is changed to "Let the dog fart".

You said, isn't this the teacher's praise for my fluent composition?

nine

Ever since I got a mobile phone red envelope, my values have been completely destroyed. A penny is hard to come by!

It is better to rob money than to mow the grass in the afternoon.

I've been poking that stupid mobile phone all morning.

Poke all morning and poke in the afternoon.

I asked you how much you robbed. It was twenty-five cents.

It took thirty-five to check the traffic fee.

Ah, what a painful understanding!

10

I went to tell my fortune: "Master, what do you think I can do in the future?"

Director or village head? "

The master pinched his finger and said, "Young man, it's hard for you to be a parent!" " "

After listening to the warm-hearted joke 3 1, I once beat the landlord in the dormitory in senior three. Suddenly, the director of education checked the dormitory and was found, so he was sent to the office for strict interrogation. "Give me a reason, I can consider not remembering everyone." "Teacher, it's our fault. We didn't put all our energy into our study. We want to use this witchcraft to infer how the exam is going this year ... "

2. My ex-girlfriend whom I haven't contacted for ten years suddenly called me today. I'm so excited, I don't know what to do, and I'm wondering whether to continue my relationship with me. As a result, she came to a sentence: "You should transfer your eldest son quickly. He is chasing your daughter now ... "

The nanny accidentally broke the vase, and the hostess said angrily, Your monthly salary is not enough to pay for the vase! The nanny thought for a moment and said, madam, please double my salary quickly. Should that be enough?

Some people, to distinguish salt from sugar, have to check for three days, observe for five days, analyze for seven days and study for nine days, but they just don't know how to taste with their mouths.

5. Xiao Zhao works in the Human Resources Department on 10 floor. A month ago, she was transferred to the administrative organ on the ninth floor. On this day, Xiao Zhao's classmates called the human resources department to find him: "Where is Xiao Zhao?" The friend who answered the phone said, "Xiao Zhao is no longer in the personnel department."

Xiao Zhao: "Huh? When did this happen? I don't know. I haven't sent it to him yet. ""nothing, you can find him below! "

6. I was depressed last night and went to KTV for a drink. I can't drink at all. I sang "beijing beijing" before I left, humming as I walked, and fell asleep when I got in the taxi. In the morning, the driver woke me up: Beijing has arrived!

I opened my eyes and looked at the taxi meter: 128 15 yuan. I said, master, why did you come to Beijing? Master said, I asked you several times last night, and you said you were in a hurry to see the flag-raising ceremony!

7. When my husband came home, his wife made a routine inspection and suddenly yelled at his shirt: "Whose lipstick print is this?" While trying to remember, he said to himself, "I remember taking off my shirt!" " "

8. The husband happily said to his daughter-in-law, "You have devoted yourself to your family for so many years, and I will give you a promotion next week!" Daughter-in-law: "What promotion?" "I'll marry a little wife and let you be a big wife."